Bismillair ar Rahman ar Rahim
Tell me Sisters and Brothers,
I declared my love and belief for Islam last Ramadan. I was overwhelmed with Love and Joy. I felt as if I had made it back home. Like an Orphan who recieved a loving family at last. Al-hamdu Lillah, Al-hamdu Lillah, Al-hamdu Lillah. I cried and cried. I could have burst with joy. I want you to understand my feelings. My whole world was open. Along with this, I also recieved a husband. Allah Akbar, Allah Akbar, Allah Akbar. How much more mercy and blessings could a sister recieve in such a short time. I had prayed to Allah(swt) for a solid top (husband)for my family and my Lord(swt) granted me this. Wonderfully. However, Since those beautiful beginnings, I'm back to the hard cruel world. Not the world outside world. I can handle that. The world of my closest and dearest. My family and friends! They don't want me to change! I guess they love me just the way I am :sl: I never knew! So I feel stuck in the middle and it hurts me sooo much. Not being able to do what makes me happy to please others. AS ALWAYS! I feel as if I can't celebrate my religion. Inturn, thats creating a dual personality for me. One way for friends and family and the other way seems to be disappearing. If I didn't have my husband, who trys to keep me/us connected, as much as possible. I don't know where I would be. Please extend your love and advice to me. Insha Allah, I could use my Anniversary Ramadan to jolt my strength in this area. Sometimes, it makes me feel as if I don't believe enough. But, I know thats not true!
La Hawla Wa La Quwwata Illa Billah.