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believer4life

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About believer4life

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  • Marital Status
    Married
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    Islam
  1. Dua For Tomorrow's Results

    ASA Brothers & Sister - I am sad to post that our baby did not make it. My husband and I had our first prenatal appointment Thursday (June 5th) and there was no heartbeat. Although I made it through the surgery that followed, I am emotionally inconsolable. This is the hardest trial I have every endured in my life! It was our first and only pregnancy after many years of medical intervention. Please pray that I accept and be at peace with Allah's will, and also be blessed financially in order to proceed with continuing my desire to become pregnant. believer
  2. Dua For Tomorrow's Results

    ASA - All Praises to Allah, the heard and saw our baby's heartbeat!!!!! InshaAllah this is the beginning of a wonderful journey. I thank you, and please continue to keep us in your Duas.
  3. Dua For Tomorrow's Results

    ASA Brothers and Sisters Allah has blessed me to become pregnant after years of struggling. My husband and I will have our first ultrasound tomorrow to see if the pregnancy is viable by hearing and seeing a heartbeat. Please make Dua for my bab(ies). ASA believer4life
  4. Divorce Is Near!

    ASA Brothers and Sisters - I few of you may remember me a year or so ago. I was struggling in my marriage. Divorce was spoken on several occasions. Neither of us knew how to move forward so we kept suppressing our true feelings about each other, kidding ourselves things would get better. Things went from bad to worst. Our situation became unhealthy. My husband mentally checked out of the marriage, and as a result intimacy froze, activities as a couple stopped, I distant myself from his family....all signs of giving up were obvious. We finally had a heart-to-heart in June of this year. We both acknowledged we got married under false pretense. I married for security, he fulfilled his religious obligation. We were tired of both not getting what we needed in the marriage - I felt unappreciated and frustrated because of his lack of communication and emotional discomfort. He avoids confrontation at any cause, even when it's necessary to fix the cause. My husband was frustrated because he could never connect with me and always felt we were incompatible. Our backgrounds are no where on the same spectrum. He's an intellect, I'm a socialist. He admitted he often times cried in silence about his feelings for me years 8-10 and if he wasn't so fearful of hurting me, he would have filed for a divorce. I'm sick to my stomach to know he suppressed how he really felt about me over the course of 12 years. The bridge just kept getting wider and now here we are. Keeping with our faith, we followed the fourth month guideline for separation in the Quran. I flew to be with my family in July and I arrived back home last week. The agreement was very limited phone contact over the course of my being gone, and no more letting our hearts waver - we would be 100% in or out! If it was going to be the latter, he would move out and I would start divorce proceedings. Unfortunately, because of being fearful of confrontation and emotional discomfort, my husband dragged his feet until yesterday to tell me he wants out. He told me a stern clear voice literally woke him out of his sleep two days after Ramadan and told him "file for divorce". He said he weighed the fact that it could very well had been his subconscious, the protective little voice we often hear, but he had been seeking guidance and praying he would think with a rational mind appose to emotional, factor in all the great qualities about me ect.....still he came to this understanding. We cried and held each other all last night acknowledging we do love each other, but we both aren't getting what we want and out of the marriage. But brothers and sisters, I feel different. I'm incline to think he's not giving us a fair shot because he's thinking with the same mind that created our problems. I told him he would have to view me with a fresh set of eyes if he wants to see a new me, new us. He claims there's nothing wrong with either of us, we're just incompatible and that's life. My claim is that if he learns how to communicate with me, everything else will "fit" into place. We talked more this morning and had a different conversation from last night. He said he gave some thought to what I said about how you can't solve a problem with the same mind that created it. So then he started stating, "if we were to get a divorce". Although he did not pack a bag today, I was too afraid to asked if he was still moving out. As I explained before, a huge part of our problem is him avoiding the emotional pain of hurting anyone. He's so hard to read at time. Here I am thinking everything is fine when in fact they're not, he's just continues to suppress. He's a patient man. That's why he's suffered as long as he has. If he thinks my mind is not stable enough to handle this today, he'll put off moving forward until I'm in a place of acceptance. Oh Allah, please make this matter good for my livelihood and faith. I feel my husband is missing the test of Allah. Surely he will place a burden on all marriages. We've never had this type of strain on our marriage, let alone this close to divorce. But he sees different. He believe Allah has placed a shell around his heart and ordains him to turn away from this marriage. Oh Brothers and Sister, I've cried all day thinking about what to do - let this marriage go or be patient for my husband to view me and our marriage with a fresh set of eyes. We do love each other, but the unsettling feeling in our heart out weighs love. ASA believer4life
  5. Help....divorce Is Very Near!

    We went to counseling for 3 sessions, and then he finally told me he did not want to return, so I did not force him. He was miserable the entire sessions, again, this man suppresses his feelings to avoid emotional hurt to anyone. I was totally missing what he was trying to articulate to the counselor in those sessions, which was....it wasn't that he didn't know what he needed to do to get us back on track, he was weighing if he wanted to emotional invest in the marriage any longer. And as a result, he was not reciprocating my needs (communication etc). As he explains, he mentally checked out the marriage years ago and has gone so deep into a black hole, and sees our marriage as trying to fit a triangle into a square. I even saw outside help because I was so worried and hurt about how he felt about me and our marriage. I suggested he do the same, but he said he was at a point where he did not need anyone to help him to get him to see how he feels, he knows, and it's not good nor fair to either of us. My therapist wonders if his problem is with marriage in general or him. I honest think both. Yes, he did a good thing by marrying me to avoid mischief, but really did not know what marriage meant in detail and the work that goes along with it. believer
  6. Help....divorce Is Very Near!

    ASA - Sister, please don't apologize as we are all aiming to strive in knowledge for the cause of our faith. I too was confused as to which surat speaks on separation. InshaAllah I can clarify this for you. The 3 month waiting period you are referring to reconciliation AFTER a divorce, "Divorced women shall wait concerning themselves for three monthly periods. And their husbands have the better right to take them back in period, if they wish for reconciliation". The surrah that pertains to my circumstances, "For those who take an oath for abstention from their wives, a waiting four monts is ordained, if then they return, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. But if their intention is firm for divorce, Allah heareth and knoweth all things." . Thank you for thinking of my husband and I during this difficult struggle. May Allah bless you for your kindness. believer4life
  7. Help....divorce Is Very Near!

    ASA Brothers and Sisters - I few of you may remember me a year or so ago. I was struggling in my marriage. Divorce was spoken on several occasions. Neither of us knew how to move forward so we kept suppressing our true feelings about each other, kidding ourselves things would get better. Things went from bad to worst. Our situation became unhealthy. My husband mentally checked out of the marriage, and as a result intimacy froze, activities as a couple stopped, I distant myself from his family....all signs of giving up were obvious. We finally had a heart-to-heart in June of this year. We both acknowledged we got married under false pretense. I married for security, he fulfilled his religious obligation. We were tired of both not getting what we needed in the marriage - I felt unappreciated and frustrated because of his lack of communication and emotional discomfort. He avoids confrontation at any cause, even when it's necessary to fix the cause. My husband was frustrated because he could never connect with me and always felt we were incompatible. Our backgrounds are no where on the same spectrum. He's an intellect, I'm a socialist. He admitted he often times cried in silence about his feelings for me years 8-10 and if he wasn't so fearful of hurting me, he would have filed for a divorce. I'm sick to my stomach to know he suppressed how he really felt about me over the course of 12 years. The bridge just kept getting wider and now here we are. Keeping with our faith, we followed the fourth month guideline for separation in the Quran. I flew to be with my family in July and I arrived back home last week. The agreement was very limited phone contact over the course of my being gone, and no more letting our hearts waver - we would be 100% in or out! If it was going to be the latter, he would move out and I would start divorce proceedings. Unfortunately, because of being fearful of confrontation and emotional discomfort, my husband dragged his feet until yesterday to tell me he wants out. He told me a stern clear voice literally woke him out of his sleep two days after Ramadan and told him "file for divorce". He said he weighed the fact that it could very well had been his subconscious, the protective little voice we often hear, but he had been seeking guidance and praying he would think with a rational mind appose to emotional, factor in all the great qualities about me ect.....still he came to this understanding. We cried and held each other all last night acknowledging we do love each other, but we both aren't getting what we want and out of the marriage. But brothers and sisters, I feel different. I'm incline to think he's not giving us a fair shot because he's thinking with the same mind that created our problems. I told him he would have to view me with a fresh set of eyes if he wants to see a new me, new us. He claims there's nothing wrong with either of us, we're just incompatible and that's life. My claim is that if he learns how to communicate with me, everything else will "fit" into place. We talked more this morning and had a different conversation from last night. He said he gave some thought to what I said about how you can't solve a problem with the same mind that created it. So then he started stating, "if we were to get a divorce". Although he did not pack a bag today, I was too afraid to asked if he was still moving out. As I explained before, a huge part of our problem is him avoiding the emotional pain of hurting anyone. He's so hard to read at time. Here I am thinking everything is fine when in fact they're not, he's just continues to suppress. He's a patient man. That's why he's suffered as long as he has. If he thinks my mind is not stable enough to handle this today, he'll put off moving forward until I'm in a place of acceptance. Oh Allah, please make this matter good for my livelihood and faith. I feel my husband is missing the test of Allah. Surely he will place a burden on all marriages. We've never had this type of strain on our marriage, let alone this close to divorce. But he sees different. He believe Allah has placed a shell around his heart and ordains him to turn away from this marriage. Oh Brothers and Sister, I've cried all day thinking about what to do - let this marriage go or be patient for my husband to view me and our marriage with a fresh set of eyes. We do love each other, but the unsettling feeling in our heart out weighs love. Please, Please, Please make lots of Duas for us. ASA believer4life
  8. I Want The Pain To Stop

    ASA - Brothers & Sister, My heart is heavy as I write this thread. I posted about a month or so ago asking those to make a Dua for my husband and I to have a biological child as we were going through the process. Well I was told today that test came back negative. This is the 4th attempt and the disappointment (and pain) is deeper than ever, not to mention cost. I just wanted every one to know that I appreciate all your Duas. Although I spent most of the day crying and feeling guilty (read more), I thanked Allah for giving us the opportunity and resources to even try. I've always considered myself a pretty strong person but always knew we couldn’t do it without Allah’s help. I will always yearn to have a biological child, the desire to be a mother is indescribable nonetheless. I also pray for Him to give me strength when I tell my husband the news when he arrives home from work. He's called several times wanting to know the outcome, but I've avoided his calls as I know he would not be able to concentrate on work. I know Allah is The One and Only that can get us through this pain. I know with no doubt that he will lift this burden and replace it with a blessing. Your Duas have been most comforting to me so I beg that you continue to keep us in your prayers. Pray that I have patience, that my husband continues to love me in spite of my condition and that his desire to have children does not overpower his commitment to our marriage, and please pray that my love for Allah overshadow Satan's whisper telling me I am less than a woman because of my condition. Peace and Blessings Believer4life
  9. [b]muslim Family Desire[/b]

    ASA- Thank you all for your duas and please continue to make them. I can't begin to tell you how much they mean to us. We will know on February 5th if I am pregnant. Any suggestions on what Surah's to read regarding this blessing? Please and Blessings believer4life
  10. [b]muslim Family Desire[/b]

    ASA - My husband and I are in the process of trying to conceive again after many years of infertility. Please pray that Allah bless us with healthy children to become the strong Muslim family we so desire. Peace and Blessings believer4life
  11. What Would You Do?

    BIG Ditto, I think you made a wise choice. We all know how the school system operates these days, why jeopardize your job. You can help this child, pray that Allah guide him on the straight path.
  12. I Need To Pass State Exam

    ASA - I need to pass my state exam next week. I'm sure to fail if do not change my study habits. My Iman said that it is already Allah's will as he wants the best for me, I just need to do the work. Please make extra duas that I not only study hard, I also pass my exam. Peace and Blessings
  13. I Need Lots Of Duas

    ASA -- Allah has placed trials my way over the last few years. I embrace them all as a blessing because I know he knows what we know not. However, this recent trial seems to be the most challenging for me. Please make lots of duas for me.
  14. Dua For Missing Mentally Disturbed Relative

    ASA - I pray that your relative made it home safely by now. If not, please listen to me. DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE! My family went through the exact trial last year with my aunt. We held our breath for 2 long days (especially for me, I live 3000 miles away). It was cold and she had no coat or money. The police were searching while my family checked hospitals, homeless shelters parks....... All of a sudden there was a knock at the door and it was her. Someone was kind enough to give her bus fare while she was on the streets and because of the voices in her head, and not having her psych meds; she got “turned around†and caught several buses trying to find her way home. Your family will be in my prayers and do not lose your faith; Allah knows what we know not. Peace and Blessings
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