Assalamu Aleykum wa Rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu
My name is elif,and y need yours hulp dear broders and sisters. I wreally hope that you will understand what i'm writtyng,becose my mother language is not english,and maibe my pronuncion it is not correctly.
I return to Islam 1year ago,alhamdulillah,and for a wile everithing was good. i do my prayer,learn everything that i can about Islam,i wear hijab from the first day... Now after 1year i am disperate. I don't do my prayer any more(when i try,i do it for one of two days,then i stop). I still learn about Islam from everyweare i kan,i begin a cours for learn to read qur'an in arabis,i memorized few suras,i wear hijab everyweare i go,i do belive that Islam is the true,and Muhammed(sws)is the mesenger from Allah(swt),but i don't know what is happening with my. I'm most of the time angry,and i became verry sad,allmowst all the time i cry.Everything make my cry...
And now i am gonna tell you few things about my.
When i became a muslime,i had few friends(sisters) who help my with alot of things.We use to go dergah together,some times i go to them in visit,of they are comming to my.
Then i go to my country for a wile,untill i was propose to maryed with a muslim men. He came in my country,we did nikkah in the first day,and sow i come back hier.ever siens,(5months ago) i stay all the time in the house. Ihave no friends;nowbody speaks with my(my friends from past no longer will keep contact with my,and i think that is becose the man i am now maried is theyr family(uncle for two of them)),my husband go in the morning at work and kome back in the night,and all day i stay internet for nowbody kome to me. My huspend family from hear don't want to see my,and don't agreed our mariage,becose i am from europa,and they are from turkye(kurdish from turkye). My huspend is good with my,but i feel that maybe something is not write,that he seems to be ok that i stay all the time inside the house,and i have no contact with enybody.
And that is how i became no longer do my prayer...
How cane i kome back with everything? I do have allot of peyn for what i am doing,but is like..i don't know,i can't explain...i feel like i am lost .
When i think to Allah and His mesenger(sws) i begin to cry becose i am afrayd,but sometymes is like i just don't kare.
I need hulp,and hear there is nowbody to help my.Pleasa make dua's for my,becose sometimes i have no power to make a dua too.
I feel that this hous became my greave,and i am afrayd from the Day oj jujment. Plese help me some how!!!