I am 19 and I am very rude with my mother. I argue a lot with her but she is the one who instigates me in the first place.
She taunts me day in and day out, about my tardiness in my studies or about how lazy I am or how much internet I use. I understand that I may be a bit tardy but why should I quietly bear everything that she says? I never disobey her in ways that really matter- I never do anything that a Muslim girl shouldn't do, I've never partied late, or got drunk or ever had a boyfriend. I pray prayer too, but I admit I may miss them once in a while(I know thats wrong), I don't do anything that should trouble her, I help her in the house- but she still reads me off for every minor flaw that I have. She expects too much from me and I fail to match up to her expectations.

I know that the parents especially the mother has to be greatly respected in Islam but I find it very difficult to contain my anger sometimes. I know for a fact I am not wrong. I give back a lot. The other day I even made her cry. I felt horrible about it and apologized a lot, but my grand mom told me that I did a big sin and a person who disrespects her mother goes to hell.

I have an older sister who is probably ruder than me with my mother but she says that she cant help it either- my mom loves to taunt!!. Neither of us know how to read the Qura'an, my mother tried getting a Maulana several times when we were young, but we shifted cities often when we were young and for some reason or the other never got a chance to learn. My mother knows how to read Arabic but she never taught me because she always felt that she wasn't very good at it. Even today when we fought I angrily blamed her for not having taught me how to read the Qura'an, she said that I am old enough to learn using guides or cds by myself.

Of course I love her a lot but the taunting is unbearable! when she doesn't taunt, she is the sweetest person to be around but when she does its terrible.

Taunting is a sin isnt it? so which is a bigger sin, my rude comebacks or her taunting? please help me out what do I do?

And thanks for reading this long post.
Salaams

Assalamu Alaikum, I read your post and am close to tears, I can see a girl who wants to be loved and at the same time I see a mother who loves her daughter, but for some reason or other seems to be helpless to show her true affection.

Anyways, here is something that I read a long time ago, and had saved in my favourites. It might be a true story or not, and does not have anything connected to your situation. YOU SOUND LIKE AN INTELLIGENT GIRL, so inshaAllah I am sure you will gain much out of this story. Take care, I pray that you will forgive your Mother for her taunts. Believe me there are worse ones out there. Then again, go ask someone who have lost their mothers, how they feel. Go give her a hug and tell her you love her, maybe she needs to hear that from you.

Salaam.

__________________________

Cost of a Mothers Love

Source: Reference Uknown.


A little boy came up to his mother in the kitchen one evening while she was fixing supper, and he handed her a piece of paper that he had been writing on. After his mom dried her hands on an apron, she read it, and this is what it said:


For cutting the grass: $5.00
For cleaning up my room this week: $1.00
For going to the store for you: .50
Babysitting my kid brother while you went shopping: .25
Taking out the garbage: $1.00
For getting a good report card: $5.00
For cleaning up and raking the yard: $2.00
Total owed: $14.75


Well, his mother looked at him standing there, the boy could see the memories flashing through her mind. She picked up the pen, turned over the paper he'd written on, and this is what she wrote:


For 9 months I carried you while you were growing inside me: No Charge.
For all the nights that I've sat up with you, doctored and prayed for you: No Charge.
For all the trying times, and all the tears that you've caused through the years: No Charge.
For all the nights that were filled with dread, and for the worries I knew were ahead: No Charge.
For the toys, food, clothes, and even wiping your nose: No Charge,
Son,


When you add it up, the cost of my love is: No Charge.
When the boy finished reading what his mother had written, there were big tears in his eyes, and he looked straight at his mother and said,
"Mom, I sure do love you".


And then he took the pen and in great big letters he wrote: "PAID IN FULL"


"Your Lord has decreed that you should worship nothing except Him, and (show) kindness to your parents, whether one or both of them attain old age (while they are) still with you, never say to them 'Shame! nor scold either of them. Speak to them in a generous fashion. Protect them carefully and say: 'My Lord, show them mercy, just as they cared for me as a little child'" (Holy Quran 17:23-24).

It is reported that a man came to the Prophet(sallallaahu alaiyhi wassallam) and asked:
"Messenger of Allah, who is the most deserving of good care from
me?" The Prophet (sallallaahu alaiyhi wassallam)replied: "Your mother (which he repeated three
times) then your father, then your nearest relatives in order".

Assalamu Alaikum

I just wanted to share this hadith with you:

QUOTE

Narrated AbuUmamah:

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: I guarantee a house in the surroundings of Paradise for a man who avoids quarrelling even if he were in the right, a house in the middle of Paradise for a man who avoids lying even if he were joking, and a house in the upper part of Paradise for a man who made his character good.

{Book 41, Number 4782 : Sunan Abu Dawud}

So you'll get a house in paradise InshaAllah if you stop arguing even when you KNOW you're in the right, swallow your pride/anger and let her think she's won..

Also if/when you get angry say this dua:

QUOTE

A'uoozubillahi minas shaitaanir rajeem

I take refuge with Allaah from the accursed devil.

mashaAllah .such excellent replies.after reading the story i am close to tears.

to the thread starter-always remember one thing,she is your mother.i know it can be hard to hold back your anger when you are taunted-but disgracing your mother is a greater sin.wa Allah a'alam( Allah knows best ).

your gandmother is right.you have commited a grave sin by making your mother cry the other day.but mashaAllah,you have apologised and it is good.
parents are the middle gate of jannah-the easiest way to please Allah-dont let this opportunity go.
maybe if your respect her,she might start to respect you in return.

she has carried you in her womb for nine months....what about all the pain she had to go through during her pregnancy and during labour?what about the restless nights she spend just for your sake?what about the time she fed you when you were not able to swallow any solid food.

subhanaAllah-no wonder mothers are to be respected.just imagine...if your mother was not around to help you, how would you feel?
you dont have to follow what your elder sister does,but try to make her understand.your rude comebacks at your mother can destroy you.what would you tell Allah on the day of judgement when He asks you about your rude comebacks?that your mother tauted you?you know that is not a suitable excuse to be rude to the one who took so many pains for your sake-even if she is tauting you.....

i would suggest that you should apologise to your mother and never try to do it again.

Assalamaliekum

Thank you very much for all your replies... I spoke with my mother the other day and openly expressed how her taunting hurt me and I even told her about this thread that I started on this topic. She said that she was only taunting me to correct my erroneous ways but since I was feeling so hurt about it that I actually approached other people to help me out, she would control her self from taunting me. I also told apologized a lot and said that I would not say hurtful things to her again and would try my best to correct myself in the ways she wants me to.

The both of us felt very nice after that talk and over the past few days, there has been a really nice atmosphere at home.(Mashallah)
thank you once again for all the help.

Salaams

mashaAllah.
thats is really good.i am very happy for you bro or sis.inshaAllah the relationship between you and your mother and including your sister will be better in the future

Assalamu Alaikum

Alhamdulillah that you two have talked and that there is peace in the house..

Here's a good reminder to us all including myself:

Have u tried talking to her about how u feel & your relationship with her?....

^Just read ur post, so u did talk to her, well done...inshallah everything'll be fine.