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Salam sister

 

I called the Imam that converted me at regents park Masjid, and he gave me the number of his best friend which is apparently a imam too.

 

Yeah Inshallah it will be fine, atleast it seems like God is on our side. I will def make dua every night.

 

Will keep you updated.

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PropellerAds

:D

 

May Allah bless you both with something that is good for your dunya and akhira!

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..

Edited by Imaan49

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:D

 

WOW i read everything in this thread word by word, i was literally falling off of my seat on the second page when i read things werent working out, your story really did bring a tear to my eye, alhamdulilah things are falling towards the brighter side, I am truly happy for you brother, inshallah things will work out for the best, I will keep you in my duaa's inshallah

 

:D

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salam

 

thank you for praying for us, inshallah everything will work out for the best... but yeah myself and pna01 will keep u brothers and sisters updated... if only u guys could come and speak to my family!!!

 

w/salam

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Salam sister truster,

 

You live in London?

 

How come you didnt update us on your side of the story? How was the meeting with the family this wk end?

 

Am sure you should try the tip i said to emotional blackmail your mum, I said to my mum if she wanted me to be happy with whom I marry? She said yes... :D and i said OK...dont make me panic and make decisions as it can be the wrong one. My mum froze, she would not allow any one to bring any proposal that she knew i would not be happy with. She would put her foot down. Then again I suppose my family are open minded about things but do get afraid of their community. Thats with all asians I suppose.

 

Hope to hear something good.

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Salam sister truster,

 

You live in London?

 

How come you didnt update us on your side of the story? How was the meeting with the family this wk end?

 

Am sure you should try the tip i said to emotional blackmail your mum, I said to my mum if she wanted me to be happy with whom I marry? She said yes... :D and i said OK...dont make me panic and make decisions as it can be the wrong one. My mum froze, she would not allow any one to bring any proposal that she knew i would not be happy with. She would put her foot down. Then again I suppose my family are open minded about things but do get afraid of their community. Thats with all asians I suppose.

 

Hope to hear something good.

 

salam sis

 

sorry i though pna01 fille u in so i dint have to?? welll i tried to put them off but it dint work, his family left me a present which i later found out they wanted my hand in marriage... my aunty spoke to me after they left n i sai di dint like him she kept askin me 4 reasons y i dint like him...i couldnt tell her about pna01 at that point coz i dint think it was the right time. she said i had to tell my mum myself that i dint wwant to go ahead with it. i have been givin her the vibes that im not interested but it seems like they want to go ahead wit it too. i was gona speak to mum one night but she had fainted due to worryin about my gran being hospital and probly about me. so i kinda thought i dont wana lump her with this aswell.

 

I did istekarah... i saw Allah (s.w.t) saying the path ur takin is correct and dont let the ppl in the world come in ur way! allahmdullilah!

 

w/salam

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salam sis

 

sorry i though pna01 fille u in so i dint have to?? welll i tried to put them off but it dint work, his family left me a present which i later found out they wanted my hand in marriage... my aunty spoke to me after they left n i sai di dint like him she kept askin me 4 reasons y i dint like him...i couldnt tell her about pna01 at that point coz i dint think it was the right time. she said i had to tell my mum myself that i dint wwant to go ahead with it. i have been givin her the vibes that im not interested but it seems like they want to go ahead wit it too. i was gona speak to mum one night but she had fainted due to worryin about my gran being hospital and probly about me. so i kinda thought i dont wana lump her with this aswell.

 

I did istekarah... i saw Allah (s.w.t) saying the path ur takin is correct and dont let the ppl in the world come in ur way! allahmdullilah!

 

w/salam

 

salaam

 

mashallah thats soo good sister, may Allah swt make it easy for u :D

 

ws salaam

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salaam

 

i went hope tuesday evening and found out that my brother told my mum bout the conversation btwn me and him, so mum basically found out that i dont want to go ahead with the proposal. i got home and mum was just crying, and my lil brother and sisters were crying aswell seeing mum in that state. i didnt know what was up with her until bro called up and told me. mum jus wouldnt speak to anyone or even move out of the position she was in! later that night we spoke and when i saind i cant do it she was very upset again, i told Allah has given me feelings and i did istekarah and dont think i should go ahead with the proposal. she was saying things like she did istekarah too and it was all good from they guys side and mine and because she got it done from a very religious imam, my istekarah dont mean nothing! well at least mum knows i dont want to go ahead with it.its just so hard everyone in my family blaming me for anyone that is upset about this whole thing, my brother said i couldnt come back to work becasue pna01 works with me and they think thats the whole reason im saying no to the proposal...well it is but im not confirming that just yet. im at work as i said i have to be because im covering for a manager and mum said i have to hand in my notice. i jus feel every day could b my last day that i can actually speak to ppl, coz if they take me out of work then i have no means of contact with any1... Alhamdulillah Allah has given me the courage to speak my heart to my family, i just need all the courage i can get to help me through this.

 

Assalamu alaikum

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Salam,

 

You will get through this sis. We are all with you. Just come here every time you need to and just about about what you feel, at least you will feel that you have taken things of your heart. You will be at ease.

 

Since mum knows about it now, talk slwoly with her about what Islam says. Try and make her understand. It will be just fine.

 

Wasalam

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salam,

 

has there not been no update to this thread from sister truster or brother pna?? hope everything is OK with them

 

Eid Mubarak

 

wasalam

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Sorry cant really reply now...Trustar's nan passed away this weekend, will update soon after i have spoken to her.

 

Thanks for asking though

 

May Allah(SWT) bless you all

 

and Eid Mubarak to all

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salamm bros/sis

 

been a long time since i've been on here, ive had alot going on... but i need some advice... from an Islamic point of view, if i had to leave my family coz they werent acceptin my relationship with pna01 would it be ok for us to marry? or would we need some1 from my family to be a witness? any advice would be great

 

Assalamu alaikum

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AOA

 

My only course of advice is to rebel but the key is to be respectful and cordial at all times.

 

the problme is time is running out, his visa will expire soon and we are tryin to find solutions for him to extend his stay in england... we will marry eachother whether my family say yes or no but i was wondering whether it is wrong to get married without the family

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:D warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

 

I hope you're in good health and in the best iman.

 

As you know paradise lies at the feet of our mothers. A sahaba could not utter the shahada on his death bed because he choose his wife over his mother and she didn't forgive him. This sahaba was known to be a very pious man who never forgot to do ibadah and he could not enter paradise because of the pain he caused his mother. The prophet (pbuh) went to sahaba's mother and they solved the issue and his mother forgave him and only then could he utter the shahda, subhanallah. This is how important our parents are. Ask them and yourself the real reason behind the whole disagreement, is there more to their refusal than merely cultural clash?

 

(I'll try and find the hadeeth inshallah and may Allah (swt) forgive me if i said something wrong)

 

I wouldn't advice you to run away from your parents, your parents will always be there but you must admit husbands/wives can depart from us in the situation of a divorce.

 

Speak to your family and make them realise your point of you, teach them Islam and they'll understand that ethnicity isn't a factor of relevance when it comes to marriage.

 

Both you and brother PNA01 do istikhara and follow what your mind tells you and not the over powering desire, usually in many cases desire clouds us from rational decisions.

 

I hope i was of some help and May Allah (swt) make you both amongst those who prosper in dunya wa akhirah. Hope everything works out and i'll keep you both in my duas inshallah :D

 

May your nan (trustar) be bestowed jannat-ul-firdaus...ameen :D

 

Fee amanillah

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:D warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

 

I hope you're in good health and in the best iman.

 

As you know paradise lies at the feet of our mothers. A sahaba could not utter the shahada on his death bed because he choose his wife over his mother and she didn't forgive him. This sahaba was known to be a very pious man who never forgot to do ibadah and he could not enter paradise because of the pain he caused his mother. The prophet (pbuh) went to sahaba's mother and they solved the issue and his mother forgave him and only then could he utter the shahda, subhanallah. This is how important our parents are. Ask them and yourself the real reason behind the whole disagreement, is there more to their refusal than merely cultural clash?

 

(I'll try and find the hadeeth inshallah and may Allah (swt) forgive me if i said something wrong)

 

I wouldn't advice you to run away from your parents, your parents will always be there but you must admit husbands/wives can depart from us in the situation of a divorce.

 

Speak to your family and make them realise your point of you, teach them Islam and they'll understand that ethnicity isn't a factor of relevance when it comes to marriage.

 

Both you and brother PNA01 do istikhara and follow what your mind tells you and not the over powering desire, usually in many cases desire clouds us from rational decisions.

 

I hope i was of some help and May Allah (swt) make you both amongst those who prosper in dunya wa akhirah. Hope everything works out and i'll keep you both in my duas inshallah :D

 

May your nan (trustar) be bestowed jannat-ul-firdaus...ameen :D

 

Fee amanillah

 

Salam walaikum sister

 

Can you tell me, where does it say that a mother can disown her daughter if she loves a person from another coulture. Where does it say that you can sell your daugter for dignity and status?

I understand the fact that it would be wrong to leave home in a normal situation, but if she does not leave they will keep her there and she wont be able to leave. She might even be sent back to Bangladesh.

 

Do you honestly think we would not do it any differently if it was possible? This was the last option.

 

Also about the hadith....what was the situation in the hadith? Why did he choose his wife over his mum, why did the mum and the wife have trouble between them? You see it's easy to just mention any hadith or surah and swing it which way ever. People use the exact same surahs and hadiths we use to teach our brothers and sisters good things, to turn people against Islam. But you need to know what the situation in this hadith was before you can judge.

 

We both did Istikhara and told an Imam about the dreams and both turned out to be really good. I am a good man, I try my best to do good things for Trustar and her happiness is all that matters to me after Allah ofcourse. All I've been fighting for was for Trustar to be able to make her own decisions, without people blackmailing and making her feel bad to get what they want. No matter who you are, it is wrong Islamically to do that to anyone.

 

We want to get married for a good reason not to hurt anyone. Whether I like it or not, I was not a muslim before and did things I am not to proud of, I have been in relationships before and feel bad about that, but the fact remain, I know what the difference between being in love and loving someone is. The being in love part for us has been over for a while now, if we were merely in love, we would not have stuck by each other through everything we have. I wanna marry her because she would be a good mother for our children, she would be a good wife, she is good in her religion and she brings out the best in me, in all ways especially Islamically, and I like to think I do the same for her.

 

Please correct me if I am wrong please.

 

May Allah's blessings and mercy be apon you.

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Oh and I just wanna ad that I agree 100% with heaven is below your mum's feet!!!

 

But you must also not follow what your parents say if it is unIslamic...

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:D

 

NO girl should be forced marriage against her wishes. Her parents shouldnt force her. In Islam it is encouraged to marry. Parents could be disobeyed if they wish for unislamic acts. If 2 people want to marry, it is the best decision. I have seen situations where the sister is given away by the imam of the masjid.

 

Brother PN could you find an elder the parents respect and speak on your behalf? It is tragedy when parents act this way without no valid reason. Being different colour isnt good enough. Having said this, i would never go against my mother's wishes as iwould find it so hard. Mariage is difficult enough without all this hassle. You will always need your parent support. I am afraid that you may resent each other down the line if Trustar leaves the family for PN. But people do get over these kinda situations after a while. So ask yourselves siste TRustar and brother PN whether your relationship is solid enough to withstand the difficult time ahead?

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:D warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

 

I hope you're in good health and in the best iman.

 

As you know paradise lies at the feet of our mothers. A sahaba could not utter the shahada on his death bed because he choose his wife over his mother and she didn't forgive him. This sahaba was known to be a very pious man who never forgot to do ibadah and he could not enter paradise because of the pain he caused his mother. The prophet (pbuh) went to sahaba's mother and they solved the issue and his mother forgave him and only then could he utter the shahda, subhanallah. This is how important our parents are. Ask them and yourself the real reason behind the whole disagreement, is there more to their refusal than merely cultural clash?

 

(I'll try and find the hadeeth inshallah and may Allah (swt) forgive me if i said something wrong)

 

I wouldn't advice you to run away from your parents, your parents will always be there but you must admit husbands/wives can depart from us in the situation of a divorce.

 

Speak to your family and make them realise your point of you, teach them Islam and they'll understand that ethnicity isn't a factor of relevance when it comes to marriage.

 

Both you and brother PNA01 do istikhara and follow what your mind tells you and not the over powering desire, usually in many cases desire clouds us from rational decisions.

 

I hope i was of some help and May Allah (swt) make you both amongst those who prosper in dunya wa akhirah. Hope everything works out and i'll keep you both in my duas inshallah :D

 

May your nan (trustar) be bestowed jannat-ul-firdaus...ameen :D

 

Fee amanillah

 

salaam sister

 

i understand what u are saying... my mum and one of my brothers are quite religious, my mum prays 5 times a day and her iman is strong, my brother is studying at an Islamic school so he is quite

strong in his faith too. u asked if there might be any other reason y they are disagreein to the wedding? it is purely for the izaat of the family... because there has been no mixed cultures in our family it is a shock to the system... i have explained the situation in previous posts so feel free to read.. jazakallah bout my nan

 

Assalamu alaikum

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Salam,

 

Nice to hear from both of you again.. :D

 

Just a question who's visa is running out?? Am sure that raises more question. I agree with the advice from the bros and sisters from here. Difficult time is ahead.

 

Believe me you guys on started this not many months ago, it takes years for some brothers and sister in the same situation to convice their family. And they do it the right way, teaching and explaining the importance of marriage with all agreeing to it. No point jumping into it. Think about it, get imams/relatives involved.

 

wasalam

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Salam,

 

Nice to hear from both of you again.. :D

 

Just a question who's visa is running out?? Am sure that raises more question. I agree with the advice from the bros and sisters from here. Difficult time is ahead.

 

Believe me you guys on started this not many months ago, it takes years for some brothers and sister in the same situation to convice their family. And they do it the right way, teaching and explaining the importance of marriage with all agreeing to it. No point jumping into it. Think about it, get imams/relatives involved.

 

wasalam

 

salam...

 

i haven't taken a third party to speak to them, my immediate family know and none of them agree with it. if i did take a third party to speak to them then they will say things like wot are u doin, y r u involvlin the world in our affairs etc. i dont wana bad mouth my family but they are being very unreasonable. it doesnt matter what i say Islamically or not im still wrong...

 

Assalamu alaikum

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Salam Everyone

 

Good to be back :D

 

The visa is mine...Wait...wait....yeah I know exactly what you thinking, dont say you aint thinking it!!! lol

 

I signed up for a course to study, a course I already have a diploma in, but I'm doing it again just to stay in the UK. So no, we dont wanna marry for the reason. I am looking for a job with a work permit at the mo, and waiting for the reply. But the fact is, you only allowed to work 20hours a week when studying so I'm going deeper and deeper into trouble by doing that. If the trouble really gets bad with the family and we have to leave we wont have money to do that, so that would mean we would have to go to South Africa. But......Trustar dont want to go there because of violence and it just isn't the best place to raise kids. So no, if anyone thinks that is the reason for wanting to marry, but it is a major problem that just recently came up. It forces us to have to do things quicker.

 

We really would rather want the family to accept than it being this way. If it wasn't for the exact combo of problems we having it would have been a completely different story. I'm not dissagreeing with anyone, I'm saying this is the situation, it aint a normal situation. If anyone knows a better way then please tell me, I'll grab it with both hands but everyone just says wait and we cant even though we want to.

 

May Allah have Mercy on us all

 

Allahhaviz

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Salam Everyone

 

Good to be back :D

 

The visa is mine...Wait...wait....yeah I know exactly what you thinking, dont say you aint thinking it!!! lol

 

I signed up for a course to study, a course I already have a diploma in, but I'm doing it again just to stay in the UK. So no, we dont wanna marry for the reason. I am looking for a job with a work permit at the mo, and waiting for the reply. But the fact is, you only allowed to work 20hours a week when studying so I'm going deeper and deeper into trouble by doing that. If the trouble really gets bad with the family and we have to leave we wont have money to do that, so that would mean we would have to go to South Africa. But......Trustar dont want to go there because of violence and it just isn't the best place to raise kids. So no, if anyone thinks that is the reason for wanting to marry, but it is a major problem that just recently came up. It forces us to have to do things quicker.

 

We really would rather want the family to accept than it being this way. If it wasn't for the exact combo of problems we having it would have been a completely different story. I'm not dissagreeing with anyone, I'm saying this is the situation, it aint a normal situation. If anyone knows a better way then please tell me, I'll grab it with both hands but everyone just says wait and we cant even though we want to.

 

May Allah have Mercy on us all

 

Allahhaviz

 

my heart goes out to both of you, but after reading all of the posts, there is one question i have which has not been mentioned, please do not be offended, i have not meant for that.

 

we have heard about what her family thinks, what about your family? what do think about you becoming a muslim and wishing to marry this girl, will they be happy with it? most importantly, is there anyone who will be there to offer you both emotional support in times of need ( if you elope)?

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Salam,

 

Ouch :D I dont like this anonymous thing here :D cant tell who telling what, who is in trouble!

 

That was my rant for the day... :D

 

Ah so you guys are really planning ahead even WERE thinking of SOUTH AFRICA??? :D

 

Come back down to earth please, life isnt about cooco Land all the time. It is all nice and romantic now till reality really hits you hard on the face and you will land with and very nasty THUD on the ground.

 

Emotions will take over, you will get angry with each other Allah forbid even might get into trouble wehere your family can only help.

 

If worse comes to worse I assume you must involve third party even if it means bad mouth, at least you know you did even try that, other wise one day you will regret for not trying. Dont worry with out cpnsent a gil can not be married to any one else, parents know that! Even the Imam will get in trouble with Allah if he married some one in this situation.

 

I did read some where that the imam can marry the girl if walis are against a marraige??

 

Ahh...i runout o advice..did i make sense here??

 

Yes thats me :D Sister in Islam

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