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and how many things, material or abstract does each person hold SO precious that even without




them, one continues to cherish them,rever them and wish for them???




not many ..my life has only 5 such things...




1.my parents..u know i lost them at 22




2. my children..u know we lost contact when i was physically 33 but mentally 23




3.you...the person who was my better half for most of my way-ward life




4..the a--- woman who was absolutely after my heart but destiny probably meant me to long for it always...probably to keep me nostalgic for my a--- childhhod/birthplace




5..and above all, my deep desire to be absolutely faithful to my Creator by being absolutely grateful for whatever moment He allows me here...this is always within reach, yet usually out of my grasp..this adds color to my life..each day..in a million ways..




but what i meant to say my dear woman, friend, mentor(in many ways)...this paradox that life is, has me amazed....

out of this finite/ending life i have managed gathering the 5 infinitely precious pearls i mentioned above.....i am in the process of overhauling my definitions for pleasant and unpleasant...i believe my past definitions were all wrong/tainted with self-serving poisons...i wish my words help us all..




will post this on my web-site..




amnaa deleted/blocked me from her messneger/mailbox...that is another score in favor of my faith to keep loving my daughter:)


salaam sheikha








Dr.Mahmood Rafiq










> Date: Sat, 5 Jan 2008 14:39:39 -0800


> From: [email protected](contact admin if its a beneficial link)


> Subject: RE: -


> To: moodeaz[at]hotmail(contact admin if its a beneficial link)




> Salaam,


> Moodi wrote:


> take care ---y, loving you was my only experience of


> > > having given myself unconditionally...i hope you


> > > belive that..after you i just lost the nerve to be


> > > as courageous and out-going as i was...salaam


> > >


> I was lying in bed the other night and that thought


> crossed my mind. I, too, no longer have that kind of


> courageous nerve since you. It is as though I am


> defeated b4 I could even make any attempt. What a sad


> thought but your words did hit home. That is one


> exquisitely, right-on quality that you possess (not


> knowing me) but your ability to see past yourself when


> you are not being self-absorbed. I remember you


> telling me that one day the Americans would leave


> America and the Asians would be taking our place. You


> could not have been more correct whether it is on my


> home turf or through outsourcing and I mention this


> often. I am pleased you are working on yourself for


> the sake of Allah and nothing, no one else anywhere.


> May He provide you the strength to remain steadfast in


> all those goals. Sorry I don't speak Arabic, my words


> might convey more meaning for you. I will be taking


> your photo to work next week. When co-workers saw me


> distraught over CNNs Bhutto news and they know of me,


> you and Pakistan, they asked to see you & wonder why I


> am here instead of there when I remain with such


> strong feelings. I could not answer. ---i




> --- "Dr.mahmood rafiq" wrote:




> >


> > salaam...


> > have lost 12 of the 20 extra pounds i picked during


> > april---july...am better than ever before


> > alhamdulillah...have resolved, for good, to never


> > ever allow circumstances to push me into the rat


> > race for tomorrow...alhamdulillah...i feel i am


> > practicing 40 to 50% of what i know of


> > science,theology,commonsense and wisdom...i think i


> > am allowed that by the Creator,as a reward for


> > acknowledging my subordination to His Omni-potent


> > omniscient Mercy..alhamdulillah.


> > may you,myself and all humans and our childrten


> > enjoy the wisdom to accept Allah wholly and


> > constantly...amen...salaam


> >


> >


> > Dr.Mahmood Rafiq


> >


-e-rast(contact admin if its a beneficial link)> Date: Wed, 2 Jan 2008 15:59:56




> > -0800> From: [email protected](contact admin if its a beneficial link)> Subject: RE: ->


> > To: moodeaz[at]hotmail(contact admin if its a beneficial link)> > Salaam Dr., I wish you


> > Happy New Year. I make no> resolutions this year


> > although giving up cursing words> would be a


> > positive! Nevermind...I never worry about> what


> > others think of me or what I say. I like myself &>


> > for the most part always have except for some


> > serious> regrets for which I have not been able to


> > render self> forgiveness. So, I wish world peace


> > within and outside> of the hearts of all mankind and


> > good health to> friends and self. > Argue any of


> > your words? I shall not. Your last> line sounds oh,


> > so good but I hang suspended on> believing vs. not


> > believing! More importantly, no> matter, u r still


> > my love......and I say it freely> without hesitation


> > or explanation. They are very> simply my words:


> > words that require nothing. Besides,> what anyone


> > else thinks on this issue is spit in the> wind to


> > me. But, a timely birthday greeting would have>


> > pleased me instead of eliciting other feelings. I>


> > send you a warm, caring embrace. May you be doing


> > only> good and exceptionally acceptable things to


> > your brain> and body. InshaAllah we will remain in


> > touch> regardless of whose first or last move. What


> > stupid> reasons keep one from saying hello, you are


> > thought> about? ---i> > --- "Dr.mahmood rafiq"


> > wrote:> > > > > salaam,eid


> > mubarik and happy ,birthday as well as> > new


> > year...i wanted you to contcat me.instead of my> >


> > being the first one to break ice,each time...> >


> > benazir, yes her death is a tragedy, but our nation>


> > > grows from the politics of thugs to better


> > standards> > of honesty, insha-Allah .....i prayed


> > for her and> > her children that they be reared


> > after the morality> > of muhammad alaih asslaam.> >


> > as for my having turned my back on you...that is> >


> > your opinion, i could phrase the sentence. from> >


> > within my shoes, as you being stubborn to not see> >


> > that the communication gap always arrives when i> >


> > stop writing/calling...meaning that it is always i>


> > > who makes the first move...anyway, we are both


> > above> > the age and stage of arguing


> > wastefully...i> > appreciate your letter and breathe


> > easier now for> > knowing that i am not totally lost


> > on you/for you/to> > you...> > take care ---y,


> > loving you was my only experience of> > having given


> > myself unconditionally...i hope you> > belive


> > that..after you i just lost the nerve to be> > as


> > courageous and out-going as i was...salaam> > > > >


> > > Dr.Mahmood Rafiq> > you are not allowed to post links yetrah-e-rast(contact admin if its a beneficial link)> Date: Fri, 28 Dec 2007 13:10:04>




> > > -0800> From: [email protected](contact admin if its a beneficial link)> Subject: ->


> > To:> > moodeaz[at]hotmail(contact admin if its a beneficial link)> > Assalaamualaikum> I


> > mourn for> > 2 things:> 1. the loss of benazir...a


> > tragedy to me> > and> there are so many humanely


> > ways of extricating> > someone> from a place that


> > others do not wish them> > to be...all> politics and


> > its' politicians at all> > levels are> corrupt in


> > some aspect of that which> > they govern...I> am


> > saddened for her loss and for> > the upheaval in


> > your> country most recently (none of> > us immune)>


> > > 2. and I mourn the loss of speaking> > with you


> > in> any form and your intent only to use me> > when


> > you are> "needy", down, exposed at loss of> >


> > something or> someone...the selfishness of


> > that...of> > your pulling> away from me as quickly


> > as you had> > entered renewed and> pleasurable> >


> > communication...will you ever know how to> be> >


> > somebody with me without a million faces and a


> > back>> > that turns every angle toward me> > I wish


> > you well> > although I curse you daily> > >> >> >

Edited by abukhaleel

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Someone asked the purpose of this post via a pm


the major reason for my decision to post this communiqué was to ‘paint’ the picture of the paradox that life is….as stated in the surah yaseen, "v man nua’mmirahu nunakkisohu fil khalq" and who-/what-soever we grant ageing, we also render them/it a curved/bowed stature among creation……


, as an instance; one may harbor something as a loss but in actual, the loss is in tangible/tactile terms only whereas in the abstract sense it is an everlasting/unaltering presence in one’s mind/heart


…like the loss of one’s parents is a loss ‘only’ in the material sense, in actual the parents live on in the offspring’s mind, body and soul….


So the age old phenomenon of ‘ loss’ is curved on itself to mean a 'never-ending- presence' in actual


in the communication posted,(posted in the reverse order, the last letter/s first and the earlier letters, later) the dialogue is between 2 who were once one….


The age of the relationship, as well as the age of the institution of marriage ,though it brought increased acceptance of each other yet it also added to the intent of maintaining a healthy distance….the Hollywood dictated definition for love fails to explain this but the real definition of love, as stated in Islam explains it perfectly(though the new revert may not comprehend)


The lady ,a new revert to Islam exhibits contempt as well as affinity for the lost relationship…again a pardox…contempt originating from affinity…or extreme affinity giving rise to contempt…that is how life is… gluttony for anything/person/principle in the end breeds contempt for that thing/person/principle, the only entity/principle that does not result as above is the gluttony/greed/love for Allah subhanohu v ta’alaa…that is the only ‘love’ that is self-perpetuating…no wonder the birds and the fish and the plants rhyme the rosary/tasbeeh, "subhaan allahi v bi hamdehi, subhaan allahil azeem"


Myself ,( in the communication above) I try bringing out the ‘ne’amaa(blessing) in whatever is given (v ammaa bi ne’amati rabbika fa haddis---and when you talk, talk only of blessings—surah zuha) and I wouldn’t be so optimistic if she wasn’t a jew that reverted to Islam…


However each of us also states, between lines, that the distance we maintain is by choice, she in her statement that she is in the U.S. while she could have been where her heart is, and myself by making a shield of another woman in my writing…

...that I guess is the game we are forced to play with our fellow human beings who like playing games.---another paradox--playing games begets only games and no gains….


i wish her well there and thereafter... and ofcourse that when we leave here we do as muslims..amen

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