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Sister Veiled Muslimah started (www.)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_www.gawaher(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/index.php?showtopic=23709"]this topic[/url] and I was curious as to how the sisters would answer similar questions. Here they are:

 

1.Is it important for the brother to be physically fit and attractive?

2.Is it important for the brother to have to been to university?

3.How important is it to settle near your family and how would you react if your family kept criticising him, do you expect him to obey your father even if he behaves unjustly towards him?

4.How important is it to get to know him properly i.e. see him regularly with your mahram, what if he feels uncomfortable talking?

5.How do you feel about going outside the home? Studying outside? Working outside? Going to the gym?

6.Should the brother be sensitive?

7.What’s the ideal age difference, if he’s four years older, is that too old?

8.Should he have a cultural/traditional upbringing?

 

I, for one, will be looking forward to your answers. Thanks to sis Veiled Muslimah for her post.

 

:D

AS

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1.Is it important for the brother to be physically fit and attractive

 

Somewhat yes......but it can be more than something physical that makes a person attractive.

 

2.Is it important for the brother to have to been to university?

It would be nice, but not always a neccessity.

 

3.How important is it to settle near your family and how would you react if your family kept criticising him, do you expect him to obey your father even if he behaves unjustly towards him?

I would love to stay close to my family but would definately move if my husband wanted to. I wouldn't expect him to obey my father if he was being unjust. I would be vocal in my disapproval of my families criticism unless otherwise justified.

 

4.How important is it to get to know him properly i.e. see him regularly with your mahram, what if he feels uncomfortable talking?

I think it is very important to get to know the person well. If he feels uncomfortable talking well obviousely I wouldn't push it. It just tells me more about him.

 

 

5.How do you feel about going outside the home? Studying outside? Working outside? Going to the gym?

 

I wouldn't consider going to the gym a neccessity. Ideally it would be better to stay at home. But if you're job is halal and you both agree then I thinking working outside the home is okay.

 

6.Should the brother be sensitive
?

 

sensitive.......sure.......but not too much.

 

7.What’s the ideal age difference, if he’s four years older, is that too old

 

I think a 4 or 5 year age difference is okay.

 

 

8.Should he have a cultural/traditional upbringing?

I'm not too sure what that means but........as long as culture doesn't overule Islam things should be okay.

 

:D

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Its only fair if the sisters have their turn...here goes *takes a deep breath* :D

 

1. Is it important for the brother to be physically fit and attractive?

 

Fit yes, a healthy lifestyle is a good thing for both brothers and sisters. Attractive- that is highly subjective, but I guess.. in my eyes, yes. Although 75% personality 25% looks is more like it.

 

2.Is it important for the brother to have to been to university?

 

Not a necessity. However, I would really admire someone with confidence in his knowledge of the deen, because he could teach me alot inshaAllah!

 

3.How important is it to settle near your family and how would you react if your family kept criticising him, do you expect him to obey your father even if he behaves unjustly towards him?

 

Settling near my family isn't so important. I understand a brother wanting to be near their family though, as if anything happened they would be responsible for them.

 

I don't expect him to obey my father, afterall when you get married your guardianship and protection shifts from your baba to your dh, *cue the sighs of relief from all the fathers* :D

 

4.How important is it to get to know him properly i.e. see him regularly with your mahram, what if he feels uncomfortable talking?

 

Define regularly? I would need to speak to him more than once, but not excessivley. I guess about 4-5 meetings would be good. I would hope that he would carry some of the conversation as girls are generally alot shier(is that even a word?) in these situations, although I suppose the first meeting would be the most awkward for both :D

 

5.How do you feel about going outside the home? Studying outside? Working outside? Going to the gym?

 

I would like to go out with my husband, I don't care for wandering the streets alone. However if it is necessary ie. shopping etc it would be nice if the bro was reasonable about that.

 

Work- I wouldn't mind working, however if the dh was totally against the idea then i would stop. This would be something discussed beforehand though. If Alllah blessed me with children the job would be put on hold.

 

I go to an All female gym, and I like my excercise so I don't think its unreasonable to want to carry that on. It would be in his best interests too...

 

6.Should the brother be sensitive?

 

Would be nice if they shared their feelings and were aware of not being hurtful, but not overly sensitive (should be able to lay the law down and command respect from the kiddies, in a gentle way ofcourse)

 

7.What’s the ideal age difference, if he’s four years older, is that too old?

 

Ideally 3-5 years. Allahu alam, but I think personally the maximum is 6yrs.

 

8.Should he have a cultural/traditional upbringing?

 

Adds a nice dimension, as long as it isn't in contradiction with the Qur'aan & Sunnah. If it is, then no thanks!

 

Gosh that was long!

Edited by emel

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1.Is it important for the brother to be physically fit and attractive?

 

As long as his looks dont bother me, or scare me, than thats ok if he is kind of ugly lol. :D Actually I would kind be happy if he wasnt so attractive, cause I dont want other women looking at him ie4.gif

Besides... when you like someone, they start to look soooooooooooooooo beautiful to you :D and attractive does not only come from physical looks, but the way one talks and acts.

 

... um it would be nice if he was average... but i guess he can be a little chubby... be he at least has to be fit to be a mujahid :D insh'Allah

 

2.Is it important for the brother to have to been to university?

no... :D as long as he is educated about the world and everything. Of course Islamic education ALWAYS comes first!

 

3.How important is it to settle near your family and how would you react if your family kept criticising him, do you expect him to obey your father even if he behaves unjustly towards him?

UM LOL HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA MY DAD BETTER like this guy ALOT if he is going to allow me to marry him... and my dad will probably allows advising him and stuff, but for the better insh'Allah mash'Allah... in most, not all tho... I would expect my husband to listen to him, if I knew my father was correct.

and I know my parents want us near by, but they wouldnt stop us from moving insh'Allah

 

4.How important is it to get to know him properly i.e. see him regularly with your mahram, what if he feels uncomfortable talking?

um insh'Allah if my father knows he is a good guy, and if in one of the meetings I feel comfortable and if insh'Allah I can relate to some of the stuff he says, than insh'Allah I dont think its that necessary to get to know everything about him...

 

omg he if feels uncomfortable talking, i dont know what Im going to do :D insh'Allah im praying he loves to talk cause I know I am going to be waaaaaay embarrassed and shy tooo LOL so, someone has to be talking! insh'Allah

 

5.How do you feel about going outside the home? Studying outside? Working outside? Going to the gym?

um depends what country we are in... insh'Allah we are in a muslim country.... cause I seriously would not like him out that much in the land of the kuffur... and studying there...

he can go to a gym as long as its MALE only...

his job wont have much to do with interacting with women! :D my husband wont sit in an office all day.. or anything... something more like my dad....

 

teacher, Islamic store owner, Islamic aid instructor... and i dunno.. of course, mujahid B)

 

continued:

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6.Should the brother be sensitive?

yes yes yes insh'Allah!! :D

 

7.What’s the ideal age difference, if he’s four years older, is that too old?

um i guess 4 is ok... 1 second older to 4 years :D (it would be hard for me to marrying someone, even half a second younger X_X lol)

 

8.Should he have a cultural/traditional upbringing?

 

insh'Allah not... he can... but :D he would not care for any of it.

:D

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5.How do you feel about going outside the home? Studying outside? Working outside? Going to the gym?[/color]

um depends what country we are in... insh'Allah we are in a muslim country.... cause I seriously would not like him out that much in the land of the kuffur... and studying there...

he can go to a gym as long as its MALE only...

his job wont have much to do with interacting with women! :D my husband wont sit in an office all day.. or anything... something more like my dad....

 

teacher, Islamic store owner, Islamic aid instructor... and i dunno.. of course, mujahid B)

 

continued:

 

salaam

 

sis muja, i think this was talking abt how you would feel about going outside the home? Studying outside? Working outside? Going to the gym? :D

 

(inshallah i hope u r not offended :D )

 

ws salaam

Edited by khumara

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:D

o :D

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:D

 

i am already married... but i will answer anyways :D

 

1.Nope

 

2.Nope

 

3.Well i would like to stay near my family, but its up to him... i mean wouldt my husband like to stay near his family? If my family kept critizing him i would keep a blind ear to the criticism and an open ear to anything else :D.. i don't expect him to obey my father...why should he? but he should be cordial :D

 

4.Not important, i saw my husband only for 5 mins.

 

5.Don't mind, just come home on time! :D i wouldnt like my husband going to the gym... Studying, well why not? especially if studying Islam! About work, well if he is studying Islam...he will obviosly choose something in that line, so no worries there! about me, well i stay home period and dont go out unless necesarry or if my hsuband takes me.

 

6.yeah but not overdue it

 

7.my husband is 5 years and 10 months older than me... so his being older is not an issue...

 

8. nope

 

:D

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:D

 

Sister Veiled Muslimah started (www.)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_www.gawaher(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/index.php?showtopic=23709"]this topic[/url] and I was curious as to how the sisters would answer similar questions. Here they are:

 

1.Is it important for the brother to be physically fit and attractive?

2.Is it important for the brother to have to been to university?

3.How important is it to settle near your family and how would you react if your family kept criticising him, do you expect him to obey your father even if he behaves unjustly towards him?

4.How important is it to get to know him properly i.e. see him regularly with your mahram, what if he feels uncomfortable talking?

5.How do you feel about going outside the home? Studying outside? Working outside? Going to the gym?

6.Should the brother be sensitive?

7.What’s the ideal age difference, if he’s four years older, is that too old?

8.Should he have a cultural/traditional upbringing?

 

I, for one, will be looking forward to your answers. Thanks to sis Veiled Muslimah for her post.

 

:D

AS

 

:D

 

1. Being physically fit: yes. Beauty is interpreted differently by everybody, but yeah, i would like to be attracted to him.

2. I would like to be married to someone who is educated, and knowledgable about Islam.

3. I think its pretty important to live near my parents because they are getting older, nd as their daughter, i need to be there for them. If my family kept critising him, i'd give 'em a piece of my mind. (nah just kidding!) But seriously, i would sit them down and confront them about it. im not sure about the third part.

4. It is important because i might be spending the rest of my life with them, inshallah.

5. erm.....im totally okay with the studying part.......working too.......about the gym, it would have to be segregated. :D

6. Yeah,because im sensitive....but not overly sensitive.. :D

7. I would think that four years is a little too much. maybe 2-3 years older, max.... one year older would probably be best.

8. I would like him to have some knowledge of his cultural traditions, so our children(inshallah) would have a good understanding of their roots. But its not a must. :D

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1. Being physically fit: yes. Attractive:yes

 

 

2. I would like to be married to someone who goes or went to uni and knows Islam

 

3. doenst matter at all as long as im happy.

 

4. For sure! I need to talk to him and see what hes like. I cant just talk to him for 5 minutes and then its over! Its not like I can order a husband based on criteria. I ahve to see what hes like. If hes shy thats okay cuz IM shy too.

 

5. I dont think theres anything wrong with going out, to the gym, to school and working.

 

 

6. a little sensitivity wouldnt hurt

 

 

7. les than 7-8 yrs difference.

 

8. No. I hate traditions because they USUALLY GO AGAINST the deen and if he puts traditions before deen, forget it!

 

-tasneem

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1.Is it important for the brother to be physically fit and attractive?Fit- yes, don't want him all ill and weak. Attractive- ermm he doesn't have to be prince charming, but decent looking.

 

2.Is it important for the brother to have to been to university?

Big time- 100%

 

3.How important is it to settle near your family and how would you react if your family kept criticising him, do you expect him to obey your father even if he behaves unjustly towards him?

Settling near family- I would love it, and that would be the best thing. However, thats fate, where ever I end up, I end up. As for my family criticising him, I would be quite upset, as I would like them to make him feel comfortable, just like they'd want his parents to mke me feel welcome too. And I expect him to respect and obey my father, and just have patience, even if my father was being unjust or whatever. I dont feel its right being rude to elders.

 

4.How important is it to get to know him properly i.e. see him regularly with your mahram, what if he feels uncomfortable talking?

Yeh, definitly, I would want to know him so much that I feel comfortable talking to him and stuff. If he felt uncomfortable, I'd let him tke his time, and let him open up at his own pace. But if he's constantly shy, say like good 2months lollll, he's out.

 

5.How do you feel about going outside the home? Studying outside? Working outside? Going to the gym?

Perfectly free and comfortable. I do what I feel like and want to do.

 

6.Should the brother be sensitive?

It doesn't bother me... everyone is different in this term.

 

7.What’s the ideal age difference, if he’s four years older, is that too old?

Would like him to be same age or would prefer a year older. 3 yrs, would be maximum difference.

 

8.Should he have a cultural/traditional upbringing?

Yeh (has to be the same as me), so he doesn't clash with my cultural upbringing, and we'd understand each other's values and background.

 

:D

Edited by ~LO$T_4_EVA~

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If I could add a sub-question related to question 1, would the sisters be willing to marry a completely bald-headed man? (Assuming he has a beard, though.)

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I would just like to point out to all my brothers and sisters that whoever you are going to marry InshaAllah is already decided. Yes it is nice to sit around and ask the questions of would you do this if this happened or what would you do in this case...really when it comes down to it if you like their way of practising Islam you are going to put that first inshaAllah. I personally dont think its appropriate for members on this forum to be asking the opposite gender what they would like in another spouse, because these questions should be saved for only the brother or sister we are meeting for marriage. And remember Allah knows best what you are looking for, Allah knows what is in your heart and will reward you inshaAllah for your patience and trust in Him.

 

InshaAllah May Allah bless you all with wonderful spouses and companions for the next life

Edited by desertdweller

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:D

 

Sister Veiled Muslimah started (www.)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_www.gawaher(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/index.php?showtopic=23709"]this topic[/url] and I was curious as to how the sisters would answer similar questions. Here they are:

 

1.Is it important for the brother to be physically fit and attractive?

2.Is it important for the brother to have to been to university?

3.How important is it to settle near your family and how would you react if your family kept criticising him, do you expect him to obey your father even if he behaves unjustly towards him?

4.How important is it to get to know him properly i.e. see him regularly with your mahram, what if he feels uncomfortable talking?

5.How do you feel about going outside the home? Studying outside? Working outside? Going to the gym?

6.Should the brother be sensitive?

7.What’s the ideal age difference, if he’s four years older, is that too old?

8.Should he have a cultural/traditional upbringing?

 

I, for one, will be looking forward to your answers. Thanks to sis Veiled Muslimah for her post.

 

:D

AS

 

Asalam Alaikum. Interesting topic!

 

1) to be physically fit is essential, in the sense that he has to be active in work, Islam etc. Attractive... :D according to me, what's attractive is the degree of modesty, so yeah, he's got to be 'attractive', but faith comes first. It's not always about looks is it!

 

2) It is very important for him to have been to University, in order to have a broader understanding of the society which he lives in, how to deal with the education system etc.

 

3) It would be fantastic to live near my family cause i have a big family and it would be nice to keep in close touch with them. As for obeying my father, well, as an elderly gentleman that my father is, my husband has to respect him, for the sake of Allah (swt). Hence, my father will not treat him unjustly! :D

 

4) It would be important to see and talk to him cause it will help both of us to understand each other better and find out what we have in common etc. If he feels uncomfortable, then i'll be like 'ok brov, you take your time' :D :D

 

5) I feel comfortable to a certain extent in going out. I'm a student, hence, i have to go outside of home to college/university... but i maintain my hijab, hence, i do feel comfortable on that degree. As for the gym- don't need it yet! But if i did go, i would have it as 'women only'.

 

6) Definitely!!!!! Of course he has to be strong, manly and protective, but he has to have a sensitive side in order to relate to me, cause im proper sensitive!

 

7) not at all! 4 years is fine! probably 6 years maximum but i wouldnt marry someone the same age as me- i find it a bit :D

 

8) NOOOO! He has to be brought up by the understanding of Islam PURELY! Culture can be a bit doubtful sometimes- he has to follow the principles of Islam and not intervene culture. You can never go wrong in Islam :D :D

 

Walaikum Salam

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:D

 

Sister Veiled Muslimah started (www.)"http://gawaher/index.php?showtopic=23709"]this topic[/url] and I was curious as to how the sisters would answer similar questions. Here they are:

 

1.Is it important for the brother to be physically fit and attractive?

2.Is it important for the brother to have to been to university?

3.How important is it to settle near your family and how would you react if your family kept criticising him, do you expect him to obey your father even if he behaves unjustly towards him?

4.How important is it to get to know him properly i.e. see him regularly with your mahram, what if he feels uncomfortable talking?

5.How do you feel about going outside the home? Studying outside? Working outside? Going to the gym?

6.Should the brother be sensitive?

7.What’s the ideal age difference, if he’s four years older, is that too old?

8.Should he have a cultural/traditional upbringing?

 

I, for one, will be looking forward to your answers. Thanks to sis Veiled Muslimah for her post.

 

:D

AS

 

 

Salaams,

 

1)Physicallly fit yes. Attractive? according to whos standards?

 

2)It would be nice, but its not important for him to have been to university; which means he should'nt have a problem if I've been :D. He can still be intelligent without having been to university.

 

3)It would be great if I could live near my family, however that that hardly ever happens, so I woul'nt mind if we did'nt. Nevertheless that would would also mean I need to have regualr contact with them. As for obeying my father, well he would have to be respectful and patient. If I felt my dad was being unjust I would talk to him, but he would most probably just be doing his job as a dad ie being protective.

 

4)It is quite important to have some sort of contact, with a mahram of course, but then again I wouldn't get much out of it, since I would feel quite awkward, with my dad or my uncle 'watching' :D though I know they have to. I think meeting him once or twice is sufficient.

 

5) I already study outside the home, so I dont have a problem there. Working outside the home, of course! regardless of whether he had a good income. Why else am I studying? :D As for the gym...pah :D dont need it, but inshallah, I would'nt mind going when I feel the need arises. B)

 

6) Erm yes, actually make that a definate yes. Though he can't be all sensitive and be protective, manly etc.

 

7) I have noticed that the older the brother is the better he treats his wife, sort of protective and can maintain her better. However, I think him being (maximum) five/six years older is okay with me. Though thats not to say I wouldn't consider someone my age.

 

8) The cultural/ traditional upbringing is not important to me. In fact it might cause problems, especially if your marrying someone from a different culture.

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I would like to make a comment but I don't think I am allowed to.

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Panthera Tigris, why don’t you think you’re allowed to make a comment?

 

 

My answers would be:

1.Is it important for the brother to be physically fit and attractive?

In my eyes, definitely. I don’t care what others think though.

 

2.Is it important for the brother to have to been to university?

His education should be compatible to hers or at least not too far apart so that they are compatible intellectually. In my case it would be a definite yes.

 

3.How important is it to settle near your family and how would you react if your family kept criticizing him, do you expect him to obey your father even if he behaves unjustly towards him?

I would rather live near my family than his, but that is not usually a choice because where you live depends on many factors.

Knowing my family (and my father) and looking at how they treat my brother-in-law, I doubt they would criticize him unless he was treating me so bad they just can’t keep quite about it. Anyway, I don’t expect him to obey my father – only his but I do expect him to treat my father (and mother and the rest of the family) with respect – if he wants me to treat his family with respect that is.

 

4.How important is it to get to know him properly i.e. see him regularly with your mahram, what if he feels uncomfortable talking?

Very. I am not going to marry a total stranger.

 

5.How do you feel about going outside the home? Studying outside? Working outside? Going to the gym?

If he knows me well enough, I don’t think he would want me to be locked up between four walls. But this would probably be discussed before marriage.

 

6.Should the brother be sensitive?

A definite yes. Nobody likes an insensitive person (male or female).

 

7.What’s the ideal age difference, if he’s four years older, is that too old?

I don’t care if he’s older or younger as long as he’s closer to my age than he is to my father’s (and I am closer to his age than his mother’s). Being closer in age makes us more compatible.

 

 

8.Should he have a cultural/traditional upbringing?

Similar or close to mine. It helps us see things through the same perspective; it also makes his family more likely to accept me and my family more likely to accept him.

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I would like to make a comment but I don't think I am allowed to.

 

:D brother, if you think the comment is appropriate, just make it.

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:D

 

I'm also already married...I'll just answer anyway

 

1.Is it important for the brother to be physically fit and attractive?

Yes, that is very important. There needs to be attraction...so look after yourselves brothers.

 

2.Is it important for the brother to have to been to university?

It doesnt matter at all, as long as the brother has a good job and can provide for his wife

 

3.How important is it to settle near your family and how would you react if your family kept criticising him, do you expect him to obey your father even if he behaves unjustly towards him?

It would be fab if the brother could settle near the family but if not, it really doesnt matter. Family should not criticise the son in law if they respect their daugher and no, he doesnt have to obey an unjust Father in law but should at least try and maintain family relations.

 

4.How important is it to get to know him properly i.e. see him regularly with your mahram, what if he feels uncomfortable talking? Its important to meet him a few times before marriage so that you can get an idea as to what he is like. Then hope for the best...if he is shy...then...goodbye!!

 

5.How do you feel about going outside the home? Studying outside? Working outside? Going to the gym?

I think the husband should allow the wife freedom and the wife shouldnt abuse it.

 

6.Should the brother be sensitive?

Not tooo sensitive...but he should be caring and understanding.

 

7.What’s the ideal age difference, if he’s four years older, is that too old?

Four years is not too old...Personally I kept the age diff to up to 15 years older

 

8.Should he have a cultural/traditional upbringing?

He should be aware of his culture but have a good Islamic education so that he doesnt mix up the two.

 

Fi Aman Allah

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