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[ParadiseLost]

This year is my second ramadan and it is really different from last year. Being a revert, last year was not like this year as I still had not got to grips with Islam and I didn't even know how to pray properly. This year I feel much closer to God. This year I decided to read the quran from front to back during ramadan and it is going good. I have read the quran before but not in order and not in a month altogether and it is really different. I advise anyone who is interested in Islam to read it this way because when you read about Islam in article that quotes a verse from the quran it is not the same as when you have read through the quran. You have a much better understanding and everything becomes clearer. Reading the quran in one month really gets into your mind the main point of Islam which is obvious - that there is only One God.

There are days when I feel isolated and frustrated because my family are not Muslim and I don't have my family to celebrate Ramadan with but I have learnt how to be really patient lately and I think Islam teaches us patience and humility and other important characteristics that we need in life. And reading through the quran reminds me that I am not alone in these feelings. The prophets must have felt much more alone than me at times and I can't imagine how it would be to have my life in danger like they had. So I try to remind myself that while my life may not always be the way I want it is certainly better than a lot of the conditions other people go through.

I feel so blessed and happy to have made it to this point that it actually makes me a bit emotional. I feel calm. I used to feel empty before I became a Muslim and now although my life is not perfect I know it is a lot better than other peoples lives. I really do feel life is a test and we owe it to ourselves to increase ourselves in knowledge so at least then we are making decisions based on knowledge rather than ignorance. I just want to say to non muslims or muslims who are struggling with their faith that you can change if you are looking for change. All it takes is to just open your mind because we can never change if we are closed minded and that is how I used to be. I did not like Islam before 2 years ago and even when I became Muslim I never thought I would pray 5 times a day but here I am these days actually doing the things I said I would never do.

People can change so never say never.