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:D

 

... I've used up my worry time for today. This is what I came up with:

 

1. She talks on the phone a lot to men (and women).

2. She keeps friends with men and socialises with them.

3. She has a past and lies about it. She is not a virgin. Or She is a virgin but was in a relationship, msn/mobile phone etc.

4. She is antagonistic, no respect or manners.

5. She does not obey me.

6. She does not folloy my Islamic opinion (I don't mean madhab) e.g she won't hold hands because she will lose wudu.

7. She is like a stick, no womanly curves and no erm..."chest".

8. She has muscular arms and legs, looks masculine.

9. She is psycho, has some mental issues, is violent, TURBO PMS, crys over silly things (e.g. printer not working).

10. She is not sunshine and rainbow, but gloomy weather

11. She will ask for large dowery, expensive clothes, hello big wedding (goodbye hajj).

12. Me having to dress up and be the centre of attention at a wedding, be looked at by everyone.

13. Have my proposal rejected because of what some members of my family do or have done.

 

How do you resolve them? Some of them you can't do much about anyway like 13. Regarding 11. I'm not sure if I have to pay for it in my culture, but it's her sense of life achievement through material gain that concerns me.

 

What practical steps do you suggest I or a female relative, can take to check these don't exist in a potential bride?

 

:D

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PropellerAds

:D

 

What ?

 

:D

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Nothing, I'm just confused... ignore me :D

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:D

 

... Ok. ?_?

 

Also, the people I will get to help have some of these bad characteristics, yet I'm trying to find someone not like them. Is that going to work?

 

:D

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:D

 

man, why r u worrying about this? You dont even have a woman yet.

 

i mean what the heck...were those points taken from a gothic novel?

You just described the woman from hell. Few women are that bad...but if u do get one like that, just lock her in the attic for a few days...maybe get a second wife?

 

 

 

 

 

j/k.

 

:D

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Salaam

 

:D

 

Erm mate, thats quite a comprehensive list you've complied,

 

thanks you've got me thinking now. . . . . . . . .

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salaam

 

Brother, you are not going to find someone perfect, there are going to be things which you don't like about her...obviously someone off your points are very important, but trying to look into all above is almost an impossible task, only she would know some off the things you want to know, so you need to question her into some of the things you mention......

 

The most important thing you should look for is that she has good deen and good characteristics......look at her friends and the people she likes to hang around with, often that will show what kind off person she is...Find out what her hobbies are that may show things about her character

 

hope this makes sense and helps

 

ma sallam

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:D

 

how she acts now is what matters the most.

 

if she's willing to change then inshaAllah she will. Maybe she's not been raised properly and wants to change that.

 

best of luck

 

:D

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:D

 

It makes me wonder if your "potential" wives have a similar list about you to worry about. Maybe the reason your having so much trouble finding a wife is that your expectations are not practical, you probably dont even know what is best for you, most of us dont. My advice is keep making du'a and praying tahajud. I know that was very frank and to the point, but I think its what you needed to hear

 

wasalams

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:D

 

Erm... I have found someone [at]_[at] I found others but my family changed their mind. One had divorce in her family so they made a big deal about that. I don't think I have trouble finding them, I'm passed that problem. Now it's just checking them and parent's not giving unreasonable grief.

 

I do know what I do not like or want, and the above lists them. If she's got one of those then it's most likely a no. I don't think it is impossible to find these out. I thought it would be impossible to find anyone at first, but after realising you can't rely on parents, relatives and friends, you have to use your own initiative.

 

If I could trust them to find people and check them out, then that's a load off my mind, I can get on with other stuff. But I've been dealt these cards in life, so I have to make the best of them.

 

:D

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:D

 

She was let go because of divorce in the family?? And yet you allowed that?

 

When will our society change if we dont make stand?? I am sorry, but who will marry her now?? Will she stay this way forever cos there has been divorce in her family??

 

May Allah guide our ummah!

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1. She talks on the phone a lot to men (and women). She She will stop this if you request her to and show her some respect, love and give her the attention she needs and deserves.

2. She keeps friends with men and socialises with them. Ask her if she does socialise with men, and what her views are on the matter.

3. She has a past and lies about it. She is not a virgin. Or She is a virgin but was in a relationship, msn/mobile phone etc. Ask her outright if she has had any relationships... She shouldn't lie if she's a practising muslim.

4. She is antagonistic, no respect or manners. You will be able to know that from people whom know her, or you will be able to judge her character by the language she uses to speak.

5. She does not obey me. She will not if you respect her, thus earning her respect.

6. She does not folloy my Islamic opinion (I don't mean madhab) e.g she won't hold hands because she will lose wudu. You have to respect how she conducts herself, even if it seems extreme to you. And if you want her to do something your way then introduce them slowly and gently. Don't expect on demand results, we all have to adjust accordingly.

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7. She is like a stick, no womanly curves and no erm..."chest". You can't really do much if she hasn't got a "chest" but women can put on weight and gain curves if they are happy in a marriage and in life, Insha'Allah.

8. She has muscular arms and legs, looks masculine. Again not much you can do about that!

9. She is psycho, has some mental issues, is violent, TURBO PMS, crys over silly things (e.g. printer not working). All women have ups and downs, but doesn't mean they are all the time! You will have to practise your paitent techniques, and get ready to TALK THINGS OUT! All mental isses can be overcome with some support.

10. She is not sunshine and rainbow, but gloomy weather If you marry her, you should make it your aim to make her happy, and change her glommy weather into sunshine and rainbow.

11. She will ask for large dowery, expensive clothes, hello big wedding (goodbye hajj). She won't (If she's a practising muslim)... She would just want a successful marriage life with yourself. If you can assure her of this she shouldn't want for anything else!

12. Me having to dress up and be the centre of attention at a wedding, be looked at by everyone. Explain that you're shy, or don't like the extravagance of it all. She will understand.

13. Have my proposal rejected because of what some members of my family do or have done. How can you expect someone not to reject you coz of your something your family have done, when you have done a similar thing by rejecting a Muslim lady coz someone is divorced in her family!?

 

:D

 

Not all women want material achievements. I am sure most women would be happy with a loving family, and peaceful life. Masha'Allah, I know I am.

Asalam walikum.

Your Muslim Sis.

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:D

 

I allowed that? It's not like I know her, chatted with her over msn, "fell in love", asked my parents about her and they said no, "divorce in her family" blah blah blah, then we plan to marry in secret and so on LOL It's a balancing act, Islam says be dutiful to your parents. Edit - the parent's have the objection not me, so I'm not being hypocrytical here.

 

She will find someone because she's got me to help. I know a few brothers, but they're not ready yet, they got jobs and just need to get their own place to stay.

 

:D

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:D

 

Sounds like a lot of worrying, :D

 

I'm sorta leaning to what Rahim already posted...

 

how about making up a positive page too: instead of focusing on all that you do not want, try also looking for what you do want. As the above posters have already mentioned, every single one of us has faults-- you could have the most perfect woman and find something wrong with her.

 

You say that "you don't think you have trouble finding them, but its the checking part that is worrying you"....

 

^ wouldn't it be a great shame if you "checked one" off, who was actually perfect or very compatible for you, simply because you were worrying too much....

 

(^it would be really bad, if i get you even more worried and now you start checking every single woman you ever see cause you keep thinking that you might check them off and they're actually perfect you all because of a comment i said! :D).

 

I'm sorry, all i can offer is prayer. I'll try and pray for you that things get better!

 

:D

 

:D

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[Asalam walikum,

 

Fair enough. But do you not think it was your duty to ensure they understood that the reason they chose for rejecting the proposal was unsatisfactory? After all it wasn't the girl's fault that someone in her family is divorced is it?

 

Asalam walikum,

Your muslim sis.

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Asalam walikum,

 

I agree with what Rahim bro said... Make a positive list too. Sometimes the positives outweigh the negatives. And we all have faults, Insha'Allah most of which can be rectified, do you not think?

 

Asalam walikum,

 

Your Muslim sis.

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:D

 

Trust me I tried. I explained. But still they are against it.

 

(:D For your replies)

 

:D

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:D

 

wouldn't it be a great shame if you "checked one" off, who was actually perfect or very compatible for you, simply because you were worrying too much....

 

I think that you are compatible with most people, but you decide on the trimmings. And the list of what you absolutely DO NOT want want is a shorter list than a list of what you do want.

 

:D

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:D

 

OK this is not worry time so I'll reply further in the evening inshallah. LOL [at]_[at]

 

:D

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:D

 

LoL! That is true- i mean we all want a 100 things, but i meant your priorities. What are the top 10 things you want....

 

But i can see your point now :D

 

:D

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Guest UnderCover_Brother

Assalamu'Alikum,

 

Akhie no offense but accept who Allah(SWT) gives you as a wife insha'Allah. You are not perfect and neother will your wife ever emulate perfection. In the Quran Allah(SWT) promises you, you will get who you deserve!! Be patient and just chill as it is written for you who you will marry 50,000 years before time!!

 

One thing you might say to your wife is....

 

"Alhumdullilah, 50,000 years before time...Allah declared you would be mine"

 

Fee Amanillah,

Wa'Salam.

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:D

 

50,000 before..wow that is incrediable brother. Could you give me the source for that, cos i really could use this info?

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:D

 

50,000 before..wow that is incrediable brother. Could you give me the source for that, cos i really could use this info?

salaam

 

I think the brother is refering to this hadith, in sahih muslim, in The Book of Destiny (Kitab-ul-Qadr)

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Book 033, Number 6416:

Abdullah b. 'Amr b. al-'As reported: I heard Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: Allah ordained the measures (of quality) of the creation fifty thousand years before He created the heavens and the earth, as His Throne was upon water.

 

Book 033, Number 6417:

This hadith has been narrated on the authority of Abu Hani with the same chain of transmitters, but there is no mention of" His Throne was upon water."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

ma sallam

Edited by Rahim

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