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ahm

Marrying your cousin

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Well the brother did come asking for advice and other peoples opinions, if he already knew the answer then there no actually point in posting.

 

And actually i've already told him the choice is he's, if he cant feel sexually attracted to the girl because he see's her as a sister, then that should be it, he cant marry her and would be the bases of he's argument to convince he's parents.

 

But what i am getting at is that some of the issues he has brought up holds no relivence, he is saying he is better then this girl just because of the reason that she isnt from London. And from my view point for some reason he holds anyone from outside the UK to be classed lower then himself.

 

Plus i like to annoy.

 

And anyway i'm already engaged and getting married in 115 days 53mins and counting :D

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PropellerAds

:D

 

I can understand what your going through bro. My parents tried to set me up with a cousin, and the first words that came out of my mouth were,"EWWWW!!!" Its not that its prohibited in Islam, its just because you think of them as your sister or brother, so its really........weird. Are you engaged to your cousin now, btw?

Edited by Afghan_Hijabi

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:D

 

Not forgetting I'm more educated than her. Ha! :D Luqman you're getting married. Some have it easy and some don't.

 

Anyway, major conern is they bring this up in future when I am married. Why can't they just leave it out? I saw her once, I don't know her, I don't want to know her. Better I vent here than scream at my mum... I'd probably need a translator.

 

 

Yeah, so what London. Largest population of Muslims, if I can't find someone here than where the hell can I? I think people forget that a wife is a human being, she has feelings and if you have the option of not moving her away from her family, then why not take it?

 

 

:P

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salam,

 

Bro with all joking aside, parents will always want an part in your decision for a spouse. You just need to make sure you know your rights in Islam and stand by them, whilst still respecting your parents view points and suggestions.

 

Serrously have you tried telling them that you cant find this girl sexually attracted, tell them that means no grandchildren and they might get the hint.

 

Btw i'm guessing she proberbly has better survival skills then you do, might come in handy if you get lost in jungle or something :D

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Assalaamu Alaikum

 

Found this....

 

Question :

 

 

Is it correct,that our Rusul  , discouraged marrying cousins. You, see marrying cousins should be the last resort.

Jazakallah.

 

Answer :

 

Al-hamdu lillah (All praise be to Allah). There is no objection whatsoever in the Islamic religion for a man to marry any of his relatives except al-maharim (those forbidden for marriage) whom Allah mentioned in surat al-nisaa', 4:23 (interpretation of the meaning):

 

Prohibited to you (for marriage) are: your mothers, daughters, sisters; father's sisters, mother's sisters; brother's daughters, sister's daughters; foster-mothers (who breast-fed you), foster-sisters (who breast-fed from the same woman as you); your wives' mothers; your step-daughters under your guardianship, born of your wives with whom you have consummated marriage, no prohibition if ye have not consummated; (those who have been) wives of your sons proceeding from your loins; and two sisters in wedlock at one and the same time, except for what is past; for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

 

Thus, when Allah mentioned for us the relatives to whom marriage is forbidden, we then come to know that there is no objection for the remainder of the family relations. Furthermore, there is no condition that it be the last resort as indicated in the question. Among the most prominent evidence of this fact is that the Prophet  (peace be upon him) married his daughter Fatima to Ali (may Allah be pleased with them) and he is the son of her father's uncle, as well as the marriage of the Prophet  himself to Zainab bint Jahsh (may Allah be please with her) and she is his aunt's daughter (i.e. his cousin); and there are many other such examples.

 

However, a different question may be asked, namely: "Is it better or preferable for a Muslim to marry someone he is not related to rather than a relative?"

 

The answer to this question varies from case to case, and perhaps it may be preferable to marry people who are non-relations, for example if one aspires to form new social ties or bonds, and regards the existence of a marriage relationship with a different family as constructive in widening the circle of social bonds.

 

 

 

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Me personally I always thought marrying my cousin would be sick because I mean you have grown up with them and all that. Plus I have seen so many people who marry cousins and a lot of their kids end up with birth defects. I know it is Qadr...but Allah (SWT) also tells you to use your brain so you don't HAVE to marry your cousin.

 

Plus I mean wouldn't you want to marry someone that you never knew....isn't that what helps make the marriage enjoyable in that you spend much time in getting to know one another...not where you already know each and every single thing about the person already.

 

Distant cousins is one thing but close close cousins just seems a bit too much. You obviously don't have to do anything you don't want to but if I searched far and wide and couldn't find someone that I thought was a good match for me except for someone that was my cousin then I guess I would consider it. With Salat Al-Istikhara I would InshaAllah know my answer and Allah (SWT) Knows Best!

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:D

 

Defects i think are much more an issue if u marry first cousins or if u inter-marryover many generations. I'm sure that was the case with Queen Victoria and Prince Albert of Britain...i think except one or two out of their brood of 12 or so all were hemophilics, just because of the severe intra-marrying that they'd persued. However, this is a case by case thing and prob depends on the degree over generations (not just 1 or 2) of this marriage style.

 

My parents are third cousins...well actually my granma from mum's side and my dad are 1st cousins but the generation before them had manyyy kids so the age difference was heaps before u all starting screaming "old poppa u got there!" So i think that makes my mum and dad second cousins :P Both were nutters for each other tho pre-marriage so hey all's good :D It also makes family get-togethers or family history session-around-the-dinner-table very enriching!

 

Must say tho that there had not been any inter marryign in my family for many generations and there was much 'discussion' shall we say when my parents wanted to tie the knot :P

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:D

 

Though it is ALLOWed ... for me its a NO No to marry a cousin ...coz i always seen them as my sisters ... and YUCk ... even i am beginning to PUKe at the very thought of marrying from my family ... i know it sounds ironic .. these words coming out of a fr3aks mouth ... but hey ... GUYS GOT A heart too ... and it does Beat ...

 

Lately i have read .. theres always this issue about OFFSprings inheriting the DIsease gene ... from both the members ... despite being recessive in the members case ... its like 100% dormant when the Offspring is born from the cousins ?? DUnno ?? do shed some light on it ...!!!!

 

Even if my parents forced me to marry a cousin ... i would rather marry a cow and spend my life with her ... than marry the KINK KOnG cousin of mine (o_0) ... my point of view ... dont make it yours :D

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Lucky escape for your cousins, well.. unless you're planning on marrying again.

 

 

Jk. Hope things work out and you have a happy life with your future-wifey inshaAllah, ameen.

 

[Edit] Genetic freak, your posts always crack me up - you're such a drama king! Haha.

Edited by afG

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Lucky escape for your cousins, well.. unless you're planning on marrying again.

Jk. Hope things work out and you have a happy life with your future-wifey inshaAllah, ameen.

 

[Edit] Genetic freak, your posts always crack me up - you're such a drama king! Haha.

 

 

drama queen :D

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:D

 

Her father came to my house. I wasn't rude to him, just said very little like usual. I remember they wanted me to marry my cousin's older sister first. They're bonkers.

 

A clear sign our immigrant parents don't know us. They failed us because they did not come to this country with good intentions. Learn from their mistakes.

 

:D

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Asalamu Alaykum

 

I don’t see what the problem is akhi…if you don’t want to marry her say so…you’ve done it plenty time before as I can account. Besides marrying cousins back home is that is my personal opinion…I mean they don’t tend to have education even though their parents seem to have plenty of dough to send them to holidays every season. They are ill mannered and don’t dress modesty or act modesty although they live in a Muslim country…I am talking about my own culture so don’t think I am just saying things I don’t know. Yeah you can argue that a husband can make their wives pious and get ajar but when they come to western countries all of a sudden they realize when they get their passport there is nothing you can do to hold them from acting like kufars or they end up banging you in jail merely cause they have freedom astagfurullah! Why risk that? Unless you have come to learn the person and you feel in your heart that she is the one. Anyways this is merely my view…no flames please.

 

:D

 

I wasn't rude to him, just said very little like usual. 

 

:D

 

You say nothing much?! right… :P

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Salam

 

I understand were bro ahm's coming from, when he says that he couldnt say much to his uncle. That must be such a difficult situation to be in! Turning someone down is horrible enough without the added headache of the recipient being in the family. Things can get really personal and nasty i should imagine. On the other hand i've seen cousin-cousin marriages succeed very well, masha'Allah .

 

Personally though, i wouldnt want to marry any of my cousins,

1) Because they are like my bro's

2) Because of possible gentic problems, reducing the gene pool, and multiplying the chances of kids getting any hereditary illnesses

3) If there were any probs the family would all get involved and people would take sides and their would be World War 3!

 

So for me its a no no, but bro follow your instinct, if your not diggin it you gotta voice your objection!

 

Ma'a salama

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:D

 

I've said no, time and time again. I even said "never mention that name to me again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".

 

:D

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A clear sign our immigrant parents don't know us.  They failed us because they did not come to this country with good intentions.  Learn from their mistakes.

 

yes there mite a huge gap between u & them. they were raised in a much more conservative environment than u were. And ofcourse many can't speak the same language as their parents, pretty sad in my opinion. but the problem i see with our generation is that we think know so much more than our parents do & as if they r complete fools & have no idea of what's happening in this world. experience does count for something... there have been numerous occasion on which i have defied what my parent advised me to do as ofcourse i know better than do... but every time i have fallen flat on my face.

 

They didn't come to this country with good intentions??? :P :D :D

 

what were their bad intentions that made them leave their homeland to come to far away unknown lands, leave their parents & friends, to a completely unknown land.

 

I think what most of u that were born in western countries or came at a very early age don't have to go through hardships & hurdles that yr parents had to go through and therefore find it very easy to ridicule them.

 

I m not an immigrant but somewhat close to it... i did my undergraduation in US & now i m on a work visa for 3 yrs before i head back home. I can understand what immigrant parents in the west must have gone through to make it till the end. Every day is a like a new nightmare, i have been here for 5 yrs now & still can't get over the culture shock. Working day & night to end up with nominal savings, feel like a stranger. Face discrimination... i m sure it's not bad now as it mite have been 30 - 50 yrs back.

 

I don't have a language problem but majority of folks who came here a generation ago did & still do. Must have been so tough for them. The only reason they busted their chops all their lives is so that their family ... i.e. u & siblings can have a better life than they did. So that u don't have to go through the same hardships that they went through. For what??? For kids who don't who they r? For kids who think their parents have failed them? Well if someone asks me, it's the kids who failed them.

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:D

 

LOL come here to the inner cities and see the "better life" our parents hoped for.. What a joke ! LOL Ghettoes, drugs, prostitution, thieving and murder!!!

 

:D

Edited by ahm

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:D

 

I even talked to an uncle from my parents generation and even he said that they did not come here with good intentions that's why Allah did not bless them. If they came here with Islam and dawa in mind things would have been different.

 

:D

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salams,

 

marrying cousin is out of my rules and word "cousin" doesn't even exist in my dictionary. Yuck..!! i don't want to think about it.

 

i have a feeling though my parents will get me married to my cousin who lives million of miles away from meeee...!!!

 

if time comes, i can break my rule lol :D

 

Fe Amaan Allah.

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:D

 

I completely agree w/Bro Mansoor Ansari.

 

My parents are first cousins. I usually keep that out of my conversations with the kaafir because they automatically say, "Ew! That's nasty!" Their moms are sisters. But, if my parents asked me to marry one of my cousins (and they never ever will), *shudders because my relatives are 'evil'* I would definately not. All of them are jerks.

 

:D

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It is not bad to marry ur cousin but if you do see her like your sister then just explain that to you r parents and say how you cannot imagine her as your partner

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:D

 

i understand how u feel ahm. I wouldnt marry my cousins neither! never!

 

stick to ur guns bro and dont let the family try to pressure or force ya.

Edited by summer_girl

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Guest Guest_sister in islam_*

dont be forced into any marriage. Parents like to use the power they have over us...they abuse this power...grrr.

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Guest Guest_Muslimah_*

If you are that disgusted to marry her, then you really shouldn't. You are not only ruining your life but hers too. Your parents should realize your disgust and not persue this because at the end it is you and her who need to spend your entire lives. However, there is always this one point that your parents know better than you. In that case do istikhara and who knows your cousin might be the one who makes you the happiest.

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I would not even consider such an option, I'd rather end up as an old maid 'cause I grew up with them and played with them when I was younger, they're like my brothers.

 

Imagine marrying someone who looks like your own brother/sister! Eeew!! Makes me wanna hurl

*shudders with disgust.

 

true Ahm it is "yuck!"

 

Your parents sholdn't even bring it up anymore I think.

 

salaam

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However, there is always this one point that your parents know better than you.

 

:D

 

No there isn't. Your reply got me quite vexed. But I'm calm now. She is like a blood sister to me. Looks like a blood sister as well. In terms of marriagibility she is not even in the same Universe as me.

 

I'm worried like my mum is doing/going to do black magic or something... dunno just paranoia.

 

:D

Edited by ahm

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