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I have a problem with my new sister in law (brother's wife) and was hoping to get some help with this issue. My new sister in law is mean. She does not like any of my brothers visiting my mom's house because they are non-mahram to her. She also doesn't like if my girl cousins go over there because they are non mahram to my brother. She is okay with having my brother's friends over and cooking for them, but when my mom said to invite my other brother she said no because she didn't cook enough food. But it is okay for her sister's husband to come over whenever he likes, and she too goes over to their house to spend nights with my brother. Why is there this double standard? NOw my family is scared to go see my mom because my sister in law might mind and create problems for my brother. My brother is so pressured by his wife that he doesn't say anything to her. What should we do? How should we solve this problem? Please advise.

 

:D

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PropellerAds

Yr sis in law is for hypocritical. why doesn't anyone say to her that she apply the same standards to everyone.

 

n when one of yr bros got visit yr mom, y doesn't she just go inside for sometime. the bro can meet her mom in the living room.

 

easier option, move the mom outta there..

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salaamz

 

br. M_A i don't think that movin the mum out of there is the solution coz thats just givin up and she'll think oh i can do what i want for the rest of this marriage im the boss

sr. female i think your brother should show her who is in charge from the beginning coz then it will cuse problems later on in the marriage he should either speak to her gently but if that doesn't work is it possible for your bro to move out?

 

My uncle's all have the same problems with their wives basically they're robots and the wives have the remote control :D and know years down the line they'r still in charge because they didn't make it clear from the beginning

 

plz keep keep us informed about what happens sister ws wr wb

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Assalamu Alaikum

 

Sister - I think your brother should put his foot down. Seems like she is doing what she feels like doing - using Islam when it suits her needs... I find that really sad actually (may Allah help us all..)

 

I think the best solution would be for her to live on her own with her husband - that way she can live her life the way she wants. Your brothers shouldn't be deprived of seeing their Mother when they want to - step down now, before things get outa hand.

 

May Allhah make this easy on you and your family...

 

Walaikum Assalam

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this is all your brother's fault and he is to blame, tell him to start wearing the pants in the relationship and not be under the thumb!!

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Assalamu Alaikum Warahamtullahi Wabrakatahu,

 

I agree with the advice given already, if your Brother doesn't speak up she may get used to this behavoius and always have her way or maybe an elder Sister should advise and talk to her about her ways.

 

Insha'Allah it is going well for you Sister.

 

...

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al salamo alaykom

 

your brother can follow the guidance of qura'an and in this case of noshooz he should start with first speaking kindly to her, and then more strict, if she doesnt' listen and that is after some patience, and maybe soft threats , she has no right to say they can't come coz they're not mohrams, coz her husband is there and they can come, they only can't if he's not home, so they can come anytime he's home and she's no right to say no it's his home too and he's the provider, he can tell her that, and he could remind her of Allah, and how she should fear him.

 

if it didn't work, then he will show his anger by leaving her bed, his treatment towards shouldnt' change, he will treat her same as usual, but only at night he wont share her bed, it's a mean of expressing displeasure and it's not a mean for torturing the wife.

 

if that doesnt' work, then the last step would be hitting her not on the face with something small, not causing her injury, but it's a symbolic way of showing anger or telling her that she's wrong and that she's pushed her luck.

 

he might not want to cause problems, but by doing this he will spare himself lots of problems for years to come, she will know her limit.

 

if all doesn't work, then let someone knowledgeable and wise from the family or a close family friend interfere, or maybe speak to her family, this way she will realise that any other behaviour like this wont pass unnoticed.

 

may Allah guide her ameen.

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Your brother is the man of the house B) :D

 

So he should tell her he wants his family to visit him, family is important in Islam, and if they are non mahram just put a hijab or niqab or whatever-

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:D

 

I have a problem with my new sister in law (brother's wife) and was hoping to get some help with this issue. My new sister in law is mean.  She does not like any of my brothers visiting my mom's house because they are non-mahram to her. She also doesn't like if my girl cousins go over there because they are non mahram to my brother. She is okay with having my brother's friends over and cooking for them, but when my mom said to invite my other brother she said no because she didn't cook enough food. But it is okay for her sister's husband to come over whenever he likes, and she too goes over to their house to spend nights with my brother. Why is there this double standard? NOw my family is scared to go see my mom because my sister in law might mind and create problems for my brother. My brother is so pressured by his wife that he doesn't say anything to her. What should we do? How should we solve this problem? Please advise.

 

:D

 

Wa Alaykum salam,

 

There is obviously a reason to why she does this….it is not something one just randomly does without no hidden agenda or feelings behind it. From the way you’ve described it I think she feels insecure with having your cousins around because they are non-mahram to her husband. As for your brothers…..may be there is also a reason there…we shouldn’t assume and be quick to judge others and their motives. We are all capable of sinning and I think your brother should calmly speak to her and ask her why she creates double standard….tell her that you either apply your rule or don’t. Hypocrisy is unlawful in Islam should be informed to her, perhaps she holds no knowledge that she is sinning. Allah (swt) knows best. I hoe everything goes well.

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Assalamualaikum

 

Your sister in law sounds horrible. I bet your brother is right under her thumb...

 

She obviously cant continue like this and must be told directly that her actions are contradictory aswell as inconsiderate. She is ruining family relations. If your brother cant put an end to this then theres not much the rest of you can do.

 

I really hope the situation changes...

 

Selina

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Assalamu'Alaykum

 

Kinship or blood relationships are the strongest natural ties. There is no substitute for a mother’s love for her child, and in return, a child’s devotion and gratitude to loving and caring parents. It is precisely because of the importance and strength of these relationships that the Holy Prophet Muhammad (Pbuh) said:

 

"He is not of me who severs or breaks the ties of kinship."

He also went on to say:

 

"No sin is more swiftly punished than oppression, and the breaking of family ties."

 

 

source:you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_aaiil(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/text/articles/others/familylifeinislam.shtml

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:D

 

shouldnt ur brother be doing something about it? have u people talked to him about it?

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:D

 

Thank you all for your kind words and support. The thing is that my brother gets very defensive when we try to explain to him the obvious. He feels that nothing is wrong and everything that his wife is doing or saying is right. Things are coming down to this that my mom is not being taken care of. She is ill and needs help. But strangely enough my brother is starting to treat her like a burden. The same one who used stay up at nights to press her feet and bring her whatever she needed. I'm extremely sad with all this.

 

:D

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al slamo alaykm

 

this is indeed sad....remind him of the hadith prophet about mother and how he should put his mother first and her rights are above his wifes rights, may Allah guide them to the straight path and us ameen...

 

maybe you should consider moving the mother out then??

 

wa alaykom al salam

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Asalamualaykum Brothers and Sisters,

Inshallah you are all well and in a good state of iman.

 

Ya Allah Sister female! Once we make our parents displeased with us we will NEVER get that back! I've heard "Allah will not accept dua for forgiveness for this so don't even try". They raise us up and then we turn our backs on them. Why do we do this, I do not know. We all do it during our lifetime. The entrance to Paradise is at the feet of our mothers, we sometimes are made to forget this. It's not at the fathers the wife's the daughters... Noooooooo the mothers! Alhumdulillah you have a mother and she is still with you. :D May Allah help your family through this test. May we all learn from the mistake of your brother and his wife and let us all have patience in our hearts.

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