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:sl:

brothers and sisters i need to know something.

i'am 18 years old and i would like to marry a cousin of mine she is a good person modest smart and beautiful. she is 4 years older then me, she is currently attending collage at another state i'am also attending collage. she does not know yet i like her and seek her hand in marrige. My best friend in the world is her younger brother whom is a year younger then me. so telling him would be very awkward. i would like this burden to be lifted off my shoulders because i keep thinking about her and i cannot go on about my daily work without feeling sad and depressed. so please help.

:sl:

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PropellerAds

Salams,

 

but she is younger than you. Mostly men who are younger than their wives have problems at their marriage. Do not give me example of the prophet since he was a PROPHET but you are not. My grandmother is older than my grandfather and my grandma has a lot of problems with him...

 

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:sl:

brother Allah will help you i say go for it. and insha Allah you will get her. may Allah help you

:sl:

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Salams,

 

but she is younger than you. Mostly men who are younger than their wives have problems at their marriage. Do not give me example of the prophet since he was a PROPHET but you are not. My grandmother is older than my grandfather and my grandma has a lot of problems with him...

 

No offence but thats aload of crap. Age makes no diffrence to weither a marriage be burden to problems or not. Just because your grand-parents had problems doesnt mean its the same for everyone.

 

Brother, my only advice to you is to do your proposal Islamicly. If I were you I would ask one of your parents to put the proposal forward to her parents.

 

If she says yes, then inshallah Allah will grant you a happy marriage.

However If she were to says no, then sadly that her decision and your naseeb. But atleast you can say to yourself that you tried, and maybe their will be something better waiting for you in life.

You dont want to live a life of regrets.

 

May Allah bless you with a happy & suscessful marriage (inshallah).

 

W/Salam

 

Brother Luqman

Edited by Luqman1984

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Assalamu alaikum,

Age should not matter however, you should not take a step before doing an istikharah. Whatever you get from that, go with it.

 

Peace

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:sl:

i've done istikharah and asked Allah to get her out of my heart if she was not indeed the one for me, however my feelings for her intensified. i've been doing a lot of prayer lately so i will wait untill she is done with her education. but still some people say age is a problem if it's gonna be a problem to the man if his wife is older what about the women? i don't think thats fair.

:sl:

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:sl:

 

Ask your parents if they think you are mature enough yet. They will be the best judges at this point.

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:sl:

 

No offence but thats aload of crap

 

Brother, how can someone not be offended when you put it like that?

 

Age shouldn't be an issue, if she is a God fearing Muslim and you believe that she will be good for you in this life then speak to your parents. Having said that, you have to be realistic ...you're still studying and you're probably not financially able to support a wife and you may not be able to for a long time. Also your statement "i keep thinking about her and i cannot go on about my daily work without feeling sad and depressed" makes me wonder whether you are mature enough yet to get married. If I were you I wouldn't let myself get so emotionally attached to someone until you're actually married, my advice to you would be to do whatever you have to do to get these feelings out of your system ...then you will be in a better position to make a decision on whether she would make a good wife (and you a good husband).

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Black is black, and white is white.

I say things as they are, no need to sugar coat it when someone comes out with a statement like that.

 

 

Nothing is wrong with he's age. I got married at 18.

As long as he has a steady means of income. Your death has already been prewritten, and no one knows this time except Allah. If you have the means to support your wife and future family, then it is better you do it sooner then later, least you want to be called infront of Allah on the day of judgement and asked why you didnt complete half of your deen.

 

It's a normal for any 18 year old to have that type of feeling. It could go on well into he's twentys. Doesnt make a diffrence and is no sin on him for it. Unless ofcourse he acts wrongly on it.

 

What exactly do you mean by?

my advice to you would be to do whatever you have to do to get these feelings out of your system

 

Doesnt sound right TBH.

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:sl:

bro you should wait until you can support her. let her finish collage and you should finish collage.

as for ÚÈà Çááå i strongly disagree with you. women are not objects that you get and then when they are usefull to you, you start loving them.

if you are not inlove with her from the beginning then don't go for her.

:sl:

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:sl:

 

Nothing is wrong with he's age. I got married at 18.

As long as he has a steady means of income. Your death has already been prewritten, and no one knows this time except Allah. If you have the means to support your wife and future family, then it is better you do it sooner then later, least you want to be called infront of Allah on the day of judgement and asked why you didnt complete half of your deen.

 

Just because you got married at the age of 18 doesn't mean everyone is ready for marriage at 18. How do you know whether he is financially able to support a wife? He has already stated that he is in college ...how can someone who is in college be financially able to support a wife? Not many.

 

It's a normal for any 18 year old to have that type of feeling. It could go on well into he's twentys. Doesnt make a diffrence and is no sin on him for it. Unless ofcourse he acts wrongly on it.

 

Chances are, someone who is blinded by what they think is "love" WILL act wrongly on it.

 

as for ÚÈà Çááå i strongly disagree with you. women are not objects that you get and then when they are usefull to you, you start loving them.

if you are not inlove with her from the beginning then don't go for her.

 

How is it right for you to love someone who you aren't married to? By doing that; you're asking for trouble. And I never said women are objects or anything like that at all, nor do I think that - so where did you get that from?

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Not going too much into my personal circumstances. But I managed to do just that.

So how do you know he isn't able to financially support he's wife? You presume too much.

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Salaam

 

A wise person once told me that it's recommended to forward a potential interest in marriage to one or both of the parents, as they help you to put things into perspective as well as get you to see what's to consider on the other side of the coin, aside your feelings for the girl. You'll end up discussing important things like your's and her college education, a job to earn some money in the time being, what would be the best course of action under the circumstances, etc.

 

Communicate this to your parents, or an elderly that can help. Don't think you have to be alone in this, otherwise you'll end up with confused feelings.

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:sl:

 

Not going too much into my personal circumstances. But I managed to do just that.

 

Masha'Allah, that is a blessing for you to be able to marry young - this is what the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alaihi wassallam advised us to do.

 

So how do you know he isn't able to financially support he's wife? You presume too much.

 

I could be wrong, he best knows his circumstances. All that I am saying is that it would be foolish to go into something when you're not thinking properly. I know many brothers who get into this sort of thing and in the end it does more harm than good. So what I am saying is if this is making him sad and depressed this can't be good for him ...and if he is sad and depressed and has these strong feelings then he is going to make decisions based on them - this is wrong.

 

I am not saying that he should not marry this sister; if she is a God fearing Muslim then why not marry her? What I am saying is that before he makes that decision and takes it further he should be in the right frame of mind. Even if he is financially able, when you are in such a state of mind you can make wrong decisions.

 

I could be wrong, Allah knows best. At the end of the day he will do what he wants to do, if it all works out alhamdulillah ...if it doesn't then he will learn a valuable lesson.

 

I agree with the advice you gave, except you assumed that he is ready for marriage whereas I took a step back into reality where most people aren't ready for marriage at the age of 18.

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salaam/...brother, be a man...call her and share your feelings...if nothing else, she will at least feel complimented....and if it is not meant to be, then she will say

"no" right away....http://nikah(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/partner.php?adbanner=32t6k0e is a sunnah...so NEVER EVER fear copying a sunnah...just go ahead and call her...dont commit the blunder of talking to her brother and dont commit the mega-blunder of keeping your thoughts to yourself...share them asap with her....best of luck...salaam.

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but still some people say age is a problem if it's gonna be a problem to the man if his wife is older what about the women? i don't think thats fair.

 

You could marry a woman older to you there is nothing haram or mukrooh about it. Rasulullah (saws) marryed woman older then him and he (saws) is are roll model.

 

But watch how you approach this sister let there be someone with you, when you are with her. And you can ask her parents for her hand in marriage. That would be a good place to start.

 

 

most people aren't ready for marriage at the age of 18.

 

It is better to marry young and this is what Rasulullah (saws) encourage as it will help control you from making any zina. I cant find the hadith for this but i know it exist.

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:sl:

 

Bro my sincere advice would be that if you feel that this is right then GO FOR IT but dont lose faith if there is rejection (Nauzubillah) ... Why am i being harsh !! ? its because society is to be blamed for it ? It has given us the impression through movies and serials about a young man marrying an older woman , about people taunting them and going (0_o) with the million zooms and shings shings sound effect ... about how the man behaves very immaturely and the wife is all grand maish ... if you know what i mean.

 

To make things MORE SERIOUS ... lets analyse ... 1) She is your cousin .. 2) She is older than you 3)She is not aware of your feelings

These three points make your case very critical. I dont know you personally ... Maturity is not a label that comes with age :j:

You mite be someone who is wiser than what he appears to be, but the fact remains ARE YOU Financially STABLE than her ? Are you Capable of PROVIDING for her ? Are you SOMEONE who she can see as her PROTECTOR and GUIDE ... her partner in every crime (figuratively). Can she RELY on you for her emotional needs ? Such criteria must be fulfilled and usually women (no offense) tend to think that a guy younger than her is mentally immature and would end up being the dominating member in terms of decision making skill and what not (again no offense .. I am saying this out of experience and may be subjected to region , time and space)

 

So yet again my advice GO FOR IT (because it is a decision you made ) but be accepting towards rejection because lets face it this is not a puppy love puppy love business MARRIAGE is the REAL DEAL you tend to choose someone one in a million ... so keep it relaxed and served chill :no:

 

~Fr3ak~ (Praying for you) (:sl:)

Edited by {(~Genetic Fr3ak~)}

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