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Depressed And Confused.. Full Of Regrets.

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Asalamwalakum brothers and sisters,

 

Recently I’ve been really depressed, confused and full of regrets.. I’m now in desperation and hoping for any advise anyone can offer to help me get out of this state..

 

I’m male, in my early twenties. I’ve been married for over 2 years now and allhumduallah I also have been blessed with a baby daughter whom I love more then anything else in this world (she is one of the only things I have no regrets about).

I’m in a normal relationship with my wife, I really do love and care for her.

We do fight and argue sometimes (normally about stupid, silly little things) recently it seems more often then not.. (and prob most of it might be my fault due to the state I’m in).

 

My problem is I think I may have married the wrong person. My mind is full of regrets about it.. did I make a mistake?

 

I know all the answers, I keep telling myself this is naseeb and these things happen for the best. But for some reason, it just doesn’t seem enough. I just cant get over it.

 

 

This all started years before when I moved to a new college. (a couple of years before I started I had become engaged (due to an arranged marriage) to my now wife.

At that point in time, I didn’t know anything about my wife, nor had I ever met or spoken to her. I just agreed to the wedding.

 

When I joined this new college (having previously going to a different college) I met a girl. She was in the same year as me, but we did completely different subjects.

 

Whenever I saw her in corridors/library it made my heart stop. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen and for some reason nothing I could do could stop me thinking about her.

 

Normally I don’t have any problems talking to anyone, male or female, but I couldn’t bring myself to talk to her.. Whenever I tried my mind went blank.

 

This is the only time anything like this has ever happened to me..

 

The most I ever did say was to ask to borrow a pencil… (stupid I know..)

The whole time I was at college my prior engagement and commitment was at the back of my mind. Knowing nothing could ever come of this…. I knew nothing about her, nothing about her real character, nothing about her background or family. (Only that her surname was familiar to me).

 

 

The years passed at college, and I hurried myself into marriage. I completely forgot about this girl and have been happily married since with my wife.

 

About 3 weeks ago, whilst at a friends/family wedding I happened to bump into this girl and it brought back all my old feelings.. Which I would of thought would have been dead and buried by now.

 

From what I now know of her she is a from a decent muslim family. An elder sister, that had much responsibility taking care of younger siblings. And very modest person.

She is also married now.

 

I don’t understand this.. why would my feelings for this girl be so strong over all these years? Did I make a mistake and marry the wrong person? Maybe I should have tried to speak to her back then (ending my previous engagement to try be with her).

 

I would never commit adultery or even think about it. Nor do I purposefully try and think about this girl. I just cant get her out of my mind. I’ve asked around to try and find flaws about her char that I could use in my mind to justify why it wouldn’t have been a good reason for us being together (but nothing).

 

I’ve tried everything I can, but cant get her out of my mind. Constantly falling into daydreams. Regrets in my mind and lots of What if’s..

 

Initially I was really down and depressed (I haven’t mentioned this to anyone) but everyone around me seemed to pickup on something being wrong. This soon lead to more arguments with my wife, saying that I don’t love or care for her like I did before.. and the more upset she became with me, the more regrets I end up having, thinking I married the wrong person.

 

I keep regretting in my agreement in getting engaged before I met this other girl. I regret not trying to speak to her.

I regret not breaking my previous engagement. I regret being in this state.

 

I’ve been in this state for over 3 weeks now. Althru I have been able to change my outside appearance from everyone, I still feel the same inside.

 

 

I’m sorry, I know what I have written is painfully long and prob doesn’t make too much sence it a lot of sections. But I really need advise, as everything I have tried hasn’t worked.

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PropellerAds

One word answer, bro: Shaytan. You shouldn't think as though you've made the wrong choice, shaytan is always wanting an opportunity to cause a rift between married couples.

 

My sincere advice would be to seek refuge in Allah from the shaytan and ask him to bless your current marriage.

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Wa 'alaykum assalaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh dear brother,

 

You really, really, really need to rethink your priorities.

 

You have a little girl, a beautiful wife, what more could a guy ask for? Be grateful for what you have. Do you know what kufr is, brother? It is denial. Denial of Allah's blessings. By Allah I am not accusing you of it. I am just reminding you the importance of being grateful for what you have. And truly, you are a very blessed man.

 

Allah subhaanahu wa ta'aala says in the Qur'aan, in Surat Al-Baqarah, Ayah 216:

 

"But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not."

 

You are probably thinking of the "could-have-beens" and ignoring what IS. How do you know for certain that a marriage with that girl "would have been" better than your current one? How do you know that it would be good for you? You don't, of course. Allah knows, and you know not.

 

I would tell you of the great rewards of staying in a marriage that has problems, but it seems that your marriage barely has any problems at all! At least, compared to the many other couples going through much worse, you pretty much have a great life.

 

Do not doubt your marriage. Yes, it was an arranged marriage, but by everything you've said, it worked out! Alhamdulillah. What a wonderful blessing from Allah subhaanahu wa ta'aala.

 

You know that saying, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it"? It clearly comes to mind with your situation. Don't create problems when there are none, brother.

 

However, I do suggest you do more things with your wife to show her your love, and to increase the love in your marriage. Buy her gifts, take her out, do nice things for her. They say "kindness is contagious", and inshaa'Allah, this will be too.

 

I hope I helped. May Allah :sl: make things easy for you and bring you happiness, for who else, besides Allah, can bring happiness?

 

Assalaamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh

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Aslamu'Alaykum brother

 

It is difficult to forget about the past, especially when you had feelings for someone you really liked, but wat you need to remeber that whatever Allah does is for the best, you ending up with your wife was prehaps better then you ending up with the sister in your college, maybe thats why from god you didn't have the courage to speak to this sister so you could end up with your wife instead and not her.

 

Anyhow you should concentrate on your baby and your wife now, try to be paitent with her, Allah loves those who are paitent, maybe you should talk things through with her properly (not about your past) but about your relationship with her, try going for a nice holiday somewhere and have a fresh start!.

 

Also try to eradicate those feelings that you have for her (if you still do), im sure she doesnt feel the same way as you do since she's married as well now, so why should you?im sure she's living hapily ever after and so you should try doin the same with your family...

 

Ask Allah (saw) for strentgh and keep you away from shaitan since he is playing up with your feelings, may Allah bless your marriage and deliver more love between you and your wife...

 

W/salam :sl:

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Salaam.

 

Don't think like that. You've been blessed with a daughter and a wife that gets upset at the fact that you don't love or care for her like you did before [taken directly from what you posted]. That's love my friend. Make your marriage work for you. Pray and make Du'as. Purge this woman from your mind; she will eventually be nothing more than a mirage. May Allah bless and guide you to a happy and prosperous life with your wife.

 

Practicing lowering the gaze brother. It was made incumbent on all of us because Allah knew that we may be faced with this dilemma that your having. Take care.

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:sl:

 

Oh my God. I just came across this video lecture that you just HAVE to watch. I think it will help you a lot.

 

It's called Venus and Mars: Marriage, Love, & Mercy.

 

(you are not allowed to post links yet)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yethalaltube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/riad-ouarzazi/video/venus-and-mars-marriage-love-and-mercy"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yethalaltube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/riad-ouarzazi/vid...-love-and-mercy[/url]

 

:sl:

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