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Chaand

A Gay Sister, What To Do ?

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Asalaamo aleykum, :D

 

I wish to ask a question that I am wondering about for the last two years.

 

3 Years ago my mother told me that my step-sister, of whome she always said she died at birth, was actually alive and well and given for adoption like me.

 

2 Years ago I had the chance to meet her for the first time and I found out she is gay. My intentions to please Allah Ta'ala over my long lost stepsister; I told her I didnot want to have contact with her anymore because she is practising gay. I had in mind that "to love who Allah loves and to hate who Allah hates" and I felt I did the right thing according to Islam.

 

But since then I have also read that you are not allowed to break the ties of kinship, (even if they are kafir ?)

 

What weighs heavier in the eyes of Allah Ta'ala ?

 

waleykum assalaam,

Edited by Chaand

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:D

 

What do you mean by step-sister? How exactly is she related to you?

 

I do not know the actual shar`i ruling to the problem but the advisable act would be to keep the distance without breaking ties. :D I will look up an answer for you as I am not sure.

 

:D

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:D

 

As the sister, you are obliged to tell her what is right and what is wromg. The obligation is stronger in this particular instance. The 'love who Allah loves and hate who Allah hates' does not apply here as Allah does not hate your sister. He has prohibited us from the habit in which she is involved. But can Guide her to the True Path, if He Wills.

 

Wassalam

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Asalaamo aleykum,

 

Jazaka Allahu geiran for both your replies.

 

She is the daughter of my biological mother and her husband. She is non Muslim as my family. I am 38 and lived my life without knowing of her existance. So I have no emotional relations with her, as I never grown up with her nor my mother nor my stepfather and all their children. Is she, as a homosexual woman, ( and a total stranger in my eyes) still mahram to me ?

 

I found this article, which partly support brother Abu Rafay's reply, but at the end it says :

 

You should note that it is not permissible for a man to keep company with females or with homosexuals, whether they are Muslims or Christians, because of the fitnah (temptation) involved in that, and because it also involves things that are forbidden in sharee’ah, such as being alone with them, shaking hands with them and things that are more serious than that. I ask Allaah to protect us all from fitnah.

 

"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=26118&dgn=4"]being friends with gays[/url]

 

 

waleykum assalaam,

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:D sister!

 

It is true that we are directed to stay away from evil due to the possibility of fitnah, and of our becoming involved. But this is the case of your sister. It is obligatory on you to tell her the harms in this habit.

 

You say that she and your family are non-Muslim. I believe you must try and show them what difference it makes to be a Muslim, so that they have the opportunity to see and then, may be, decide to revert. This is also your obligation as on the Day of Judgement they will be asked, and they can turn round and say that they were not advised.

 

Wassalam

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Asalaamo aleykum brother Abu Rafay,

 

Jazaka Allahu geiran for your help. I did talk with her on this issue, but she stated that I should leave her alone in this and respect her "being gay" , for 'every muslim she knows do not mind at all' and that I would be a hyporcrite in betraying Allah if I would disapprove her behaviour and warn her of the dangers and still continue to build a relationship with her. When I expressed my regrets on her being gay for she is my long lost sister, she told me she never searched for a sisterin the first place.

 

Subhanallah, I didnot know about this: as on the Day of Judgement they will be asked, and they can turn round and say that they were not advised.

 

Jazaka Allahu geiran for telling me !

I am also trying to get my mom to revert to Islam, Inshallah. ( in Ramadan she fasted with me a day out of experience and didnot mind) :D

 

waleykum assalaam,

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:D

 

Sister, would she not be your half sister then and not step sister? Half sister being she has some blood ties to yourself? And this is through your mother?

Step sister, from what I know, means Sister only by relation through marriage of your mother/father to another man/woman. And that sister would be the child of your step father/mother.

 

Correct me if I am wrong.

 

:D

Your muslim sis

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Assalamu Aleikum wa Rahmatullahee wa Barakatu

 

I think you should make dawah alot. This is the best oppotunity to make dawah and read her the story of Luth.

 

If you have the LIVES OF THE PROPHETS with Imam Anwar Al Awlaki then play the story of Luth because it is rich in informaton.

 

Remember that Homosexuality is a sin but it is not kufr. The fact that your maternal sister is a disbeliever or at least an ignorant non-Muslim should concern you most. As soon she becomes Muslim she will change and realize that she committed sins. She is unaware of the evil of homosexuality. Do what ever you can to convey the message.

 

May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala guide your sister to the truth. Remember, that Umar ibn Al Khattab, the Khaleefa, was an obscure figure before Islam but as soon he became Muslim he changed from left to right. Read the story of his seerah.

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:D

 

Sister eli_chy05 is right. A stepbrother or stepsister is one who does not have a blood relationship with you.

 

Wassalam

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As Salaam Alaikum,

 

She's your sister. She's not a woman who is your friend.

 

Just because she's gay, it doesn't mean that you have to cut ties with her. I'm sure you have family members and friends who knowingly sin all of the time, do you cut off ties with them?

 

I've never heard of anything that said God hates homosexuals. I've never read that in the Quran. What I have read is homosexualty is forbidden, and that's all.

 

Also just becuase you speak to her and try to form some relationship, it doesn't mean that you have to approve of her homosexual life.

 

There is a difference btween tolerance and approving.

 

Also it seems that you are bringing up the point that people shouldn't hang out wiht a homosexual because homosexuals may hit on a heterosexual...... well your sister is your sister. You are then speaking incest, not just homosexuality. A homosexual is not the equilivant to someone who practices incest.

 

Also you being concerned over this is showing that you have an emotional attachment to her, whether it be small or not.

 

What I suggest is that you sit down and thnk over this. Your sister made a very harsh point to you... she did not search for you, you searched for her. So basically you are in no position to judge her, and come in and out of her life at your will whnever you dissaprove of something.

 

Again homosexuality does not equal kaffir, and since you are family you must not cut ties with her at will. And just becuase she's a homosexual it does not mean that hse would like to commit incest.

 

salaam

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As Salaam Alaikum,

 

s she, as a homosexual woman, ( and a total stranger in my eyes) still mahram to me ?

 

Being a mahram is someone who you absoloutly can not marry regardless of the circumstances. And this deals with blood, gender, and situations of marraiges (you couoldn't marry your stepfather because he's been with your mother).

 

The blood of your sister does not depriciate becuase you do not know her and her she's a stranger to you.

 

Also please be aware that even if she is gay, she still has rights over you as a sister.

 

salaam

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:D sister DemaChanRas!

 

The exact statement may not be there but the ayah

 

21:74. And to Lut, too, We gave Judgment and Knowledge, and We saved him from the town which practised abominations: truly they were a people given to Evil, a rebellious people.

 

and the story of the people to whom lut (alaihe salam) was sent is sufficient to show how Allah :D dislikes the act.

 

I do not understand why you have brought in the word incest. Sister Chaand is talking about her sister. I do not believe she has any intention of having an immoral relationship with her sister, and even if she does, it will not come under the definition of incest as incest is between people of the opposite gender.

 

Wassalam

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:D

 

Sister, would she not be your half sister then and not step sister? Half sister being she has some blood ties to yourself? And this is through your mother?

Step sister, from what I know, means Sister only by relation through marriage of your mother/father to another man/woman. And that sister would be the child of your step father/mother.

 

Correct me if I am wrong.

 

:D

Your muslim sis

 

 

Asalaamo aleykum,

 

:D I guess you'er right sis, then she is my half-sister, thanks for explaining :D

 

waleykum assalaam,

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As Salaam Alaikum,

 

What I suggest is that you sit down and thnk over this. Your sister made a very  harsh point to you... she did not search for you, you searched for her. So basically you are in no position to judge her, and come in and out of her life at your will whnever you dissaprove of something.

 

Again homosexuality does not equal kaffir, and since you are family you must not cut ties with her at will. And just becuase she's a homosexual it does not mean that hse would like to commit incest.

salaam

 

Asalaamo aleykum ,

 

I should make it more clear I guess...she did search for her biological parents and my parents searched for her., I never searched for her for I thought she was dead.....so yes, she was very harsh point to hurt me in these words, and to me your words are also very harsh as it sounds as you accuse me of harrassing her :

 

"So basically you are in no position to judge her, and come in and out of her life at your will whnever you dissaprove of something."

 

She found my parents first , and she contacted my family first. I was so happy she was found and I cried so much of happiness. But when she was told I ( and my husband ) am Muslim, she brought me a book on Buddhism. That is what triggerd the discussion as I told her it shows lack of respect to give me this book, then the topic went on about Islam and being gay and that I had to respect her 'being gay'and she didnot respect my 'being Muslim'....

 

But Inshallah one day I or someone else can get to her and she turns to Islam too.

 

waleykum assalaam,

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:D

 

It sounds like she is the strong-willed type of person, yes?

 

I'd think it's important to build your family relation with her first, just doing things that sisters/friends do! Remember that your giving her talks on Islam, will offend her the way you were, when she gave you a book on Buddhism!

 

Dawah doesn't have to be through talking, it can be far more subtle.

Inviting her over for tea and getting to know her better can be Dawah - as she will see Islam through your life-style and actions.

 

Even if you spent months/years building your relationship and making duas for her, at the end of which she accepts Islam :D , isn't that better than scaring her away forever, now?

 

:D

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:D

 

It sounds like she is the strong-willed type of person, yes?

 

I'd think it's important to build your family relation with her first, just doing things that sisters/friends do! Remember that your giving her talks on Islam, will offend her the way you were, when she gave you a book on Buddhism!

 

Dawah doesn't have to be through talking, it can be far more subtle.

Inviting her over for tea and getting to know her better can be Dawah - as she will see Islam through your life-style and actions.

 

Even if you spent months/years building your relationship and making duas for her, at the end of which she accepts Islam :D , isn't that better than scaring her away forever, now?

 

:D

 

Asalaamo aleykum,

 

Jazaka Allahu geiran for helping me with your post ! Inshallah it will all come good at the end, thank you for your advise :D

 

waleykum assalaam,

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As SAlaam Alaikum,

 

:D sister DemaChanRas!

 

The exact statement may not be there but the ayah

 

21:74. And to Lut, too, We gave Judgment and Knowledge, and We saved him from the town which practised abominations: truly they were a people given to Evil, a rebellious people.

 

and the story of the people to whom lut (alaihe salam) was sent is sufficient to show how Allah :D dislikes the act.

 

I don't debate that homosexuality is a sin and that Allah doesn't like it. But does that mean he hates the poeple who are homosexuals?

 

 

I do not understand why you have brought in the word incest. Sister Chaand is talking about her sister. I do not believe she has any intention of having an immoral relationship with her sister, and even if she does, it will not come under the definition of incest as incest is between people of the opposite gender.

 

 

The reason why I brought it up is because Chaand spoke of an article that she read about being friends with the opposite sex and homosexuals. I quote:

 

You should note that it is not permissible for a man to keep company with females or with homosexuals, whether they are Muslims or Christians, because of the fitnah (temptation) involved in that, and because it also involves things that are forbidden in sharee’ah, such as being alone with them, shaking hands with them and things that are more serious than that. I ask Allaah to protect us all from fitnah.

 

 

Obviously it looks like the author is saying "Don't hang out with homosexuals because they may want to get you in homsexual acts with them (i.e. have sex with them, like the oppposite gender)" (temptation, fitnah)

 

I'm not saying that Chaand thinks that her sister wants to get with her.... what I am saying is that if she applies that article for the reason of cutting off contact, then she is unknowingly saying her sister wants to commit incest with her (because the article seems to be talking about staying away from a homosexual man if you are a man, becuase he may be tempted by you... not just about no friends at all)

 

Also incest is not just between opposite gender. Dictionary defines it as:

 

  1. Sexual relations between persons who are so closely related that their marriage is illegal or forbidden by custom.

  2. The statutory crime of sexual relations with such a near relative.

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Chaand,

 

I don't mean to be harsh with you, that's not my intention in anyway. But this is a serious issue, and you shouldn't just exit out of her life when you hvae a problem with the way she may live her life. That is also playing with her own emotions too.

 

Also sister (and please don't get offended) I think that you should really make your issues clear.

 

As a follower of this thread, it now seems that you are trying to find an "excuse" for not speaking to her, rathar than an actual reason.

 

When you first posted, your reason for not speaking to her was just because she was gay and lived her gay life. And becuase you believe that you should hate her because she is gay "Love who Allah loves. Hate who Allah hates.".

 

But after people have posted and told you that it is no reason to no longer communicate with her, you are providing more excuses... such as she disrespected you because she brought you a Bhuddist book when you told her you were Muslim (and how that riggered the whole thing).

 

 

I think that you need to make your real issue with her clear with yourself.

 

salaam

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Asalaamo aleykum sister,

 

Jazaka Allahu geiran for your post.

I am not trying to make an excuse for myself for not trying to persue a realtionship with her. As I thanked everybody here for their advise and told everybody I would try to get her to come to the Right Path and that if I couldnot, I wished someone else could .

 

my reply to you:

 

She found my parents first , and she contacted my family first. I was so happy she was found and I cried so much of happiness. But when she was told I ( and my husband ) am Muslim, she brought me a book on Buddhism. That is what triggerd the discussion as I told her it shows lack of respect to give me this book, then the topic went on about Islam and being gay and that I had to respect her 'being gay'and she didnot respect my 'being Muslim'....

 

But Inshallah one day I or someone else can get to her and she turns to Islam too.

 

my reply to Shagird:

 

Jazaka Allahu geiran for helping me with your post ! Inshallah it will all come good at the end, thank you for your advise 

 

my reply to brother Abu Rafay:

 

Subhanallah, I didnot know about this: as on the Day of Judgement they will be asked, and they can turn round and say that they were not advised.

 

Jazaka Allahu geiran for telling me !

I am also trying to get my mom to revert to Islam, Inshallah. ( in Ramadan she fasted with me a day out of experience and didnot mind) 

 

another reply to you:

 

But Inshallah one day I or someone else can get to her and she turns to Islam too.

 

you say now:

 

But after people have posted and told you that it is no reason to no longer communicate with her, you are providing more excuses... such as she disrespected you because she brought you a Bhuddist book when you told her you were Muslim (and how that riggered the whole thing).

 

????? :D

I was replying to your post, not anybody elses, as it was you who accused me of harrasing her after I explained the situation to brother Abu Rafay :

your quote:

"So basically you are in no position to judge her, and come in and out of her life at your will whnever you dissaprove of something."

 

I really have no idea why you are so hostile to me for asking sincere advise here about a situation. I dont see anybody else reacting this way you do to me, nor do I see any post of mine suggesting I dont care about all the advises I get, rather I only snd posts of thanks and how I will take the advises fullheartedly. I am amazed how hard you re trying to make me look bad here. :D

 

:D

 

waleykum assalaam,

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asalaamo aleykum,

 

Even when you are angry, dont deprive me of your salutations sister.

 

waleykum assalaam,

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Guest amani
As SAlaam Alaikum,

I don't debate that homosexuality is a sin and that Allah doesn't like it. But does that mean he hates the poeple who are homosexuals?

 

:D

 

you tell me. when Allah SWT sends down a punishment on a person or people that is a very serious thing.when something is a major sin then what does that mean?

 

sister chaand

may Allah SWT make it easy for you :D and may Allah SWT also guide you mum to the right path. :D

i think shagrid made some good points :D

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sister chaand

may Allah SWT make it easy for you  and may Allah SWT also guide you mum to the right path.

i think shagrid made some good points

 

Asalaamo aleykum sister, Jazaka Allahu geiran, Inshallah they will !

and oops, I missed replying to Muhsinmuttaqi,though I read his reply with lots of interest, I was just so overtaken by sister Demachanras her post....

 

Assalamu Aleikum wa Rahmatullahee wa Barakatu

 

I think you should make dawah alot. This is the best oppotunity to make dawah and read her the story of Luth.

 

If you have the LIVES OF THE PROPHETS with Imam Anwar Al Awlaki then play the story of Luth because it is rich in informaton.

 

Remember that Homosexuality is a sin but it is not kufr. The fact that your maternal sister is a disbeliever or at least an ignorant non-Muslim should concern you most. As soon she becomes Muslim she will change and realize that she committed sins. She is unaware of the evil of homosexuality. Do what ever you can to convey the message.

 

May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala guide your sister to the truth. Remember, that Umar ibn Al Khattab, the Khaleefa, was an obscure figure before Islam but as soon he became Muslim he changed from left to right. Read the story of his seerah.

 

Asalaamo aleykum,

 

Jazaka Allahu geiran,sorry for replying so late. Thank you for your information. I tried to make it clear to myself of what is priority and what is not. As though she is my'sister by bloodrelation, I never knew her and didnot know if that had influence on anything, plus my concern what weighed harder to Allah, the 'gay-thing'or the relation.

Inshallah I can guide her and my family to Islam. And i will try to find the seerah of Umar ibn Al Khattab , thank you so much !

 

waleykum assalaam to both you,

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Asalaamo aleykum sister Demachanras,

 

 

 

QUOTE

I do not understand why you have brought in the word incest. Sister Chaand is talking about her sister. I do not believe she has any intention of having an immoral relationship with her sister, and even if she does, it will not come under the definition of incest as incest is between people of the opposite gender.

The reason why I brought it up is because Chaand spoke of an article that she read about being friends with the opposite sex and homosexuals.

 

 

The reason I brought that article is because :

1. she is my sister who I never knew/ nor had any relation with

2. she is gay

3. I stopped seeing her because she is gay

4. I wanted to know if I did right because as she is emotional a stranger to me like the people talked about in the article, so I should avoid contact with her.

5. Or if Allah weighs higher that she is my half-sister in the long run, and I shouldnot break ties with her therefor.

 

So I am not implying that incest would occur, nor am I implying by showing this article that I made up my mind already to avoid contact with her.

 

waleykum assalaam,

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As SAlaam Alaikum Chaand,

 

I was replying to your post, not anybody elses, as it was you who accused me of harrasing her after I explained the situation to brother Abu Rafay :

 

I am not accusing you of her harassing her. I'm telling you that you shouldn't come in and out of her life when you dissaprove of something that she does. That is not harassment, harassment is when you curse someone, defame their characthers, etc, etc. I have no accused you of any of that.

 

I really have no idea why you are so hostile to me for asking sincere advise here about a situation.

 

I'm not being hostile with you you neither. Am I judging you? No. Have I said anyhting negative about your charachter? No. Nothing.

 

You are being furious over one comment and that was over you cutting ties becuase you dissaprove of tthe way she lives. That is not being hostile.

 

 

I dont see anybody else reacting this way you do to me, nor do I see any post of mine suggesting I dont care about all the advises I get, rather I only snd posts of thanks and how I will take the advises fullheartedly. I am amazed how hard you re trying to make me look bad here. :D

 

 

Sister have I said that you do not care about the advice being given? No.

 

What I have said is that you should sit down and really think over what your real issue is with your sister. Why have I said this?

 

Because when you first posted it was just the fact that she was gay that you had a problem with... and after people have told you that this is still not a good exucse, you come back with more excuses of why you have a problem with her.

 

I am not saying that you don't care about the advice being given. I am saying that maybe you should really think hard over this and reconsider your issues, because it seems that now you are just trying to find an "exucse" of not communicating with her rathar than an actual reason.

 

 

Even when you are angry, dont deprive me of your salutations sister.

 

Please do not manipulate my intentions when I addressed you. I was not angry at you nor was I in anyway trying to be hostile... and after re-reading my post towards you I do not agree with you when you call me hostile, because I do not see it in my tone. Chaand if I was being hostile towards you I believe that the mods would of caught it and would of not posted my post on here (the post on this part of the forum must go through a moderator first).

 

If you interpert me as being mean to you, then I am truly sorry. But that was not my intention in any way.

 

I sincerely believe that (1) this may be a language barrier becuase it sounds as if English is not your first language, or (2) you are taking my advice too much to the heart because it may be something that you do not want to hear.

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Asalaamo aleykum sister Demachanras,

 

I am not in the mood to continue this conversation with you anymore. You obviously have an image in your mind of me and my post that you donot want to change, despite of my explanations.

 

I joined this forum to learn , and not to waste my time on explaining to you my reasons and intentions over and over again, so you can continue questioning my honesty.

 

I have got my advise from the other members here, which is making me very hopeful and happy. And I will let the topic stay that way to me. My mood is just too good today to let you ruin it for me.

 

Fii AmanAllah

 

waleykum assalaam,

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