So verily with every difficulty there is relief: Verily with every difficulty there is relief. (94:5-6).
My dear sister know that if a mother can not throw her own child into the fire, how then can you say and i quote "I feel that Allah wants to put me in hell thats why He is not answering my duas" Astagfirullah. do you not know that Allah is the Most-Merciful of those who show mercy.
Do you not know the great condition of a believer, and the overwhelming Mercy of The Most-Loving, The Most Merciful that even when a believer goes through hardship it is of a benefit to that believer. For every pain a believer experiences even as tiny as a prick of a thorn, for that pain a sin is forgiven, and sin is that that which will cause us to go to Hell â€œmay Allah protect us all Insha-Allahâ€. So if you reflect on what I have briefly stated you will come to realize that Allahâ€™s Mercy is far beyond our understanding, and what might seem as a punishment in this life may very well be a form of Mercy from your Lord and Allah is Most-Loving Most-Merciful.
My dear sister this life is but a test, it is not forever. Can you imagine standing up on the Day of Judgment without sin what a great condition you would be in. You would have passed the test and would be worthy to enter Eternal Bliss.
I know that with everything I have said you might still feel that you would love feel some relief. Then my advice for you is remember Allah with much remembrance, make a lot of sincere Zikr as you can. â€œFor verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find peaceâ€. My dear sister if you do this you will experience a joy in this life which transcends the physical world, a joy that never ends even through the hardships of this life. Insah-Allah Ameen.