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Assalamu alaykum wrwb

 

Insha'Allah we hope this topic will be very beneficial as well as entertaining! :D

 

Seeing as we all will insha'Allah be hitched, so to speak, thought might as well discuss it.

 

Well marriage is such an important institution, its a life changing thing, perhaps daunting to some extent for some and of course exciting, especially for us ladeez! (Ladies).

 

Insha'Allah will post some Ayahs and Hadiths relating to them...that's all for now.

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Assalamu alaykum wr

 

The intention is not to offend anyone who holds such beliefs or is currently studying, rather it is to just raise some awareness insha'Allah. Below is what i thought was a really good article regaridng marriage, insha'Allah should be beneficial i hope...

 

 

Where exactly do our priorities lie in life?.. An excellent and refreshing read :D

 

Marriage, To Wait or Not to Wait....

That is The Question!

 

"I don't care if I am 55 when I finish school, I will not get married until I finish my education."

 

The above is a quote from a young Muslim woman pursuing what she calls her "education." Unfortunately, her strong dedication to finishing the Western undergraduate and graduate university "education" system reflects the ever growing trend among young Muslims in this society: to wait until they posses a "degree" before entertaining the prospect of marriage. What is even more grim is the fact that these young Muslims' parents reflect the same diseased ideology.

 

Somehow, the Western system of "education" has replaced Islam as the central priority in Muslims' lives. This blind dedication to obtaining a degree is so ingrained in the Muslim family that if a daughter herself is interested in marriage, the parents will forbid the matrimony solely on the grounds that she must finish school. Thus, marriage has virtually become a bad word in several Muslim circles if that word "marriage" is at all connected with the marriage of a "daughter" who has not finished "school," i.e. "college." Of course, if she has not finished high school, marriage is beyond undesirable; it is unthinkable. Such counterproductive thought processes are contributing to the breakdown of the Muslim ummah, and they are preventing the true establishment of Islam in our society and lives.

 

Every society has a foundation, and that foundation is the family. If we Muslims value obtaining Western college degrees more than we value establishing the foundation for an Islamic society, what does this say for the future of our ummah? Furthermore, what does it say about our claim that we are indeed Muslims? It goes without saying that there is benefit to holding a college degree, but when weighed against the benefit of marriage, which is half of our religion, marriage heavily outweighs it. Thus, when we see that in the hearts and minds of Muslims the benefits or "urgency" of a college degree outweighs marriage, there is something seriously wrong in our ummah not to mention our thinking.

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continued...

 

Although, on the surface, the issue of education versus marriage seems complex, the explanation for this phenomenon is actually quite simple: our basic values lie not in the akhira (Hereafter) but in the dunya (wordly life). Whenever we are presented with an order from Allah or His Messenger (i.e. marriage), we fulfill that order only in so much as it does not prevent us from attaining the glitter of the dunya. For many of us, if the order inconveniences our dunya too much, we ignore the order all together--hence, the quote above. For most of us, if something must give ---dunya or akhira---the choice is simple: akhira goes first. Hence, we have the prioritizing of school versus marriage.

 

Another phenomenon prevalent in our ummah that is weakening the foundation of our Islamic society (family) and serves as a ground to delay marriage is Muslims' ever growing fascination with a chronological number attached to each person because that person happened to be born on a particular day in a particular year, commonly termed "age." Somehow, we have internalized the Western definition of "childhood" and "adulthood" so much so that we frequently refer to our young adult children of marriageable age as "children" or "too young" to marry. Both the labeling of adults as "children" and the excuse that adults are "too young" to marry are phenomena that are not only new to Islam but are inventions of the modern age in general. [editor's note: dare we forget the ages of many of the sahaabah? How Usama bin Zaid led an army in his teens, and how we had "teenage" mujaahideen?]. And just as we follow the people of the world into the "lizard hole" of "education," we follow our modern teachers (who have replaced the Prophet (saw) as our example) into the "lizard hole" of obsession with age. And just as holding a college degree has become the single most important accomplishment of the young Muslim and her family, so has age become the most significant determinant of whether or not a person is "ready" to marry.

 

The question is, what do we do about it? First, we must reclaim our Islamic identity and re-evaluate our purpose on this earth. When we do this honestly, we will discover that our purpose here is very straightforward: to establish Islam in our lives and then in the world at large. Everything else, such as attending a local university and obtaining a college degree, falls under the category of "accessories," i.e. "not necessary." Thus, when a Muslim is faced with the prospect of marriage, which falls under the category of "establishing Islam," there should be no hesitation, and any desired "accessory" should be pursued only in so far as Islam is pursued. As a result, there is the possible scenario of, yes, a "young married college student," or dare I say, "young married high school student."

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The benefits of marrying are enormous, and those benefits increase when marriage occurs sooner rather than later. Guarding the chastity of our youth and encouraging the birth of several children for the growth of this ummah [not to mention the fact the marriage creates an ideal scenario for man and woman to increase their chances of entering Paradise and fulfill half of their religion] are serious benefits that Muslim parents and youth need to reconsider. Let us reclaim Islam for ourselves and share it with the world, and let us start in the home by encouraging young men and young women to marry. Let us redefine "education" and "adulthood" based upon Qur'an and Sunnah.

 

And may Allah bless us to please Him while we are on this earth through establishing Islam in every aspect of our lives without hesitation, and may we attain Paradise, our goal. ameen.gif.

 

Bro.Baiyinah Siddeeq

 

WSwr

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:D

 

Isn't part of marriage that a husband needs to be financially capable of, at least, making sure the wife can survive? If one or both people in a couple are in school and can't support another person, maybe they don't even entirely support themselves, then shouldn't they wait?

 

:D

 

:D

AS

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:D

 

Isn't part of marriage that a husband needs to be financially capable of, at least, making sure the wife can survive? If one or both people in a couple are in school and can't support another person, maybe they don't even entirely support themselves, then shouldn't they wait?

 

:D

 

:D

AS

 

 

:D

 

:D sister

 

 

I think, brother, the answer to your question is implied by the following statement in the article.

 

When we do this honestly, we will discover that our purpose here is very straightforward: to establish Islam in our lives and then in the world at large. Everything else, such as attending a local university and obtaining a college degree, falls under the category of "accessories," i.e. "not necessary." Thus, when a Muslim is faced with the prospect of marriage, which falls under the category of "establishing Islam," there should be no hesitation, and any desired "accessory" should be pursued only in so far as Islam is pursued

 

It is not imperative that the husband should be able to be able to buy a top end car for the wife, but rather should be able to fulfil the basic nessecities of life. In case a person is utterly destitute, then he should wait for a better time. One should be able to clearly differentiate between needs and wants.

 

Narated By 'Alqama : While I was with Abdullah, 'Uthman met him at Mina and said, "O Abu 'Abdur-Rahman ! I have something to say to you." So both of them went aside and 'Uthman said, "O Abu 'Abdur-Rah. man! Shall we marry you to a virgin who will make you remember your past days?" When 'Abdullah felt that he was not in need of that, he beckoned me (to join him) saying, "O 'Alqama!" Then I heard him saying (in reply to 'Uthman), "As you have said that, (I tell you that) the Prophet once said to us, 'O young people! Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry, and whoever is not able to marry, is recommended to fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power.[Volumn 007, Book 062, Hadith Number 003.]

 

 

And Allah :D knows best.

 

w/salaam

Edited by noxiouspython

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:D warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

 

You're right AS in terms of the husband needing to sustain his family.

 

The fact is too many of us muslims use this hadeeth about marriage as a way to abandon everything else and get all hitched as though it was a means of entertainment. One of my sisters got married after having graduated which was good for her. While my other sister was completely the opposite. Now the sister that was educated came out better off.

 

It is possible to do both but the percentage of people who have managed to have children, get married whilst studying and get a degree is so small that it seems almost insignifcant.

 

We are not all blessed like Khadija (ra) who was married and educated.

 

That article you posted sis Sia encourages young children to become obssesed with marriage. When the youth start to study the deen and gain ilm they are immediately consumed with the whole issue of marriage. They forget the ilm side of the deen.....that is part of reality. People need to put their priorities straight.

 

May Allah (swt) bestow us prosperity in this life and the hereafter. Ameen :D

 

People differ...opinions differ....

 

 

Allahu'Alim.

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:D

 

The fact is too many of us muslims use this hadeeth about marriage as a way to abandon everything else and get all hitched as though it was a means of entertainment. One of my sisters got married after having graduated which was good for her. While my other sister was completely the opposite. Now the sister that was educated came out better off.

 

I know people who werent educated and thier marriages turned out well, and some who were higly educated and they had severe marital issues!

 

It is possible to do both but the percentage of people who have managed to have children, get married whilst studying and get a degree is so small that it seems almost insignifcant.

 

The reason why the number of people who get married and study is very low becasue people nowadays don't prefer to study, after marriage. Although, some people today too get married soon and continue studying. its about ones determination. Dr. Bilal Philips is one example, he studied in madina university after he got married.

 

When the youth start to study the deen and gain ilm they are immediately consumed with the whole issue of marriage. They forget the ilm side of the deen.....that is part of reality.

 

Marriage is a part of the deen, and as has been mentioned in the hadith above. And sister marriage, infact, gets the attention off other [related] issues and helps to safegaurd one chastity.

 

People need to put their priorities straight.

 

Exactly, sister :D

 

 

w/salaam

Edited by noxiouspython

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:D

 

It is not imperative that the husband should be able to be able to buy a top end car for the wife, but rather should be able to fulfil the basic nessecities of life. In case a person is utterly destitute, then he should wait for a better time. One should be able to clearly differentiate between needs and wants.

 

Correct, this is what I've said. Many college students ARE utterly destitute, in regards to actually providing for themselves or a spouse...

 

In the USA graduate students are paid below what's considered the poverty level, without benefits such as health insurance, and married graduate students are encouraged to apply for welfare. Single graduate students typically make too much money, by about $100 annually :D This is why many students take out student loans or live with parents during these years.

 

In this case I think implementing Islam in our lives means that we need to become financially stable as individuals before jeopardizing not only our own futures but those of our spouses as well.

 

Allahu alim.

 

In any case, I do pray that we are all able to wed pious spouses as soon as possible :D

 

:D

AS

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:D

 

 

100$ annually :D

 

really?

 

w/salaam

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:D :D Yes. You *may* have misread what I said though. I said single students typically fail to qualify for welfare because they make more per year than is allowed, but only by *about* $100.

 

That's not how much they earn in a year, but how much over the limit they earn.

 

Now, that $100 depends of course on the school and pay rate, there will be plenty of students above and below that number. Meaning that some single grad students DO qualify for welfare, somewhere.

 

The point is that not all students are living with thousands of dollars between them and the poverty level. Moreover, in my opinion, it would be unwise to invite someone else to share that stress. BUT, I suppose, as a couple, you might THEN qualify for welfare.

 

Maybe the people who push for marriage before financial stability should let us know how well the offer of welfare money as mahr goes :D

 

:D

AS

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:D

 

 

 

I thought you were being sarcastic...

 

Single graduate students typically make too much money, by about $100 annually

 

 

w/salaam

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Get married, delay having kids till after graduation.

 

Part time job can be enough to cover her food and clothes. Maybe she can still stay at her parents until after her husband graduates and can afford a place of their own?

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Get married, delay having kids till after graduation.

 

Part time job can be enough to cover her food and clothes. Maybe she can still stay at her parents until after her husband graduates and can afford a place of their own?

 

:D

 

 

that is a good idea... i am not sure about the delaying of kids but it seems good...

 

w/salaam

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:D

 

on second thoughs, i think the article i posted was intended for people above the age of 20. Its just an eye opener and makes you think twice really.

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If you delay marriage it can cause problems.

 

If you marry for the first time, especially for a woman who has been working and independent, it can be hard to adjust to having to report to someone your whereabouts, asking permission to leave the house etc.

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:D

 

There's always going to advantages and disadvantages to any situation. Surely, one should be able to see the vast benefits of marriage. Although i belive you have a very good point bro ^^.

 

Maybe you should enquire to the girl's parents as to her personality and such like to avoid problems from arising, although problems will be inevitable. Alternatively, exchange CV's (CV=Ciruculum Vitae)

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:D

 

 

exchange CV's (CV=Ciruculum Vitae)

 

 

good idea, but sister what should be in it?

 

w/salaam

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:D

 

... what should be in it?

 

It should contain "bio-data" :D Sorry to the sisters that own this blog I just had to say that... the term bio-data makes me laugh because it seems like people are arranging marriages between robots :D

 

:D

AS

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:D

It should contain "bio-data" :D Sorry to the sisters that own this blog I just had to say that... the term bio-data makes me laugh because it seems like people are arranging marriages between robots :D

 

:D

AS

 

 

:D

 

 

:D

 

 

seriously, it should contain the person's bio-data as in height and wieight :D

 

 

w/salaam

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(www.)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_www.gawaher(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/index.php?showtopic=20871"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_www.gawaher(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/index.php?showtopic=20871[/url]

 

Saliha Begum

21 Newland Road

Littletown

Big Country

020 7941 4500

 

Age 21

5'3"

9 stone / slim

Never Married

She observes prayer and modesty through hijab and jilbab.

 

Education

BA Primary Education 2.1

A Levels English Literature, Art, Psychology (ABB)

 

Employment

Primary School Teacher

 

Interests and Hobbies

Reading and writing around various topics, poetry, Islam, family and current affairs. Arabic calligraphy and cooking south Asian food. Provide study support to GCSE students for English and attend weekly halaqahs.

 

Family

She is the eldest in the family, with 2 younger sisters and 2 younger brothers, who are all at school.

Father is Abdullah Shah, tailor.

Mother is Sumayyah Begum, housewife.

UK address: 21 Newland Road, Littletown, Big Country 020 7941 4500

Bangladesh addess: Little Village, Big District, Someplace

 

Seeking

Practising Muslim brother, aged 24-28, has degree, professional and is financially stable. Never married, at least 5'6" in height and not overweight.

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:D

 

 

oh interesting.... what about the picture?

 

 

Well this seems like a good idea...

 

w/salaam

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She ain't real man!

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She ain't real man!

 

:D

 

 

no i meant if the picture should be on it or not :D

 

[i read the link you gave]

 

 

w/salaam

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:D

 

Yh the bro took it all from me. I guess whatever you want to know about the person in return, you put that data on the CV.

 

Pictures can be misleading though.

Besides, would one's parents allow such a process?

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