when you don't want to live....

[Guest Guest]

:P

 

 

I am having big problems with my motivation. I have had motivation problems for many years....

The thing is, it's like I don't care for life. I love Islam, but I am always postponing memorising the qur'an and new du'ahs that I know will be beneficial....

 

I cannot focus on my studies properly unless I have to, like if I have a deadline then I sit down almost the whole day working on my paper. I spend like one day(and of course the next to type it on the computer), other students spend several days. (Strangely the teacher approves of them too, but the last one I wrote the teacher was a little in doubt as to whether let me pass or not.)

 

I have to take a course all over again, because I have not studied at all the whole semester for this course(except for taking useless notes during the lectures that I went to, and so I couldn't write a paper, and when you haven't written a paper you cannot take the exam. :D

 

 

 

I also like sleeping a lot.....when I am sleeping I do not have to deal with life, some people drown their sorrows with liquor, and I try to sleep them away. :D

 

I wish I did not exist. I do not want to die yet, because I am certain I will go to jahannam then....I wish I had all my "debt"(prayers fasts) paid to Allah SWT so He could take me away from this dunya.

 

Some people have a zest......they look forward to waking up in the morning. I never look forward to waking up...I look forward to going to bed/sleep.

 

As a muslimah I should not feel like this. Allah does not like lazy people who rest too much.

I know what to do but I feel too depressed or lazy to do it. I don't feel like doing it. I postpone everything. I have let down Allah so many times, that it is bringing tears to my eyes right now. Why did Allah SWT create me and not someone better, who would worship him better and take care of her deen which He SWT blessed her with. I am worthless.

 

 

So what can I do when I don't feel like living?

[crystal_sword 0]

:D

 

Bro, you may like your studies, or you may hate them - but they are important, but remember this, ALways remember that Islam comes first. if u must postpone, atleast do Dhikr

[selina 0]

:D

 

I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling like this. But you do sound a little depressed. I can tell the sincerity you have about your deen and to please Allah swt but something is stopping you. I dont know what else is going on your life at the moment or if its something to do with the past, but I really do recommend that you go and see a doctor about your problems and get some anti depressants. You are feeling suicidal and its not something to be ignored. Please make an appointment with the doctor sis as well as making lots of dua for yourself.

 

remeber Allah swt is most loving and Merciful and he is there to listen to you if you call him.

 

Inshallah sis you will be in my duas and please please see a doctor.

 

:D

[Guest Guest]

:D

 

I do not want to committ suicide, hell awaits me if I do....I have stopped feeling so suicidal......but still I just don't feel like living....

[sisterinislam 0]

:D salams dear sister i get the feeling that there are a lot of personal reasons why you are feeling the way you are and your post doesnt really go into too much detail so its difficult to tell we are all your sisters and brothers here and if you want to talk privately then i dont mind if you e.mail me. please remember that Allah is the most merciful and places all kinds of people on this earth for lots of different reasons your faith in Allah mashallah seems very strong but it seems shaytan is causing you a lot of problems dear sister dont worry about learning new duaa for the moment just make duaa to Allah with your own words and inshallah he will answer you i also make duaa for you and pray Allah makes you realise that you are his special creation as we all are with all our faults and he loves us things may seem bad at the moment and it might not make you feel any better when i say that although your problems may feel very big to you now but a problem shared is a problem halved and there are always people out there with problems that are bigger than ours please keep in touch love from your sister in Islam :D  :D  :P

 

I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling like this. But you do sound a little depressed. I can tell the sincerity you have about your deen and to please Allah swt but something is stopping you. I dont know what else is going on your life at the moment or if its something to do with the past, but I really do recommend that you go and see a doctor about your problems and get some anti depressants. You are feeling suicidal and its not something to be ignored. Please make an appointment with the doctor sis as well as making lots of dua for yourself.

 

remeber Allah swt is most loving and Merciful and he is there to listen to you if you call him.

 

Inshallah sis you will be in my duas and please please see a doctor.

 

:P

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[ummammaar 0]

:D

 

Sounds very familiar sis.

 

1. Cry to Allah, do duaa.

2. repent

3. prepare good deeds for His sake so that when we return to Him we don't regret

4. Sorry for assuming, but maybe you're single or if you're married, you may be having problems.

 

Procastination is one of the weapons shaytan uses against us. The reason you don't feel like waking up may be that you can't seem to solve your problems (there is not much you can do) and if you're single, it may also be that you feel like you have no one to wake up for.

In any case, Allah created us to worship Him alone. He is the Best Knower of everything. He didn't create us without any purpose. Keep yourself busy with the things that you love to do.

I don't know where you live, but where I live I see palm trees, beautiful flowers, mountains and the sun. Go for a walk if you can and just don't think about your problems. Smell the fresh air and breeath. Take your time. Walk for atleast 30 minutees and contemplate on the blessings of Allah.

If you can't go for a walk, look at a picture of nature or something that relaxes you.

Let me know if my two cents were helpful.

[elif74 0]

selam,

 

firstly nobody knows where to go...jannat or jahannam...but all of us want to go jannah...and pray for that.... if you say ok i will go to jahannam, this will be your dua, pray to go there...plz dont say anything like this...

 

Allah does not want us to be hopeless... and because Allah does not want us to do something, we doesnt do it, thats ok?

 

and as far as i understand you have focusing problem. i advise you to focus to do one thing that you like, just one thing...for example reading something, internet i dont know but one thing that will help you focus, and that will make you love life...

[{(~Genetic Fr3ak~)} 0]

:D

 

WHere the Heck is SISTER SUNSHINEZ when you need Her :D

[sofia_22 0]

:D

 

I don't know where you live, but where I live I see palm trees, beautiful flowers, mountains and the sun.

 

asalamualaikum

 

subhanallah where do you live can i come there too what a beautiful place you describe ummammaar

 

well anyway back to your problem sis

 

maybe this will help you

 

Subject: P.U.S.H

 

This is a good one to consider daily. Just P.U.S.H!

 

A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light, and God appeared. The Lord told the man he had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin.

 

The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might. So, this the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down; his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with all of his might. Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain.

 

Since the man was showing discouragement, the Adversary (Satan) decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts into the weary mind: "you have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn't moved." Thus, giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure. These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man.

 

Satan said, "Why kill yourself over this?" "Just put in your time, giving just the minimum effort; and that will be good enough." That's what he planned to do, but decided to make it a matter of prayer and take his troubled thoughts to the Lord. "Lord," he said, "I have laboured long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock by half a millimetre. What is wrong? Why am I failing?"

 

The Lord responded compassionately, "My friend, when I asked! you to serve Me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all of your strength, which you have done.

 

Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. And now you come to Me with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But, is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewy and brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition you have grown much, and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have. Yet you haven't moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith and trust in My wisdom. This you have done. Now I, my friend, will move the rock."

 

At times, when we hear a word from God, we tend to use our own intellect to decipher what He wants, when actually what God wants is just a simple obedience and faith in Him. By all means, exercise the faith that moves mountains, but know that it is still God who moves mountains.

 

When everything seems to go wrong ...just P.U.S.H.!

When the job gets you down ...just P.U.S.H.!

When people don't react the way you think they should... just P.U.S.H.!

When your money is "gone" and the bills are due...just P.U.S.H!

When people just don't understand you ...just P.U.S.H.!

 

P= Pray

U= Until

S= Something

H= Happens

 

REGARDS

 

"And in the end, its not the years in your life that count.... its the life in your years."

 

hope that helps inshallah

 

asalamualikum

[elif74 0]

selam,

 

sofia , i am sure your story is good one but the appearance of God part, this may offend some of us and me

Edited November 6, 2004 by elif74

[edge 0]

:D warahamatullah

 

... I think you do have full on depression.

 

Try and do small things like learn one verse of the quran a day. It will only take 15 minutes, try and keep doing it every day.

 

Invite your friends round for a meal together regularly aswell maybe?

 

Don't worry too much about studies. Al ot of people leave things to the last minute.

 

:w:

[ummammaar 0]

:P

 

If it makes you feel any better sis. I have been a very good (A) student all my life :D . Most of my academic life I have been the worst of procastinators. My GPA has usually been between 3.5-4.0 :D however, over a year I got the first D of my life, and yes, I had to repeat the course. I was very close to getting a C on my final, but since I didn't I had to repeat the course. Guess what? The dumb prof. had the nerve to give a girl he liked an A for free when she really had a B, while here I was in tears, and he didn't offer to give me any free points! Believe it or not I used to do all my work on time, took notes, and everything! It was like a nightmare--incredible!

 

What makes all this worse is that a D in college will stay on my record forever eventhough I retook it, and passed it with a B. This happened due to depression mainly. So sis don't worry too much about things, what is written was never going to miss us. What was not written was never going to come in our life. Also, there are many more tests to come in life, so don't give up!

Depression can cause serious problems, so insha' Allah please take care of it. If you feel comfortable, see a practicing Muslim psychologist. Tie your camel, and then put your trust in Allah! may Allah make it easy for you, ameen.

Edited November 6, 2004 by ummammaar

[Guest Guest]

:D

 

Basically there is nothing to wake up for.And no I am not married. I am not hoping to go to hell, but jannah, but let me be honest with myself, I have not prayed all my prayers and not done all my fasts, so according to hadeeth narrated from the prophet saw I will loose on the Day of judgement if I die now.

Prayer is the first thing you will be asked about and if they are not all OK you will loose.

There are no major problems for me now. So therefor there is no reason for me to feel so depressed. I am beeing spoilt. What is my problem? I know other people don't even have much food to eat and clothes to wear, and I have more than I need. So what is wrong with me?

 

People do strange things, they ski across the north pole and climb huge mountains.....why do they do that, they force themselves to do things like that when they don't have to, and they find joy in it, they have a "desire" to live and go through problems, and why don't I have that. My problems are mental. I do not want to go to any sort of psychologist, I do not like that, and I don't want to take "happy pills". No, I just cannot go to a shrink.

 

Why I decided to write to my brothers and sisters, is 'cause I know you give great advice. And I was thinking this mental issue of mine to not have any desire for life and what it offers, is taking overhand. It is making me do so badly in uni. I never do things unless I have to. A whole semester gone by, and I haven't read almost any of my 13 or something books. Except for a couple of pages for the two papers (maybe one whole chapter in one of the books) I wrote, can you imagine it....I postponed writing the papers so much that I didn't have time to go through all the information I was supposed to read in order to write the paper.

 

Also, I think I am self destructive. I have low self esteem. I also have some tendency to be a show off though. But mainly I have low self esteem. I get so worried when there is something in my curricular that I do not understand. I get all anxious. I have been described as "bright" by teachers and smart by friends, but I sort of have an issue with maths. I don't like it at all, and all though I am not taking any math course now, I will inshaAllah in the future, but the thing is when I used to do maths in high school, I almost never did any homework, and so I barely passed tests. And when I actually managed to solve some mathproblems, I would be so insecure, I would think, maybe it is wrong....and having bad thoughts, and so I was beeing self destructive because of my insecurity.

 

 

I know Allah SWT can solve all my problems. And I can manage to start doing good etc. But my good doing will only be for a while, sooner or later I get back to my laziness. Or postponing. "Ya, I think I'll do it later........in a few hours.....ummm......tonight before I sleep..........oops what do ya know, it's time for bed............... tomorrow inshaAllah."

 

Maybe it is best for me to live a primitive life, without education. One where I could be almost one with nature. I would live in a simple house. No electricity. I could kindle fire to cook my meals. Go fishing. Breath in the fresh air, look up at the mountains and the blue sky with white clouds beeing pushed away by the lovely wind that cools my skin, because it is a little warm. And as I would wait for the fish to bite, I could contemplate on the signs of God. I could go bathe and swim in a nice small river with a river fall. And smell the fragrant flowers.

At night times, I could cook myself some tea and kindle a nice cosy fire maybe........... sit down on my porch in my wooden chair(beautifully hand made but simple it too) breath in the nightly air, and listen to the crickets. I wouldn't need to be with other people, well maybe I could go visit a friend or two once in a while.

 

You know, when you are not together with other people you do not sin so much. When no body is there to annoy you and make your life worse.You don't loose your temper so often.

 

But, then again, we are not here to live an easy life, die and end up in jannah without any trouble. Allah must test us and see those of us who are the best(although he knows it already, but it is we who do not know).

 

So, what I need to do is get that "desire" to live and solve problems, the desire to do what I am supposed to do. I shouldn't be disheartened by every little thing that does not go my way.

 

I know all the answers, well many of them anyway........I hope you don't mind brothers and sisters, but this writing is sort of like therapy for me now, especially when others are reading it...and maybe write a little something and give me feedback.

 

Like I said I can go do good deeds, and eventually I will stop. I hate stopping, I have made to myself and not only God a promise, and when I fail to keep it up, I am also letting myself down. That is why it feels real bad.

It's like this:good, bad, good, bad, good, bad...I want it to be mostly good and a little bad. Not life, but my efforts and my achievements that is.

 

Giving up on Allahs Mercy is a huge sin. But you feel ashamed of your evil doings and think "how can I face Allah SWT."

 

 

How, is it that human beings have all they need and they still whine and are unsatisfied............

[ummammaar 0]

:D

 

I hope you didn't get me wrong. I wasn't implying that your problems are mental or to take any kind of medication. I hate going to psychologists too, but I think sometimes it is helpful IF they aren't just being good listeners.

 

Emaan goes up and down. Try to increase your emaan. Allah love good deeds that are done consistently. And yes, we as humankind are ingrates at times and it is not until we lose something we had that we realize it's value.

 

I think that you may be isolated, don't like talking to people a lot, don't really have friends, or don't talk to them much. It may be that you are home all the time, and don't do anything to relax yourself because you're usually stressing yourself so much. Go for a vacation.

 

I don't think it's a good idea to live alone. As humans we always need someone on our side, and actually, when we are alone we may actually sin more in some cases because the shaytan will make us think "no one is watching so let me do this and that while I can(audhubillah)." Allahu alam.

 

At any rate, I appologize that I was not helpful. I pray that Allah gives you peace of mind from every angle, in every aspect of life, increases your emaan, gives you the tawfeeq of doing more good deeds consistently until the rest of your life, and grants you jannatal firdous, ameen. I hope you will forgive me if there was any misunderstanding which caused you any inner pain.

[Guest Guest]

as salamu alaikum

 

Please sis, do not say that, I loved reading your stuff to me, and sister sofias story was very good.

 

jazza kalla khair to everyone!!!

[cheerio 0]

Assalamu alaikum

 

Bro..I would suggest you to get everything out of your mind and start afresh... I like your idea of staying away from worldy desires..but put a threshold to it...

 

I guess all you need now is someone to listen to you...As you had already mentioned..what you are going through is nothing whatsoever when compared to those millions around the world...

 

I would suggest you to talk to someone who cares about you...As far as academic issues are concerned, I guess it just needs your attention. Once you set your goals and start focussing on it, it shouldn't be a problem at all...

Also try to read some stories/autobiographies of famous people...that might give you some motivation....

 

I also have some tendency to be a show off though

 

stop doing it...and spend some time everyday reflecting on what you have achieved that day and what you think would get you in a better position the next day..Don't waste your time...try to schedule things and follow it

[Nile_Salafy 63]

:D

 

well sis. i know something for sure, that you love Allah SWT very mush, cause you know you r not doing good for him SWT, some muslim i meet they say they love him SWT, but what they do has nothing to do with love and even the most important is that they r not ashamed from it, but in ur case you are upset from what ur doing, u even had a tear when u started writting.

 

sis, there are too mush good in you, and getting some help from a doctor is not bad after all, he might help.

 

just dont miss any fard.

 

:D

[Nile_Salafy 63]

hey i'm confused now , r u a bro or a sis :D and maybe u need to get married

[sisterinislam 0]

salams all sister if writing your feelongs helps then im sure that none of your sisters and brothers mind if you write pages and pages. mashallah it seems from your writings that you are a good muslim and just like everyone of us who Allah created have periods when we are weak but this is normal for everyone sister only the prophet s.a.w. was perfect you say that you think that you would like to get away from people but i think thats because of what you wrote about having a low self esteem. sister these ups and downs in your spiritual liffe are normal for all muslims can i suggest althoug it sounds a bit childish you start a log and mark when times are good and when they feel bad if you watch the patterns you will see that the bad times get shorter and less bad and the good times get better and longer psychology calls this transitional curves. sister you have wrote only a couple of posts and it is already evident that you are a pleasant and clever muslim do not let shaytan lead you to beleive anything else.keep making duaa to Allah and beleive that life is worth living to the full my duaas and my thoughts are with you may Allah ease your problems and make your tests easy for you.

[NoorAlHuda 0]

:D

 

firstly, i think u really need to take thigns slowly. you should start by discussing these feelings with someone, it's soemthimes easier with people you dont know, because you dont feel you need to hide anything from them. but if u feel u can talk to someone youre close to then it mgiht be a good idea. i also suggest you see your doctor, depression isnt always an easy thing to solve or have go away, especially if its severe, your doctor will be able to help you if they see theres soemthing to worry about.

 

then try doing something fun you will enjoy, like taking up a sport, or taking a writing class, doing poetry, i dont know what youre in to, but anything that interests you that you will enjoy going to and enjoy working on, because when you're doing soemthing you truely enjoy your mind will be at better ease, making it easier for you to study other subjects you may not like or be good at. also by occupying your time and making new friends you will feel better about yourself and have less time to feel down or depressed.

 

remember Allah, because he will guide you, when youre sicnere and want help you will be guided, you just need to palce trust in Allah and what has been destiend for you.

 

inshallah everything will go well for you.

[Guest Guest]

as salamu alaikum

 

Jazza kalla khair for you kind words, by Allah you make me feel better. It is very interesting to see how you understand me so well,my sweet sister ummammar, sis thank you so much.Your story about getting a D is comforting because I can relate to it, and I can understand how it must feel.And you are right beeing surrounded by beautifull nature makes you happy and not so depressed. Sister in Islam, cheerio, nile salafy, noor al huda. You are all wonderfull muslims, who would spend some of their time trying to help someone they have never seen and don't know. Allah will surely reward you, my thanks are not enough. I will inshAllah take you advice about making a log sister in Islam. And I will inshAllah come back and tell you all how I am doing. Nile salafy I am a sister.

 

I will try to follow all of yours advice about praying and making dua to Allah subhana wa ta 'ala

 

I really think it helped writing to my dear brothers and sisters and let some steam off.

 

May Alllah reward every single one of you with jannah.

[sisterinislam 0]

salams all

dear sister what do you mean come back :D i hope that now your here your gonna stay we are not only here when your feelin down but also now inshallah we are your family and you should stay around inshallah. To keep talking to people who make you feel better is the first steps to recovery inshallah so keep typing it will be really nice to speak to you about not just your problems but also anything that makes you happy.. you sound like a really nice sister with a lot of interesting things to say mashallah. :D

[majnoona 0]

Peace,

 

To Guest: it sounds like you are going through what I went through once (though mine was a bit more severe).

 

When you feel like you can't get out of bed in the morning, tell yourself that you'll just get up for one thing (like brushing your teeth). Then sit down, take a rest if you need to, and move on to the next thing (brushing your hair). Keep doing that until you're awake, revived and presentable. Also, you might want to make a special effort about your appearance- it does wonders for the self-confidence, and for how you feel about yourself.

 

When you're all groomed, if you have a few free minutes, put on your shoes and take a walk outside, or even better, call a friend. When you are feeling so depressed, you deserve to treat yourself with good company and good physical activity!

 

If you have tons of annoying homework, do one little thing at a time, and set tiny goals for yourself. Congratulate yourself.

 

When you become successful at taking little steps to accomplish your goals, you will find it easier to push yourself further and further. It just takes time.

 

Also, you might want to see a therapist. They sometimes have really good advice that your friends and family simply don't know about. It never hurts to try, and it's part of being proactive about your health.

 

In conclusion, I'd like to say that when you think too much about anything (procrastinating, worrying, etc.), THE HARDEST PART BECOMES STARTING, or taking action.

 

And, it takes 100x more energy to brood about these things than to take teeny, tiny steps toward your goal.

 

I really wish you all the luck in the world, and I know that with God's help, you will get better :D

 

majnoona

[Nile_Salafy 63]

:D

 

:D sis that u r feeling better now, its really to have such good brother's and sister's around, even if u dont see them, and it really helps, :P all :P

 

:D

[Guest Guest]

Salaamu alaikum

 

 

Jazza kalla khair majnoon for your advice, you are right about making a special effort about my appearances dong wonders for self confidence. It makes me feel not so horrible.

 

Sister ummammar, I was stating a fact when I said my problems are mental, they really are. I am suffering from depression. What is causing my depression? When I postpone things and get lazy and don't do the things that I am supposed to do, I get so sad afterwards. When I don't learn the things I am supposed to learn I become somehow backward. I feel I have no skills. I have no skills.

I am better than I used to be that's for sure, I was much more depressed before. But Alhamdulillah, I managed to get rid of the evil thoughts. When I have not done my duties and have failed doing homework and studying for exams like I said I get depressed, and I feel I don't deserve to get anything nice. I do have lots of friends, actally I think I have too many friends, I'll admitt it, I like to keep away from people when I am feeling bad and having low self esteem. Since I have been home away from the uni. for a long time, I don't meet my friends so often, I like beeing at home, I hate going out most of the time. But I don't think it is good for me to be inside so much like sister ummammar said, but then again isn't the home where the womans place? Talking to my friends does make me happy. I talked to my bestfriend for a whole hour this week, we haven't met each other for 2 months maybe allthough we live in the same city. It was kind of strange in the beginning 'cause we would talk about something and then we would stop and say..."hmm what else" because we haven't talked face to face for a long time(only contact by sms) we didn't have that nice flow, but after one hour we were all warmed up and there was more flow in the conversation. It was so good to talk to her alhamdulillah. Seeking a therapist is no option for me, I have completely disclosed it, this writing would inshAllah replace it.

 

By the way the word I was looking for was not "riverfall" but "waterfall", it was late at night and I was looking for the right word but to no avail, I ended up coming up with the wrong word. If you have read my longer post you will inshAlllah understand what I am talking about.

 

I think if I had a more organized life things would be better, if I f.ex. would spend "so much time" on studying, "this much time" on reading and memorizing qur'an etc. If I had a more planned life. I am not a routine person because of my postponing as I mentioned earlier. If something happens and I don't feel like doing certain things etc.

 

I don't think it would be a good idea to disclose myself totally from the dunya either, it is true that I would probably do other sins, 'cause "noones watching etc". Astaghfirullah.

 

I will inshAllah start planning my days better, and write it down, keep a log on how I am doing. InshAllah also give you updates. SubhanAllah my hands are so cold now and stif too, they are aching a bit. ouch.....

 

I don't think I love Allah SWT enough, I mean I do love Him, but I am still able to miss fard salahs, I can't wake up for fajr. I sleep to late at night and so I am almost in coma when it is time for fajr in the moring. I could probably get up, but I don't want it bad enough. Sleeping is so much more alluring. InshAllah I will change my ways soon, and never go back to the old ways, I hate the old ways of missing salah and not reciting qur'an and making duah. That's what's making me depressed. Keeping yourself busy is good, you should have some time for yourself but not too much, you'll start worrying. I think women worry more than men in general. Too many worries eats up the heart and makes you despair.

 

Think this is enough for now. Jazza kalla khair to everyone again. I am sory about babbling so much, but I like writing to you all. It feels good.

 

Alhamdulillah