Jump to content
Islamic Forum
Sign in to follow this  
flower

Hatred For Sibblings & Marriage Issue

Recommended Posts

aslamwalaykom

 

I am very happy about the contructive advice i get from this forum so if its ok. i would like to get some more advice.

 

I have a lot of hatred for my sibblings due to the fact i am a practicing muslim and they are not. they dont give me any respect, they get jealous of me and show through my mum, as they are caring. I hate them because they do unislamic things, films, alcohol,smoke,music,tv and i pray for them but i cannot love them.

 

i have heard in many hadiths a muslim will not go to heaven if he or she does not love his/her brother. i also get jealous with my sibblings now.

 

they didnt let me marry a pious brother and now i cannot marry until one of sibblings is married.

 

my family are not as practicing as much and so they encourage me to work and miss salaat and tell me work comes first and Islam then fits in-which i dont agree with.

 

i want to live an Islamic life,get married and so on. but my family have said they will not accept a pious brother who i meet through a matrimonial website and they said they will look for me.

 

but my problem is. they dont know what i want. they will agree or disagree on the brother by looking at his job,money which i dont want. im only looking for piety and character.

 

i am 23 and they say a girl in todays society should be married at 25. and give me example of girls who are not practicing and how they got married late. my family are killing my desires of bringing up children-with an Islamic mind,at my young age.

 

im so confused and lost and alone.

 

sorry for spilling out my worries here.

 

walaykomaslam

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
PropellerAds

Speak to a reputable imam, ideally English speaking and from a large masjid. It maybe possible for him to take over your gaurdianship or speak to your parents.

 

Did you mention to your parents that someone financially stable, such that they don't have to beg people for money is enough? Also tell them more important is character, otherwise what use is money if he beats you or sleeps around with other women and brings HIV/AIDs to the house?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Also see: (www.)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_www.gawaher(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/show.php/showtopic/22394/"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_www.gawaher(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/show.php/showtopic/22394/[/url]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

aslamwalaykom

 

thank you for the replies.

 

how can i contact an imam?

 

i also feel too shy to do this. what would i say to him?

 

which Masjids can people recommend?

 

sorry for sounding silly. how can he help? would he talk to me parents about it?

 

thank you.

 

walaykomaslam

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In London I would recommend the East London Masjid, the imams speak English and are more in touch with the youth. Which city are you from?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:D

 

I mean, what exactly have you said to your parents to express how you feel?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

salaam sis

 

Dont feel alone sis, i go thru a similar prob with my family. in my family the boys can get away with murder, but if they girls make 1 mistake then everythin is taken away from her,honestly it's insane! I have 3 sis n 3 bros, i am the eldest girl and i have a bro who is older than me. my mum keeps tellin me that the lil ones learn from their elders so if im good then they will be too. But tehn my elder bro can go mess about and then taht rule doesn't apply? I have fallen in love with a white muslim n they found out bout this n r not happy. they have kept this away from my siblings thinking that if they came to know bout this then they will feel they can do the same...which i feel isnt really true, as everyone is responsible for their own actions. Every wrong move the lil ones make i get the blame for coz im the "big sis", they youngsters look up to me, they will follow what i do! it is so annoying, i feel like i cant really live my life, always thinkin what if, and trying to do what they want. I too want to live my life in an Islamic manner but there is always so much going on the family, such as personal issues that i feel like i have to give up my time to help with those issues... and if u dont then ur selfish an inconsiderate...how unfair. To be quite honest my freinds know me better than my family, only coz i cant open up to my family, i mean yeah they all say 'we'r here 4 u, dont hesitate to come to us if u have a problem' but when u do then its 'y do u feel like that?!' 'y did u do that?!' and then they're on ur case 24/7 watchin u like a hawk... im worried i might be like that towards my kids, u know, all shouty and judgemental, and suspicious.

 

Anyways i think u should stick to what u beleive, pray to Allah to strengthen ur faith and theirs.

i dO understand how u feel, read the topic on "they wont accept another culture"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

asalamwalykom all.

 

In London I would recommend the East London Masjid, the imams speak English and are more in touch with the youth. Which city are you from?

 

 

I am from london. so should i ring that Masjid and ask to speak to a imam. do people really want to hear about the troubles of everyone.what if the imam is not interested. All i want to ask is. i want to get married and family are not helping in this matter. so would he be able to help?

 

ws

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
:D

 

I mean, what exactly have you said to your parents to express how you feel?

 

ive always been too shy to tell them i would like to marry. so i thought to find a pious brother myself,which i was successful in. but now they want me to work and not marry until other sibblings are married.

 

it all came out wrong. they dont understand me or they dont understand Islam.

 

ws

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
salaam sis

 

Dont feel alone sis, i go thru a similar prob with my family. in my family the boys can get away with murder, but if they girls make 1 mistake then everythin is taken away from her,honestly it's insane! I have 3 sis n 3 bros, i am the eldest girl and i have a bro who is older than me. my mum keeps tellin me that the lil ones learn from their elders so if im good then they will be too. But tehn my elder bro can go mess about and then taht rule doesn't apply? I have fallen in love with a white muslim n they found out bout this n r not happy. they have kept this away from my siblings thinking that if they came to know bout this then they will feel they can do the same...which i feel isnt really true, as everyone is responsible for their own actions. Every wrong move the lil ones make i get the blame for coz im the "big sis", they youngsters look up to me, they will follow what i do! it is so annoying, i feel like i cant really live my life, always thinkin what if, and trying to do what they want. I too want to live my life in an Islamic manner but there is always so much going on the family, such as personal issues that i feel like i have to give up my time to help with those issues... and if u dont then ur selfish an inconsiderate...how unfair. To be quite honest my freinds know me better than my family, only coz i cant open up to my family, i mean yeah they all say 'we'r here 4 u, dont hesitate to come to us if u have a problem' but when u do then its 'y do u feel like that?!' 'y did u do that?!' and then they're on ur case 24/7 watchin u like a hawk... im worried i might be like that towards my kids, u know, all shouty and judgemental, and suspicious.

 

Anyways i think u should stick to what u beleive, pray to Allah to strengthen ur faith and theirs.

i dO understand how u feel, read the topic on "they wont accept another culture"

 

thank you.

i will read the topic.

 

yes,now i see boys can get away with murder but then the girl cannot do anything.

 

i hate the pakistani culture.

 

ws

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Sign in to follow this  

×