5 replies to this topic

[S@r@h]

i just joined today
and i made a silly mistake by putting a very personal post in welcome drinks sections!
how do i delete and move to counselling sections

[Saracen21stC]

i just joined today
and i made a silly mistake by putting a very personal post in welcome drinks sections!
how do i delete and move to counselling sections

sister.

Normal Members are not allowed to delete or move posts. I am removing that for you. If it is very personal, there is a Sisters' Room for discussion. Also Counselling Room is available for anonymous identity.

And I just want to say, a good way to make somebody you love to be more religious is to give him Islamic resources such as lectures, books, etc as gifts. Sometimes you can even attend a live Islamic lecture with him. And marriage and living together is not same thing. Marriage is necessary for man-woman relationship. Living together after marriage can be done later on if there are some financial issues, etc.

[Younes]

As-salamu 'alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh

I read your previous post.

If you want to get married, then all you have to do is wait. A lot of people who are bethroted to somebody wait a lot of time before they are actually married. However, you might find that the guy you are seeing might not want to wait that long and will get bored with you. You might find that you don't want to that long either and that you don't really like him that much although at the moment the feeling is very strong. That is the nature of humans. If you really love each other, then waiting should not be a problem, right? You would have to cut contact during this time period, i.e. not have secret meetings. You could have meetings if your parents are involved and they know. Obviously physical contact would be out of the question. This would be a true test to see whether you actually love each other that much.

Another thing to take into consideration is that you really don't want to marry somebody who is not religious. Not praying is a major sin. I think you can warn your friend by giving him resources such as asking him to read the Qur'an and other Islamic resources. However, don't make the mistake of thinking that by staying with him in an illicit relationship you are saving his deen or its your duty. Just point him out to the information. That's it.

You said that your friend think that it's ok to be in a relationship before a marriage if it is with the intention to get married. Obviously from an Islamic perspective this completly false. The only excuse I can think up for your friend is extreme ignorance. If it is not simply due to ignorance, but he also knows what God says in the Qur'an about these things, then such a person is a deviant or even a downright disbeliever who has taken his own desires and views as his god. There are Muslims who are in illicit relationships but they don't claim that it is ok if the intention is to get married or any other reason.

If you cannot get married but still want to stay in an illicit relationship, then you should read Surat Yusuf, Surah number 12. Prophet Yusuf (pbuh) was a slave. He was very handsome. His master's wife wanted to seduce him. Did Yusuf (pbuh) succumb? No. Where did he end up due to this? In prison. He even said that prison is more beloved to him than what he was called to, i.e. illicit relationship.

I think you should go cold-turkey. No more secret meetings. If there is good in your affair, you will have patience and wait. If there is no good in it, then you will fall apart because you were not meant for each other.

If you decide to stay in an illicit relationship, then I warn you. You will feel misery and guilt throughout it, as you have felt. However, never give up hope of Allah's mercy but don't deceived by false hope, either.

[Saracen21stC]

And I want to say that you can make 3 posts per day. Once you make 7 posts, the restrictions will be lifted. .

[S@r@h]

Thankyou Saracen

and Younes i can't begin to tell you how much your advice has helped me see perspective.
Thankyou.
It was really helpful, honestly.
jazakallah khair.

[Younes]

As-salamu 'alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh

Also pray to Allah for strength to leave sin and do good, even if you are engaged in sin. If you are sincere, inshaa Allah, you will be given the assistance. The result might not be immediate, you might stumble, but in the end you will get there inshaa Allah.

Jazakumu Allahu khairan