Jump to content
Islamic Forum
Sign in to follow this  
Hafiz_Usama

You Know You're Asian If...

Recommended Posts

:sl:

 

1. Your mother has a short-haired, curly perm

2. Your dad is some sort of engineer

3. Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15

4. You ask your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later they're still lecturing

5. You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry

6. You shop 99 ranch

7. Everyone thinks you're "Chinese" no matter what part of Asia your ancestors were from

8. You've had a bowl haircut at one point in your life

9. Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids

10. You've had to sit through karaoke videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest, or library

11. Your parents say, "Don't forget your heritage"

12. You drive mostly Japanese cars.

13. You've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom

14. You've had to eat parts of animals they don't even put in hot dogs

15. At least once, you've started a joke with "Confucius say...."

16. You know what bok choy is

17. You've gotten little red envelopes around February

18. Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back, and closet doors

19. You hear (your name + eee (optional) + yah!) every time someone calls you (e.g. Jean - ee - yah! or Mary - yah!)

20. You have no eyelashes

21. Idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages, like the ever-so-popular: ching chong woo bok chi, etc..

22. Your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin

23. The Bio lectures on marine life (seaweed, sea cucumbers, octopii) was last night's dinner

24. Your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher

25. At least one family member wears black wire/plastic frame glasses

26. Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, "In Korea (or other native country), we studied even more."

27. Your parents expect you'll be best friends with any one off the street in any given area as long as they are Asian

28. An Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: "Is that your mother?" Well then, "Is it your sister?"

29. Your relatives' houses smell like incense, mothballs or both

30. Your parents say, "Calculus? I took Calculus in 8th grade!"

31. Everyone thinks you're good at math

32. Your parents' vocabulary is filled with "ai-yahs, and Wah's"

33. You like $1.75 movies

34. You like $1.50 movies even more

35. Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from Asia with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks, and English words that make no sense, in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange, and the ever popular lime green

36. Your parents insist you marry within your race

37. You never order chop suey, sweet and sour pork, or any other imitation of oriental food

38. You either really, really want to go to UCI or really, really want to stay away from it

39. Your parents have never kissed you

40. Your parents have never kissed each other

41. You learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents

42. "You want a stereo?! When I was your age, I didn't even have shoes!!"

43. People see a bunch of scribbles on a chopstick and ask you to translate

44. You have to call just about all your parent's friends "Auntie and Uncle"

45. You have 12+ aunts and uncles

46. At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert

47. Your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say "Eat anyway. It's still good."

48. The vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses. Thick glasses.

49. You will most likely be taller than your parents

50. Your parents have either make you play the piano, the violin, or both

51. You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don't

52. When going to other people's houses, you always have to bring a gift

53. Your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees, you know, the ones with the blue and pink stripes at the top

54. Your family owns a tennis racquet, golf clubs, or both

55. Your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV (i.e. Michael Chan)

56. The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations, or any of the rest of the furniture

57. You have rocks, sticks, leaves, and strange-smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine

58. You own a rice cooker or two

59. You buy soy sauce by the gallon

60. Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head

61. Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they still appreciated going

62. Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow into it" and wear it for years to come.

 

 

HAHA i found this BARREEE funny!!!

 

Most of it is funny and is true. See if you can relate.:j:

 

:sl:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
PropellerAds

5. You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry :sl:

 

8. You've had a bowl haircut at one point in your life :sl:

 

lol...Funny stuff!! thanks for posting!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:sl:

 

You found it "BARREEE" funny eh? Another UKer here? :sl:

 

 

Mehmet

Edited by Righteous

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow into it" and wear it for years to come.

 

ahh..the classic

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

--Edited--

Edited by hira

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:sl:

 

in this case i am guessing asian means oriental.. though as a desi i can relate to some of the above points :sl:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
:sl:

 

in this case i am guessing asian means oriental.. though as a desi i can relate to some of the above points :sl:

here's some for OUR DESI PARENTS ...

 

 

YOU KNOW YOUR PARENTS ARE DESI'S WHEN....

 

 

 

1) When your parents own a convenience store.

 

 

2) When your parents own a motel.

 

 

3) When your mom makes a Mexican meal and tells you to count the number

of Taco Bell packets in her purse.

 

 

4) When they peel the stamps off letters that the postal service

missed to mark up.

 

 

5) When they buy 2-ply toilet paper and they tell you to use only 1 ply

at a time to make it last.

 

 

6) When your mom comes home with napkins stuffed in her purse of the

restaraunt she last ate at.

 

 

7) When you become part of that viscious clan who recycles wedding

gifts.

 

 

8) Take Indian snacks anywhere it says "No food allowed."

 

 

9) Make indian food on the beach wearing saris.

 

 

10) Wear shorts with dress socks and tennis shoes.

 

 

11) Try to use coupons that expired 5 months ago and argue when the

store doesn't accept them.

 

 

12) Tear off the expiration dates of expired coupons and then argue

that it accidently happened and that they are still valid.

 

 

13) Eat half of a pizza at a restaurant and then complain that it wasn't

made right (I want refund!)

 

 

14) The famous: "hamburger, no meat; water, no ice; 3 cups; and 18

ketchups please."

 

 

15) Talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

 

 

16) Then inviting them back in to sit and drink more tea, and then

going through the same routine all over again.

 

 

17) Loading up the family car with as many indians as possible when

it's a "pay per car" entrance fee.

 

 

 

18) Renting movies and splitting the cost with 2 other families and

having the last family return it.

 

 

19) Taking 30-45 minutes deciding which indian movie to watch when it

only costs 25 cents!...then asking for a refund when it sucks.

 

 

20) When you see a bath pail in a stand-up shower or tub.

 

 

21) When everyone gets the same Christmas present...a "buy one get

one free" special.

 

 

22) When people show up late to a function...just in time for the

food!(Indian Standard Time).

 

 

23) Plastic covers anything new in your parents' house whether it is

the remote control to the VCR or the new livingroom couch.

 

 

24) Your parents only go straight when driving with both hands on the

steering wheel and they notice nothing but the road in front of them.

 

 

25) They have one of these three cars, an Olds Cutlass Ciera, a Honda

Accord or a Toyota Camry. (the rich ones drive a Lexus or a Mercedes.)

 

 

26) When family friends come over, you have ten conversations going

on in the same room at the same time very loudly.

 

 

27) You eat dinner on the floor covered with newspapers when company

comes over. (so that we don't ruin the carpet...)

 

 

28) Your parents tell you to not care what your friends think but

they won't let you do certain things because of what the other "Uncles

and Aunties" will think.

 

 

29) You've never owned white clothing because it will be hard to take

stains out of it. (That's what mom says.)

 

 

30) You have a collection of used wrapping paper and bows that have

been saved for re-use.

 

 

31) Your bio-data and picture have been circulated more than on

your resume.

 

 

32) Your parents won't let you attend college outside of your hometown

because you might actually date members of the opposite sex!

 

 

33) (For females) You're parents would freak out if you wore a crop

top baring your midriff but wearing a sari is perfectly acceptable

 

 

34) (For females) Your brother had no curfew while you had to be home

at 11pm

 

35) You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you

go

 

36) When you were little you always wondered why your American friends

waited until after breakfast to brush their teeth when you did

it first thing in the morning

 

37) Tongue scrapers are not a new fad to you

 

38) To your American friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not

as a grooming aid

 

39) Wearing deodarant is optional

 

40) When your American friends cringe at the thought of their parents

in bed, you wonder how odd it would be to see your parents get within

one foot of each other

 

41) Your parents have nicknames but only because people they work

with just stop when trying to read their names

 

42) Your parents hate the British

 

43) You have annoying nicknames like Chotu

 

44) Your parents call all your friends "Baytay" whether they are Indian

or not

 

45) People you call "uncle" always smell up the bathroom at parties

 

46) If you aren't married and you turn 25, your parents start wringing

their hands and proclaim that it's too late

 

47) You have never met half of your extended family

 

48) Either you really like Indians of the opposite sex or you can't

stand them

 

49) Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds

 

50) A horoscope must decide your wedding date

 

51) Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day

 

52) Your parents had eight daughters in hopes of having a son

 

53) You are sick and tired of answering questions about "the dot"

 

54) Your friends could not explain your religion to someone if they

tried

 

55) You could not explain your religion to someone if you tried

 

56) You sound like "Apu" on the Simpsons.

 

57) You own a 7/11 or a motel with a name like "Roadside Inn."

 

58) One or both of your parents skipped at least one year of elementary

school.

 

59) In the smallest of subcompact cars, you still can't see over the

wheel without a phone book. WITH the phone book, you can't reach the

pedals.

 

60) You have cousins you have never met, whose names you don't know,

but who insist they're related to you, even though they bear NO

resemblance to anyone YOU know.

 

61) Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and

try and demonstrate how well it works whenever they're not fighting.

 

62) They have trouble paying attention to "minor" items like they're

kids'

social lives, but you know the exact number of the check that you're on

in your checkbook.

 

63) your mother has a short-haired, curly perm

 

64) your dad is some sort of engineer or doctor

 

65) your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying

you were 12 when you were really 15

 

66) you ask you parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later

they're still lecturing

 

67) you have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry

 

68) everyone thinks you're "Indian" no matter what part of South Asia

your ancestors were from

 

69) you've had a bowl haircut at one point

in your life.

 

70) your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends'

kids.

 

71) you've had to sit through videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian

women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest or library.

 

72) your parents say, "Don't forget your heritage."

 

73) you drive mostly Japanese cars.

 

74) you've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock

bottom.

 

75) you know what's going to happen in every hindi movie before it

happens

 

76) you've never gotten little red envelopes around February.

 

77) piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back and

closet doors.

 

78) you're father and grandfathers have hair on their ears

 

79) 'idiot people' try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian

languages

 

80) your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher.

 

81) at least one family member wears black wire/plastic frame glasses

 

82) your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12

midnight to say, "In India (or other native country), we studied

even more."

 

83) your parents expect you'll be best friends with any one off the

street in any given area as long as they are Asian.

 

84) an Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: "Is that your

mother? Well then, is it your sister?"

 

85) your relatives' houses smell like incense, mothballs or both

 

86) your parents say, "Calculus? I took calculus in 8th grade!!"

 

87) everyone thinks you're good at math.

 

88) you like $1.75 movies

 

89) you like $1.50 movies even more.

 

90) your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing From Asia

with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks and English words that make nosense, in

great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange and the ever popular

lime green.

 

91) your parents insist you marry within your race.

 

92) you either really, really want to go to NYU or really, really

want to stay away from it

 

93) your parents have never kissed you

 

94) you learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than

your parents

 

95) "You want a stereo!" When I was your age, I didn't even have

shoes!!"

 

96) you have to call just about all your parent's friends "Auntie

and Uncle."

 

97) you have 12+ aunts and uncles from both your mother's and your

father's side

 

98) at expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water

for your beverage and NEVER order dessert.

 

99) your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and

say "Eat it anyway. It's still good."

 

100) the vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses.

Thick glasses.

 

101) you will most likely be taller than your parents.

 

102) your parents have either made you play the piano, the violin or

both.

 

103) you get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you

don't

 

104) when going to other peoples' houses, you always have to bring a

gift.

 

105) your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees, you know, the

ones with the blue and pink stripes at the top.

 

106) your family owns a tennis racquet.

 

107) your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV (i.e. Michael

Chang)

 

108) the furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the

carpet,the decorations or any of the rest of the furniture.

 

109) you have rocks, sticks, leaves and strange-smelling, unknown

substances in your pantry for use as medicine.

 

110) you own a rice cooker or two

 

111) you buy corn oil by the gallon.

 

112) your family owns butcher knives bigger

than your head.

 

113) your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to

school, how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how

much they still appreciated going.

 

114) your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so

you can "grow into it" and wear it for years to come."

 

115) Say open or close the light

 

116) Say toilet instead of restroom

 

117) Say chok-o-late

 

118) Say Hullo instead of Hello

 

119) Say Vot for What

 

120) Peel a chickoo before eating it

 

121) Everthing you eat is sauteed in garlic, onion and tomatoes

 

122) Try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum

foil.

 

123) You try to eject food particles from between your teeth by

pressing your tongue against them and

 

125) making a peculiar noise like, tshick, tschick, tschick or pphht

 

126) Nibble a toothpick like dessert

 

127) Turn around when some one says pssst

 

128) Can say hello by simply raising your eyebrow

 

129) Automatically shorten peoples name even though they are already

short.

 

130) Know some one named either, bobby, inky, pinky, chinky, or tinku.

 

131) Are standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the airport

 

132) Arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it is normal

 

133) Snap your fingers while dancing in a group

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WAYS TO TELL A BLACK-WANNABE DESI IN CHAT ROOMS

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

1) ThEiR pRoFiLe LoOkS LiKe tHiS....

 

2) Every other word they use is "DA BOMB"

 

3) When you ask where they from, somewhere in there answer is

"represtin"

 

4) They call you "NIGGA"

 

5) You can't understand, or look up, one word they say

 

6) You can tell they failed "ebonics" class

 

7) Somewhere in their profile they have to say "word up" to at least

25 of their "peepz" whatever that means

 

8) In the India rooms they not only say they're da bomb, but they

have to scroll the whole screen with it (just to make sure we all know

chat they're "niggas")

 

9) They ask certain people to press a number repeatedly

(ex. All desi hooches press 55555555555555555555555)

 

10) They don't live in cities, just "sides" and "coasts"

 

11) Any Indians in New Jersey or Queens, NY

 

12) In their profile the quote is a line from a rap song

 

13) Then they "diss" you for actually reading their profile

 

14) They're searching for something called a "fly chick" or a "fyne

thang"

 

15) Just looking at their profile gives you a headache

 

16) For some reason they're proud to call themselves dogs

 

17) Their screen name contains one of the following: a bunch of x's,

DJ, NY, FLY, QT, JATT, DAWG, anything with a "z" at the end

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Sign in to follow this  

×