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Tahirah

Help Me Please Urgent

can i get married without my parents?  

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  1. 1. can i get married without my parents?

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I need some help urgently please. i met a man when i was 18 and i starting seeing him. i did wrong and am very sorry and ask for forgivness all day, but we want to get married, but my parents wont allow it. i cant marry anyone else. can i get married without my parents? do i need a walli? please help me now. i am very confused. can i marry him even if my parents dont allow it??

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:D

 

Sister, I would suggest not marrying without your parents consent. I don't know what your situation is, but I do know when we do something without the happiness of our parents, that thing usually ends up not being so good at the end. Please do not make this matter urgent because hasty decisions are made under the influence of shaitaan.

 

:D

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:D

 

Repent to your lord, Allah :D

 

You need a guardian, a Wali they call it. A male that is. You cannot get married without it.

 

Your poll, what does it stand for?

 

:D

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:sl:

 

Marrying without their aproval may be fine to you at this moment coz you will be marrying someone whom you desire. But this aint a relationship at all ... a relationship is never a relationship unless it is not blessed by Allah :sw: and [Edited: word removed, plese do not use swear words on Gawaher...] off your parents aint gonna get you anywhere.

When a man loves a woman (or vice versa) they love each other for the sake of Allah :sw: (which i am sure you know)

Marriage is supposed to be a pleasurable ride in your life. Marrying like the way you proposed will lead to more complications, more hassles, further more could even damage the existing bond you have with your parents. Remember they are the two of the most important people in your life , they gave birth to you, nurtured you , took care of you, only to have them stabbed in the back like that ??? i think not.

Allah :sw: made every creature in pairs .. and as muslims we should believe in predestination, if he is meant for you, he will be yours.

 

But Allah :sw: has blessed humans with brains with reasoning power. Unless you have done a grave sin which requires marriage, i say you sort it out, Pray to Allah :sw:, they say "Love will set you free" but nothing aint gonna happen without Allah's :sw: approval.

 

And if possible could you mention on what basis are you parents rejecting him ???

Does he feel the same desperation to get married to you, the same way you do? This is a serious matter and needs a lot of soul searching ...

 

Take care .. and think wisely, decide intellegently and communicate politely.

If you have any questions feel free to ask this bro of yours :).

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:D

 

niqah (marriage) is to declare to everyone you and your mate is married. so there is no thing like secret marriage.

 

you should obey your parents unless they call you to shirk

 

Allahu alem

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:D

 

Your nikkah may count in the eyes of people, but not in Allah swt's. We all need His blessings in marriage. Sister, marriage is all about having your family, relatives etc. give you away properly.

Think about the pain your mother will feel...Sometimes in life we get soo caught up with our own pleasures in life, and want to do whatever we wish, we don't even think how our parents may feel. They've brought you up, loved you, cared for you, and you are willing to let go of all this, just for some guy.

Dear sister, I am not trying to scare you, but I am just telling you the facts. I know plenty of girls who got married without their parents consent, and now they have children, and to this day they regret soo much what they have done. There's not a second where they actually say I am 100% happy. And their parents are basically dead from the inside, from their daughter's pain, people's taunting etc.

 

Sister I really suggest you think this through properly, and really involve your parents in this. Parents know what is best for us...

 

:ws:

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Asalamualaykum,

Surah An-Nur (Light) (24)

Reading this might help you some.

I have a question for you also sister which the answer is for you not me so don't even post one, you commit adultery with this man by being together and supposely "in love" but honestly what makes you think that he won't do it with someone else later in life? He might just "fall in love" with someone else... we could say the same about you also. Your love is just a desire - it is from Shaytan not Allah. Allah's love for one another comes after nikkah...

As far as your parents... I don't see how you can think about going against them.

You've strayed sister...

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I just wanna say, even though i don't know as much about Islam as most of these people do as I just converted. What is the reason for your parents not wanting you to get married to this man? I read in a reply earlier in this descussion that the marriage should be approved by Allah before you can go and get married. Who says because the parents don't approve that Allah dont approve. Yes it's very important to have your parents concent, but in the same sentence, they are human and can make mistakes too. Dont get me wrong, I aint saing this is the case, I'm just saying that you cant judge the situation by what you wrote here, there aint enough info to judge. Yes people might say they know people that never say they are happy cause they do it, but at the same time, you might not ever be happy cause you get married to someone your parents choose, and you keep thinking of this man. I think you should speak to your parents with this man present and see what the reason is for them not approving and maybe a solution can be found instead of just letting it go and thinking about this for the rest of your life. At the end of the day, you know as well as I do, if Allah wants this to happen it will, no matter what me, all these other people , your parents or you say. Allah's will, will overcome what all of us think is right.

 

Thats my opinion

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:D

 

The choice of partner is very clearly defined in Islam. If a person follows the priorities, he/she cannot go wrong. The first priority is that of being a good Muslim. If the partner you select is a good Muuslim, you are bound to improve on your own performance of the deen, and are also bound to raise a family that follows taqwah and becomes an example for people to follow.

 

The last thing on the list is looks and appearance.

 

Another thing that we must always remember is that our biggest love should be for Allah :D and the second biggest for His Messenger :D. If we love someone more than that and are prepared to defy the rules set in Islam by Allah :D through His revelations and through the Sunnah of Rasool Allah :D, we are just Muslims in name.

 

Last but not least, zina is haram. The punishment for zina between people who are still unmarried is public flogging, and the man is subject to banishment.

 

Wassalam

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:D

 

Firstly:

 

Taking a girlfriend does not only destroy the family, it destroys society, and those who do this are threatened with the punishment and wrath of Allaah. Love is a sickness that destroys the heart and leads to evil and immorality. The Shaytaan will keep tempting them and pushing them until they commit immoral actions and thus each gets what he or she wants from the other.

There are many forbidden matters associated with this, such as transgressing against the honour of others, betraying trust, being alone with a member of the opposite sex, touching, kissing, speaking immoral words, then the greater evil which occurs at the end, which is the sin of zina.

The fact that the questioner says “no one knows about us†is strange. How can he forget about his Lord Who knows what is secret and what is yet more hidden, and who knows the fraud of the eyes and all that the hearts conceal. (cf. Ghaafir 40:19).

Our advice to you, as you are still young, is to discipline yourself to obey Allaah and always remember that He is watching; fear Allaah concerning people’s honour; strive for the Day when you will meet your Lord with your deeds; remember the scandal that may happen in this world and the Hereafter. Remember that you have sisters and will have a wife and daughters, so would you like for one of them what you are doing with the daughters of the Muslims? The answer is that you would certainly not like it, and other people do not like it either. Remember that you may see the results of your sin in some of your family members as a punishment to you from your Lord.

You have to look for righteous friends, and you have to keep yourself busy doing that which Allaah loves and is pleased with. Pay attention to the best and most sublime things and leave alone the worst and most vile things. Make the most of your youth in obeying and worshipping Allaah, seeking knowledge and calling others to Allaah. Remember that there were those of your age and younger who were men who had memorized the Qur’aan, who sought knowledge, whom the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent to call others to Allaah and to enter the religion of Islam.

We advise you to get married to a righteous, religiously-committed woman who will help you adhere to your religion and encourage you to adhere to the laws of Allaah, who will look after your children and bring them up with good morals and religious commitment. Give up this woman who agrees to go out with a man who is a stranger to her (a non-mahram) and meet him and talk to him; if she agrees to do immoral actions now then what is going to prevent her from continuing to do so in the future?

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Firstly

 

Firstly:

Taking a girlfriend does not only destroy the family, it destroys society, and those who do this are threatened with the punishment and wrath of Allaah. Love is a sickness that destroys the heart and leads to evil and immorality. The Shaytaan will keep tempting them and pushing them until they commit immoral actions and thus each gets what he or she wants from the other.

There are many forbidden matters associated with this, such as transgressing against the honour of others, betraying trust, being alone with a member of the opposite sex, touching, kissing, speaking immoral words, then the greater evil which occurs at the end, which is the sin of zina.

The fact that the questioner says “no one knows about us†is strange. How can he forget about his Lord Who knows what is secret and what is yet more hidden, and who knows the fraud of the eyes and all that the hearts conceal. (cf. Ghaafir 40:19).

Our advice to you, as you are still young, is to discipline yourself to obey Allaah and always remember that He is watching; fear Allaah concerning people’s honour; strive for the Day when you will meet your Lord with your deeds; remember the scandal that may happen in this world and the Hereafter. Remember that you have sisters and will have a wife and daughters, so would you like for one of them what you are doing with the daughters of the Muslims? The answer is that you would certainly not like it, and other people do not like it either. Remember that you may see the results of your sin in some of your family members as a punishment to you from your Lord.

You have to look for righteous friends, and you have to keep yourself busy doing that which Allaah loves and is pleased with. Pay attention to the best and most sublime things and leave alone the worst and most vile things. Make the most of your youth in obeying and worshipping Allaah, seeking knowledge and calling others to Allaah. Remember that there were those of your age and younger who were men who had memorized the Qur’aan, who sought knowledge, whom the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent to call others to Allaah and to enter the religion of Islam.

We advise you to get married to a righteous, religiously-committed woman who will help you adhere to your religion and encourage you to adhere to the laws of Allaah, who will look after your children and bring them up with good morals and religious commitment. Give up this woman who agrees to go out with a man who is a stranger to her (a non-mahram) and meet him and talk to him; if she agrees to do immoral actions now then what is going to prevent her from continuing to do so in the future?

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Remember that you are angering your Lord with such sins as being alone with her, meeting her and talking to her, and anything more than that is even more serious.

You should realize that zina does not only involve the private parts, rather the eyes may commit zina, the ears may commit zina, the hand may commit zina and the foot may commit zina, as was proven from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). All of that leads to the zina of the private parts. So do not let the Shaytaan deceive you, for he is an enemy to you who wishes you evil and tells you to commit immoral actions.

Shaykh Muhammad al-Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen said:

Contact between lovers in improper and unlawful ways is a calamity and a real disaster. It is not permissible for the man to contact the woman in this case, or for the woman to contact the man. If he says that he wants to marry her, then he must tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with them).

But if the woman contacts the man directly, this is the source of fitnah (temptation).

As’ilat al-Baab il-Maftooh (Question no. 868).

Secondly

 

It is not permissible for a man to marry a woman without the permission of her guardian, whether she is a virgin or previously-married. This is the view of the majority of scholars, including al-Shaafa’i, Maalik and Ahmad. This is based on evidence which includes the following:

The verses in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“do not prevent them from marrying their (former) husbandsâ€

[al-Baqarah 2:232]

“And do not marry Al-Mushrikaat (idolatresses) till they believe (worship Allaah Alone)â€

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[al-Baqarah 2:221]

“and marry those among you who are singleâ€

[al-Noor 24:32]

The point here is that these verses clearly stipulate that there be a guardian in marriage, because Allaah is addressing the guardian with regard to the marriage of the woman under his care. If the matter were up to her and not him, there would be no need to address him.

It is indicative of Imam al-Bukhaari’s deep understanding of issues of sharee’ah that he quoted these verses in a chapter which he entitled “Baab man qaala la nikaaha illa bi wali (Chapter on those who say that there is no marriage without a guardian).â€

It was narrated that Abu Moosa said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage without a guardian.â€

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1101; Abu Dawood, 2085; Ibn Maajah, 1881. Classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1/318)

It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. But if the marriage is consummated then the mahr is hers because she has allowed him to be intimate with her. If they dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian.â€

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1102; Abu Dawood, 2083; Ibn Maajah, 1879. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel, 1840)

Secondly: If her guardian prevents her from marrying the person she wants for no valid reason according to sharee’ah, then the role of guardian passes to the next closest relative, so it passes from the father to the grandfather, for example.

Thirdly: if all of her guardians prevent her from getting married for no valid reason according to sharee’ah, then the ruler is her guardian, because of the hadeeth quoted above (“…If they dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardianâ€)

Fourthly: if there is no guardian and no ruler, then her marriage is to be arranged by a man who has authority in the place where she is, such as the

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head of a village, or the governor of a province, and so on. If there is no such person, then she should appoint a trustworthy Muslim man to arrange her marriage.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

If there is no relative who can act as her guardian, then the position of guardian passes to the one who is most fit among those who have any kind of authority in matters other than marriage, such as the head of a village, the leader of a caravan, and so on.

Al-Ikhtiyaaraat, p. 350.

Ibn Qudaamah said: If a woman does not have a guardian and there is no ruler, then there was narrated from Ahmad that which indicates that her marriage should be arranged by a man of sound character, with her permission.

Al-Mughni, 9/362.

Shaykh ‘Umar al-Ashqar said:

If there is no ruler of the Muslims, or if the woman is in a place where the Muslims have no ruler, and she has no guardian at all, like the Muslims in America and elsewhere, if there are Islamic institutions in that country that take care of the Muslims’ affairs, then they should arrange her marriage. The same applies if the Muslims have a leader who is in charge or someone who is responsible for their affairs

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:D

 

According to Hanafi Madhab, the children don't need consent from thier parents. It's good if thedo but not a necceasity but all other madhabs make wali a requirement.

 

But religion aside, it's not worth goin into a marriage which is goin to casue more harm than happiness.

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As-salaamu 'alaikum

 

Dear sister

 

Thank you for your question!

 

Please reflect over the following statements of the Prophet (sall-Allaahu 'alayhi wa sallam):

 

“Any woman who marries without the permission of her walee, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.†(Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1021 and others; it is a saheeh hadeeth)

 

“There is no marriage contract except with a walee and two witnesses.†(Reported by al-Tabaraani; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7558)

 

"No woman may conduct the marriage contract of another woman, and no woman can conduct the marriage contract on behalf of her own self, because the zaaniyah (fornicatress, adulteress) is the one who arranges things on her own behalf.†(Reported by Ibn Maajah, 1782; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7298)

 

Please let us know what you think and feel, because I think at this stage you may well be in need of some more practical advice, so let us know if you are still here (i.e. on this forum), and we will try to help and advise the best we can.

 

Was-salaamu 'alaikum

 

abu suhaylah

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salam :D really would suggest you not to get married with out your parents consent because it will sooner or later turn upside down.What's the reason that your parents won't allow you to marry him?Oh,God hope it's not because of his race.All those times you were with him hope ya were doing something halal. :D

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