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Salam

 

I met a brother X through university, did my homework on him and spied etc. After istikara I got friends to send him a proposal from me.

 

He was VERY practising; religious minded and has a good character.

 

His family came to see me but didn’t agree. They wanted him to get married in to a girl from the same cast. This caused problems however my family and the brother himself didn’t care.

 

I waited a full year and a half for his parents to come over and ask for my hand in marriage for their son. In the meantime I went out with the brother X with my mahram present, spoke on the phone but with my wali present etc. At times became VERY impatient and tried ending it because the pressure and stress was too much but he kept reassuring me, again and again and again.

 

Trust in Allah, trust in Allah.

 

Then found out his elder married sister had talked about my family behind their back and she kept leading the brother on saying we will go and her see, again and again. His family kept letting us both down. They even tried hooking him up with someone from Pakistan!

 

I knew and the brother x knew they were stringing us both along. After a lot of frustration I decided to end it, his family were never going to accept me. I stopped contacting him, didn’t pick up the phone when he rang etc.

 

In the meantime I meet his elder brother Y

 

I DIDN’T KNOW HE BROTHER X’S ELDER BROTHER!

 

Brother Y works in my IT drop in university. We talked a lot, he helped me out with my problems, and we talked on the phone a couple of times and we definatly weren’t acting Islamic.

 

Flirting if you want to call it.

 

I guess I was so hurt; I tried so hard to keep myself within the laws of Allah swt with my previous potential spouse that when it didn’t work out I lost my trust and confidence in Allah.

 

Yes, I know, that’s so pathetic.

 

So me and brother Y talked on the phone and spent most of my time of msn, even though at times I would always feel guilty. I was undercover, as I still didn’t trust this guy, different name, and different profile. It was obvious there was chemistry between us. We did like it other and got on like a house on fire.

 

I end up finding out he is brother X’s elder bro. By this time brother Y tells me he wants to propose to me and he says his family will have to accept me because he is 29 and not married. I tried stopping contact, blocking him from msn, changing my sim but I failed.

 

We really did get on well, I know the minute he ever finds out I was the girl that proposed to his younger brother he would stop in his tracks.

 

Meantime brother X contacts my brothers and tells them that he will do anything to marry me. He reckons I am definatly the type of girl he wants to marry and that I will fit into his family perfectly. He agrees that the cast issue is crazy.

 

MY brothers and family personally like brother X a lot and tell him they will give him some more time to persuade his parents.

 

I am shocked. Confused.

 

End all contact with brother Y. Tell him I like someone else. He’s been VERY patient with me from the beginning. He gets really hurt.

 

He keeps contacting again and again even till this day, you see we had everything going. We were in a way very suitable. I ignored contacting back at first, tried to be firm but I gave in and contacted back thinking it’s never going to happen with brother X anyway.

 

But I had to think straight. I like brother X from the beginning for his deen, his taqwa, his pure character. How can I give all that up?

 

His elder brother Y was very fun to be with, always made me laugh, not as deeni as his younger brother X but we got on verrry well. The younger brother is very serious, can have a laugh but not as humours as his elder bro.

 

His elder brother doesn’t read his 5 times prayer properly but tries. He hasn’t got a beard where as his younger brother has. His younger brother never flirted with me even though at times we were on our own but we kept our distance even though we wanted to get closer. I guess I had strong imaan in me then.

 

When I tried stopping contact with the older brother Y saying we are getting sin he tempted me but then said ok I will propose then we can get married ASAP because he doesn’t want to wait.

 

The question is, brother Y would never marry me after he finds out I proposed to his younger bro!

 

Plus, if I tell brother X that his elder brother likes me but I don’t want to marry him, I want to marry you,both will not want to marry me!

 

They’ll think what kind of a women is she. But it’s eating me up alive, knowing his elder brother is hurt, knowing he is brother X’s brother.

 

At times I get confused. Brother X will be good for my deen but is not as humorous as brother Y, astagfriullah.

 

I begged for forgiveness from brother Y, Allah won’t forgive me unless he forgives me. I have been foolish. I don’t know which brother to choose. Brother Y might become more Islamic and I know he will keep me happy and make me laugh all the time.

 

Brother X will be good for my deen, keep me happy and make me smile.

 

I sound so selfish. Sometimes I want to tell brother X what I did behind his back, evne though to me it was over I still carried on. It’s boiling inside me. Always on my mind, I didn’t do right man. Even brother X has told me over the phone that his elder brother Y liked someone, but she betrayed and lied to him

 

That shattered me into pieces.

 

Finally brother X has worked on his parents, they have agreed. When his dad gets back from Dubai in a few weeks time they are coming over to see me.

 

What shall I do?

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PropellerAds

You know something.

 

You have to listen.

 

Get up close.

 

Now listen carefully

 

I don't type my hardship up for fun.

 

SO will everyone stop reading my post unless they are willing to reply and help me out : )

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:D

Sad story Sister, which I am sure others may have had simliar experiences. I know of one first hand...

This might sound harsh, I dont mean it to be though.

I dont believe this marriage will work out, you have sort of given both brothers a welcome, this will turn both brothers against each other, whoever you marry, it will cause lots of problems with their families too.

Put yourself in their position..lets say the same thing happened to you and your sister, how can this work?? What if you married one, but later on had some tendencies towards the other aswell..actually lets not even go there as this really would turn into one of those "Jerry Springer" type of situations.

Sister forget both and move on and find another suitable husband..there are many good Muslim brothers out there.

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:D

 

Sister I'm sorry to hear about your dillema but i think the advice given is really the best advice. Leave both of them and start afresh, don't get in between these 2 brothers it spells trouble.

May Allah make things easy for you....Ameen

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:D

Alhamduliah Allah has protected my dear brother X... mA seems like his a top bro may Allah protect us from the whispers of shaytan n our evil desires.

 

my advice to you is leave them alone.. dont ruin the relationship between 2 brothers... potentialy you could do this if they find out...

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:D

 

:D

 

Wow. Talk about drama.

 

I have to echo what has already been said. I think the problem is that you left Brother X in somewhat of a gray area because you stopped picking up his calls. If it had been completely ended with an agreement from both sides then it would calm the situation somewhat but not entirely.

 

Just a pointer on your issue of deen and character how one is more deeny and the other you like his personality more. Go for the deen and I'm not saying that to sound like a broken record but seriously you are a product of your environment. You can see that just in the way you corresponded with both brothers in different manners.

 

You may think that it won't affect your Islam with a brother less deeny but i'd say 99% of the time it will. When you find a brother with deen then you can tinker with the way he is after you are married. But a brother with personality is not as easy to tinker with in the way of deen.

 

Personally I think its easier for someone to adjust to someone's personality than it would be to get them to adjust their deen.

 

Anyhow, in terms of ur situation definately should let both brothers go. Otherwise you will seriously create a riot in that family. When we care about people as much as we say we do we don't want them for ourselves but we want whatever is best for them. Trying to marry either brother will only cause problems and I think you would be hard pressed to ever forget about the other brother.

 

So I think you should just cut your losses and take whatever lessons can be learned from this. These kind of situations can help us reaffirm our imaan and our purpose for being Muslim and evaluating what truly is important to us: Deen or Duniya

 

Hope that made sense.

 

May Allah :D make things easier for you and give you what is best for you in this life and the hereafter. :D

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Your advice has confused me even more

 

I think i confused you guys

 

The elder brother Y hasnt seen my face, he dosn't know I am the girl his younger brother wants to marry because i recently started wearing niqaab. Most contact was on the phone and msn so even if i marry his younger brother he will never know. Unless i open my gob.

 

Therefore they both won't even know about the whole saga, it's just my guilt. I felt so shameful. :D

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Assalamu'Alikum,

 

Ukthi make Ishtikara.

 

I personally, if i got into this situation, would not marry either of the brothers.

This family seems to be trouble ukthi, either one is flirting with a Niqabbi(how low can you go) or the family doens't want you.

 

Fee Amanillah.

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So neither one of the two brothers have seen your face? I'm sure they have heard your voice though. That in itself will clue them into the fact that you are the same person if you marry either one.

 

If/when you do Istikhara remember that you have to do it with a clear mind (not leaning towards one or the other person)

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I say leave them both!

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:D

 

Sis, I'm not trying to be harsh or anything, but how can u contemplate going for either one of them now? If you choose/ end up with brother X , it's inevitable you'll feel odd being in the same presence as brother Y , the guy u admitted to have "flirted " with.

 

If you go for brother Y, again you'll no doubt feel uncomfortable, because like u said, you have feelings for Brother X.

 

Either way you'll be putting yourself in a extreamely difficult situation.

 

Plus, what if they do find out that your the same girl?, it would ruin their relationship, and most probabaly yours wont last.

 

Fee Amanillah

 

:D

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also as the hadith says your in-laws are death... you increase the fitnah by marrying into this family.

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Assalaamualaikum

 

 

If you have not yet met with the family, then you should say no. Before you meet with them if you still intend to, then you have to tell both the brothers the truth.

If you do that, bear in mind your reputation could also be on the line. This is a difficult situation. I am not sure what the correct/right advice is to you at this point.

 

Is there someone (whom you trust), you can talk to about this situation and what you have done ? In addition, you should also seek the advice of your Sheikh ... or a learnt person in Islam like your local Imam ?

 

If you can, let us know what happens.

 

Tc.

 

Wassalaams.

Edited by zade

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Asalam Alaikom Warhmatullah Wbaraktuh

 

Sobhan Allah sister in Islam it is all in the hands of Allah, after talking to his older brother sister in Islam I don’t know if it is possible to get married to anyone of them! Wallahu ya'alm

 

Sister in Islam marriage is in the decree of Allah and by committing sins, there won’t be any blessings in that marriage unless you repent! 2 brothers misguided by you please do not be fittnah upon them!

 

You have been very patient in the first relationship with Brother X and you tried your best by doing the Halaal that did not work out because of the Decree of Allah it was simplly not written for you to get married at that Point, what made you think or make anyone of us think if we talk to men freely and get all ‘flirtatious’ that we will get married in this haram way if the halaal way and the hardship that we have done over a year and half did not work??

 

What you can do is Praying much making much dua, paying charity this helps a great deal, and maybe even leave both of these brothers alone for the sake of Allah.. I would recommend you praying salatul istikhra but the Question is whom will you pray regard?

 

As brother x already had his chance and you had the choice to leave and you did and it is Haram for a man brother X tying to get married with a women his Muslim brother [in this case his real brother] ask her hands !

 

You should fear Allah! one man can have the chance with a women and then the other if the first did not work out but not 2 men at the same time THIS IS HARAAAM unless they They acutely asked for your hand exact some second !!!!! WHICH THEY DID NOT!!

 

AND If you are too confuse maybe you should give your self some time out from talking to Muslim brothers in general regard marriage and leave these two alone!

 

Sister in Islam, protect your name and your family name I do not wish anyone of them embarrassing your families honour! Think About Your Parents !!

 

Especially 'if' brother Y has seen your picture and got your address ect ect and knows your name sister in Islam do you wish to cause embarrassment to them [your parents] and shame their name many sisters never thinks about this and they dishonour their parents! Some Parents die from the Shock !! Do not break your parents heart or anyone else’s.. Think about the consequence !

 

Maybe you should Pray to Allah regard leaving them both as this is the consequence of your sins and trust me if you have destiny to get married to anyone one of them You will get married to one of them but what you are doing now is wrong one brother is still not over you thinking you are still down with him hoping to get married while the other is willing to get married to you did it ever cross you mind what this might do to the brothers? some brothers kill each others over one women and this is the fact, Please fear Allah do not attribute fittna among the brothers come clean or leave it be for the sake of Allah, and Allah might bless you with a man better then both!

 

Fe Amn Ellah

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:D

 

My advice....leave it, the whole situation is messed up. You'll only get in a worse situation if this goes on. Dont get between two brothers sis, just leave them and may Allah bless all of you with pious partners.

 

:D

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Salaam,

Sister your flirtness really angered me first of all!

 

You first of all do not know what is deen and then do not know what is love,

please know that you have cheated the brother X when he is still wanted to marry you and then when things could not manage you went to another guy!! How could you do so to such a good person(brother X).

 

I really say you need to learn more about Islam and if you could tell them both that you

have done such and such then tell them or else keep away from both of them. Now listen how can e person with sound mind can trust after knowing what you have done.

 

It seems that it is ok to talk with Guys but you do not know what goes in the heart of other person like with Brother Y, after cheating brother X you have played with brother Y. Sorry but Really Disgusting.

 

Now the only thing you can do is repent trully and ask Allaah(swt) to forgive You Because nothin Happens without his will (mind it)!!

 

And see that you tell them both what you have done, and if you cannot then tell somebody else to tell them because you should not keep both of them in darkness.

 

And then be clear with what you want. Because if you are not clear before marriage than it will be a disaster after marriage.

 

Im sorry for such a rude post but im only telling the truth because i know this type of thing personally.

 

And leave the rest to Allaah(swt) and always say the truth.

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**Attention**

 

Assalamulaikum sister

 

I really feel your pain however you immediately repented and have learnt from your mistakes. I do feel brother samy was very harsh, who are we to judge anyone?

 

The most merciful, lord of the worlds knows best, he knows what’s hidden in the buzum of a believer.

 

Don’t fret. From your message you know who you want to spend the rest of you life with, you know who will be good for you in the world and the next, Brother X. As you have mentioned your desire and intention towards his elder brother was wrong and you have no feelings for him what so ever now, carry on with brother x’s proposal. I know a lot of brothers and sisters on this forum have told you to leave both, why?

 

Don’t we all make mistakes and why should she own up, if she does it going to stir up more hatred. You mention brother Y has never seen you and obviously you’re adamant he won’t recognise you due to your niqqb then fine, move on in life. Just make sure he doesn’t remember your voice, the way you describe your situation i.e how you stopped contact with him im sure he will fial to recall.

 

Allah knows best.

 

I don’t think you need to own up, it wasn’t your fault they were brothers. Seek forgiveness from Allah swt, of course as you have mentioned you asked forgiveness from brother y. Don’t be too harsh on yourself and please don’t merely tell us your sins for the sake of it.

 

All children of Adam AS are sinners and the lord of the world is the most merciful.

 

If you still liked and had feelings for his elder brother, then no. Big mistake. But you have clearly stated you want brother X. Go for him, you waited so long for this? How were you supposed to know they were brothers? I admire how regretful and sorrowful you feel, you immediately named and shamed your mistake.

 

It was your test. If you like brother X then Alhumdulillah, make dua and never lose hope

 

Up date us on how things progress.

 

Remember if Allah brings you too it, he helps you through it.

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I would say ditch both because at this point it's kinda icky.

besides what kind of names are Brother X and brother Y, I suggest you

seek a normal anti-caste system people.

peace :D

Edited by llogical

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Asalam Alaikom Warhmatullah Wbaraktuh

 

Obviously the sister committed some serious sins, and she should repent as soon as possible like now that would be great, but this dose not justify keeping two brothers in the darkness there is an etiquettes to follow from Sunnah when a man is interesting in getting marriage or propose to a woman and the first factor is she available a.k.a not committed to another man or sort of chit chatting with him and this man has the full rights to know that she is not available!

 

Which in this case she is not fully available to brother x or y Astaqfur Allah how can we establish a Islamic home based on lies and Haram ?

 

she has to come correct even if she dose not wish to tell the truth the least she can do is leaving them both alone and not attribute any fittanh to their family ..

 

A real believer love for his brothers and sisters what he would love from him self this is the saying of prophet Mohamed :D would anyone of us appreciate if we were in these brothers shoes getting played like that ? so if the answer is no why would anyone of us attribute such humiliating error to anyone ?

 

I say leave them both alone and leave the rest to Allah could be Allah will forgive you sins and blesses you with a far better man for being patient and abandoning something for the sake of Allah!

 

Fe Amn Ellah

Al Faqera el Allah

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:D

 

dont deceive yourself by thinking that everyone will go happily along with this. people have feelings that can be crushed quickly especially in marriage. we are talking about marrying someone, the person you should be spending the rest of your happy life with, the person you should enter Jennah with inshaAllah. this is not some game and when things get hard you can just take a break and walk away. you have to forget them and ask Allah to make you forget them and forgive you. you have to move on and take this as a lesson that we can not play with our brother's and sister's hearts. Allah is watching and knows best what we conceal. you will not be able to marry either of them without telling the truth eventually. marriage is all about trust, hidding something like this could ruin a marriage. inshaAllah i hope Allah takes those feelings away from you. remember to turn to Allah first. When you give up something for Allah, He will replace it with something better.

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