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:D

 

Dear Brothers and Sisters. I pray you are all in the best of health and strong Imaan. :D

 

I have a dilemma for which I could use your help with. :D

 

I have been introduced to a Brother for marriage purposes. He adheres to the Book and the Sunnah and is actively involved in Da'wah. Has good knowledge of the Usool ud-Deen (Fundamentals of Islaam). All these attributes are very pleasing for me, :D. As I want a Husband who is strong in his deen.

 

He had been previously married and now divorced. I am single. We have been in communication and discussing matter between ourselves.

 

The problem is that even after 4 years of being divorced he is still in love with his ex-wife (he does not even call her ‘ex’ when he said this). He is very vague about the reason for divorce and has actually said that he loves her so much and cannot forget her. He has kept tabs on her and says the she hates him… but gives no explanation as to why.

 

I was quite reluctant to consider a Brother who was divorced… maybe because I thought these issue may occur, but I had no idea that they actually would until I met him!

 

So, I am confused. I have prayed Istikharah and I’m still not clear.

 

I don’t have any Brothers to seek advice from and I find this situation very difficult. I am hoping :D that some of you may be able to impart with some experience and advice.

 

Your Sister in Islam.

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PropellerAds

Asalamualaykum Sister,

If I was in your position I would be scared for my wordly life and hereafter and I would seek marriage elsewhere. This Brother should not be seeking a wife if he is still thinking about his ex-wife, he should be repenting to Allah. It would not be fair to any sister. Isn't that like boarding on the line of adultery to be thinking about other women... Why doesn't he state why he got divorced? Isn't that allowed in Islam to tell the other party if it was his fault I would assume that would be correct.. unless it was her fault then that is better for him not to tell I would think. hmm I don't know sister. May Allah guide you through this hardship. Just remember that a woman can walk into a room of married and unmarried men and marry anyone of them according to Allah... where as a man cannot do the same.

Asalamualaykum Sister.

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:D

 

I know somebody who was unable to get married to a person that they were head over heels over. They didn't due to a ridiculous argument that that person started and regrets to this day. They never reconciled.

 

But this person finds it very difficult to move on because whomever they meet as a prospective partner, they unconsiously compare them to the former fiancé. It's something sad but for the person who will eventually marry them it would be even sadder because their partner would never appear satisfied and probably mope around when by themself.

 

Moral of story? Stay away from this individual until they are completely willing to leave the past in the past. This is regardless of their deen. A person's emotions are much harder to dismiss regardless of their deen.

 

Gluck :D

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:D

 

sister, i dont know if it would be a wise idea to get married to someone who is still in love with his previous wife. those kinds of feelings while being married to someone else is simply not fair. He doesnt seem like he's trying to put the divorce behind him, so i'd advise you to steer clear.

 

If he's being really vague about what happened with his ex, thats really not a good thing. If he's not willing to be open about his previous marriage now, odds are he wont when he's married.

 

Try doing istikhaara again. :D

Edited by Afghan_Hijabi

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salaam

 

yes i agree with the replies above, i think u shouldnt marry him unless he is 100% over his ex, as said above 1)its not fair on you an 2) this will affect the marriage (if it happens) a lot which may end up in another divorce and even worse u an end up with a broken heart and Allah knows best

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salaam

 

Agree with the above comments, I also think you need to find more about him...It will be unfair on you to marry someone who has not overcome his pass, you don't know where it may lead to in the future...Definitely try istikhaara again...

 

Can I add also when people do istikhaara, they assume they will see a dream telling what to do, this is not correct, you may see a dream...it is more likely after doing salat-l-istikhara, you may feel more inclined towards a decision one way or the other....maybe through changing circumstances...then go ahead with the action, trusting that Allaah will choose what is best for you

 

Hope this helps and makes sense

 

ma sallam

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:D

 

Don't you have a gaurdian to advise you especially if you haven't been married before?

 

Very weird. It is important to find out why he divorced and verify it independently (did he beat her up? was it aforced marriage etc.?). I'd say leave this proposal. What would have happened if you found out about this after the marriage? You'de feel quite bad I'm sure, but you are not in that situation now. So it's upto you do you want to be in such a situation where you husband wants to be with his ex aswell. I guess it's similar to being a co-wife, would you mind being a co-wife and him remarrying his ex?

 

He's been thinking of her for 4 years so there's a lot of issues there. Luckily you know it's a mess before stepping into it.

 

:D

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:D

 

Actually, why don't you contact his ex and find out why they divorced? As it's for marriage purposes she can speak freely as it's not backbiting.

 

:D

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:D

 

:D For all your replies. All your repies have been most beneficial. I could not get into the forum to reply earlier.

 

ahm: your last post had a very good suggestion. I will definitly do that if I can. :D

 

:D

 

:D :D

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:D I used the fast reply option and did not check my type'os. :D

 

I don't know how to edit my last post. :D But hopefully you can understand it. :D

 

:D

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