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Revote: 1st Poetry Competition


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#1 Princess Mujahada

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Posted 03 September 2008 - 04:42 PM

:sl:
Instead of a poll the voting will be done through posts. Please reply to this thread with either "1" "2" "3" or "4" as your response. :sl:

Mash'Allah I think everyone did a lovely job! Insh'Allah I hope more people will participate in future competitions! For this round the theme was: (haiku) "shadow/s"

One rule for the participants: You may not vote for yourself, but the one you like best besides yours!

1.we are the losers
in the shadows of the doom
black fire of hell


2. Allah says shadows
Make prostrations all the time
It yields, can mankind?


3. Overlapping souls
Shunned by the sunlight
Still lives when it's bright


4. Shadow in the grass
Cast by beautiful white clouds
Wished I'd be as free


#2 Muhsinmuttaqi

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Posted 03 September 2008 - 09:21 PM

Assalamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullahee wa Barakatu

I think you start, so that we can see the format you wish us to post the votes. Should we give points to each one like 1 point for the worst and 4 points for the best?

Edited by Muhsinmuttaqi, 03 September 2008 - 09:23 PM.


#3 ~mehnaz~

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Posted 03 September 2008 - 10:01 PM

:sl:

#2.

But it would have been a tad better if the last line was:

'they yield' rather than 'it yields' for grammatical reasons.

Just my unwanted constructive criticism :sl:

#4 umAhmad

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Posted 03 September 2008 - 10:17 PM

Assalamu Alaikum

#4, it just touched my heart, don't ask me why, until after the winner is chosen??

mehnaz, constructive criticism should always be wanted RIGHT???, but we don't know how a poet's mind work, lol.

Salaams

#5 Princess Mujahada

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Posted 03 September 2008 - 10:17 PM

Assalamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullahee wa Barakatu

I think you start, so that we can see the format you wish us to post the votes. Should we give points to each one like 1 point for the worst and 4 points for the best?

:sl:
No I think its best if everyone just picks their (ONE) favorite. The rankings will come when we see the most votes, second most, etc.

#6 Redeem

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Posted 03 September 2008 - 10:24 PM

:sl:

4

#7 Prosperity

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Posted 04 September 2008 - 01:13 AM

:sl:

#2

#8 Muhsinmuttaqi

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Posted 04 September 2008 - 05:18 AM

Assalamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullahee wa Barakatu

#2

#9 Russ of Vespuccia

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Posted 04 September 2008 - 05:46 AM

#2, but #4 is closest to a more traditional Japanese subject matter.

#10 mrhyder

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Posted 04 September 2008 - 02:31 PM

Assalamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullahee wa Barakatu,

#4

#11 packham

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Posted 04 September 2008 - 03:01 PM

just to be picky - in #2 what is "it"? Should "shadows" be "shadow"?

#12 Aaqib Ahmed

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Posted 04 September 2008 - 03:12 PM

:sl:

Here's my input:

3. Overlapping souls
Shunned by the sunlight
Still lives when it's bright


Right number 3, I don't see a clear message in there and wheres the shadow theme?
I sense forced rhyme with the "sunlight" and "bright"..
And find it hard to see a connection in the lines!


2. Allah says shadows
Make prostrations all the time
It yields, can mankind?


I quite like this one, it's clever in the way it uses the theme shadows mashallah :D
Good flow since the lines connect well!

we are the losers
in the shadows of the doom
black fire of hell


I like the imagery this one creates.

Shadow in the grass
Cast by beautiful white clouds
Wished I'd be as free


I like this one aswell mashallah.
Good use of the shadow theme..

Ok it's out of 2 and 4..
Hmm, lets go read them again and see which one appeals to me most!
Still hard to separate them! :j:
Ok I choose:



TWO

Btw to the 3rd poet, from my experience it's the constructive criticism that makes you a better writer..
Getting "MASHALLAH YOUR TALENTED" isn't going to improve your writing..

Keep writing all 4 poets cause you have good potential :no: :D

Maybe I'll take part in the next poetry competition!

:sl:

Edited by Aaqib Ahmed, 04 September 2008 - 03:34 PM.


#13 Redeem

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Posted 04 September 2008 - 03:51 PM

just to be picky - in #2 what is "it"? Should "shadows" be "shadow"?


There are a few mistakes here and there, so we should pick the one that we think did the best job.

Salam.

#14 muzur

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Posted 05 September 2008 - 09:35 PM

Salams!

4 is awesome. :sl: