My approach to faith had never been one for yearning. My outlook concluded that, " I would live my life in the same manner, be it I had a certain faith, or not ". Be a good person, that’s what I 'believed' in.
I had moved into a new neighborhood when I was eight years old and a neighborhood peer asked, “are you Christian"? I thought for a moment, "I am, what I am”. I immediately answered, "No". I went home, confused and asked my older sister and her friend what it meant to be a Christian. I have Christian relatives, however, my immediate family did not prescribe to any particular teaching. Instead, my father conveyed a message of humility and instilled in me, equality for all persons.
When I dabbled in the occult as a youngster, my father confronted me. He told me it was a phase; he too had asked many fundamental questions of existence. In this, and through time, he informed me of why his children were raised in a home without religion. My parents wanted to see their children reach personal conclusions, with as little coercion as possible; and so they sent me unto the path with the certainty of their love.
Growing up many adults saw me as being very bright minded, yet, I lacked a focused sense of motivation. So... I had a motivation issue. But... I've always been a deep thinker and as the years went by I became increasingly steady in the practice of meditation. By the methods of practice, I had arrived to the teachings of the 'Pure Land Sutras'. As my practice developed it took the form of nothing I would call 'religion' but instead, ' a practice of mindfulness and compassion '.
I went off to university after high school. Two sisters lived across the hall, whom I did not meet for the first month(Ramadan). Eventually we met. They had deduced my imperfections, but never gave me a hard time, and accepted me as a friend.
I had continued my practice; 'mindfulness and compassion'. There was a time of coming to awareness. Slowly, I united ‘where’ and ‘who’ I was. Over the course of a few weeks I became conscious of political, social, and scientific, philosophies that I never felt I 'had'. Here I was, realizing my individual, along with its complex rationalities. There came unto me a feeling of dread, that people had deceived me, and an intense feeling of being misled by popular culture. We all have the answers to our questions, but we must look into our hearts with intention. This pseudo-enlightening, caused great grief. I spiraled into a phase where everything appeared to be 'out of control'.
One Night I had made a cup of tea, knocked on the door across the hall and one of the two sisters let me in. Our conversation quickly came to that of our faith. I described the tenets of Buddhism, and heard the five pillars of Islam. As we boiled down the conversation we came to concepts of nature, and the passage of time. As I was struggling to formulate and 'Islamic perspective' of science, the sister looked at me, and with the truth she could muster said, "I don't know, but there are answers for you. They exist".
And so my life continued... Still attempting to find order within this burning illumination; I fell into a life of detachment, rarely catching a glimpse of the sun. One day, upon entering my bedroom, the shades on the window were raised only enough to allow a gleaming light (from the sun) to reflect off of the windowsill, and into my eyes. I thought, "This light, is breathtaking, it must be wonderful outside".
A few days later, from my window, reflected a most surreal light. I felt this urge, " Go! Make haste outside, walk on the earth ". I walked outside. It was a beautiful day in spring. Flowers and leaves seemed vibrantly colored; the main feature was life, and it appeared out of all places. The air was soft and supple. The wind was dancing with delicate orbs. The world was resonating, "This is my earth". As I walked inside, gravity forced me to the light. I remember immediately recalling the sister saying, "There are answers for you". Here, I felt inspired to read Qur’an. I immediately went to the bookstore to obtain the text of Qur’an.
While still struggling to find order in my chaos, I had been unto the straight path for some time. The child I was still lacked the zeal of life. I made my appeal to our god, Most High. I wished only to be heard; with true sincerity, may I find the will to live.
An immediate insight
What is: ' to do with a purpose ' ? ---- I said "intention".
What is: ' to convey with intention ' ? ---- I said " will ".
Say: ' Does god reveal his creation with intention '? ---- I said " yea ".
So : ' God be thy will. And indeed, so is he for all of creation. ' ---- I said " Glory to God
Edited by dot, 25 April 2013 - 06:58 AM.