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What Should I Do?

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Assalamu'alaykum,

 

I recently found that my father watches pornographic movies late in the night. I don't know if it was the first time, but I know he has done it once.

 

My father has taught me all about Islam, and all the aspects of it in great detail. He taught me what is haram, and what is halal. He taught me how to read the Quran himself (while most parents send their kids to the Imam to learn because they have no time). He taught me many other things. Basically, he taught me to be the Muslim I am today. I sincerely believed he was the best Muslim fasther anyone could ever have.

 

And now this...

 

I haven't told my mom or my sister because we are a happy family and I don't want to put in the seeds of mistrust into everyone's heart. I don't want to break apart our family. However, I don't think I can trust my father anymore...and I can't act like everything is normal anymore either. I am always worried now, whenever he is alone, whether he is doing something bad or not.

 

I prayed to Allah, very sincerely....I cried and prayed. My life is shattered. I am crying as I write this. I have never cried like this before. I have never felt such pain. It's like my father is dead...

 

What should I do?

 

Wa'alaykumussalam.

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PropellerAds

asalamu alaykum

brother no u dont have to tell anybody. not even your father. dont spy on him. just make dua to Allah to guide him and thats about it. carry on with your life. your father has just been overpowered by shaitan. INSHALLAH he will come out of it.

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as salaamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh

 

Brother, before accusing anyone of anything, you must be 100% sure, and even then, be careful of what you are saying. You may have misinterpreted this, and maybe he is not doing anything at all. Or maybe he did it once, and asked Allah for forgiveness, and Allah knows best.

 

If, however, you are 100% absolutely certain that he does this a lot, then I agree with the previous post. Continue to make du'aa for him sincerely. And do not spy on your father, that is very important, as it is a command from the Prophet (may peace and blessings be upon him.)

 

If you feel the need to confront him, do it very kindly, with questions, instead of accusations. However, I really don't know if it is the best idea to confront him.

 

Don't tell your mom or sister, as this might be considered backbiting, even if what you tell them is true. If you confront him, and he decides to come out in the open, and tell your mom, fine. I see no reason why your sister should know at all.

 

Whatever happens, insha'Allah you will all get past this, and move on with your life.

 

wassalaamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh

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Thanks a lot for the replies, atleast now I know what I should do...at first I was in utter and complete shock and completely unsure of what to do. I never spied on him actually, I found out quite by accident. My sister and I were about to watch an episode of Stargate SG-1 on the computer and I noticed that the most previously played media file was one called nbwhollymorgantrailer.mov and immediately warning bells struck me...I then tried to find out what time the file was created...and it was at 1:46 A.M. The only person who was awake that day, was my father, who had gone upstairs to study for his engineering exams. There was one more stupid file like that, both of which I deleted and removed any trace of from our computer.

 

I don't know...but some times, I find that my father might wake up a lot earlier than any of us, or sleep a lot later than any of us. I have honestly no clue what he does in that time, and I just got suspiscious of what he does in that time. I won't bother spying on him though (I was planning to install an invisible keylogger and to get a program that could block internet access at certain times, but I won't do it now).

 

I really hope Allah makes him stop...

 

Do dua for him please.

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I agree, this is a perfect opportunity for you to reward him for all the beautiful things he's thought/given you. Make dua like you never gave before. Make it count. Inshallah Allah will help him realise hiw mistake. I don't know wheter or not you think this is discusable with him. I guess that would depend on the relation you have with him. And it's extremely dificult for an outsider to tell wheter or not it would be beneficial to bring this up with him. You know him best, is he going to freak out, get angry, ... when you bring this up. Does he listen or is he very authorotive. Very hard to say. If you do decide to talk about it with him, here's a thought. Bring it up in a way that it's obvious what you're talking about, yet that he has the room to avoid the conversation. By doing this, you can wait and see his reaction. If he starts denying, or if he seems frustrated angry, just drop it there, don't go in to it. Excuse yourself. Chances are he won't go into it either if this is the case. May Allah guide you inshallah.

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asalamu alaykum

i dont think its a good idea to bring up this topic with your father. he may feel greatly embarrased and secondly Islam expects us not to reveal anybody's sins/secrets. give him time. make lots of duas and im sure that he will quit this dirty habit.

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Dear brother,

I can understand your pain but you don’t have to hate your father for it. We all have a Super hero image of father in our mind but they are human after all and human are created weak by Allah.

You are too young to fully understand this situation, Plz trust me and don’t hate your father, love him, obey him and respect him like nothing has happened. He is your father no matter what, nothing can change it. Don’t discuss it with anyone, not your mother or sister or any friend as you are supposed to safeguard the respect of your father

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Selam aleykum

Good point about not revealing each others secrets, but on the other hand don't we also have a responsability to help each other with our flaws, give guidance and advice where needed?

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Salam,

 

"help each other with our flaws, give guidance and advice where needed?"

Thats what I thought,we should advice and inform and guide people on the right path,it is our right as muslims to let people know of the sins they are commiting no matter how big they are,so people can improve by the guidance we give. :D

 

In this situation,if I was in your place I would have a secret chat with my father and ask him why he done it,I know that will make him feel bad that I know of his sin,but I would rather tell my father to stop now then later when it becomes a habit! :D

 

I would help him out,read Quran with him,and have a discussion with him about the Quran,I would read the Hadith with him,show him Islamic articles to help him out.

This will guide him to the right path with your help,plus you will get a big reward for helping your dad out.

 

Just my view though

 

Also no matter what your father does,you should always love him to the fullest,he has feed you,brought you up,loved your mother,guided you to Islam and much more.Parents are an outstanding blessing from Allah and have the full right to be loved every second of their life,no matter what kind of parents they are.

 

May Allah guide your father on the right path,Ameen!

 

W/s

Edited by Aaqib Ahmed

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Wow i can see the headlines now.."grown man looks at on the internet shocker!" Unfortunately what your father is doing is something that a huge number of people do everyday..and many of them post on this forum of that i am in no doubt. Does that make him something so terrible that you have to cry yrself sick? no what it means is that ..big fanfare..he is a human being with human failings like anyone else. I personally dont need to catch someone red handed to assume that there is every likelihood that they have indulged in viewing this stuff. Does that mean I think any less of them? not at all. I'm sure yr dad is aware that what he is doing is wrong and inshallah with Allah's guidance he will be able to stop. However the addictive nature of is well known and being all too freely available on the internet doesnt make it easier.

 

Confronting him about this is NOT something i would recommend at all. If you are intent on trying to "help" him then it might be an idea to print out this discussion we are having and place it somewhere you know he will find it. It may jolt him to his senses..or may just ensure he covers his tracks better in future. Either way, he sounds like a father any one of us would be happy to have and i dont think you should worry about this too much.

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I wish there are some views from the age bracket of your father . young man you can't understand this point . middle age men or old men have totally different view these things then some young people . due to the nature of this forum i can't go into details but Plz don't think bad for your Father , he is perfectly fine and normal . he is grown up person and he knows what he is doing . he has his reasons you give your father some break and give him his right for privacy .

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Well said ^^^

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Greetings to all!

 

Might I intervene for a sec? (brother Joseph here :D )

 

Little brother, I find no reason for you to develop a hatred for your father or to spy on him whatsoever. I recall a time when I was young, when I discovered my big brother was viewing pornography on the Internet. It struck me like a lightning bolt due to the fact that my brother was my 'hero', if you will.

 

You must realise that God (exalted and glorious is He) has created man as a creature of weakness. Sexual desire and lust are a normal part of human nature. Unfortunately, some people (possibly including your father) resort to exposing themselves to filth in order to satisfy their sexual urges. It is sinful, but not quite as blasphemous as you might assume! :D

 

Who knows, you may find yourself watching 5 years from now. The important thing to keep in mind is that your Dad must probably repent and regret after commiting this sin, as most Muslims do. His Rabb (swt) is a Rabb of mercy, oft-forgiving. He remains your father, therefore you must respect him for the weak human being he is. No doubt he would do so likewise if he noticed you were indulging in the same evil. Conceal his faults and God (swt) shall conceal yours. Beseech Him to pardon your father and to purify his heart.

 

All the best,

 

Joseph.

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My reaction would be the same as the topic starter.. i`d be shattered, its just disgusting and evil :D

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Salaams,

Your father is human and he makes mistakes. You know the hadith, "Every son of Adam makes mistakes; the best of those who sin are those who repent."

 

I also know of a hadith that says something to mean, if you cover up for a person and share not his secrets, Allah the Allmighty will shield you and cover for your secrets / shameful acts.

 

May Allah make him of those who repent and reward him for bringing you up Islamically.

 

While it might make you sad, I agree that you should just pray for him. It was very wise of you to keep it quiet, mashaAllah.

 

Peace

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sl

WHy not swap the collection with Islamic lecture tapes.. :D

 

Peace

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Peace.

 

Well all I can say is that I think nobody is perfect. we all make mistakes. I hope your father will stop Inshallah, it will be better for him.

 

Peace

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:D

 

Here's my coupla cents....

 

Talking to him might be a good idea.

Telling your family should be his choice, not yours.

 

:D

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I don't see how talking with your father about this will help you , Rather it will ruin your relation with your father as after that you and your father will never have normal father and son relation and your father will always feel uncomfortable with you , My brother think for a second , you can't put your father in that embarrassing situation . Tell me will you face your class or school if accidentally they saw you with out cloths ? no , as you will feel embarrass thats what i don't want your father to feel in front of you and your family .

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And I would just like to add that install a keylogger on your PC is wrong. That is prying on people's privacy without their knowledge, and I would assume that is a sin too

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ok, first of all i cannot believe what you people are telling him.... your telling him not to tell his mother??? His father is CHEATNG on his mom. It may not be physical, but still, he is cheating with his eyes. His mother deserves to know. And of course you should confront him, dont you think that maybe, just maybe, Allah let you find out what your father is doing so that you can confront him, and maybe help him stop. I have had experiance with this. No matter how hard you try you cannot forget what he did, unless you get it out into the open and move past it. Whenever you look at him, you will remember what he did and it will create tension in the family.

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Don't tell your Mom....If She doesn't know already, You may hurt her.

I can understand your anguish though....Your father is/was the Hero, Role model etc and finding shattered the image...Still He is only a man.. mortal...Not Immuned to Satan.Instead of pointing fingers, Don't kick him while he is down and victim of his own weak desires....Motivate him to be more religious and He shall discard the Collection on his own.. Good deeds are Registered as soon as intended... but bad ones are not so quick to register awaiting forgiveness..Try to get over it instead of embarassing your father, and upsetting the family balance.

Peace

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Hi guys,

 

It's me again, the topic starter.

 

Well, it's been about 3 months now, since the first time I discovered what my father is doing. He doesn't have a collection, he just visits sites like Playboy and crap, he doesn't even do it that often (maybe once every two weeks?)...but he has done it a bunch of times since then.

 

I decided to confront him about it, and yes, as one of the brothers who replied to this post correctly predicted, our relation is not like what it used to be. This is how I confronted him on the issue:

 

I told him that I had found that perhaps some hacker or someone has been accessing on the net in our house. He said he had no clue who did it. In fact, he told me, that whatever I find, I should just delete because you always find crap on the internet and you should just understand and keep away from it. I asked if we should perhaps get our ISP to find out who did it, he said there was no need. Naturally, I was not satisfied with his response.

 

After a month or so, only about a week or so ago, I confronted him again. This was after one day, when I walked into the sitting room and saw him watching some bullshit. I ignored it at that moment, as if I had never seen it, but for the next three days I was devastated again and began to act really unlike myself, being mean to everyone around me. I felt horrible from inside. My mom and dad constantly kept asking me what was wrong. Finally, I decided to tell my dad when I was alone, that I had lied to him a month ago, and I knew it wasnt a hacker that had accessed our computer, it was someone inside our own house. I also knew what time those particular clips that he had downloaded had been downloaded at (you can find that info when you right click on a file > Properties). I asked, him, in a round about matter: "Was it mom?", he replied, "No, she would never do something like that." Then I asked, "Was it Blah (I don't want to give out my sister's name)?", and he once again replied no. Then I asked him, "Who could it have been dad, I know it was not me!"

 

He once again replied that he had absolutely no clue. Then I also told him about how I had found that someone had accessed Playboy 3 weeks ago, and what I had seen him do when I came in that time. He told me (this is the interesting bit, and I'll write it in pointform, or it will be too long):

 

- he visited the Playboy site, because apparently, he had been reading the news and found an article on this very good woman (he never bothered to elaborate). Apparently, she had begun to work for Playboy and was very surprised, and that the news had given him the link....I never bothered to confront him about that obvious fallacy. Not to mention the fact that the history on the computer clearly showed a lot more was visited....

 

- he had been watching a video about Maria Sharapova (some tennis player, who did a swimsuit photoshoot for Sports Illustrated) that day that I had walked in, it once again was supposedly on the news. I once again did not confront him on the fact that I knew that Sports Illustrated would never allow that video to be freely shared on the news (they are a corporation after all), and two, the history clearly showed that the video was found at fanstreet, where someone had typed a search for Maria Sharapova.

 

- he said that you need to be aware of such crap and to keep away from it, and one important thing is to find out exactly what they (the bad guys) are doing

 

- he said that he and my mom had visited such sites before when we had come to Canada to find out exactly what "pornography" is to keep informed about what's bad, and to keep my sister and I away from it too

 

- my mom and dad had already told me about that before, no surprise

 

- I did ask him why he didnt sit down with mom then when he saw such things. His excuse? "She is too busy." How stupid does he think I am?

 

I think all he has said is bullshit, but I didn't tell him that, obviously, out of respect and love. But yes...our relationship has kind of been...wierd? I don't know the right word for the feeling I have.

 

I have sincerely asked God to stop my father from doing this, and at one point, I began to feel God had forsaken me, but of course, I soon realized that God never forgets his subjects and only satan feeds such feelings. Perhaps God is testing me, that's the conclusion I have come to right now.

 

But it's a hard test. Way harder than I can bear. Perhaps it will make me stronger. It has certainly made me realize how I can never put my trust in anything but God. All I ever knew has been shattered to a gazillion bits, except for Allah.

 

I should be thankful, that Allah has given me such understanding, yet I cannot help but feel sad, alone, angry and frustrated.

 

I know I can't just get over this. For those who have been through such things, they know how hard it is. One day maybe, I will really confront him and tell him the truth. I don't know.

 

For now, I bear my pain in patience, and pray to Allah for forgiveness for my sins and ask him to help me in my test.

 

 

 

He told me once again that he had no clue.

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I am sad , really very sad .I have tried to convince you not to do it but deep down i always knew that you will confront your father and end up ruining your relationship with him for rest of your life and things will never be same .

Old age change the person , physically and emotionally and sometimes you need some help to perform your natural duties. " Viagra " is not invented for young man of 20s or 30s and there is a reason why people use it .

My problem is that this is a family forum and i can't go in to minute details . But a lot of old age people has to watch these stuff to stimulate there sense .Its very much like medical help and sometimes they need it .

It would have been a lot better if you have ignored the issue but its your age factor .you are too young and too innocent .

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