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Aslamalaikum Wr Wb... Sincerely seeking your advice for a better life... During my teens, I wasnt being a muslim as I ought to be (consumed drinks, seeing videos, had consensual sex etc). Then during the early twenties, I was so much into Islam. Use to pray daily, use to fast on mondays. Would not lift my face and see any girls. I was as pious as I can be. I was so contended with life. I got married. Married life was happy, then I lost the job. During this period, again something happened to me and I started watching , stopped praying etc. But still in my mind, I was thinking I am being tested, I couldnt pray yet I couldnt move away or twards Allah. Even if I prayed, I prayed with half-heart. I was feeling hopeless and being alone in this world, litterally mad at myself. I got a job and life moved on. I could get back to praying regularly. I wanted to have a child, whenervr I prayed I always asked dua for a child. All this while watching continued, I dont know why..I had given up all hopes of getting a child by normal means (test tube baby) for about a year. We had planned for IVF(test tube baby) and then all of a sudden my wife is pregnant by normal means. True, it looks like a miracle. Now, I really dont know whats happening and why I am going through all this. When I wanted a child, I didnt get. Later when I made up my mind to go with doctor's recommendation, my wife concieves. I really dont know if Allah is punishing me or blessing me or giving me secret singals when I am not able to get meaning off. I wanted to share this and get your opinion, advice/guidance brother/sisters. Please help me as to why its happening like this to me and what should I do.. When I moved towards him, nothing happened. When I move away, everything happens..I feel so guilty and ashamed. Please help me...