AishasHeart

As-salamu alaykum, My name is Aisha, and i am a muslim. My mother is a white convert, and my father is a british indian. I have always had a mixed identity, and although both my parents are practicing muslims, having many non-muslim family members (from my mothers side), has always made it very difficult for me to be as practicing as i know i should be. My parents have always encouraged me, especially my father, to practice Islam, but i've always pushed religion to one side- always knowing the importance of religion but not fearing god enough to do anything about it. I am currently at university, and have just started my second year. Towards the end of my first year, I met a lovely muslim boy who studies on the same course as me. Although he is far from perfect, i feel that he is a good person and has Islam in his heart. He suffered a great deal of guilt and regret about the relationship we shared (and although i could fully understand why, i just couldn't bring myself to feel the same way- i was totally blinded by the euphoria of love). over the course of about 4 months we grew very close, and i know perfectly well this should never have happened- but it did. love is a powerful thing and can blind the heart and soul. Recently he told me he could never see a future with me, he's reasons being that he wanted to find a wife who was a practicing muslim, and that he believed we weren't right for each other. (although i have faith in my heart, i am not practicing at all, something i am very ashamed of). After he said this to me, i felt the strong desire to become more practicing, in the hope that he would change he's mind about me. I cant help but feel that this is entirely wrong, and i am changing for the wrong reasons. how can i purify my intentions? i'm in a constant battle with myself and its killing me. I have been praying to god to purify my intentions, to take away the heart ache- which is leading me to want to change myself to win him back, rather than for the sake of Allah. any advice would be much appreciated.

As-salamu alaykum, My name is Aisha, and i am a muslim. My mother is a white convert, and my father is a british indian. I have always had a mixed identity, and although both my parents are practicing muslims, having many non-muslim family members (from my mothers side), has always made it very difficult for me to be as practicing as i know i should be. My parents have always encouraged me, especially my father, to practice Islam, but i've always pushed religion to one side- always knowing the importance of religion but not fearing god enough to do anything about it. I am currently at university, and have just started my second year. Towards the end of my first year, I met a lovely muslim boy who studies on the same course as me. Although he is far from perfect, i feel that he is a good person and has Islam in his heart. He suffered a great deal of guilt and regret about the relationship we shared (and although i could fully understand why, i just couldn't bring myself to feel the same way- i was totally blinded by the euphoria of love). over the course of about 4 months we grew very close, and i know perfectly well this should never have happened- but it did. love is a powerful thing and can blind the heart and soul. Recently he told me he could never see a future with me, he's reasons being that he wanted to find a wife who was a practicing muslim, and that he believed we weren't right for each other. (although i have faith in my heart, i am not practicing at all, something i am very ashamed of). After he said this to me, i felt the strong desire to become more practicing, in the hope that he would change he's mind about me. I cant help but feel that this is entirely wrong, and i am changing for the wrong reasons. how can i purify my intentions? i'm in a constant battle with myself and its killing me. I have been praying to god to purify my intentions, to take away the heart ache- which is leading me to want to change myself to win him back, rather than for the sake of Allah. any advice would be much appreciated.