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Bread For My Soul

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Bread for My Soul


A Russian Lady Discovers Islam


By Elena Shromova


"…and then, when Youri Gagarin came back to the earth, glorious as he was, surrounded by thousands of people who wanted to see the hero of the day, an old babushka came to him and asked :


"My son, have you then seen God in Heavens?"


I still see, as if it were just yesterday, my mother standing in the kitchen telling me this popular story, smiling at me—I was eight or nine years of age—smiling at the simple little old babushka who for sure had no idea that the one who believed in God would never ever be able to become a pioneer or a "komsomolez". Such a shame for the poor!


This is how I grew up. Pioneers, red flags, atheism, father Stalin, father Lenin, endless chain of other "fathers". Easter.. well yes, there still was a kind of Easter. We painted eggs and found it very exciting but we were forbidden to tell about it at school (the same reason—the desired title of a pioneer which unless would have been difficult to obtain).


And then everything changed. "Fathers" were "defathered" and the whole country started to search for new idols. Easy money, business, western goods. Freedom, freedom and freedom again. Church slowly gained power, slowly became in. A Mafioso with a gold chain almost dicker than his neck as well as all possible politicians and Mr. president himself didn’t fail to attend the church on an appropriate occasion.


I can only say from that time that this mass church euphoria didn’t touch me at all. Well, the façade became more beautiful, more attractive, more fashionable, but it still didn’t give answers to the very essential questions. As my logic just refused to accept the idea of God having a son and I didn’t see other ways rather than church and Christianity I questioned the whole existence of life after death, the meaning of life, the meaning of myself in this world.


This was probably the time when I unconsciously started to search for God, I wanted deadly to find answers to my questions. I couldn’t live just like that, just exist without any purpose as it seemed to me. At times I had an indescribable fear of death. It was almost a depression. At these moments I would ask myself again and again, well, suppose you will have a happy life according to the standards: loving husband, lovely children, good job, good friends, and then you die would anything from your whole life have any meaning. Your children and grandchildren will also one day be gone. The Earth, The Cosmos, everything will one day be gone. Why do I live then? Why making efforts? Where is this line of what is right and what is wrong? Why being good? Why being bad?


(www.)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_www.islamonline(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/english/journey/2005/12/jour03.shtml"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_www.islamonline(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/english/journey...12/jour03.shtml[/url]

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