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shezara

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Salaam,

 

I have a b/f whom i've been seeing for about 3months now. He is a convert and honestly, he is more Islamic than i am even tho i was born in2 Islam. Its because of his influence that i have reverted to Islam. I've always been a practising muslim but not as much as i should. He on the otherhand is very religious. I respect him so much and he teaches me alot about Islam for which i am very greatful. We hope to marry one day as soon as he finishes his education.

My problem tho is.....he seems to be abit too opinionated. He and i have differing ideas about many things. When we have intelligent discussions, he tells me his opinion and ignores everything i say and when i try 2 explain my ideas, he says im being stupid...it really hurts my feelings.

When i try talking to him about the way he makes me feel when he says such hurtful things, he gets defensive and becomes extremely upset. He completely derates me and ignores my opinions...i feel so diminutive when he is like this.

He is a really good person...he just has a bad temper and he is d 1st muslim b/f i have ever had. I really want this 2 work but its hard cause i feel he doesnt make d effort 2 understand me but i try my very best 2 understand him...

Im very shy and turn to him for advice & leadership but it hurts so much when he is upset.

It has reached a point where i have chosen to not tell him how i really feel anymore....if he asks me, "r u upset?" i tell him, " no " just 2 avoid an arguement.

Plz offer ur advice if u can.

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PropellerAds

asalamu alaykum

sister there is no room for bf/ gf sort of relationships in Islam. It would be in the best interest of both of u to stop seeing each other altogether. both of u are adults so if u want to get married involve your parents in the matter and proceed with the marriage process otherwise just finish off this 'relationship' because its haram.

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The only thing that I can say comes form a humanistic perspective. Many people in your life will teach you things (some good and some bad) and many people will come in and drift out. You don't want to spend the majority of your time on this beautiful place called earth with someone who berates you or makes you feel bad about yourself (no matter what they do afterward to make up for it and be nice!) There are many nice men out there who will treat you with respect. The people who respect you and are open-minded will be the ones you learn most from because you really learn and assimilate information when you are able to question and reconcile things in your own head through questioning and dialogue. This can only occur if you feel safe enough in your relationship to allow it to occur. Nobody on this earth can make you feel lesser without your permission. Don't give your permission. You can have so much more to offer the world when you are in a positive mood. He's not worth your time. There's only so long you can pretend to agree with everything he says to keep peace in the house. I know that many women are taught about sabr and endurance but this is not going to allow you to experience happiness on this earth and acquire knowledge and exhibit curiosity and excitement. It will only go so far before anger erupts into something more and before you become tired of parroting back like a mindless bird. Let him go.

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:D

 

With what ever adivce the above IF member gave you let me give u a low down to life:

 

YES you are in love with this person.

YES you are willing to submerge ur personal emotions for his sake coz u love him , my question to you is "HOW LONG ???"

 

WE are human beings and are capable of tolerating and bottling up for a limited time. He gets away with what he is doing (whether he is religious or not that is not the SOLE criteria if a person is good or bad, a person's good ness and well being is based on his Personality , his treatment, RASOOL (s.a.w.s) is the perfect example)

You should be frank enuff and tell him about it if u are willing to continue this relationship, coz women do have equal rights and stance in this life and he being dominant (which is good in some aspects) will hinder ur journey as a muslimah becoz he expects u to believe and accept what ever he says. And his dissing ur thoughts and opinions is the best sign indicating he wont give u as much freedom and preferance in the future.

Look sister , LOVE is a beautiful feeling. where u are willing to do anything for the other person, but until u dont think practically u will not only ruin ur life but also ur transition to being a good muslimah.

TEll this dude frankly, IF he WILLINGLY UNDERSTANDS then rest assure he does care for ur needs (coz no matter HOW RELIGIOUS one MITE BE, one has to be a good human being first, in the sense how can a person call himself a MUSLIM if he is hurting about someone who loves him, hurting a human being ,the best creation of Allah (s.w.t) is like hurting Allah (s.w.t) himself) . Him portraying ANGER and Being Upset is not a good sign of things to come, yes i am a short tempered man, ask my fiance :D but never in my life would i be someone who would restrict her from taking her opinions into consideration coz she has as much rights over things as i do .. WOMEN are a PART of MEN ... ONE and the SAME ... Made from the RIB.Only difference is the physical aspect. MEN being Physically Strong and women ... EMotionally.

There is MORE TO LIFE then to stick up with someone who gives that much neglegance, plus tell him straight his portrayal of leadership is lacking modesty , he should be open to criticism and should be humble with not even a single grain of pride, YES he is a revert (alhamdulillah) but hes not a SUPREME Figure like a khalifah or something !!? that what ever he says should be taken with a spoonful of sugar and swallowed.

 

I wish him all the best with his transition and i am wishing u all the best to mould ur life in the way u desire

 

---{(~Genetic Fr3ak~)}

Edited by {(~Genetic Fr3ak~)}

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:D sister,

 

Everyone is different and has been raised in a unique way. There are many factors that influence a person's behaviour. Mashallah your friend is new to Islam and is keen on seeking knowledge. Perhaps in time he will learn about love and respect for each other.

 

Try not to be angry. This is his personality from the past and it will take time to change. If it is possible, encourage him to be around brothers more often or join some instructor led course.

 

:ws:

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