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Please Help, I Need Advice.

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Asalamu Aleykum brothers and sisters. I have just recently learned something about a girl whom I've been dating for a few months now (long distance). She is 19 years old, and I am 20. She's never given me any reason to doubt her in anything she tells me. I just do not know how I should handle this, being a Muslim.


She had gone out with a few of her non-muslim friends to a fraternity at her college for a party. She drank a beer which she believes was "spiked" with the date rape drug. She felt sick so she went upstairs to a room and vomited in a trashcan. When she finished vomiting, she sat down on a couch that was located in the room when a boy from the party walked in and he raped her. She was also a virgin prior to this.


I understand that she had been drinking and that is a huge sin however, I'm very confused on how I should feel about this. She tells me it was rape, and she did not want any part of it. She is currently pressing charges and attempting to take legal action against the boy.


I love her, but what should I do as a Muslim?

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Assalamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullahee wa Barakatu


What she did was not permissible and she has to repent for the sins she committed. I hope the rape incident is like a wake up call for her and she becomes a girl with haya and modesty and avoids going to such parties.


If she says that she was raped that believe in her because someone is innocent until the guilt is proven. However, she needs to repent from the things she did. If she is a girl that likes to go out and dating then it might be negative for you to marry her. You should make sure that she changes for the sake of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.


She did this act because she is running after dunya.


PS: Spreading someone else's sin around the world can also be a sin, because it may be exposing the sin. If you see someone committing a sin in private, you should keep it contained because this can bring you a great reward for you on the Day of Judgment. If you screen the sins of others in this world, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala may screen some of your own sins on the Day of Judgment and most likely forgive them.

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Salamu Alaykum,

dear brother, i am trying to understand your situation. Of course that was really stupidness of her to go such a PARTY, she shouldnt have done this, i am not so sure about trusting in her, maybe she is lying about that "raping"? I dont know brother, its up to you to forgive her or not. But be aware that if she lies and not really regret then leave her immediately!

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I understand, I did not mean to make it public. I've just been very confused about it and one of my Muslim friends gave me this link and told me to post, because a lot of very helpful people post here.


Thank you for your responses. I truly appreciate them.

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Assalamu Alaykum


This was just a general reminder. You did not expose her to the public directly only told us the case.


I would say that you should not totally mistrust her, but also not trust her blindly. Take your time in finding out if she is the right one or not. People can change from left to right others don't change even one percent.


It is a trademark of the Muttaqi, a Muslim who has taqwa, to suppress four things:


1. anger

2. greed

3. paranoia/negativity/pessimism/phobia

4. desires


There may come a situation where you have to suppress desires to please Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Gain knowledge and with it sincerity.


Please, read the topic in the advanced section started by sister amina about Sincerity. I think this could help you and your wife nominee (I could not find another expression, my Engish is limited).



PS: When I give reminders, this does not mean I accuse anyone of something. It is just for learning and as reminder, because human beings are forgetful in nature and need to be reminder regularily. When I read your first post, I immediately remembered this reminder, so I felt I had to tell right away.

Edited by Yusha Isra'eel

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Just as brother Yushaa Isra'eel said, deal with this matter as realistically as possible. Don't get blind in love nor abandon her completely. She has reported it to the legal authorities, and this indicates she might be telling the truth, wallahu a'lam. See how that goes and make du'aa. It is also very important, as mentioned above, that she repents for going to the party in the first place (I won't list all of the things she must repent for - I'm sure you can explain that to her through fair dawah). Additionally, it would be useful if she speaks to a counsellor about this and perhaps this will encourage her to tell the truth and be sure of what she's done and what to do next.


Should it have been rape, she may want to forget about it as soon as possible since the experience may be too traumatic to bear. It will be better for you to help her face and deal with it; and Inshaa Allah she will grow out of it using the necessary resources such as counselling. The best way, however, is to seek refuge in Allah and observe modesty and right actions. It may take her time to grow out of this horrible experience, but you need to constantly remind her that Allah's aid is there. She needs to worship Him and get on with life - continue with her studies, keep herself busy with some kind of talent or hobby. What you must do as a Muslim? Don't abandon her - advice her and direct her towards the correct path.


I pray that things get better for her Inshaa Allah. However, make sure she is certain of what happened that night - I guess it will become clear when she speaks with the legal authorities and preferrably a counsellor.



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