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ahm

How to turn someone down

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:D

 

Been communicating with a sister via another sister at work (never seen either of them, but know the intermediary works in same organisation). Basically, she's pactising, active in deen, but too tall for me - and from her relpies I think she, deep down, won;t like it either. Also reading her last message again, she seems a bit too freindly with me... Maybe I'm paranoid. Wait what am I saying? I don't think I should tell her why I don't wish to continue. I mean should I keep it short or say along paragraph? Does it really matter?

 

I already feel negative about it, so is istikhara necessary? I sort of done an istikhara type dua in my main prayers anyway.

 

:D

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PropellerAds

Assalamualikum

 

If you dont wish for it go any further just end it, short and sweet :D

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:D

 

Am I evil for wanting an educated practising sister?

 

:D

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:D

 

Nah, you're not evil for that bro. :D You have your priorities, and they make sense. :P

 

If you're havin negative vibes, just end it short and simple. I don't really think its necessary to go into detailed reasonin on why you ain't interested in goin further.

 

:P

 

:D

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:D

 

E.g. -

 

"

:P

 

I do not wish to continue.

 

:P

 

"

 

Or

 

"You are the weakest link goodbye!"

 

:D

Edited by ahm

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:D

 

 

(w00t) at the second option!

 

Hmm i think u need a long-winded paragraph how u think she's lovely and how u respectfully hope she finds somebody deservign od her..but u do not believe u may be that knight in shining armour. I say long-winded cuz girls tend to be a weee bit sensitive when it coem sto beign shot down..lol not that i have expereince but i hear it from others :D

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Salaam

 

lol at the weakest link thing

jus explain to this sister that you fell uncomfortable with her or somehting and you do not wish to continue if it forbids Islam.

 

say it gently.

 

Allahfiz

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I like the weakest link one, haha.

 

I want to use it on someone now, wouldn't that be really funny? Well, I guess not if you're on the receiving end :S.

 

I think if it bothered you, then you should have stopped communicating with her from the start =).

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:D

 

Very short, honest, and to the point. Next time, if you see something you really don't like, don't communicate with the person.

Edited by ummammaar

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:D

 

LOL the height thing. I wasn't sure, until I actually measured out her height with a tape measure and saw how we compared. Also my cousin is a similar height so I was able to see a practical sample. So now I know what height to look for among the practising educated sisters if that makes sense.

 

I gave a few paragraphs and didn't say why (it wasn't actually height related) I didn't wish to continue. I also thanked the intermediaries for their help.

 

:D

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:D

 

Why not show us the para u typed? Not for the sake of embarassing her but i betcha it could help lotsa other people who have trouble shooting down :D Ur call though :P

 

And definitely keep us up to date ahm :P

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:D

 

Why not show us the para u typed? Not for the sake of embarassing her but i betcha it could help lotsa other people who have trouble shooting down :P Ur call though :D

 

And definitely keep us up to date ahm :D

 

 

:P

 

Ok....

 

When I meant Japanese style, I meant as in sleeping on the floor that's it.  I'm not really a fan of Japanese food, apart from Ramen.

 

I don't have a problem if my wife drives, I'm not against women driving - I

don't think it's Un-Islamic, it's probably more of a necessity for a woman

to drive anyway.  Personally I feel if I were to drive it would be bad for

my character and iman.  That's just a personal thing I have, along with not

having enough necessity Islamically to either pay "interest" or break the

law; for which I will have to answer to Allah - not my wife or the Police.

 

The above is just to clarify to the sister that it weren't the above issues

that cause me to end it here.  There are other issues to our compatibility,

which I shall keep to myself.  Mashallah the sister is very good and I pray

she and her mother become accomplished in Tajweed.  I pray she gets her

ijaza and teaches many of our Ummah's women and children.  May Allah bless

and have mercy on her father.  May Allah bless her mother for having a pious

daughter and may Allah give her a pious son-in-law and pious and healthy

grandchildren.  May Allah give her a son-in-law that always helps increase

her daughter's iman.

 

Ameen.

 

?

 

:D

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:D

 

:D that was very nicely put brother, i'm sure the sister in question will appreciate your kind words.

 

:P

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salaam wa alaikum

im really suprirsed that you mentioned the height thing. like you are looking for someone shorter than you

im sorry if i hurt your feelings but i think it is stupid. what has height got to do with a relationship. nothing. it seems really silly to me

 

and ameen to the dua above

and i i hope you get over this thing inshallah.

 

Allahfiz

Edited by asian_gyal_4_lyf

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^^ Would you be comfortable with a brother who's shorter than you?

 

We all have different preferences, what may seem 'silly' to you, other people may perceieve as something important.

 

We're not all alike, but individuals with different minds and opinions - that's what makes the world more interesting =).

Edited by afG

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:D

 

Ok let's be real, most women prefer someone taller than them. Simple nothing complicated. I just want a practising, educated, at least 4 inches shorter than me, sister. Is that too much too ask?

 

:D

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:D

 

I turned someone else down today, because of parents negativity and ill feeling towards her.

 

But I left it open, with possibility (if she's still available) to get back to her :D

 

I'll tell you what, turning this one down, it hurts. T_T My fault, started dreaming too much, like she would be teaching quran to kids in my house.

 

:P

Edited by ahm

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:D

 

*note to self: must ask ahm how to turn down people* seeing how experienced ur getting : ) Just jokes ahm..what were ur parents xcuses THIS time? By the way....that post of ur email to the sister with all those duas...darn very well written mashallah :D

 

ahm..inshallah as many people have no doubt already told u, u will get a wonderful wife who is pious, beautiful, well suited to ur family's wishes..and defnitely has thin ankles and is 4.21inches shorter than u :P ...seriously if Allah makes this ur trial brother then with the strength that u have within u, i have so much faith that u will be rewarded much more that u ever anticipated :D

 

And as always...rant when u wish :P

Edited by ziggy99

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:D

 

Ok let's be real, most women prefer someone taller than them. Simple nothing complicated.  I just want a practising, educated, at least 4 inches shorter than me, sister.  Is that too much too ask? 

 

:D

 

Asalamu Alaykum

 

 

I think akhi i have been reading your posts way too much because i feel that your desire is not too much too ask :D . I mean in England we all get free education...therefore one should have some sort of certificate otherwise what were they doing? :P and the height...there are plenty short people akhi unless your 5ft3 or something then the only people shorter than you are dwarves :D and very, very short people :P

 

keep your preference akhi for the perfect woman...Allah (swt) shall shower his blessings upon you.

 

plus you gotta tell us how to turn someone down akhi :D ...of course not for me *cough* *cough* :D :(

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Salaam yes inshallah you will find that wife.

 

 

Allahfiz

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:D

 

Ok i'll be honest in the past i was like a shorter guy NO Way. One of the main things i looked for in a prospective husband was height; i mean is it natural that the guy is shorter than the woman? With this in mind when a description of my "future husband" inshallah was given the word short or not so tall or medium was said. :P This put me off big style but alhumdillah not too much to not even give him a chance. Isn’t the main priority deen? I have seen girls marry beautiful stunning tall men who are completely useless and don’t even know how to pray subhanallah.

 

He isn’t that short, he is about an inch taller (when I don’t wear heels) (not that I wear heels) :D I got over it alhumdillah.

 

I don’t know where the driving part came into it? Whats better that she drives in her own car or she takes the bus with a hundred non-mahrem men?

 

Allah knows best and inshallah you will find that beautiful short girl of your dreams inshallah, just remember not everything you expect in life can be met so maybe you should let a few things go? Just a thought. May Allah (swt) Help you inshallah and all of us ammen

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:D

 

I just want a practising, educated, at least 4 inches shorter than me, sister.  Is that too much too ask? 

 

:D

 

asalamu alaikum

 

brother, if you want the sister how you want her to be exactly then bear in mind two things:

 

1. your going to need to be paitent first of all, very!

 

and...

 

2. look deeper and further! Allah puts those blessings, those things you really desire in places where you least expect them. to reach these places and know where they are you need to please Allah so that He can guide you to them hence - those who pray to Allah for all their needs and even pray after their needs have been fullfilled... find more reward in their lives.

 

i also advise not to make dua as such that you ask Allah exactly for a wife of your desire... you will realise the short minded-ness of this later on in life. make dua as such that you ask Allah to give you the wife you will be happy with and stay strong on your deen... be it she is of your desire or not. - here, we have to fight over nafs and it aint easy to accept whats good for us especially if we think it aint but Allah has chose it to be

 

hope that helped and may Allah guide you/guide this right woman towards you.

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Asalama alaikum everyone

I enjoyed reading this topic! Glad you came to a solution. But let me say it for the girls. Please brothers if you no like girl then be tactful and remind her she is lovely but does not fulfill the criteria you look for in a wife. Simple as that.

jazakallah khair.

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I don’t know where the driving part came into it? Whats better that she drives in her own car or she takes the bus with a hundred non-mahrem men?

 

:D

 

Yep I agree, it's better if my wife drives herself. I don't have a problem. It's not that she wanted to drive and I said no, it was something else.

 

Oh and the intermediary from the first sister I turned down, didn't pass on the message. She wants to know why I don't want to continue? Apart from the fact that my parent's think she's too old for me LOL there are other issues.

 

I know what I make dua for... people stop telling me to pray dua etc. I have had enough of it (of people telling me to) I know all about it already. I've been praying making dua, since I was in my teens for it. It's all getting too cliche.

 

:D

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I know what I make dua for... people stop telling me to pray dua etc. I have had enough of it (of people telling me to) I know all about it already. I've been praying making dua, since I was in my teens for it. It's all getting too cliche.

 

if you give up hope bro, then you'll never get your duas answered......

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