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umar abdullah

Lost Habibti

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as-salmu alikim brothers and, i need your help.

 

to make a really long and complecated story short and simple, i basicly cant have the woman i love. we decided to stop talking becasue what we are doing is haram.

 

but i had(still have) some strong feelings for her, and i cant seem to get her off my mind. i tried reading the Qur'an, and praying, but it still dosent get her off my mind.

 

so do you brothers ans sisters have any suggestions to help me move on better?

 

if you want some backstory, just ask.

 

 

thank you in advance.

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PropellerAds

:sl:

 

If I am not mistaken you are a recent revert? Masha'Allah. Try and concentrate on what's important, read Qur'an, learn your deen, better yourself ...don't let something like this ruin what Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has blessed you with.

 

Most importantly; make duaa to Allah and try not to make the same mistake again by allowing yourself to have such strong feelings for someone (ofcourse, until you are married).

 

There's a "brothers room" area on the forum if you need advice from other brothers... I'm not sure if you have enough posts to enter it though :sl:

 

Think with your head, not your heart.

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:sl:

 

Stay strong brother, if both of you have made this decision for Allahs sake, then its a very wise decision, when you are able and your feelings are still strong then you can get married.

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indeed, we have done this in the name of Allah, and Allah overrides her any day. it would never ruin what Allah has givin me. and i still do study, and try hard every day to better myself.

 

but its still difficult to not think of her.

 

thank you brother

 

alikumu salam.

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This is my response: (you are not allowed to post links yet)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetgawaher(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/index.php?s=&showtopic=520188&view=findpost&p=982834"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetgawaher(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/index.php?s=&sh...st&p=982834[/url]

 

You'll pull through this one too, should you continue to make an effort of overcoming your feelings. It may take a while, but it'll be worth it. Just make sure it's sincere in every aspect.

 

Salaams.

 

PS. Topic Moved from GC to Counselling room.

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:sl:

 

Eeehh ... why cant you marry her ? (0_o)

 

~Fr3ak~

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^ he's either too young yet, or not ready, to marry. But marriage is certainly an option and solution.

 

:sl:

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in any case try fasting thats what Prophet Muhammed prescribed!

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salam

 

indeed. the porblem was i sorta fell for her before i reverted, and thus, i learned exactly why lower your gaze is very good.

 

as for getting married, i am not ready. i would be marrying for please my own desires instad of marrying for Allah's love. so it is best to be paitent and insha'llah i will get married. also i am 19. so to young too.

 

as for fasting, i do it already, but jazzakallah brother for mentioning it.

 

but this is now long over. Allah has tought me a valuable lesson(well one of many) and alhamdulilah i am fine now.

 

as for why i couldent marry her, well. it was haram what we were doing in the first place. secondly her parrents, thirdly distance, and also i was a very new muslim, and that i sould strengthen my ibidah and better my deen before i do somthing like get married.

 

may Allah reward you all for your kind words, Ameen.

 

salam.

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:sl:

 

Good options, may Allah reward you for your patience and dedication. I just wanted to add that you shouldn't lose hope, perhaps you can speak with her and explain that while you're not ready for marriage yet, you would like to keep the option open in the future. If she's as serious about it as you are, perhaps she wouldn't mind waiting a bit more.

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haha, shes not. she wants marrage, now.

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Aslam alaikum

In my opinion if one is old enough to have 'affairs' then he is old enough to get married as well. This practice of setting up an age limit for marriage is creating serious problems in todays world

Brother Andre' indeed u have done a commendable job by quitting ties with that girl. Pray to Allah for steadfastness. Do not be tempted to ever contact her again by any means. Delete her number. messages from ur cell phone. Get rid of her pics, emails, gifts etc. that u must have exchanged. It will make things easier for u and help u move on with ur life. INSHALLH. Our prayere are with u.

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Feelings are not something that a person can control. The first move is by choice, and once we get into it, it's hard to get out of it.

 

May Allaah ease your pains and troubles for you brother. Ameen

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"Aslam alaikum

In my opinion if one is old enough to have 'affairs' then he is old enough to get married as well. This practice of setting up an age limit for marriage is creating serious problems in todays world

Brother Andre' indeed u have done a commendable job by quitting ties with that girl. Pray to Allah for steadfastness. Do not be tempted to ever contact her again by any means. Delete her number. messages from ur cell phone. Get rid of her pics, emails, gifts etc. that u must have exchanged. It will make things easier for u and help u move on with ur life. INSHALLH. Our prayere are with u. |

 

wa alikumu salam.

 

yeah, the age things is messing things up a bit, but the world is very materialistic. i belive that i would have to be fairly well off to marry her. and i dont want that to be the nuber one reason for marrage. financial well being is good, but comes with times, while a pious muslims faith can only go up, at any time of their life.

 

in the end thats what im looking for. i belive there is a hadieth that states that you marry a mslimah for their ibidah and deen and servitude to Allah before all other things.

 

salam.

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as salaamu alaykum,

 

what do you mean youd marry to please your own desires and not for Allahs love? If you feel you need to get married to canalize your desires into the Islamic way that has a good reward insha Allah, and thats the point. I mean, who says oh I really dont know if marriage is what I want but as Allah likes it ill do it...thats ok too but the main point is the other one!

 

And if you cant marry her just leave her and concentrate in other things like getting more knowledge about Islam in the nearest Masjid around you if they follow Islam correctly. Whatever you leave for the sake of Allah, He will give you something better. As a muslim you must be completely sure about this, He is the one that provides and takes away, leave what He is displeased with....He will give you something better insha Allah.

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