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zabrina

Cow Corporation

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:D / Peace to all,

 

This landed in my inbox and thought of sharing with IF. I am not sure if it offends anyone, but, if it did, please accept my apologies in advance and hope that the mod can remove it. :D

 

Sis Zabrina

 

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

 

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

_____

 

A SOUTH AFRICAN CORPORATION

 

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

They get stolen, so you blame the previous regime' and steal someone else's cows and shoot the owner.

_____

 

A ZIMBABWEAN CORPORATION

 

A farmer has two cows.

You take over his farm, eat both cows and wait for the international community to supply more.

_____

 

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

 

You have two cows.

You re-design them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

_____

 

A GERMAN CORPORATION

 

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

_____

 

A BRITISH CORPORATION

 

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

_____

 

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

 

You have two cows.

You pray to them for food.

_____

 

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

 

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You break for lunch.

_____

 

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

 

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

_____

 

A SWISS CORPORATION

 

You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.

You charge others for storing them.

_____

 

A CHINESE CORPORATION

 

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

_____

 

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

 

You have two cows.

The one on the left is kinda cute.. .

 

_____

 

A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION

 

You have two cows

One takes forever to milk.

The other ones only produce milk when you feed it under the table.

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PropellerAds

:D

 

 

funnnnny :D

 

 

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

 

You have two cows.

The one on the left is kinda cute.. .

 

:D

 

A ZIMBABWEAN CORPORATION

 

A farmer has two cows.

You take over his farm, eat both cows and wait for the international community to supply more.

 

:D

 

 

and

 

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

 

You have two cows.

You pray to them for food.

 

 

:D

 

 

w/salaam

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:D

 

omg.. funny stuff!!

 

:D

 

:D

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Salaam,

 

LOL, seen something similar before but it still makes me laugh!

 

DARLA

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:D

 

:D i wonder if more countries' corporations can be made fun of... :D

 

wassalam

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:D

 

:D i wonder if more countries' corporations can be made fun of... :D

 

wassalam

 

:D / Peace to all,

 

Actually, that is an excellent idea. The original piece didnt have my country in it, so i cooked it up and add it in before i post it on IF.

 

If anyone else can do the same for their country, it will be great. Maybe we should start a new thread to do this!

 

Sis Zabrina

Edited by zabrina

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:D

 

Canadian corporation

==============

 

You have 2 cows.

 

Let us outsource 1 cow to India and buy milk from there real cheap.

 

The other cow works part time and complains why theres no jobs here?!

 

:D

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:D

 

Canadian corporation

==============

 

You have 2 cows.

 

Let us outsource 1 cow to India and buy milk from there real cheap.

 

The other cow works part time and complains why theres no jobs here?!

 

:D

 

:D / Peace to all

 

A good one Brother Hasib! :D

 

Sis Zabrina

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Salaam,

 

here's the political one:

 

WORLD IDEOLOGIES EXPLAINED BY REFERENCE TO COWS

 

FEUDALISM

You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

 

SOCIALISM

You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn

with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The

government gives you a glass of milk.

 

FASCISM

You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of

them, and sells you the milk.

 

PURE COMMUNISM

You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker

about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile,

no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of

starvation.

 

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM

You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government

takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it

on the black market.

 

PERESTROIKA

You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes

all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the

"free" market.

 

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM

You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

 

DICTATORSHIP

You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

 

PURE DEMOCRACY

You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

 

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY

You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the

milk.

 

BUREAUCRACY

You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed

them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then

it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the

drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the

missing cows.

 

CAPITALISM

You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows,

because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.

 

PURE ANARCHY

You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your

neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

 

ANARCHO-CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

 

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica

lessons.

 

OLYMPICS-ISM

You have two cows, one American, one Chinese. With the help of trilling

violins and state of the art montage photography, John Tesh narrates the

moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony of growing up in

a suburb with (gasp) divorced parents, then mentions in passing that the

Chinese cow was beaten every day by a tyrannical farmer and watched its

parents butchered before its eyes. The American cow wins the

competition, severely spraining an udder in a gritty performance, and

gets a multi-million dollar contract to endorse Wheaties. The Chinese

cow is led out of the arena and shot by Chinese government officials,

though no one ever hears about it. McDonald's buys the meat and serves

it hot and fast at its Beijing restaurant.

 

AMERICAN CORPORATE CAPITALISM

Both cows are bloated with toxic steroids. They are set out to graze on

privatized public parks, release massive amounts of flatulence that

destroys the ozone layer, die from excess ultraviolet light, and are

processed into meat-like products that look great as a result of clever

and unprincipled marketing strategies. When you mortgage your

artificially devalued farm at high interest rates in order to buy meat,

you consume the poisoned material and develop terminal illnesses because

there is no health care plan to treat you. The corporate management uses

your purchase price to acquire THEIR meat from cows raised "naturally"

on tree-free rain forest land outside of the country where labor and

resources are cheap.

 

 

Peace and Laughter,

 

DARLA

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Salaam,

 

Enron Economics

 

Capitalism:

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

Enron Capitalism:

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by your CFO who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on six more.

Now do you see why a company with $62 billion in assets is declaring bankruptcy???

 

 

DARLA

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:D / Peace to all,

 

Darla, that was hilarious! :D You would have gotten a Perfect Score of 'A' if you used it in an economics paper! :D

 

Sis Zabrina

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Salaam,

 

I wish that was life! Maybe if I can't answer the questions in a month I'll talk to the marker about cows instead :D

 

Type "you have two cows" into google...lots of similar stuff but all still funny:

 

Peace and Love

 

DARLA

 

ps: thank you for starting this thread, much entertainment

Edited by darla_1753

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Salaam,

 

I wish that was life! Maybe if I can't answer the questions in a month I'll talk to the marker about cows instead :D

 

Type "you have two cows" into google...lots of similar stuff but all still funny:

 

Peace and Love

 

DARLA

 

ps: thank you for starting this thread, much entertainment

 

:D / Peace to all,

 

My pleasure sis... :D We do need good entertainment as such! The joke will be especially good if we can share it with people who appreciate it as much as we do, much like all of you here! :D

 

Sis Zabrina

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:D

 

 

:D

 

enron....

 

 

i wonder what would be for pakistan...

 

w/salaam

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salaam,

 

Well, mildly offensive but google has come up with:

 

Indian Economics

 

You have two cows. You worship them.

 

 

Pakistan Economics

 

You don't have any cows. You claim that the Indian cows belong to you. You ask the US for financial aid, China for military, British for Warplanes, Italy for machines, Germany for technology, French for submarines, Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs and Japan for equipment. You buy the cows with all this and claim exploitation by the world.

 

Peace and Love,

 

DARLA

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:D / Peace to all,

 

THE BRUNEI CORPORATION

 

You have two cows

Both live in palace and do nothing

You bring in 3rd cow so that you can have milk for breakfast

 

Sis Zabrina

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salaam,

 

Well, mildly offensive but google has come up with:

 

Indian Economics

 

You have two cows. You worship them.

Pakistan Economics

 

You don't have any cows. You claim that the Indian cows belong to you. You ask the US for financial aid, China for military, British for Warplanes, Italy for machines, Germany for technology, French for submarines, Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs and Japan for equipment. You buy the cows with all this and claim exploitation by the world.

 

Peace and Love,

 

DARLA

 

 

:D

 

Well that is what you call a survivor i suppose :D :D .. :D

 

 

[i don't get teh last part about claim exploitation by the world... do we say that the world has exploited us, is that what it means :D ]

 

w/salaam

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Salaam,

 

For Iran: (have we missed anyone yet!?)

 

Iranian cows: There are no Iranian cows. If there are Iranian cows, they're being used for peaceful purposes. If they're not being used for peaceful purposes, they're being used as per our right as a sovereign right. And as our sovereign right, we intend to use the cows on you at our earliest possible convenience.

 

DARLA

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Salaam,

 

Antartica: You have two penguins

 

 

DARLA

 

ps: can you tell its the early hours of the morning and we're all insomniacs. Bang go all the serious political threads and we've onto talking about cows....

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:D / Peace to all,

 

I cooked up one more...

 

THE SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION

 

You have two cows

 

Both migrated to Australia to be able to spit anywhere they want and eat chewing gum

You bring in a third cow to increase population and observe the rule of spitting

 

Sis Zabrina

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:D

 

:D

Iran one was nice...

 

You buy the cows with all this and claim exploitation by the world.

 

i dont get it :D

 

 

I think we missed the saudis and the afghans..

 

w/salaam

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Salaam,

 

lol, like the singapore one.

 

 

DARLA

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Salaam,

 

ps: can you tell its the early hours of the morning and we're all insomniacs. Bang go all the serious political threads and we've onto talking about cows....

 

 

lol, like the singapore one.

 

:D / Peace to all,

 

But all in the spirit of political correctness! :D

 

Thank you for Singapore...it wasnt hard for me to make that up... :D

 

Sis Zabrina

Edited by zabrina

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:D

 

Afganistan:

 

You had 2 cows. One was killed in "war against terror" and another one is hiding in tora-bora.

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:D

 

Afganistan:

 

You had 2 cows. One was killed in "war against terror" and another one is hiding in tora-bora.

 

:D / Peace to all,

 

:D Good one!

 

Sis Zabrina

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