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Swanlake

100 Premarital Questions

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100 Premarital Questions

 

 

1) What is your concept of marriage?

 

2) Have you been married before?

 

3) Are you married now?

 

4) What are you expectations of marriage?

 

5) What are your goals in life? (long and short term)

 

6) Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.

 

7) Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.

 

8) Why have you chosen me/other person as a potential spouse?

 

9) What is the role of religion in your life now?

 

10) Are you a spiritual person?

 

11) What is your understanding of an Islamic marriage?

 

12) What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?

 

13) What is your relationship between yourself and the Muslims community in your area?

 

14) Are you volunteering in any Islamic activities?

 

15) What can you offer your zawj (spouse), spiritually?

 

16) What is the role of the husband?

 

17) What is the role of the wife?

 

18) Do you want to practice polygamy?

 

19) What is your relationship with your family?

 

20) What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to be?

 

21) What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to be?

 

22) Is there anyone in your family living with you now?

 

23) Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future?

 

24) If, for any reason, my relationship with your family turns sour, what should be done?

 

25) Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)

 

26) How did you get to know them?

 

27) Why are they your friends?

 

28) What do you like most about them?

 

29) What will your relationship with them after marriage be?

 

30) Do you have friends of the opposite sex?

 

31) What is the level of your relationship with them now?

 

32) What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?

 

33) What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?

 

34) What are the things that you do in your free time?

 

35) Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment?

 

36) What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to the house?

 

37) What is your opinion of speaking other languages in home that I do not understand? (with friends or family)

 

38) Do you travel?

 

39) How do you spend your vacations?

 

40) How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?

 

41) Do you read?

 

42) What do you read?

 

43) After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally?

 

44) After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public?

 

45) How do you express your admiration for someone that you know now?

 

46) How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor for you?

 

47) Do you like to write your feelings?

 

48) If you wrong someone, how do you apologize?

 

49) If someone has wronged you, how do you want (s)he to apologize to you?

 

50) How much time passes before you can forgive someone?

 

51) How do you make important and less important decisions in your life?

 

52) Do you use foul language at home? In public? With family?

 

53) Do your friends use foul language?

 

54) Does your family use foul language?

 

55) How do you express anger?

 

56) How do you expect your spouse to express anger?

 

57) What do you do when you are angry?

 

58) When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in marriage?

 

59) When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or otherwise, how should the conflict get resolved?

 

60) Define mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse.

 

61) What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?

 

62) Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused?

 

63) Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition?

 

64) Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?

 

65) What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?

 

66) How do you support your own health and nutrition?

 

67) What is you definition of wealth?

 

68) How do you spend money?

 

69) How do you save money?

 

70) How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage?

 

71) Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to eliminate them?

 

72) Do you use credit cards?

 

73) Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a new home?

 

74) What are you expecting from your spouse financially?

 

75) What is your financial responsibility in the marriage?

 

76) Do you support the idea of a working wife?

 

77) If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds?

 

78) Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances?

 

79) Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible?

 

80) Do you support the idea of utilizing baby sitters and/or maids?

 

81) Do you want to have children? If not, how come?

 

82) To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?

 

83) Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? If not, when?

 

84) Do you believe in abortion?

 

85) Do you have children now?

 

86) What is your relationship with your children now?

 

87) What is your relationship with their other parent?

 

88) What relationship do you expect your spouse to have with your children and their parent?

 

89) What is the best method(s) of raising children?

 

90) What is the best method(s) of disciplining children?

 

91) How were you raised?

 

92) How were you disciplined?

 

93) Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?

 

94) Do you believe in public school for your children?

 

95) Do you believe in Islamic school for your children?

 

96) Do you believe in home schooling for your children?

 

97) What type of relationship should your children have with non-Muslim classmates/friends?

 

98) Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they lived in another state or country?

 

99) What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all their grandparents?

 

100) If there are members of my family that are not Muslim, that are of different race or culture, what type of relationship do you want to have with them?

 

Alrighty-then! Whew!

 

Was that a list of questions, or what?!?!

Edited by Swanlake

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PropellerAds

:D

 

These are more compact qs.

 

 

 

The List

Questions for Potential Marriage Partners

© Copyright 1999 Kamilat

kamilat(contact admin if its a beneficial link)

 

Undoubtedly the pre-marital process of Muslims in the US who typically seek lifelong marriage partners is at best an uphill challenge. Gone are the simple ways of communities of old, with social support structures that matched brides and grooms "until death they did part". Allah never intended for couples to enter such a serious commitment without doing their homework. It is not enough to simply say "bismillah" and expect a storybook ending. With divorce rates soaring in the Muslim community, new strategies are sorely needed for identifying Mr. and Mrs. Right.

 

About the Authors

The following list was compiled by two women--biological sisters--as an interview tool to expose problem areas likely to render a marriage unsuccessful. They also sought to open areas of discussion that are all too often ignored until couples have tied the knot and invested years in the marriage. While the authors wish to remain anonymous, they do stand by The List, citing that it facilitated an open level of communication in their own respective pre-marital negotiations that would have not occurred otherwise. Each are happily married and have two children.

 

Why Use The List?

Kamilat presents this interview--jokingly known as "The List"--in an effort to help Muslims, particularly Muslim women, better negotiate pre-marital discussion and the laying of "ground rules". This process is fully supported in Islamic tradition, so don't be shy to use it. It's better to find out NOW if your suitor is unwilling to answer your questions, or if his answers are 180 degress opposed to your own views on life, marriage and parenting.

 

Please feel free to download and print The List, share it with your friends, of course with proper attribution to Kamilat. Men can alter the questions slightly to suit their intent (as shown here, the questions are posed by a woman). And don't forget to share your comments, reactions, narrow escapes and success stories with us! Happy hunting!

______________________________

________

 

Religion

 

1. Do you perform the sunnah prayers of fajr?

 

2. What Islamic organizations are you involved with?

 

3. How much da'wah work do you do?

 

4. How much Qur`an have you memorized?

 

5. How much can you teach me?

 

Personal Issues (Sensitive Situations)

 

1. My friend, of whom you don’t approve, knocks on our door and says she has left her husband. Do you call her mother or do you let her stay for as long as she needs?

 

2. You see a good-looking woman hitchhiking on the side of a deserted road, and you pick her up and drop her off at a gas station, as she has requested.

 

Would you tell me about it or choose to "forget?"

 

Would you pick her up in the first place?

 

3. How do you react when someone makes you really, really angry?

 

Does that reaction change if it were me that made you angry?

 

4. How would you react if my ex-fiancé called to invite me to his wedding?

 

Present and Future

 

1. How do you prefer to spend a long weekend?

 

2. What do you do with your spare time?

 

3. Where do you see yourself in 5/10/20 years?

 

4. What are your goals for this life?

 

5. What would you like to have accomplished before dying?

 

Family Issues

 

1. What would happen if I were unable to conceive children?

 

2. How do you feel about children?

 

3. Would you be willing to change a diaper at 3 a.m.?

 

4. What is your view on disciplining children?

 

5. Do you spank?

 

6. Who do you believe should have the upper hand on discipline, the mother or father?

 

Conflict Resolution

 

1. Who would be your choice of arbitrators in the event we experience serious marital differences?

 

Career

 

2. If I really wanted to do it, would you be supportive of my return school…for my Ph.D.?

 

3. How would we support ourselves if we both had to be in school?

 

Finances

 

1. What would you do with our surplus income?

 

2. How do you feel about relocating to a different state, or even out of the country, for work?

 

3. What would you do if we became bankrupt?

 

4. If we were on an uncomfortably tight budget, and your brother asked you for a generous loan for a third (unsuccessful) attempt at a start-up business, would you give it to him?

 

Would you consult me first?

 

5. Would you buy me the car of my dreams, even if we could not afford it?

 

Good Luck!!

 

Ma'Salaama.

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dude.. if this were an interview i will fail this! my job interview was easier than this :D

 

are these questions for real or made up ? i mean are they really asked while looking for proposals .. ??

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:D

 

dude.. if this were an interview i will fail this! my job interview was easier than this  :P

 

are these questions for real or made up ? i mean are they really asked while looking for proposals .. ??

 

ha ha sounds like you better start straightenin up bro! (w00t)

 

:D

AS

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1. Do you perform the sunnah prayers of fajr?

 

asalamualaykum, i read somewhere that the only sunnah prayers that are obligatory are the fajr prayer can someone confirm this? besides it's only 2 rakats...

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^^ I guess we are going off topic but before you pray the compulsory prayers Fajr, there are 2 sunnah to be performed.. i've seen some do it while others dont.

 

back to this post in question: some of those questions are jacked up!

 

52) Do you use foul language at home? In public? With family?

Okay if someone were looking for a marriage proposal and this question were asked.. :D.. wouldn't you try everything to try and be successful at the interview :D so what am i saying?

 

53) Do your friends use foul language?

RIGHT....... :P Like Hello! nobody is perfect.. i will bet anything even people you hold in high respect and regard have used foul words!!

 

55) How do you express anger?

What kinda question is this ?! I just sit still and hold it in..

 

56) How do you expect your spouse to express anger?

RIGHT!.. I expect her/him to be all cheery and smiling about it!!

 

57) What do you do when you are angry?

Me.. i just think nice thoughs :P

 

Man, some of these questions are seriously jacked up!!

 

:D

..

Edited by doomhammer

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:D

 

Some of those questions are unnecessary, in my opinion, like some of the questions about the future.. 10 years and all that stuff, dream car, giving woman a ride and all that, ex-fiance, etc.

 

I wouldn't ask questions that have a simple yes or no question. Depending on the kind of person they are, some other questions are also unnecessary. I think some of the questions can be asked after marriage as they are too personal.

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:D

 

(w00t) hahaha [at] DH

Edited by Undacova_Sista

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:D

 

41) Do you read?

 

As if the guy's gonna say "umm noo haven't quite got to that stage yet " :D

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:D

 

 

i have a much better solution, get the myers briggs test, then summarize the four parts of the test, into for questions, get the four letters that person is, (please do it accurately, if you dont know, dont, you might mess your life up), and you can read basically a page on this person's personality profile....which is shockingly accurate, alternativley you can ask the person in question to take a personality test, and you do the same, and share results.

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:D

 

55) How do you express anger?

What kinda question is this ?! I just sit still and hold it in..

 

56) How do you expect your spouse to express anger?

RIGHT!.. I expect her/him to be all cheery and smiling about it!!

 

57) What do you do when you are angry?

Me.. i just think nice thoughs

 

I think those questions are to give a sister an idea of whether or not a guy is liable to beat her. Which she has every right to be concerned about.

 

:D

i have a much better solution, get the myers briggs test, then summarize the four parts of the test, into for questions, get the four letters that person is, (please do it accurately, if you dont know, dont, you might mess your life up), and you can read basically a page on this person's personality profile....which is shockingly accurate, alternativley you can ask the person in question to take a personality test, and you do the same, and share results.

 

then do you choose a partner who is the same as you, or one who's completely opposite...or?

 

:P

AS

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Why not?

 

1) What is your concept of marriage?

The bond between a man and a woman to share each other in love and respect.

 

2) Have you been married before?

In my dreams

 

3) Are you married now?

In my dreams

 

4) What are you expectations of marriage?

Someone to talk to, learn/teach Islam to/from, A friend for life, a companion, and I have to admit, to fulfill my sexual needs.

 

5) What are your goals in life? (long and short term)

Short term: Learn Islam, finish school, get a good job so parents can stop working, get married.

 

Long Term: Teach and spread Islam while still learning, have a kid or kids, Try best to spread Islam to my family, community, and beyond, adn so much more, but I think covered much of it/

 

6) Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.

1. Learn Arabic so I can comprehend the linguistic miracle of Qur'an

2. Get a good starting job

3. Get fit, and I mean FIT!

 

7) Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.

1. Get married and make my wife happy.

2. Spread Islam

3. Get into heaven

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I think those questions are to give a sister an idea of whether or not a guy is liable to beat her.

salamwalaikum,

 

who in their right minds would raise their hands on women?? :D but i know what you are saying.. the thing is its easy to lie on those questions so :D

 

lol these questions are really jacked up!

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:D

 

"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_www.beforetheweddingbook(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/"]"Before the wedding"[/url]

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:D

 

"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_www.beforetheweddingbook(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/"]"Before the wedding"[/url]

 

oh my.. :D

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