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summer_girl

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  1. Marraige

    :sl: No offense to my sisters here, but somali women by no means regualry ask for such large mahrs and its being a common place to do so. Infact, compared to some of our sisters from Asia and M.E, our mahrs are relatively modest. Granted that you get a few who ask for exgravant mahrs (as well as exgravgant weddings) but on the whole, we're alright. Most will as for whats within the man's means and the average mahr that sisters from the west would get is $1000.00. Anything more and most familes will see that as scandlous and they'd be an uproar- unless the guy was wealthy enough to afford more. That aside, one of the conditions of the mahr is not to burden the man with more than he can afford and this is crucial because you shouldnt get in debt or other problems because of it. If you can't afford $10,000 brother (which you can't if you've been made redundant and out of work), you have to be blunt and say that to her and her family. And she either has to back down or forget marrying you. Its not fair to ask for such a request and while Islamically a woman is allowed to get whatever she wants for her mahr, it must be within reason and for her puposes only, not for her and her family. Financially, you don't owe nothing to her extended family and anything you do give is charity on your behalf. You are not their meal ticket! Maybe being american, they're might be trying to take you for a ride and exploit you in a way that they wouldnt get away with a somali brother and his family, i dont know and would hope this is not the case inshallah. Anyhow, your foremost obligation is to provide for her and your family (including your own biological kids and future stepkids) inshallah and to provide in the best way you can with what Allah s.w.t blesses you with. Secondly, you have had a vasectomy and you havent told her this. You need to tell her this because she (or any other women in the future) has the right to know whether they'll be able to have children. Unlike the brothers, women cannot engage in pologmy if the spouse cant have children so its cricual that you discuss this matter, otherwise you'll be entering a marriage based on decit which will not be friutful and may even end up in divorce, especially as she wants more children. Alhmadualah for you that the procudure is reversiable (to the best of my knowlegde) and you can have yout tubes untied. Islamically its not halal for a man or woman to permanant strelise themselves to not having kids unless their is a great medical need which might be possiably threating to one's own life. I assume you done this before you became muslim but inshallah it can be overturned. If you don't have the money to do so, maybe you can ask for sadaqah, from the masjid or muslim organisations in your community or even state funded orgnastions to see if theres any money to help overturn the vascetomy. As for providing new furniture and paying for the wedding, this is usually the responsiblity of the man and his family but what with your situation right now and maybe you not having the backing of your own family as many muslim born familes would, its is again unfair for her to be so demanding. Most somali women's families do help out with the wedding, whether it be the cost, the catering and other expenses. If your current furniture is fine and not broken or a health hazard then i dont see the need to get brand new sets. Sure you can buy some new bedding, curtains and possiably give the bedroom and living room a lick of paint if need be to make it looking fresh but no need to spend $10000's on new stuff unless you can afford it. You've got some time till summer 2008 so maybe you can try and put a little bit of money aside once you get a job inshallah, for things like that. As for the actual wedding, why not have it at the masjid? What better place then the house of Allah s.w.t and have loads of people making dua for you. Best thing also is, the Masjids are usually free (atleast some are here!) and the women of the family and the wider somali community can help out with the food. Seriously theres nothing more then a wedding that we somalis love :) and we rustle up the best food ever! (as im sure you know :j: ) And somalis are a very tight knit and will come together to help each other in such times. Your lucky in that you live in Minneipolis (thats what MN stands for, or Minnesota- not sure lol) and its the heart of somali community in america. What with 1000's of somalis living there and whom will know your future wife, inshallah they will come out for you and her - thats if she is serious about marrying you, fears Allah and drops her unrealistic demands. anyhow thats my advice for you brother. If you end up speaking to her and the family and she still persists with the money and high demands, then cut your losses. Theres plenty of fish in the sea and if you've been mezmirised by our stunning african beauty (who wouldnt, we're damn sexy! :sl: ) then you will have no trouble finding an abundent of gouregous, practising somali sisters (who are plentyful in Minnesota aka little mogdishu), who will be more than happy to marry a good practsing muslim brother, who has his heart in the right place, regardless of his cash flow. I hope things work out for the best brother. let us know how you get on. ma'salam
  2. My Mother Died Today

    :D Inna lilahe wa inna ilayhi rajioun. May Allah grant her with the highest jannah inshallah.
  3. Police Terror Raid:

    :D Exactly my point! Typical :D
  4. Police Terror Raid:

    Here's a police seizure of weapons that wasn’t splashed all over the front pages. A TERROR RAID THAT DOESN'T MAKE THE HEADLINES-DESPITE CHEMICAL EXPLOSIVES AND A ROCKET LAUNCHER. This week a British National Party election candidate has been accused of possessing the largest amount of chemical explosives of its type ever found in the country. That’s right, the largest ever - imagine if he’d been an Asian man. Home secretary John Reid would have held a special press conference and it would have led every news bulletin. The home of another man charged with similar offences contained a rocket launcher and a nuclear biological suit as well as BNP literature and chemicals! Robert Cottage of Talbot Street, Colne, and David Bolus Jackson of Trent Road, Nelson, made separate appearances in court charged with being in possession of an explosive substance for an unlawful purpose. Cottage was arrested at his home on Thursday of last week, while retired dentist Jackson was arrested in the Lancaster area on Friday. The 22 chemical components recovered by police are believed to be the largest haul ever found at a house in this country. Cottage stood as a BNP candidate in the Pendle council elections in May. Christiana Buchanan, who appeared for the prosecution in Jackson's case, alleged the pair had "some kind of masterplan". (www.)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_www.socialistworker.co.uk/article.php?article_id=9882"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_www.socialistworker.co.uk/article.php?article_id=9882[/url]
  5. Veil Snatched From Muslim Women

    :D The location says all! Anyone who's been to Toxeth, Liverpool or know people from them will understand.
  6. Fareeda's Fate: Rape, Prison And 25 Lashes

    Fear of Flying I hope you dont mind me butting into the conversation, but theres a few things i wanted to clarify, which brother Ozy had mistaken/missed out (hope you dont mind Oz), the shairah huddud laws is legally applicaiable to both men and women, not just women. Secondly, 'Zina' is not just adultury, its all forms sexual sins, from pre-martial/outside of marriage sex, adultury, watching pornography. And for adultury and pre-martial/outside of sex marriage, before any punishment can be applied, there needs to be: a. crediable witnesses (of sound mind and faith) who saw the act commited b. an Islamic ruiling body c. an Islamic state There are proabably some more points, but im not an expert. I dont think the huddod laws can be applied without the proper Islamic state and leadership in postion that could make sure that all the laws being properly regulated/applied. An indivudal cannot take it upon themself to apply the huddud laws (or any shariah law for that matter) Also, Islam calls for redemption and salvation to the creator. All sins ,including adultury are forgiven if one sincerly repents and the prophet s.a.w always went for forgiveness, then punishment. Infact, there are only a few examples where it is mentioned in the hadiths (narrations/sayins of the prophet s.a.w) where the stoning punishment was dished out for adultury. One famous narration was regarding a women who had commited adultury and came to the prophet s.a.w and asked to be given the correct Islamic punishment for what she had did. She was not coherced or anything to confess and came of her own free will and the prophet s.a.w asked her repeatly to make sure that she sure about what she had said and and she did, insisting that she wanted to face the consequences of her actions in this life, rather then the next. The prophet s.a.w told her to come back when she had stopped the full cycle of breastfeeding her child. She did and was then given the huddod punishment for adultury. [if i've made a mistake in the narriation, then someone please correct it for me] The prophet s.a.w (peace be upon him) always told us to seek forgiveness first with Allah when having committed a sin. Regarding rape, there is no sin amongst the person who was raped, only to the one who commited the rape and shariah law is very clear on the punishment for rapist and that is death. What tends to happen though in most countries is that very few rapists are conivted and often the raped victim (most likely a woman) is blamed. This doesnt only happen in Pakistain, it happens all over the world, including the western hemisphere too, where most of us in the forum live. All socities are pretty much patraical in some way and there is still the mentality, east and west that when a woman is raped, she was asking/wanting it in some way. Conviction for rape is very low in the U.K (where im from and i suspect your from too) and few make it to trial as women dont come forward. This was actually mentioned a while back in the news and they created some new section/organistaion of lawyers within the CPS to deal with rape and convictions specifcally because of the very low conviction rate, despite the high numbers of rape being reported. When they do stand trial, those repsresnting the rapist, make the victim look like they led the rapist on, wore certain clothes which encrouaged them etc.. Obviously thats to discreit them, but it makes it much harder for women to come forward, if they're going to be faced with that and made to think that they were responsiable for the rape. There was a case in Scotland i think, where a 16/17 year old girl was raped by a 14 yr old boy after walking home one afternoon. He tried to chat her up, she said no and he raped her. Anyways, it got to trial and the defence of the boy, held up (according to news reports) a picture of the thong she wore underneath her jeans. The defense bascially made it out that because she wore a thong underneath her jeans, she was calling out for him in some way, trying to attract him. The girl burst into tears appreantly as the defense made her sound like a cheap so and so. Thankfully the boy got convicted in this case and was sent down, but tragically the girl commited sucide one week later after the boy was sentaced. She was made to feel that she deserved to be raped by defense barriasters and took her own life. This is one case, but if we were to look deeper into the british judical system regarding rape, we'll find that this isnt something new. 20 years ago, women would come to the police and policemen would be sceptical regarding a woman being raped and to a certain degree that attuitde and mentality is still there. Although, yes, we're nowhere near as bad as Pakistan in this regard, but its still not good. I think the attuide towards rape and female victims, whatever race or religion, wont change until men's attitudes change, because the judical process, from police to the judges are dominated by men to a certain degree and you'll find that many of them are very arachcial in their thinking. I do hope, like most sensiable thinking muslims that the pakistan 'zina' laws are reversed as they are barbaric and replusive in every senses. As well as being completly aganist the principles of Islam and a gross perversion of the true Islamic laws, however i suspect it'll take some time. The good thing though is, that many pakistanis are standing up to this law and know that things need to change. For us elsewhere, like us in the U.K, we also need to do our own fair share in Britian and do something about our system and how it responds (or lack of it) to rape and how its dealt with through the legal system.
  7. Please Pray For My Sick Mother

    :D I wish her a speedy recovery and that Allah s.w.t brings her back to her full health inshallah. Ameen to all of the dua's.
  8. Rooter Or Rowter

    :D Its pronounced R-O-O-T-E-R! Rooter!!!! :D You north americans and your wacky english. Why can't you speak like the rest of us :D I think i'd need a dictonary to get by in the U.S or Canada. Theres so many words that are different. Eg: U.S/Canadian english = British english Chips = Crisps Fries = Chips Jelly = Jam Jello = Jelly Diapers = Nappies Cell = Sim card They're the only ones i can think of, but you get my point :D Maybe they need to start teaching english as a modern foreign language to kids over in north america. Help them to speak properly :D
  9. Who Hijacked My Religion?

    :D I watched that and his other ones. His videos are great! That one in particular is excellent and recommend for people to watch.
  10. Choosing 6 Unis For Maths

    :D Staying home is only an option brother if the university is near you. Otherwise, you'll have to move nearer to campus. For example, if you live in london, you cannot commute everyday to Cambrigde, Warwick and Birmingham Uni as they are all atleast 2 hrs away by train. I had a friend who commuted from london to brighton for uni for 4days a week. It was incrediably tiresome for her and she ended up transfering the 2nd yr to another london uni, because by the time she home home it was late (sometimes 8pm) and she'd have a stack of work to do and little time to do it in. I know your mum will miss you, but she'll get over it. Plus you can visit on weekends as well. Seriously if you get the place at the uni you want, and judging by your chosen ones, some are in the top 10 unis in the country, i suggest you move out if you need to! Honestly otherwise it will be a nightmare and for such a course like maths which will be very intense, you can't afford to spend 5 hours a day on communting between uni and home everyday. As for what other university you can choose, London School of Economics is excellent. I would think they do maths as a subject. Also, another word of advice: before you apply to these unis and make it definate, visit the universities on the open days. Seriously because sometimes whats said on the propectus isnt how it is in real life (trust me, i found that out the hard way!) and throughly check what modules you will do (they can be verified by the departments) and find out as much as you can, the coursework/exam ratio, wherther the course will be more scienfic based maths or maths maths (if you know what i mean lol) etc...The worst thing you could do is pick a course and find yourself hating it during the year, which will be an eventual waste of time.
  11. Are You Prejudiced?

    :D Bro Crystal, you need to do the Asian IAT. Anyways i did the black/white IAT test. My result came up as: "Your data suggest little to no automatic preference between White People and Black People." Eoin: So, how true are your results then? :D
  12. Foreign Witnesses In Lebanon

    :D Anthony: :D for that. Always interesting to get another perspective. Not suprised on what those witnesses saw. I had no doubt in my mind that the attacks on lebanase civilains were nothing but intentional! BTW, are there many romanians in lebanon? Also what is the take on this in romania?
  13. Taboo

    :D No offense taken umahmend. Even if we dont agree, i still respect your opinions. :D To answer your questions, the reason why were are pointing at muslim countries, is because we are muslims sis and most of us come from muslim countries. This is what affects us. of course its not only in muslim countries that it happens, but to me, its more important. To answer you second point, i didnt say that all muslim men blame everything on their wives, but i did say that those women who found themselves in such a situation i described would face the rap for their men's actions, which is true. many of the laws and social attuties in our societies are prejudice against women. Of course our religion isnt and neither is Allah s.w.t laws, but the mis-use and misdemour of ceratin laws and the attitudes that prevail mean that men can (and do) exploit the system, to penalise women, more harshly then to a man. Your right though, i did stray from the topic slightly, but inshallah i will try to make sure that my comments dicuss the topic at hand.
  14. Taboo

    :D Talking about the issue at hand and encouraging it are two different things. Im not sugessting that we encourage it and i dont think by talking about it, we are saying 'yes go and do it, marry one another' etc. What we should be doing is saying : 'look this is haram. this is what Islam's view is on it, this is what the shariah says on it, this is what happens to society when its practised widespread.' and find solutions to the problem. As for some people not knowing about these things, brother people are not ignorant. Even the common villager in the a rural part of pakistan, eygpt, saudi, somalia will know what homosexuality is. Their not obilvious to it happining, even if it doesnt happen on their own surroundings. As for Sexually Transmitted diseaies, this comes in parcel with sodmity. Look at the statistics in the western hemisphere and see how the practise of sodmity and these dieseases are linked. If we dont discuss with the people, how their actions will cause dire consquences then it will spread and become unchecked. We have no problems in our ummah talking about adultry or fornication, the stance of Islam, its impact on society. These are regular topics dicussed in the wider muslim community. Does that mean those imans, speakers etc who have all talked about these issues before are encouraging its widespread? I dont think so. Theres a saying: Prevention is better then the cure. We need to start acting/talking upon how to prevent this, rather then later on complaning about the consquences of it.
  15. Suprise 4 Him

    :D Alhamdualiah though that you are still together. I can only imagine the difficulty that you and him have faced and are still facing. I hope inshallah that your mothers heart softens towards brother PNA01 and your family accept him inshallah. Take care sis Summer Girl
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