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honey eyes

My Mother

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salam alikum,

 

my mother has had a severe case of scizophrenia that has been getting more and more dangerous as the years pass. even when i was born she was like this and always fough with my father and his side of the fam. as i was growing up a little child i was the my fatehr gave a lot of attention to, he loved us all the same but he would give me the most attention and this would make my mom jealous.

as a little kid, my mother would beat the living crap out of me alone when my father was at work which was for practically the whole day. she would get all of her tensions with my father about money, his family etc out on me and she would literally rip my hair out by bundles, take my clothes off, try breaking my teeth, etc and take me to the toilet and rown my head in it and so on...i was unable and too confused and afraid to tell anyone about all my bruises and etc and they just shattered me mentally so i just wanted the bruises to go away quickly and and pretend they werent there so that i dont get any memories. this continued until another 6 or 7 years and somewhere in the middle my fatehr found out about it, but i believe he knew about it a long time ago but just kept silent about it not knowing what to do because he would keep me to himself when he came from work and be nice to me. it was hard for him to tell my mother anything about it because if he did she would start a huge fight but somewhere in between my father spoke up and fought with her a lot about abusing me. i was always a good student though and i didnt like to think about it beacuse it made me go insane...when i turned 11 it became very rampant because my dad had gone vacation to his family and till this day he is scarred with regret because those weeks were the start of my emotional disorder, i could look at or by no way touch any corner or object of the house she beat me on or that i remembered and i would throw away the clotthes i remembered her beating me in to the point were i only had about a shirt and pants left and i was going crazy inside if i accidentally touched something that brought me memories i would scream and wash my self. then i developed anorexia at age 12 to the point where i was hospitalized and i nearly died of heart faiailure but every step of the way my father was with me 24/7 reciting quran at bed time to me and being there for me always that summer which was extremely hard for me mentally.............

 

continued........

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PropellerAds

:D at 13 i was a high honor student in high school and the beating had stopped but both my parents would fight a lot with eachother and ignore me so i became severly depressed, i couldnt pray a single prayer no matter how hard i tried , i literally felt like a rock very tired and fatigued and i refused to go toschool. my parents both gave me the wronng type of attention which i wasnt looking for and instead beat me, cursed me and gave me so-called silent "treatments" which made me feel angry, rebellious, and i became more and more closer to Allah, praying late tahajuud, reciting quran , etc and now i am 15 quasi recovered , but my life att home becomes a living hell when i come home from school. by almighty Allah my mother when she sees my face she starts cursing me and she says very disgusting and shameful things to me that i am to ashamed to even speak about to my friends even because they are so shameful and she doesnt stop at all, it goes on evey signle day and i try my best to avoid it i swallow my anger and close my door but it continues even more in fact she gets annoyed when i dont get mad about it so she does it even more. she has turned my life into a hell and prison right now, i cannot go to work because theres no bus where i live and i dont have any one who will give me a ride. honestly though , i dont need the money financially alhamdulila but i just need to get out of the house to avoid this hell which goes on every day from the time i was a little kid..i diont know what to do now and my mmother refuses to get medical help..she is always screaming and yelling and one min. she yells to me that there is no Allah tuba and the next thing i kno she is screaming for Allah to curse ppl :D

Edited by honey eyes

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:D

i,m sorry to hear all the trouble you have and are going through, i pray that Allah (swt) has mercy and strengthens you.

---

 

if you mother has a mental disorder why are you getting mad at her? if she is suffering from a disorder then doesnt her words become meaninglesss? her verbel abuse should ideally fall on deaf ears although reading from your post i notice some effort made on this mashallah.

 

Allah has ordered us to be humble and not to disrepect our parents be they muslim or not and not to cut the ties of the womb.

 

i,m not sure what advice you are looking for as you havnt really made it clear but have you tired reciting quran over your mother?

if you have how does she react to it?

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:D

 

i,m sorry to hear all the trouble you have and are going through, i pray that Allah (swt) has mercy and strengthens you.

---

 

 

may Allah :D help you through this diffficult moment..sister at the moment my advice to you is to do sabr and make du'a for your mother...

my du'a is with you :D

 

:D sister

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:D

i,m sorry to hear all the trouble you have and are going through, i pray that Allah (swt) has mercy and strengthens you.

---

 

if you mother has a mental disorder why are you getting mad at her? if she is suffering from a disorder then doesnt her words become meaninglesss? her verbel abuse should ideally fall on deaf ears although reading from your post i notice some effort made on this mashallah.

 

Allah has ordered us to be humble and not to disrepect our parents be they muslim or not and not to cut the ties of the womb.

 

i,m not sure what advice you are looking for as you havnt really made it clear but have you tired reciting quran over your mother?

if you have how does she react to it?

 

salam well i wouldnt call it da kind of illness that she has no control overherselg or her words ya kno what i mean and the fact that she is only like this with me which i get mad about...of course i get mad at her because she isnt that kind of ill u kno like a mental person . she is very normal around oteh r ppl or at least tries to be...and its strange ya dont know that my purpose is that i need help because nobody understands my situation

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salam slave i dont need or want ur sympathy, kindly keeop it to urself i need advise alirght :D :D

 

Muslimah thanku very much for ur dua and i have tried a lot to tell my motehr to change herself ans so does everyone else but she never does when i tell her to start praying her response is you do it loll but i tell her i do pray , i am telling you for ur own to stop making everyones lives hell but she doesnt listen and when someone blames her she resorts to crying , violent screaming, cursing, hitting, name calling, the list goes on and on thats why my dad avoids her in my cAse and hes too wary of causing trouble and sso am i

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salam slave i dont need or want ur sympathy, kindly keeop it to urself  i need advise alirght :D  :D

 

Muslimah thanku very much for ur dua and i have tried a lot to tell my motehr to change herself ans so does everyone else but she never does when i tell her to start praying her response is you do it loll but i tell her i do pray , i am telling you for ur own  to stop making everyones lives hell but she doesnt listen and when someone blames her she resorts to crying , violent screaming, cursing, hitting, name calling, the list goes on and on thats why my dad avoids her in my cAse and hes too wary of causing trouble and sso am i

ok

you didnt give me an answer, have you tried reading quran over her? its not normal for a grown women to be crying and screaming etc towards her own offspring.

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Ok, not sure about the jin possession.

 

Assalmau alaiakum

 

can you get her into a hospital or something? Are you in physcial danger? If you are then leave home, I don't know if your dad will agree. Your mum needs help, psychiatric. she's violent and she's abused you so either you find away to leave or have her put in a hospital or something.

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Assalamu alaikum

 

I agree with Luffy. It's good that you show respect to your family by enduring such stress but you must also look after yourself and your family. Your mother is ill and therefore requires medical attention. You must talk to your family and say that you all need to help your mother by acknowledging that there is a problem. Can you speak with a counsellor or doctor and get some advice on how to tackle this in a sensitive manner?

 

Both you and your mother have suffered far too long for this to continue any further.

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Assalamu alaikum

 

I agree with Luffy.  It's good that you show respect to your family by enduring such stress but you must also look after yourself and your family.  Your mother is ill and therefore requires medical attention.  You must talk to your family and say that you all need to help your mother by acknowledging that there is a problem.  Can you speak with a counsellor or doctor and get some advice on how to tackle this in a sensitive manner?

 

Both you and your mother have suffered far too long for this to continue any further.

 

Salaam

 

Well said. The Luffy and Sino Pak gave good advice. Medical help might be the best solution.

 

You've endured much, respecting mother is very important but when shes abused/neglected you in this way for so long, a line eventually has to be drawn. You must consider your own health and well being as well.

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Asalam-o-alaikum

 

im sad to hear of your suffering, it made me cry, and its people like you who should be an inspiration to all of us when we go through times of trouble, you have truely been through hell on earth and i wish i could take your pain away, all of it that you have endured. Your mother does sound ill and does need medical attention, can you speak to your own doctor yourself? they keep things confidential all times but the abusing and bad treatment needs to stop. Parents also have a responsibility towards their children, to support them,nurture them, provide for them and make sure no harm comes their way. This has not been the case for you and there is so much a person can take. But continue with your salat and remembrance of Allah. Read 'ya hafizo' 101 times and blow towards your mother or on water or food and give to her, inshallah some affection will develop inside her for you. I will pray for you sister.

wasalaam

 

sis zee

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salam thanks for the advise, i really need it.........zee sis nah my doctor isnt that type of person wholl understand hes a weirdo....and there isnt anyone in my life that will understand me because tehyre all living busy with their own lives. no one has the time to listen to me and tell me what to do, and my motehr is very good at turning situations around and turning tables around ec to the point where i just silently say to myself lahawla walla quwata illa billa because its just insane. i can't go anywhere loll where can i go..i have to finish high school and inshallah go to college u kno . i also have 2 baby sisters and im extremely worried for them cuz when i go to college my mom and my 3 sisters will be alone together and my fatehr at work so its a very tough situation uz theres no way i can study living like this and at the same time i dont want my sisters to get affected the way i did but i dont know.

 

slave my motehr is very loud, dominating, big, etc she is NOT the type of person you can tell anything to , she'll literally scream in ur face and insult you so tehres no use whatsoever, i mean she acts taht way with my father so what behavior can u expect with the kids...its schizophrenia so she takes everything as an insult and she overreacts...i feel very sad for the babies because she screams at them a lot and makes them cry, and at times she says no wonder why some motehrs kill their babies loll tuba and she also says oh god what the hell did i want from these things...and i just say astaghfoullah because the babies are so gorgeous and cute and why would anyone say such a thing

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Assalamu alaikum

 

I must stress that you really need to find someone to help and support you through this very difficult situation. You say that you have sisters and that you worry about them. For them then - you must do everything you can to seek help for your mother.

 

If you cannot speak to your doctor, is there anyone at school who you can confide in? I don't know what country you are in - but in the UK there are confidential telephone support lines you can call? This is a terrible burden for you to carry on your own.

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You say that she is like this with your father too? But he doesn't want to deal with the situation. Is there anyone else in your family whom you can talk to and talk to your father into taking action for his family's sake?

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You have to do something. She has physically harmed you in the past, what if she harms the younger ones? What if something really bad happens? Get some help, meanwhile see if you can gatehr evidence. Find out why your father tolerates this behaviour? Doesn't he care that his children might get injured?

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luffy well a few yrs before he would fight with my mom night after night over these issues and my motehr hates it when he speaks for us and gets literally uncontrollable, starts screaming about commiting suicide , starts tugging at her clothes and hair and and matters just turn way way worse :D and that is why my father just keeps it to himself. my father says just keep what ur doing and remain silent when she curses but i'm very very worried for my younger sisters because even at such a young age (14 months) she's starting to slap them and scream at them etc when they get annoying and when theyre crying and we're at school a lot of my family members caught her just ignoring them , the list goes on and on but the question is what is tehre to do? with a person as loud and dominating as my mother the answer is nothing much...

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Assalamu alaikum

 

I must stress that you really need to find someone to help and support you through this very difficult situation.  You say that you have sisters and that you worry about them.  For them then - you must do everything you can to seek help for your mother.

 

If you cannot speak to your doctor, is there anyone at school who you can confide in?  I don't know what country you are in - but in the UK there are confidential telephone support lines you can call?  This is a terrible burden for you to carry on your own.

 

sino honestly there is no one that i can put my trust in where i live....even my own friends they arent so close to share my life probz with and my teachers loll well lets just say it is impossible to reach out to anyone because whjere i live ppl are very umm weirdos, just concerned about money and their own lives, nothing else even my own relatives who i've talked about before on this forum..well i'm not in UK, i'm in the US and ppl here are weirdoz lets just put it that way be tahnkful u dont live here

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Yes, there is something you can do. Get her some treatment. If there is something you could do to help the situation then don't you want to do it? You need to report this to someone. There must be some Muslim counselors in the US? Ideally get your father to get your mother to voluntarily seek treatment, otherwise if you wait for one of you to get hurt,then she will be in prison or something.

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Ok, not sure about the jin possession.

theres no reason to why she might not be possesed is there?

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theres no reason to why she might not be possesed is there?

 

Well I'm assuming someone has tried reading Quran or playing a reciation tape?

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salamm no i havn't tried doing that, sorry i know should but i've never tried it... but could someone be possessed for years and years? because she has always had similar attitude even when she was young from what ppl tell me its just that as the years passed it is very violent and rampant :D :D :D

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on second thought i usually turn the quran on to myself or in my own room but one ti me i remember i did it in the living room and she would just ignore it and go about her business in the kitchen or go to sleep or soemthing...

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:D

 

Honey eyes i have to admit your life story so far is very inspiring to me, and i am shocked that you are still able to handle the same problem that haunted your childhood years ago.

 

Schizophrenia is a form of extreme paranoia, what is it that your mum is paranoid about?

 

Well ive learnt in life that when it comes to certain mental disorders, you have to play along with it, because only the person that is being afflicted can be the person to cure themselves, my advise is find out the psychological "rules" by which your mother plays by, and make sure you abide them, this way she will not feel insecure by your presence and will not shout at you and so on.

 

I suggest you only seek medical help for your mother if you want to, its very hard to get other people involved in personal problems and, only take that step when you feel you have to.

 

Now to move onto yourself, i want to give you some personal advice which...has helped me a lot to understand how to deal with my own problems.

 

Its just, in life, we're given problems that we have to cope with, we cant solve those problems, they will always be there, but we learn to cope and we learn to adapt, im not saying that....your mother cannot be cured, all i am saying is, for yourself.....learn to adapt to the situation, generally speaking....people with very harsh problems in life are very wise people as well.....you're wiser than me....much wiser, you're problems are ten times worse than mine, it makes you a stronger person and a wiser person. I wish there was more that i could say to help you.

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on second thought i usually turn the quran on to myself or in my own room but one ti me i remember i did it in the living room and she would just ignore it and go about her business in the kitchen or go to sleep or soemthing...

from what i have heard from reliable mouths is that when a person is possessed they show signs of discomfort when quran is read.

Edited by slave

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:D

 

Honey eyes i have to admit your life story so far is very inspiring to me, and i am shocked that you are still able to handle the same problem that haunted your childhood years ago.

 

Schizophrenia is a form of extreme paranoia, what is it that your mum is paranoid about?

 

Well ive learnt in life that when it comes to certain mental disorders, you have to play along with it, because only the person that is being afflicted can be the person to cure themselves, my advise is find out the psychological "rules" by which your mother plays by, and make sure you abide them, this way she will not feel insecure by your presence and will not shout at you and so on. 

 

I suggest you only seek medical help for your mother if you want to, its very hard to get other people involved in personal problems and, only take that step when you feel you have to.

 

Now to move onto yourself, i want to give you some personal advice which...has helped me a lot to understand how to deal with my own problems.

 

Its just, in life, we're given problems that we have to cope with, we cant solve those problems, they will always be there, but we learn to cope and we learn to adapt, im not saying that....your mother cannot be cured, all i am saying is, for yourself.....learn to adapt to the situation, generally speaking....people with very harsh problems in life are very wise people as well.....you're wiser than me....much wiser, you're problems are ten times worse than mine, it makes you a stronger person and a wiser person. I wish there was more that i could say to help you.

 

salam, thanks a lot for ur help and suggestions....u helped me alot and i dont know what my mother is paranoid about, but i believe its taht she suffered from low selfesteem and neglect as a child and she openly tells me that she wants to take it out on me but i'm older now and shes too afraid to injure me physically again becuz i can stop her and tell . thank u heaps for ur advise and i also have learned to cope wth my problems as a fact of life, no matter how hard i have tried things never change in fact my mother gets worse day by day so its not like she is improving or getting any better..it gets worse. my father told me medical help is not the answer and he said she is sane and she chooses to do what she doess . she scarred me mentally in so many disgusting ways that i havnt ever told anyone about so i really dont care about her i'm sad to say and i just want her to leave me alone and not hurt my sisters. thanks for ur advsie because ur right i'll just be patient and take it as it is .

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