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:D

 

Recently I have been feeling really depressed.The First and major cause of my depression is,a marriage proposal I've received.My parents did not take the level of religiousity of the guy into considerationat all, according to them the fellow is a really nice guy and with a good character and also that he suits my educational qualifications.They had asked my opinion on this and I said I wanted a RELIGIOUs guy,and I said that he or his family wasnt religious enough.My parents say that I can mould the fellow into being a better muslim,I doubt if I can.

When the mother of the guy had come to see me,she didnt offer her Asr prayers,and on top of that my father had made me meet the man who is acting as an intermediary for this proposal,he is quiet aged, but I still didnt think it was appropriate for him to see me.And aprt from him the elder brother (of the guy) was also present and he was quiet young. :D I had hurriedly put on my head scarf,and the mother(of the guy) asks .."Is she going for prayer?"So,I dont think she's a good muslim at all :D .And the guy doesnt even have a beard.So,I am not at all enthusiastic about this proposal,I dont think I can fit in.My mother wants me to do salaat-al-istikhaara,but I said that it is performed only when we are unsure of what to do?Should I perform this prayer then?

i have even told my parents that they can be lax about the educational quali because its religion what matters to me more.

What would you people do in my situation?Would you say "parents know best and leave it to them?Would you perform Salaath -al-istikhaara?Would you say an outright no?

 

Secondly, because of this proposal dilemma,I've been unable to concentrate on my studies or my relgion :D and I've got loads to cover up .I've fallen into procastinating and have lost all my enthusiasm for studying

Please make dua for me .

awaiting your replies.

 

Wassalam

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:D

 

If you're sure that you don't want to marry this guy, and you do sound very sure, then just give them a definite no. Tell your parents strong deen is one characteristic you are not prepared to compromise on. Also let them know that you appreciate their efforts but you are sure about your decision. Afterall sis, marriage is a big deal, and ultimately it is you who has to live with your choice, so be polite, but firm in your reponse.

 

May Allah be with you.

 

:D

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Assalamu alaikum

 

I think you defintely need to say know. You have a different outlook on life to him and his family. You won't fit in.

 

Do you know he is not practising? Also does he expect you to live with his parents and brothers? If he is practising and know his duties towards you and he can provide separate accomodation from his family, then it woudl be worth considering.

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you seem to be someone who knows what she wants and also a practicing muslimah, therefore you know that you have the right to say no to this proposal.

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Are you talking to yourself?

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aoa brother luffy

 

lolz! the name 'female' is open to all female members on the forum who wish to post or reply to a message whilst wanting to remain anonymous so the first 'female' is not same person as the 'female' in 2nd post. hoep that helps!

 

ws

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Assalamu alaikum

 

Yeah, I know that. But why be anonymous and reply to someone elses' problem??

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:D

 

Sister, if you dont want to get married just simply refuse the proposal, you are under no obligation and your parents cannot force you.

 

It is good that you are looking at piety first, and InshAllah you will find a pious husband...ameen....

 

 

 

If someone wishes to post anonymously, theres nothing wrong with doing so.

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If someone wishes to post anonymously, theres nothing wrong with doing so.

 

 

yes and that is true too brother rofi :D

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it's not about right or wrong. it's about making sense. I mean why log out and log back in again, as "female", to post in someone elses' problem?

 

I think that person needs counselling.

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:D

 

I think that person needs counselling.

 

A comment like that may upset that person akhee, we should be careful what we say, why does it matter to you wether or not someone does that, and why need to make it an issue.

 

If you can help the original poster out, by all means do so.

 

*sorry for going off topic

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It was meant as a somewhat ironic/humorous comment. Not to cause offence.

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Assalamu Alaikum, The first impression you got of the family is nagative, and everything that happened later has added to the negativity.

 

About the mother of the person or the family, I am sorry to say that YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO JUDGE THEM AND THINK THEY ARE NOT GOOD MUSLIMS, JUST BECAUSE SHE DID NOT MAKE SALAAT UL ASR (She could have some uzar (valid reason)

 

Having a beard is the Sunnah of all the prophets, and you have all the right to request your parents to look for a person who has a beard and follows Sunnah. But just because some man does not have a beard we cannot think they are not good Muslims, there are many bearded Muslims out there who treat their wifes like dirt. It depends from person to person.

 

Saying this I would not even consider a man without a beard for my daughter, because a man who has a beard has to have love for the sunnah.

 

Is your family relegious, because to me it seems like they are not very particular either. If your father was , then he would in no circumstances let you in front of the person who brought the proposal or the candidates elder brother.

 

You should make clear to your parents what you want in a husband, because it is very depressing for a girl to go in front of people and then either the girl's family rejects or the boy's family rejects. Before even inviting someone, the parents should make sure that the person and the family is compatible to the girl and the girls family. Otherwise it puts a lot of strain on everyone, specially the girl.

 

I dont see the point in making ISTIKHARAA, because you are not in a dilemma whether it is good for you are not, you know you dont want to marry this boy and be part of his family. Marriage should be a union for the whole life, not just in this world but also in the hereafter. It is not something you go through on a trial basis.

 

I might sound a bit harsh,, but believe me I am thinking about your peace of mind. Take care. Sis. Masoom

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What a sad situation. I truly believe that some people never change no matter how good a wife can be (or vice versa). So having your mother tell you that you should marry him and later you can change him could have a terrible result.

 

Even though you're doubtful about marrying him you should still make istikarah. We should make istikarah for all things in life. It doesn't hurt and only takes a few minutes.

 

I feel sorry for your situation but you don't have to accept.

 

Allah make this easy for you and make it clear to your parents, amien.

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:D

 

then just give them a definite no.

 

I had told them that I definitely dont want this proposal, but my parents keep asking me to re-consider.They keep telling me that the no person will come upto my Islamic standard.

 

Do you know he is not practising? Also does he expect you to live with his parents and brothers? If he is practising and know his duties towards you and he can provide separate accomodation from his family, then it woudl be worth considering.

I dont know whether he is practicing or not,all I know is that he doesnt have a beard.and is certainly not involved inany religious activities.

 

About the mother of the person or the family, I am sorry to say that YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO JUDGE THEM AND THINK THEY ARE NOT GOOD MUSLIMS, JUST BECAUSE SHE DID NOT MAKE SALAAT UL ASR (She could have some uzar (valid reason)

 

Thats true sister thanks for pointing out,but she said she would go home and read the prayer,and the time for Asr had endedwhilst they were at our house.

 

Is your family relegious, because to me it seems like they are not very particular either. If your father was , then he would in no circumstances let you in front of the person who brought the proposal or the candidates elder brother.

 

No,unfortunately my family is not too religious,but they are not Ahl-e Bidah either as

most of the ppl of the sub-continent are.

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:D

 

I might sound a bit harsh,, but believe me I am thinking about your peace of mind. Take care. Sis. Masoom

 

^ Its okay sister. :D for all your replies.

The guy is leaving for middle-east in a few days.and they are hurrying us for a decision.

My mother still insists on the good character thing,she says that even in ppl have beards they wont be practicing,and she gives me the example of one of my relatives who lazes around at home while his wife works to feed him and their children.

The person who is acting as an intermediary, is actually a close family friend he was my grandmothers physician and he knows us since a long time.and this is one of the reasons why my parents are keen on this proposal.

 

Wassalam

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:D

 

If they dont meet your requirements then say NO. Simple, be fair and firm.

May Allah insha'Allah be with you. Ameen

 

:D

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Assalamu alaikum, JazaakAllahu for taking my comments the way they were meant to, InshaAllah Allah will help you.

 

The guy is leaving for middle-east in a few days.and they are hurrying us for a decision.

 

If it is taking long to decide, then he has to wait , their family cannot and should not push for the decision. I dont know where you live, but if you live in North America or UK, does he have permit to stay here or is he expecting you to sponsor him, if this is the case, no wonder they are hurrying for the decision. If getting immigration to a foreign country is one of the reason for pursuing you, then thats no good..........

 

My mother still insists on the good character thing,she says that even in ppl have beards they wont be practicing,and she gives me the example of one of my relatives who lazes around at home while his wife works to feed him and their children.

 

Your mother is right about what she is saying, I know few very religious people like that BUT THEN, there are many more non religious people without beards who are the same or even worse. like I said before I would not even consider a man without a beard for my daughter, because a man who has a beard at least has to have love for the sunnah in his heart that is if he has kept a beard with the intention of Sunnah.

 

You should do Istikharaa only if you have doubts about your decision, if you are firm on what you want, specially if you are giving preference to a Deeni person, then you have to be firm. What will happen to the guy or anyone tomorrow, only Allah knows, You have to decide on what you see in front of you. May Allah help you and guide you. I hope your parents will inshaAllah respect your decision and not force things on you. Wassalamu Alaikum.

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:D

 

 

If it is taking long to decide, then he has to wait , their family cannot and should not push for the decision. I dont know where you live, but if you live in North America or UK, does he have permit to stay here or is he expecting you to sponsor him, if this is the case, no wonder they are hurrying for the decision. If getting immigration to a foreign country is one of the reason for pursuing you, then thats no good..........

 

No,thats not the case.I live in India.

 

May Allah help you and guide you. I hope your parents will inshaAllah respect your decision and not force things on you.

 

Ameen

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salaam sister..

 

i think u should make salaat ul istihaara becoz he may have sm other quality that u may like and u should also enquire abt him i.e. ask his friends abt him to see what kind of a person he is. i hope Allah guides u to make the right decision inshallah....

as they say u cant judge a book by a cover like this u canot judge a person just by looking at him....

then again u do have the right to say no to the proposal.

may Allah help u in this difficult situation. :D

 

ma'salaam :D

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Assalamu alaikum

 

Would you want a husband that stays with you or one who will be abroad often? Or are you willing to relocate?

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:D

 

Sister, Do not make the mistake of marrying just your parents say so. Its your decision too!

Rcently, a relative of mine got married, on his father's wish, that was 'back-home', he agreed because he was being pressurised, and since he has returned back to the UK, he has been regretting it immensly. So much so I think he is thinking of a divorce already! :D

 

Let this be a lesson to all, don't live in doubt and then regret. Be sure of what you want... :D

 

Can you not talk to anyone else whom will send the message across to your parents about your choice of guy? i.e. religious etc. I think you should get an advocate, someone whom will speak out for you. Its important.

 

:D

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