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salwa musa

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About salwa musa

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  1. Nikkah In Crisis

    jazakallah yesterday was our third civil marriage anniversary. i had sent a card to my husband so he rang me to tell me he needs more time to decide what to do. he also made it clear that even though i am still his wife he cannot and will not provideme with accomodation should i return from my father's house. he wants me to find my own accomodation back in australia and he will not support me financially or otherwise. he wouldn't bring up the topic of reconciliation and nor will he discuss it if i bring it up. he has began going out with his single brothers and is also visiting his ex-girlfriends house. i have began to slowly accept that may be he will never want me back. tomorrow it will be 4months since our seperation.
  2. Nikkah In Crisis

    im 26 and a non resident indian by 3 generations. im a born sunni moslem and my father is known as a "jamati" in our community. my husband is 29. he was born an ahmadiyya but has been following the sunni way since he was around 10 though he still prays in the ahmadiyya Masjid occassionally. i have not talked to him yet as i have already said all that and more to him in the past. however i am going to write what i'd said earlier (as you quoted me) to him today insha Allah. im still hoping insha Allah we work things out.
  3. Nikkah In Crisis

    jazakallah bro luffy i will try to put across my feelings as quoted to my husband. insha Allah he will understand for he has a good heart i am sure.
  4. Nikkah In Crisis

    jazakallah i appreciate everything you have had to say. i have only one body and one heart and one life. by agreeing to nikkah with my husband i gave him all rights to my body and swore my heart to him. Allah swt sees all so when you are performinf the sunnah of a nikkah Allah swt is also a witness to that. how can i then break that bond. how can i ever fall in love again or let another man ever touch me. i cant. maybe i am being plain stupid. i grew up, got educated and travelled in the western world but when it came to my body and my heart i was careful. i can at least truthfully say believeing in the akhirat and the qayamat that i only ever truly loved this one man. i thank you all for your replies. insha Allah may we all be make the most of our time here in this life and time. ameen.
  5. Nikkah In Crisis

    Brother Luffy you are right. But so is his mom. it is up to me to convince him. i can not just let go. he may not be perfect but neither is anyone else. i know in my heart he did try to provide for me under the constraints of the environment. he is a good son to his parents. and love can be unconditional regarding certain things in life. some of my family would rather i forget him all together but i can't. i still want to be with him. i had thought of having kids with him too only he didn't want them always saying we weren't ready or we couldn't afford them. i was going to name my daughter salwa and my son musa. i have never loved another man so it is hard for me to just let go. because of my age my family feels i should give up on him and marry someone esle down the line but can you understand brother when i say i can't. i will take your advice. i am already intouch with a counsellor on and off. i do not know about my husband.
  6. Help Need A Scholarship Sponsor

    sister thank you all the same. Assalamu alaikum.
  7. Nikkah In Crisis

    Thank you for your replies. I do love my husband and even he can not deny this. my mother in law has left it to me to convince him and win him over to make this marriage work. i still have faith that we can do it. how do i convince him especially since he keeps doing a post mortem of our past and wouldnt see me? And i did try to convince him alas to no avail. and brother Luffy I have seen a doc like my husband, physiologically it seems we were both fine. and i tried everything i could as a woman. im not blaming my husband. no. and i still believe somewhere in him he does love me. and i would like to believe his mother is sincerely trying for us to make this work.
  8. Nikkah In Crisis

    asalamualaikum thank you for your replies. i have sought the forgiveness of my husband and in laws. my mother in law says that if she tells my husband then he will make an attempt to save his nikkah but she wants me to convince my husband. everytime i talk to him he goes over the past and how he doesnt want to save the nikkah even though he loves me and misses me and forgives me. it is him now who keeps bringing up his ex. i do not lik this girl and before i left australia i heard from lots of other people of little acts of vengeance and etc she had carried out against them. my husvband still defends her, cannot understand my pain and even denies thethat his brother and mother gave me a trying time. he speaks highly of his relatives wife who goes easy on her husband when he makes a pass at some other girl in public. i would never have tolerated that. and my husband prays 5 times a day. i miss my husband alot but i do not feel he misses me. i cannot feel any remorse or emotion in his voice. i cant think of what else i ought to do. i want to save my nikkah but i cant do it alone. i can pray about it but how do i convince my husband to not to waste this opportunity to use it for the best. i begged him to come to see me at the airport when i was leaving to come here and spend some time with my parents but he didnt come. i still want this man. i love him and i still want to fulfill all the dreams that a woman has with this man. sure divorse is permissible in Islam but Allah swt dislikes. i feel if we put our hearts to it we can make it work. how do iget him to see that. im sure everyone has seen this sort of thing in their community. brothers, what would you expect from your wives before you make any attempt to save your nikkah? until now i wastaking all the blame but now i know that it takes two hands to clap. that as a wife had my transition ito this family been supported fully and with patience the outcome would have been insha Allah different. bringing your wife into your family, part of the responsibility of how smoothly she slides into her role is a husbands. do not scream at your wife in the middle of the night swearing at her and telling her to pack up and return to her fathers house every second day. it kills the woman in your wife. and then she loses it and does something that everyone regrets. dont tell your that you preferred her with experience because there is a reason why women wait till their wedding nite. if there is an opprtunity to save your nikkah do so, because Allah swt doesnt look kindly upon divorce.
  9. Help Need A Scholarship Sponsor

    dear sister, I am an australian resident currently in new zealand but would love to carry out my studies back home in australia. i do not wish to study on a government or any other form of loan that would require me to pay interest. i am also looking into finding some sort of employment which is very difficult as my studies are incomplete and being an ethnic muslim it does make you question if your identity is a factor. taking into consideration the political climate the western world is in. insha Allah i have answered your question. and i hope Allah swt permitting you can help me.
  10. Help Need A Scholarship Sponsor

    asalamualaikum brothers and sisters. i hope someone can advice me of philanthropists or businesses who will be in a position to sponsor my tertiary education. i am very hardworking and intelligent and am willing to sign a contract with my sponsor, whereby either i pay him back upon finding a job after the completion of my studies or work for the sponsor. i have already undertaken some studies in the medical field and am desperate to finish my studies so that i can begin work. i have worked in a hospital before and would love to return to that. it is difficult for me to find employment with incomplete paramedical education, especially my being an ethnic muslim in a western country. besides i am not getting any younger and would love to finish my studies before other responsibilities for a woman set in such as familial duties. please help. insha Allah i will hear from someone real soon. Assalamu alaikum. wa asalaam.
  11. Kid B4 Marriage? Urgent Need Advice!

    as salam wa alaikum it is big of your brother to trust you and share with you his sorrows but he needs to be brave and responsible enough to admit to and accept his mistakes to your parents. two wrongs dont make one right. he has to find that strength within. and usually we amaze ourselves when we find out that yes there is that strength within us.he has to appreciate the fact he grew up with both a father and mother and therefore shouldnt deny an inocent child that right. he should everything in his power to talk to the mother of his child about the goodness of Islam. and only if there is no way of her accepting Islam then he should consider other options. and from having witnessed a situation where the man had slept outside before marriage and then married a virgin - not a good idea. not every women is accepting of a husbands past especially since in this case the past has a face, a name and is the living flesh and blood of your brother. only that happens which allahSWT wills. ask your brother to perform salatul istikarah. insha alah may he find his path.ameen.
  12. Guidance

    as salaam wa alaikum i was very sorry and touched to hear your sad tale. sometimes we can do everything within our means to help a loved one but at the end of the day it is up to them to wake up, learn and change for the better, for themselves. to save themselves from hellfire and the pain and afflictions of life here in this very life. i was always told by a well meaning practising brother that sometimes Allah SWt denies some people a wake up call or self-realisation in life. until it is too late. i have had to learn from my mistakes and losses but i am grateful to Allah SWT for giving me a chance to wake up. sister if your cries and pleas are falling on deaf ears here on earth then dont worry there is greater ear that hears all and knows all. the least you can do is pray for her salvation. remember gods delays are not his denials. so be patient. and pray. Allah SWT is merciful and he will never get us to bear sorrows greater than we can. please have faith and strengthen yourself, your sister needs you more than you know. there are many miracles in life everyday and insha Allah there will be one in your sisters life soon. ameen.
  13. Nikkah In Crisis

    as salaam wa alaikum my husband and i have been married for over two years. much of our time was spent fighting. if not over his younger brother and mother then over his ex-girlfriend. he never understood why i was unhappy and was always reluctant to communicate. over time i became really depressed especially when he saw no need to stand up for me to his ex-girlfriend. dont get me wrong. my husband is a good man but he never saw my pain. his mother used to say really mean things to me. she told me i didnt have a pretty face and that i was fat. i was always stressed. nothing i ever did was ever good enough for her. she gossiped about me and blamed her sons inadequacies on to me. i became so stressed and depressed i would take it all out on my husband. as a result our marriage was never consumated. we were always tired or stressed. my brother in law would invade my privacy and take tales about my husband and me to his mom, i.e. my mother in law. my mother in law in turn began abusing my privacy too by reading my mails. if my husband stood up for me she accused me of brain washing him. eventually i totally lost it and began bad mouthing my husband to whoever friend or family had a kind ear. everything i said was exaggerated or taken partially or completely out of contexts and used by my mother in law to turn my husband against me. now when i regret my actions and have asked Allah SWT for forgiveness, my husband is not ready to forgive me or save our nikkah. his mother is not willing to help either. i miss my husband alot but i know his mother has turned him against me. the last time we talked he said things that are not him, things that his mother would usually say. she is denying everything and my husband believes her saying that i am accusing his mom of being a liar. i love my husband alot. but he has made it clear he doesnt want to save his nikkah to me. his mother told everyone when i left their house and now she has told him that i told everyone. my family has told me that if he cant forgive me, take some of the responsibility and stand up for me then he is not a good husband. afterall it takes two hands to clap. i know i shouldnt have talked outside but who else could i have talked to. everytime i talked to him or his mom they blamed me. my father said i could win them over with love but obviously not. since entering that house, i had stopped my husband from smoking, gotten him to buy himself things instead of spending his money on his mom, past girlfriends and younger brother. he had started reading the surah yaseen daily and doing salatul tahajudd. i know i have hurt him, his pride and ego but i was at my wits end. today im non the happier, still waiting for him. i'm still hoping insha Allah he will return. im confused and scared. please advise.