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abukhaleel

Funds/blows, In The Knots

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black-magic/funds

 

 

 

 

as i write this am not in a soothed state of mind...but i have the problem of 'electric power breakdowns' and therefore i may not get this on the diary later...

 

 

 

i have come to learn (and those who disagree please do argue because i am not very sure of the conclusions i have arrived at,about this)..that since money/maal/material wealth is a proxy-god in this era...anyone who does not worship that idol is not trusted/believed/befriended...

 

 

 

my experience of over 6 years ,through interactions with families of patients drowning in that progressive,fatal, cunning disease of drug addiction has shown me that:

 

 

 

since the index to the honor/love/value families give/feel/attribute for/to others is material wealth or the ability to earn it; disagreeing with that 'principle' is simply inferred as a trick/fraud....

 

 

 

in psychotherapy...and my practice of it is based on the principle,

 

" expressing the gut feeling is therapeutic"...

 

i see the families (and often the patients) tricking themselves, by conceding/agreeing to the ascetic code that leads out of the ditch of addiction, not to protect themselves, but to protect their pockets....

 

 

 

 

 

in actual their behavior is like someone laying down one's life for the pennies one protects as a shield....

 

 

 

I have tried all my drug abusing years(20 years),and my soberly practicing years( 7 ), to preach through example that, "it is the mental peace/serenity/contentment that is precious, and not the pennies that one mars one's peace protecting"...but i am nearly decided about the FACT :

 

 

 

"anyone who uses material wealth as the yard-stick for measuring/grading own mental peace/well-being, also views all incoming info/intercations/logic/people/life, through that same key-hole"....

 

 

 

i am nearly convinced that in dealing with such people, i should either practice thier standards of quality(measurable through numbers and wads), or not interact with such people at all...

 

 

 

if i were to chnage my own styles of living/thinking, for someone, i would be inflicting harm not only myslef but harming the principle of "richdom resides in the breast and not on it"...

 

 

 

 

 

so i am on the verge of making a decision of giving up practice, giving up socializing and choosing solitude through travel...

 

 

 

i am so grateful that i am single and not wed to one of the creatures who can not look at life because the the glitter of gold blinds them to any and all reality... i am grateful for not being anchored

 

 

 

the probability of the partner i seeked, being one of those groping at all/any glitter (arabic language has the best word for it'jadd', meaning rank/glitter/value/charisma) scares me away from seeking....for if i seeked , it would definetly be perceived as a chase of/for glitter...i have recently gone through that slap in the senses delivered by a paki american who prononunced 'biz-ness' as 'bij-ness'

 

 

 

so like i said, i am on the verge of deciding to give up this static/setteled mode of living and start traveling like the gypsy i was most of my life...

 

..siblings, friends, neighbors, have all given up to that demon of comfort in the dollar...i dont blame them, but retain my right to migrate ..so i think i am about to move away from practicing psychiatry (ironically, the only permanent way out of addictions is through exiting from all material competitions/rat-races) and living the fact that the entire globe is Allah's and thus my abode.amen.

Edited by abukhaleel

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PropellerAds

salaam,

review based on the fundamentals that:

 

when i profess that Allah controls/regulates every-mote/thing/situation,and He is praisworthy in all instances/moments/sense, then for feeling as i wrote above i am either exceeding some Allah ascribed limits/s or lacking ....

for my faith harolds paradise(the feelings of it) in this life...and my sentiments written in the post above TO BE wrong ...

review report:

i realised i was both , lacking qnd exceeding...

i was forgetting that results are not upto me...not my responsibility at all...

that whatever environment i am enveloped by, is my given 'mecca' and i must remain steadfast in my faith comewhatmay...

my un-ease or dis-ease roots in the 'excess' that i stretch to the future moment and lament the results that i 'foresee/expect'...although my duty and the limit of my abilities is to remain in the present moment,and take the 'sent' test( in the shape of whosoever/whatsoever is sent my way)...my pleasure/success is /can only be momentary because i am not god, and the next moment ,with it's set of situation/s will be 'sent' by the Controller/azeez..and will not be as i want it to be, but as the Azeez-ur-raheem wishes it to be...

and most of all....i am responsible only for how i analyze a suituation and find/ fail to find, the 'hidden/maknoon' spice of 'rahmah/Mercy'...

if i expend all my to date wisdom , and identify the rahmah/blessing/mercy in a situation...then that is the(hidden/maknoon/covered) reward/joy from that situation/moment/test...

and for finding that 'maknoon/hidden' Rahmah/blessing/joy in each moment/situation sent my way, i must remain focused on Allah ,and not thje 'geography' of whatever situation is painted around me/over me by The Almighty Musawwir/Painter....

so i was exceeding my limits andthus paying through the trauma it caused my sentiments..

lacking...

i was lacking 'gratitude'...gratitude for being free of the infliction..that i see others suffer from..

gratitude for the granted opportunity/ies to exercise my faith..

gratitude for the place where my words may/do make a difference to some..

gratitude for those scarce moments when someone in my company strikes reiterates/renews one's faith of allegiance to the altrusitic code of the quran, and feels the universe expanding to the limitless extent that accomodates Allah's infinite rahmah/mercy/graciousness/grandeur...

for i can sense that happening when someone suddenly draws in a deep breath and the eyes glitter with relief and the heart admits/embraces the bounties of Allah's Mercy.

so ..NO...i am not deserting my profession..

i am sorry for having viewed those , that my interaction with can lead me to jannah/pardaise, with such contempt as i wrote in my previous entry..

and i was wrong for playing/attempting to play god..

and alhamdulillah

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