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Should I Reveal My Past Life?


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#1 male

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Posted 27 December 2013 - 09:51 AM

Salam waleikum,

 

I have had a pretty bad past, drinking, girls, drugs, gangs etc. Alhamdullilah now for 3 years I have been clean, I'm currently looking to get married and am wondering, if my future wife ever asks me, for example, if I have ever been with a girl before, should I answer truthfully? Or should I hide it?? 

 

I heard somewhere that you can lie in circumstances like these in order to keep your relationship? And also the fact that, if you have repented, keep your past sins between you and Allah? And if you reveal your previous sins to anyone, that person will become a witness to your sins in yawm al qiyama.

 

What do I do? Obviously I regret every second of my young teen life. Alhamdullilah now Im in my mid 20's, away from haram, trying to stay straight, following the sunnah as much as I can, praying 5 times a day on time, reading Quran, trying to memorize Quran. Any advice would be much appreciated

 

JazakAllah khayr,

 

 



#2 AHMAD_73

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Posted 27 December 2013 - 11:10 AM

wa alykom assalam wa rahmat Allah, brother

 

I sought the net for scholars' opinion in such case, they have different opinions.

But, mainly, lying is not in this case [but in case of you are already married and tell your wife you are the most beautiful woman in the universe, your cooking is the best,......]. and the forbiden talking about sins is the one that you tell with proud and also is not your case.

 

I believe (my personal opinion and not fatwah) you should divide the topic into two categories:

1- what is real personal and can't be revealed except through you ..... you can hide and keep it between you and Allah make Isteghfar for it.

2- what was, somehow, public and have a higher probability to be exposed later on, I see you should tell, even in general terms, since whenever your proposed wife know about it, she will consider you cheated here

 

may Allah complete his favors upon you and find you a way



#3 Younes

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Posted 27 December 2013 - 01:42 PM

Wa 'alaikumu as-salam

 

If a potential spouse asks you that question, she has a right to know. You can tell her what you have told us, i.e. you have been clean for three years. Tell her that only if she asks. Don't tell her that you have been with girls if she doesn't ask. I imagine most wouldn't ask unless they had reason to. 



#4 ParadiseLost

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Posted 27 December 2013 - 01:48 PM

wa alaykum as salaam 

 

i also searched around about what scholars say in such cases. Mostly I have seen that they say Allah conceals our sins so we should not reveal them. You must think of the consequences of such a thing. You said you are different now and maybe telling such a thing would cause the girl to think of you differently than you are now. But you must also think of the future. Is it possible that there is a situation where your wife could find out about your past and then it would be hurtful to her that she found out from a third party. You said you were involved in gangs etc so if you have a criminal record and you want to go to another country this issue could arise and you would have to tell her. I am just using this as an example. I will give you some further links as the scholars explain it better than me. 

 

http://www.islamweb....atwaId&Id=84052

http://islamqa.info/en/127587

http://islamqa.info/en/3139

http://www.islamweb....lang=E&Id=86058



#5 male

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Posted 30 December 2013 - 11:19 AM

JazakAllah khayr for all your advice.

Lets say hypothetically, my past would never be revealed, as I have completely moved countries, changed my name and I dont look anything like I used to. Im pretty much a new person. Also no criminal record so no worries there. I just dont feel the need to tell anyone my past as it haunts me enough as it is. Believe my I make istighfar on a daily basis for these sins I have committed. I know people will definitely think differently of me if I were to reveal my past. I also dont want one day in the future for it to be used against me. If you know what I mean. Eg an arguement erupts and my past being used against me ...
Im not sure about this issue, I really dont know what to do. I just want to erase that past and be a different new born person.

#6 Younes

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Posted 30 December 2013 - 03:28 PM

As-salamu 'alaikum

 

The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, told us not to reveal our sins. So, you shouldn't reveal your sins. 



#7 AHMAD_73

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Posted 30 December 2013 - 07:40 PM

brother, assalamo alykom,,

 

as brother Younes said, and whenever been asked about your past reply in general terms, "I wasn't that good in praying and reading the Quran but alhamdu llelah, now, few years ago, I pray the five prayers in time I have a plan to study/memorize the Quran.......

 

may Allah provide you with the "hasanat aldonia" the good thing in this very life, the righteous wife...amen



#8 ATereskov

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Posted 11 March 2017 - 03:59 AM

I'm not a Muslim, but I'd like to add a little to this if that's okay? The advice you have received seems quite sound. I believe God gives us the position we are in for a reason. You have been given an opportunity for a new life as you have said. That is a gift that not many get so there must be a reason. Perhaps it's because you have been following your religion these last three years that you are given this opportunity? A chance to see that doing what you believe to be right is something that brings more long term benefits (the loving relationship with your potential wife for instance) than the short term benefits gained from living outside of your religion :) I hope things work out for you two! 

- Anna