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female last won the day on February 5 2017

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  1. roommate issues

    salam everybody! so i go to college in a pretty far away state from home so it's rlly important for my family to know everything that is going on so i do tell them everything. coming into college, i was fortunate enough to get a roommate who is of the same race/culture/religion as me and so i thought it would make it easier for me to connect w her and not have to explain everything i do (im a hijabi/very religious but independent in my practice). anyway, from the beginning she thought i was arrogant and judgy bc she didn't wear the hijab and danced in public like for performances and didn't pray. tbh i was not as religious as i am now less than a year ago and so i thought it was kind of funny that anybody would think i was judging them but i realized it was seriously affecting her so i told her i wasn't and explained to her that judging is haram and i only judge myself (at least i aim to). i was honestly rlly disappointed that she thought that and a lot of my hijabi friends told me thats just what ppl associate w us just bc we wear the hijab. it took me a while to accept that but i did. to bring it back to my main point, we have been going thru a lot of problems since the beginning of the year because she thinks i judge her and hate her. and as of now, she's been dating this christian guy and been doing a lot of stuff that she was new to (like kissing and making out and i honestly dont know what else) and she doesn't dress as modestly as she used to. i say this because she's been coming to me for advice and made me feel as if it was my fault because she didn't feel she could confide in me before all this stuff and so she made decisions she wish she could have went over with me. i've been trying to tell her it's ok that she did what she did and she could always do less if she wanted to and shouldn't feel pressured to do anything but i spoke to my parents about this and my mom told me i was wrong for supporting her because it is haram to tell somebody who is doing something haram that it is ok. my parents rlly don't like her now but i don't know what to do because she is going to be my roommate for the next year and i'm rlly tired of everybody assuming i'm judgy :/. help would be appreciated !
  2. I really do not know what extend one has to go get a sponsor or a scholarship to fund an education. I live in Nigeria and not from a well to do family. I've been praying and also wish to study nursing abroad. I love being in the medical line but i'vent gotten an opportunity yet. I've tried meeting people whom Allah have blessed to help out but none is willing to, I also tried applying for scholarships but I haven't been able to get one. I also think the overseas persons I tried to contact through emails and also Islamic foundations too are scared or will I say skeptical with my nationality. Why I think it is so is because Nigerians are known to do do lot of unpleasant and bad stuffs but not every Nigerian is bad. There are a lot of good people looking for opportunities to become better. I hope in Sha Allah i'll get someone who has the love of Allah so great in him that will help me fulfil my wish.
  3. Should I Tell On My Sister?

    Yeah, you're right. I actually just found out today that my youngest sister found the pictures herself at just around the same time as me and she already told our parents. My parents didn't even reprimand her. My dad even got mad at my youngest sister. I think they're just afraid our relatives or others might find out. Maybe they know she's out of control and can't do anything about it. Or maybe, deep down, they do not really believe she is doing something all that bad. Who knows.
  4. Should I Tell On My Sister?

    Well, I have to be honest here, lol. The truth is that me and my two younger sisters have began to resent her because as I mentioned in my earlier post, she puts her friends and personal desires above her family, and treats us very poorly. She has treated me very badly, for one, and I don't think my heart will ever truly accept her or completely forgive her even if my mouth might because of how she treated me so mercilessly especially when I needed someone most and constantly reached out to her. She responded by excluding me from everything, not talking to me, and shutting me out of her life. My younger sisters have their own qualms and complaints about her as well. So, in all honesty, when I take a deep look at my intentions, I know that they are not really 100% in the right place in the sense that it is kind of also us wanting our parents to discipline her more and see her for what she truly is--and they would lose their trust in her as a result and be more harsh with her. Mostly, I truly am shocked about her unIslamic behavior and about how she dares to do even do these things behind our backs, while pretending she is an angel and victim, and part of it is also I want them to have a clearer picture of who she has turned out to be. I also want her to regret her actions in a sense. But Allah (swt) knows people's hearts and intentions best and I am doubtful when I take a closer look at mine, which is why I am afraid to tell my parents and subsequently sin because of it. I hope I don't seem mischievous or ill-wishing--I am the exact opposite of that, but it is just that she has treated us so poorly yet she is still treated preferentially.
  5. Should I Tell On My Sister?

    With all this said though, do you still think I should tell them about the new pictures?
  6. Should I Tell On My Sister?

    Well, she works and goes to her classes. But other than that, you're right. My parents just are not vigilant enough with her. They don't know much about enforcing discipline. They might talk the talk, but don't walk the walk and to be honest, most of the time, they don't even verbally admonish her much. Maybe they've given up on her in a sense or they simply don't care enough.
  7. Should I Tell On My Sister?

    I have talked to her a lot but she doesn't listen. It literally goes in through one ear and out the other. She seems to put her own interests and that of her friends' before her family. Part of it is my father's fault as he doesn't take the appropriate steps as a true guardian (wali). After her last break-up, I sat her down and talked to her for a long time about how she should never repeat the mistake of talking to a non-mahram on her own and that the pain she suffered was likely due to it not starting off on a halal footing in the first place. I told her to involve a third party of wali from the get-go next time and lots of other things. Instead, she quickly finds this other guy off of a website her friend recommended her and started talking to him on the phone and what not. My dad scolded her from downstairs for hours on end, when he found out from my younger sister, telling her not to destroy the family's reputation or hers and stop rushing things or doing things behind my parents' back. He then chose a religious person for her to marry but she kept refusing. When back in high-school, she would go out late in the evening, dressed up with her friends my mom would try to stop her. One time she (my mom) even tore her shirt in the driveway begging her not to drive off in the evening and come back who knows when. It nonetheless continued to be a pattern for her to go out with her friends and come back late at night ( e.g. 3 am or later) and even after my mom would always be extremely mad at her, she continued. Some people just don't want to listen. She is turning 22 now--I feel like she should know what or what not to do for herself. I would feel guilty telling my parents about the pictures I've came across because 1) we already have an idea she is not up to much good so what use will this be other than backbiting her 2) her relationship and trust with my parents may deteriorate even more 3) my younger sister will inevitably find out and get involved--she's bratty and immature and will inevitably use it against her to taunt her. I am thinking maybe Allah (swt) does not want me to reveal her sins. This is not the first time she's met with this guy. A year earlier I found out through 'catfishing' the guy and he revealed how he met such and such girl who is a close friend and lives in our state. This my sister and I did tell our parents. But these recent pictures indicate she has done it yet again. Not sure if there would be any benefit if I told my parents other than distressing her even more as clearly she knows how she wants to act and isn't receptive to changing.
  8. Assalamu alaikum, My family has been having a difficult time with one of my sisters. She does haram things and often hides it from our parents. She will be out late a night with her friends and make up excuses. She is talking to a new guy, planning to get married to him, and I recently saw pictures from the guy's social media indicating that the two met and they took pictures together. He lives many states away. I think it is very inappropriate on her part and do not know if I should have my parents know about this or if I should keep her sin a secret. I obviously would never tell anyone outside of family (to save her reputation) but I am tempted to tell my younger sister and inform our parents about it. I mean our parents are constantly lied to by her and I think they deserve to know what is going on. My dad and brother don't want her getting married to this guy, but I think they may be more willing to accept it if they know the extent of the situation--i.e. she's actually met up with him in person and so on. Now my family isn't crazy and they wouldn't do anything crazy. The most that will happen if they know is to lecture her and to take this all more seriously, perhaps even get more serious about marrying her as she's just ruining her reputation in my opinion. The other side of this would be to keep this a secret as she intended, hide her sin, and not backbite her. It is between her and Allah (swt). Advice is needed urgently. Jazakallahu khair.
  9. Prayed In Pants!

    Trousers (female). It is very disappointing that I have more than 3 years of prayer but none are accepted! Are they any accepted being it that the person did not know they had to wear abaya
  10. Prayed In Pants!

    Assalamu Alaykum I used to pray 5 times a day, but in pants! I was ignorant of the fact that women must cover from had to toe in prayer. Are my prayers for over two years in pants valid in any way, even a little bit? Now I have recovered from bad health and I can now pray again, but covered up. :)
  11. Asalam alaikum My issue concerns my conscience towards Allah. I feel extreme guilt. I must tell it all frm begnning I know a man since many years now i love him and wanted to marry him he is a good person. Somehow many years back before we were married cause we r marriwd since half year now i made istikhara but inside i really wanted to marry him i couldnt imagine leaving him. I did istikhara because i needed tp forget a wrong istikhara i did without thinking.with opening quran randomly and so on and taking first word which came out a bit shocking like rethink or hell. I found its a wrong istikhara and shia do this but i cudn forget it i kept thinking while doing it i didn knw its wrong and Allah gave me right sign towards my niyat. But to keep hope i had to do sunnah way so i could feel better. The thing is that i actually wanted to marry him but some opinions say one must decline his wish which is difficult but some others say ur heart will always want sth. Anyway i used to think Allah giving me signs i shd leave him any small thing i thought i must leave him. I actually dont see the isitkhara as asking for khair but i was seeing it now more as gettin permission from Allah. Cause wen sth negative happend and i thought Thats a sign that Allah tells me to leave i kept fearing and couldnt accept it inside i wanted to continue at the end its decree whatever comes. But my niyat is i feel so bad i actually feel like i went against Allahs permission i didn want to leave him anyway and Allah counts that. After i married now everything of these oöd thoughts came back. I feel i have chosen someone over Allah and the fact which makes me depressed most is that i cant imagine to leave him i cant. Thats makes me feel so much more hypocrital and sinful. I again fell into confusion fear asking Allah to forgive me and so on. Always again seeing sth like signs as Allah again sending me signs.like reading some sentence or hadith by coincidence fittin to me as Allah telling me leave him. But once that happend i cudn again accept it and think doing it.Its like i know i wont do it i cant do it as long i cant i am feeling i willingly accepting that i go against Allah and prefer someone astaghfirullah.bcuz thats wht i just cant do this pain i cudnt take it why shd Allah b pleased with me and this marriage. You know if my intention would b just to want khair in my life with him no calimities etc then i wud say i have made istikhara with fully correct intentions and now also just wanting best. But wht concerns me is that i dont hv to leave him that i can be with him forever. I wud bear problems i will have etc but not that i must leave him..thtsy i cant even say: no my only intention is i want to stay with him with hope forgood life etc.but my real n only intention is just that i cant leave him. You knw wht i mean? Its like this fear i have which i feel got bigger than i shd have fear of Allah is exactly the thing i must sacrifice then only then im sincere cuz thats exactly what i cant do in my mind fr Allah. One day again i said ya Allah wht shd i do tht u forgive me n repeating it again again while walkin. In that moment my husband called n i want to take phoneout of my bag n the bag got torn in tht moment. As a sign i shd leave him which means tearing. Thinking Allah is trying to help me n show me but i dont want to follow it anyway thats the thing.even if these signs r wrong i cant follow them anyway i feel so hypocrital. As it counted i dont want to follow it anyway.what difference it makes then..if i ask Allah to forgive me i find myself n feelinf like i said Allah forgiveme tht i cant leave smeone for you and prove my love to you which is more. U see how i feel. What shd i do i feel its my nafs wanting him i hv a battle with my nafs which desires wishes sth but in wrong way and with wrong niya and with wrong priority why i think Allah will count what i feel doing. Allah knows all. I cant come out of that circle. I cant stop my feelings which i have towards husband nor i can chose him over Allah. Im suffering i have like a test i feel. Will Allah punish me? Will he count all i feel and act upon? Because i feel im doing sin its not that i imagine sth which isnt there. I feel there is a choosing and i cant do it . Salam
  12. Is This Job Right?

    Assalamu Alaykum I hope that all of you my brothers and sisters are doing well I had been looking for jobs a long time. I am soon getting a small license to work for older women privately. However, I can't find that job in another state and this job is hard! So, I want a quick training as pharmacy technician, but I am having a hard time becase this job is very bad for my mind and is hard! I want a job in flower shop, or daycare, but how can I find this job in another state? Thus, they don't pay much!
  13. Problems With My Sister

    I am the youngest in my family, and my sister who used to be the youngest until I was born always hated me as a child. She was always jealous of me because I took away her attention, and she is 10 years older than me. Now I am 20 and she is 31, and she got a divorce because her husband cheated on her. Ever since then she's become a completely different person. Her and I always fought, but I used to look up to her because she was religious and would always give me Islamic advice. Ever since the divorce she's been living with my family and I, and I've been so used to living alone with my parents. The first 6 months she stayed here, she took my room and wore all my clothes. There were 2 other rooms in the house, but she only wanted to stay in my room. I slept on the floor for 6 months, and I got engaged and didn't have my own room. I let a lot of things go because of what she went through, but there were times I said some mean things. While I was getting a divorce she would put me down, and say my fiancé will cheat on me and that I'll have a horrible time since she didn't think I would be a good daughter in law. She made me cry on my engagement. I've had to deal with a lot living with her so at times I would blow up and call her the B word or say that she deserved being cheated on, but I always apologized after. I'm the one who helped her find out she was being cheated on, if it wasn't for me she still wouldn't know. I never got a thank you for anything. She used to be a hijabi, and now she doesn't wear it and she's so consumed with her looks. She always competes with me and has done many messed up things. I figured it was the best to just suck it up, and don't say anything back. I started getting close to her, and we would hang out a lot and I've always been there for her but I bottled in so much anger because she continued doing things I was annoyed of. I didn't confront her because whenever I did, she would get my whole family against me and make my life hell. The other day I blew up and called her a "self absorbed . " I felt extremely guilty and apologized and had a heart to heart with her and told her that I think she's changing and I miss how she was before. I also explained to her the things that I've been bottling up. She just denied everything, and kept saying I was wrong and she was right. I have a few more months, and I'm going to be moving out to go to a UC. I want to get my parents duas and spend time with them but I don't feel like I can with her in the house. I have other sisters and they're nice but I can honestly say I hate this sister. No one else sees how different she is because she doesn't act like this with them. I don't know what to do, i don't even like leaving my room because it's awkward seeing her. We haven't been talking and I just wanna fun away because she's so rude to me. I'm a kind person, and I don't hate anyone. I didn't think I ever could, but it's sad that I hate my own sister. She has a son as well, but she acts like she's 15. She waves to guys when they hit on us and flirt, eventhough she's still married. I am disgusted of her personality. She's a psychologist and manipulative, and no one understands me.. So I feel like I have no one to talk to about this. She gets my whole family on her side. What do I do? I'm moving next summer and I want to get my parents duas but I miss it just being my parents and I. My questions would be: What do I do about my sister, and living with her? I don't like being out of my room while she's here, so how do I get my parents duas? What can I do about my situation with her? Please help me, Sometimes I feel like running away but I don't want to because I love my parents, and have a haven't I want in life aH. I just hope she moves out, before I leave but I don't think that's possible.
  14. السلام عليكم Here's my problem: There's a boy whom I've been wanting to marry for a while, but I sometimes have doubts about him and his behaviour. Other times I might see him as forgiving and kind. A girl I know is saying that I might be affected by sheytan, so I'm confused now. However, I have to admit she's been kind to me and refers to Islamic teachings a lot. I'm also not comfortable with my own Muslim identity as I live with my parents and they're not Muslim. A big problem with me is the fact that I get so easily confused as I live in as family where no one likes Islam, I'm not sure if having long conversations with people is harming my ability to grow my faith on my own as well. I've never had a moment without having a Muslim to talk to, which is strange for me as an introvert. However, I'm now thinking about isolation as one possible cure to my problems and confusions. Is this permissible in Islam? Also, the more confused I get, the more depressed I get and I often feel it's l my fault. My parents make me confused about myself since I have to tell then that I'm not a Muslim and eat with them even though they might eat abs drink haram. The people whom I speak to come with so different arguments which confuse me as well. I guess this has to do with my introverted nature. I simply never know whom to trust, and if I have to get rid of a problem, I have to start all over completely. Perhaps also spend time to think on my own as well I just want to know if it's permissible to do that, and if you have advice on how to treat Islam as an introvert. Also, I'm not sure what to do then to look for a husband as I'm shy as well and also don't have a community other than a few friends in other countries.
  15. Do I Leave My Mother?

    People vary in degrees. Most psychologists would not give my little sister or mother a mental disorder.They got personality disorders which is not a mental disorder. Anyone can be a psychiatrist, even my little sister can obtain a PHd in Florida and be a psychologist, so they then classify by their points of views, ways of thinking, and biases. This really makes them unqualified psychologists. This is a very civil world. A world where any capriciousness is a mental disorder you poison yourself for. MIND AND A WAY OF THINKING IS DELUSION SINCE OUR ENVIRONMENT SHAPED WHAT WE THINK. She is not disabled, her or my sister. My mother has a personality disorder which is cynicism, extreme cynicism. My little sister. Well, hopefully I get a job and get her into technical school and educate her, as well as protect her Islamically. Thanks