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LOVE IN Islam INTRODUCTION THE MYSTERY OF LOVE ( Most of life’s activity and effort is expended on the search for love, without people even perceiving what they are doing, and why. THE DEFINITION OF LOVE ( Love can be defined as ‘an inclination towards beauty after being pleased by it.’ ( God’s love is: first, the free gift of existence and of count- less other favours (including beauty of various kinds) to every created thing, and, second, love of beauty as such.
Saracen21stC posted a topic in Prophet MuhammadThe Romantic Prophet – How to be romantic with your spouse On April 4, 2012, in Articles, Social issues, by Maulana Faraz Ibn Adam As the days come to closer to one’s marriage, excitement, ecstasy and elation pump through the bride and groom. The build up to marriage is an experience of thrill and jubilation. When the marriage is solemnised, one’s happiness and delight is on the verge of brimming and tipping over. When the newlywed couple meet for the first time, words cannot describe the sweetness, bliss, serenity, pleasure and elation tasted by the two. If every day of the marriage mirrors the first day of marriage, and every night reflects the first night of marriage, then the marriage will be a euphoric experience on this world. The first couple of months are always a ‘honeymoon’. Once the couple settle down, then reality begins. Many couples fail at this point. The husband gets engrossed in his job. He comes home tired and late, feeling hungry and tired. He demands for the food and feels lazy to do anything. He eats, puts the dirty plates in the sink and lies down on the sofa. He might awaken to perform salāh if he is conscious of salāh. Otherwise, he wakes up later on towards the night, phones a few friends, watches TV and keeps ordering the wife to get him x and y. When it is time to sleep, the husband if he is feeling in a good mood he will have relations with his wife-but only to satisfy his needs. Once he is fulfilled, he stops and drops off to sleep. Whether the wife is satisfied or not does not even cross his mind. This becomes the routine of his life. The wife on the other hand, she initially tries to please her husband. She slowly loses her enthusiasm as she does not receive enough attention from her husband. She cooks to please her husband. She will put effort into her food. She will try and perfect every detail in the food. The presentation, ingredients and spices are put meticulously so they complement each other. After a while she begins to tire from this as the husband does not comment or he criticises her food. As soon as the husband goes to work, she is on the phone to her associates. She cooks, watches TV, cleans the house and enjoys her day before her husband comes home. Once the husband comes, she becomes a slave again. This style of marriage where there is no affection shown, no real emotion transmitted from one party to the other is heading towards destruction. The husband needs to implement the romance the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam displayed. We consider Romeo to be romantic but not the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam. If I was to say the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam was the most romantic individual, I would not be lying. Looking attentively to the biography of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam, you will find that he was extending a great deal of respect to his wives and was displaying high attention, care and love toward them. He was the best example for the ideal manners toward the wife. He was comforting for his wives, wiping their tears, respecting their emotions, hearing their words, caring for their complaints, alleviating their sadness, going in picnics with them, racing with them, bearing their abandonment, discussing matters with them, keeping their dignity, supporting them in emergencies, declaring his love to them and was very happy with such love. The husband and wife have to bond with one another psychologically, physically and spiritually. Here are some attractive examples and points we need to adopt to achieve a marriage of romance: (Continued on the Next Post)
Question Regarding Marital Rape Shazia Ahmad | November 11, 2010 1:02 am Question: Is marital rape allowed in Islam? Answer: As salaamu alaykum, Thank you for asking this important question which has come to the fore in recent times, and which has been the cause of confusion for many people. Here are some important points to take into consideration when learning about this issue: It is absolutely haram (unlawful) for a man to harm his wife. The Prophet ﷺ prohibited harming others in general,1 and intensified that prohibition for harming other believers.2 If one is taught to hold ordinary people – with whom one shares no special relationship – in such sanctity, then what of the person one is linked to in the “weighty, serious bond” of marriage (Qur’an 4:21); who is one’s “garment” (2:187), and who lives under one’s ri’aaya, care and shepherdship, as mentioned in a prophetic tradition?3 Allah has described marriage as a relationship of kindness, mercy and love (30:21), and commands men to deal with their wives in an honorable way (4:19). Rape, abuse, ill treatment, and inflicting harm – be it physical, verbal or psychological – are completely unacceptable in such a relationship. It is true that the contract of marriage grants a husband the right to intimacy with his wife, and vice versa, however, this does not imply that one can seek to obtain this right violently or forcefully. Just as in any situation in which one has been deprived of one’s due rights, one must go through the proper channels to resolve the matter in a just and honorable way. At no time does it become permissible for someone to take it upon themselves to harm the other party in a misguided attempt to ‘take their right’. This would amount to a type of vigilantism or seeking of personal vengeance that has no place in Islamic tradition, in which we are taught to defer such disputes to those with religious and legal authority. This is clearly indicated in the words of the great scholar Taqi al-Din al-Subki, in his commentary on some verses of the Qur’an related to marriage: “At the time when it becomes obligatory for a husband to provide financial support, clothing, (and other such provisions) for his wife, he should exert himself in doing so, and not be negligent in this duty such that his wife would have to file a complaint of his negligence with the judge [haakim], and in so doing spend from her own expenditures. …Similarly, a wife should be responsive to her husband’s request for intimacy, such that he would not need to bring a complaint (against her) to the judge, and in so doing spend from his own expenditures.”4 From these statements we see that a husband’s or wife’s proper recourse, when confronted with a marital issue they are unable to resolve, is to turn to the appropriate authority for guidance and direction. Violence or force of any kind is not an option. People often defend such behavior by citing prophetic traditions that strongly discourage women from refusing their husbands if they approach them for intimacy. While these texts underscore the importance of a wife fulfilling her spouse’s sexual needs (a reminder the Prophet ﷺ gave to men in a number of statements as well,5) they cannot be used to justify force. One such text goes on to describe the husband as one who, after being refused, “goes to bed angry.”6 If it were truly acceptable for a man to force himself on his wife, why wasn’t such an act mentioned here as a viable alternative to his wife’s refusal? Some people also seek to confuse this issue by citing the verses in the Qur’an that outline a disciplinary method of dealing with a wife who is nashiz.7 8 These verses are probably among the most misunderstood, misused and misapplied of the Qur’an in our times, and must be understood in their proper exegetical context. Since an in-depth explanation of these verses is beyond the scope of this article, it will be sufficient to state that darb - which is often translated as ‘to strike lightly or tap’ – has been strictly defined by our scholars and has numerous restrictions and conditions.9 From among them is that it is done in a manner that would not cause humiliation or harm to the person, and that it is only done when it is a means of helping reconcile between the spouses, and is not a cause of resentment, enmity or hatred between them.10 It is impossible for such verses – whether looked at lexically, exegetically, or otherwise – to be used to excuse violent or forced sexual relations with one’s wife. Dr. Jamal Badawi succinctly rejects these types of false claims by stating, “Any excess, cruelty, family violence, or abuse committed by any Muslim can never be traced, honestly, to any revelatory text (Qur’an or hadith). Such excesses and violations are to be blamed on the person(s) himself, as it shows that they are paying lip service to Islamic teachings and injunctions and failing to follow the true Sunnah of the Prophet.”11 Though marital rape would not warrant a hadd punishment12 in accordance to Shari`ah, this in no way means that such an act is acceptable or that it would go unpunished by an Islamic court. Some people mistakenly believe that the hadd punishments are the only ones that exist in Islamic law, but that is not the case. Even if an act does not fall into one of the specified categories for hadd punishment, a qadi [judge] still has the right to punish the person with imprisonment, corporal punishment (lashing), or anything else he deems suitable for the situation, the crime committed and the guilty individual (which is called zajr or ta’zeer).13 Some scholars even state that a wife who has been assaulted in such a manner by her spouse has the right to jirah, or civil redress, for her injuries.14 Some scholars condemn such an assault as sinful and despicable while at the same time deeming it inappropriate to be labeled as ‘rape’. This is because of the presumption of consent implicit in the legal contract of marriage. It is important to note that such statements are not intended to condone the behavior, but are simply an expression of legal exactness. When taking such a case into consideration, scholars would not base a punishment on the sexual act itself, but on the harms, both psychological and physical, that stem from it. Such an assault – however it is labeled – is still considered by scholars to be unacceptable, sinful, and susceptible to punishment. If a man finds his wife unreceptive to his overtures of intimacy, he should put in some effort to be attentive, affectionate, and kind to his wife, and to fulfill the numerous recommendations the Prophet ﷺ made in regards to intimacy. Such problems may also be symptomatic of deeper issues in the relationship that need to be resolved. One should always take an introspective, constructive, and proactive approach to dealing with problems, focusing first on how one can change one’s own behavior to improve the situation, instead of simply blaming the other party or seeking to ‘punish’. It may also be necessary to seek counseling and advice from others who have expertise in these matters. An individual who engages in assault and abuse of any kind, especially towards family members, shows signs of underlying psychological problems that need to be treated. There is no level of frustration, anger, or overwhelming grievances – no matter how legitimate they may seem – that pardons such dehumanizing and callous behavior. I hope these points have shed some light on this issue, and have made it clear that marital rape is not allowed or condoned by our deen, and is in fact a sinful act that a person can be held accountable for in this life, before the hereafter. In the very first verse in the chapter of the Qur’an entitled “Women”, Allah Most High warns us to be fearful of Him in demanding our rights upon each other. He in fact warns us to be fearful of Him twice in this verse, a sign of the seriousness with which we should take such matters: “O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from a single soul and created from it its mate, and dispersed from both of them countless men and women. And fear Allah, through whom you demand your mutual rights, and (reverence) the wombs that bore you: Indeed Allah is ever, over you, an Observer.” (Qur’an, 4:1) In conclusion, the Prophet ﷺ taught, “Only a noble man treats women in an honorable manner and only an ignoble man of low character treats women disgracefully.”15 May Allah make us people of noble character, who fear God in our dealings with others and who weigh our deeds and words well before they are weighed for us on the Day of Judgment. Allah knows best. “There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm.” This hadith can be found in An-Nawawi’s Forty Hadith. ↩ “The whole of a Muslim for another Muslim is inviolable: his blood, his property, and his honor.” In Sahih Muslim, narrated by Abu Hurayra. It can also be found in An-Nawawi’s Forty Hadith ↩ “A man is a shepherd in his family and is responsible for those in his care.” Part of a longer hadith in Sahih al-Bukhari, 2419. ↩ Al Majmu’ Sharh al-Muhadhab, Vol. 16, pp. 414-415, Dar al-Fikr Publishers. ↩ For example, when Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-Aas desired to stand in prayer for the entire night, the Prophet ﷺ reminded him, “Your body has a right over you and your wife has a right over you.” (Sahih al-Bukhari) He ﷺ also encouraged certain etiquettes and manners in intimacy that would bring satisfaction to the woman in a number of texts. ↩ Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim. ↩ Nushuz is commonly translated as rebellion, ill conduct, or arrogance in a way that jeopardizes the well-being of the marriage. Men can also be guilty of nushuz (See (Quran, 4:128). ↩ (Quran, 4:34-35) ↩ These conditions are detailed in many books of tafsir. For example, see Tafsir al-Qurtubi, Vol. 5, pp.172-173, Dar al-Kutub al-Masriyya, 2nd Edition. ↩ Reliance of the Traveler, p.542 ↩ (http://www.jannah.org/sisters/end.html) ↩ Specified punishments outlined in the Quran for certain criminal acts. ↩ See the chapter on Hudud in any book of fiqh for more information on the concept of zajr and ta’zeer. ↩ From an excellent article entitled, “Rape & Incest: An Islamic Perspective”, found (here). ↩ Sunan at-Tirmidhi. ↩ Source: Suhaibwebb
Saracen21stC posted a topic in Refuting non-MuslimsDoes sharee’ah state a specific number of times that a couple should have intercourse? Share | Are a men and women allowed to have sex on their wedding night. including intercourse? If so, how often are the husband allowed to have intercourse once a week and so on. Please note, I could not use any other wording for what I am asking. Praise be to Allaah. Yes, the couple can have intercourse on the first night of their marriage if they want to. There is nothing in sharee’ah to indicate the number of times a couple may or should have intercourse, because this varies according to circumstances and personal preferences. As long as people vary in their abilities it is not possible for sharee’ah to impose a specific number in such cases. But intercourse is the right of the wife and is a duty on the husband. Ibn Qudaamah al-Hanbali (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “Intercourse is a duty on the man – i.e., the husband should have intercourse with his wife – so long as he has no excuse. This is also the opinion of Maalik.” (al-Mughni, 7/30) Imaam al-Bukhaari reported from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas, who said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘O ‘Abd-Allah, have I not heard that you fast all day and stand all night in prayer?’ I said, ‘Yes, O Messenger of Allaah.’ He said: ‘Do not do that. Fast and break your fast, stand in prayer and sleep. For your body has rights over you, your eyes have rights over you, and your wife has rights over you.’” In the commentary on this hadeeth, it says: “The husband should not exhaust himself in worship to the extent that he becomes too weak to fulfil her rights by having intercourse with her and by earning a living.” (Fath al-Bari) It is also the wife’s right that her husband should spend his nights with her. Ibn Qudaamah al-Hanbali said: “If he has a wife, he should spend one night in four with her, so long as he has no excuse.” (Al-Mughni, 7/28; Kashf al-Qinaa’, 3/144). Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said: “It is obligatory for the husband to have intercourse with his wife as much as is needed to satisfy her, so long as this does not exhaust him physically or keep him away from earning a living… If they dispute over this matter, the judge should prescribe more in the way of intercourse just as he may prescribe more in the way of spending.” (Al-Ikhtiyaaraat al-Fiqhiyyah min Fataawa Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah, p. 246) Sharee’ah also requires that a wife be protected from immorality by means of her husband having intercourse with her, as much as is needed to satisfy her and to provide this protection. But there is no way that this can be stated in terms of a specific period of time, such as four months, or more, or less. It should be defined according to the wife’s needs and her husband’s ability to fulfil her rights… All of this applies in normal circumstances, when the husband is present and living with his wife. If the husband is absent from his wife because he is travelling for a legitimate purpose or other legitimate excuse, in this case the husband should try not to be absent from his wife for too long. If he is absent because he is doing something for the benefit of the Muslims as a whole, such as participating in jihaad for the sake of Allaah or patrolling the borders of Islam, he should be permitted to go back to his family once every four months or less, so that he can spend time with them before returning to his duties in jihaad or border patrol. This was the policy of ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allah be pleased with him), who stipulated that soldiers and members of the border patrol should be absent from their wives for only four months, after which time they should be brought back and others sent to take their place… (Al-Mufassal fi Ahkaam al-Mar’ah by Zaydaan, 7/239). And Allaah is the source of strength. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid Source: http://www.Islam-qa.com/en/ref/1078