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OK-let me try and explain as best as I can about my son and his new religion-My son has been incarcerated for the the last 18 months. During his time he has told me in his letters that he has become a Muslim. Usually in his letters to me he has written about many things pertaining to the Muslim religion. I believe that him turning to the Muslim religion helped him through his time while behind bars. Recently he posted a picture of himself and I was somewhat shocked at his appearance. He has shaven his head and not shaved his beard which is very long. My concern with his appearance is his ability to adjust on the outside and make it through parole. He will be coming back to a community that is very conservative and I believe people will not understand him both emotionally and physically. I am seeking your guidance on how to handle this situation and what I might need to say in order for him to change his appearance so he can succeed at his parole. Thank you in advance for your time and thoughts.

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PropellerAds

First off, thank you for comming to us :sl: we are glad to help.

 

I am happy to hear that you son is doing better. As a revert living in a small town, the way i dress makes me stick out like a sore thumb. the community at first will be curious and somwhat shy/scared to approach him. keep in mind i have a criminal record too. so sour situations are not all that far apart.

 

but back on track. eventually, wither through his actions and people just asking questions, they will understand that he is not only a changed man, but he is still a person. as for him on the outside, i belive that if he can be a muslim on the inside, then the outside would actually be easier on him.

 

as for looking more professional on this parole date, remind him that the beard is a sunnah(optional) thing, and that he should look his best for Allah so that he can contribute to society for Allah, in Allah's name. and that beards grow back.

 

last but not least, support your son. he will feel very icolated, and if he knows that he has his mother supporting him, that will give him so much strength.

 

 

May Allah guide you and your son, and protect you both, ameen

Edited by André

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First off, thank you for comming to us :sl: we are glad to help.

 

I am happy to hear that you son is doing better. As a revert living in a small town, the way i dress makes me stick out like a sore thumb. the community at first will be curious and somwhat shy/scared to approach him. keep in mind i have a criminal record too. so sour situations are not all that far apart.

 

but back on track. eventually, wither through his actions and people just asking questions, they will understand that he is not only a changed man, but he is still a person. as for him on the outside, i belive that if he can be a muslim on the inside, then the outside would actually be easier on him.

 

as for looking more professional on this parole date, remind him that the beard is a sunnah(optional) thing, and that he should look his best for Allah so that he can contribute to society for Allah, in Allah's name. and that beards grow back.

 

last but not least, support your son. he will feel very icolated, and if he knows that he has his mother supporting him, that will give him so much strength.

May Allah guide you and your son, and protect you both, ameen

 

Thank you for your response-My son has made parole already and will be released December 26, 2008-We as a family all know him from the inside bu the community and the people who enforce the laws have a totally different perspective of him. They will view him as dangerous and scary which are the exact words that the prosecuting attorneys office used before he was sentenced. He is far from being dangerous and scary but his appearance will just set him apart from everyone in the community-I wish he could go to another destination where he would be accepted.

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Well, if he stays, it will be a test. it takes a long time to earn peoples trust back.

 

If he stays paitent though, and strong, he will be rewarded tenfold, and in the end will turn out to be one of the best people out there.

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Thank you for your response-My son has made parole already and will be released December 26, 2008-We as a family all know him from the inside bu the community and the people who enforce the laws have a totally different perspective of him. They will view him as dangerous and scary which are the exact words that the prosecuting attorneys office used before he was sentenced. He is far from being dangerous and scary but his appearance will just set him apart from everyone in the community-I wish he could go to another destination where he would be accepted.

 

Hi RSB, Welcome to the forum. Islam is a religion of discipline and peace. When a person takes the oath to be a Muslim, besides his outer appearance change he will change from the inside as well. I think in his interaction with people he will get some weird looks, but those will eventually pass away, when people start to get to know him. I believe as a father you are the first step, if you show him that you are there for him and will stand by his side, it will make his transition easier and will be a good emotional boost for him.. At the end of the day its the attitude of the immediate family which counts the most, if hes accepted at home, no matter what the world thinks of him, he will stay strong. He should also try to find a local Masjid / Mosque in the area, so he wont feel isolated and keep his mind and heart clean. I pray that your son doesn't stray from the right path and may Allah guide him..Ameen!

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We aren't going to encourage you to discourage him. If he has managed to handle being in jail for 18 months I'm sure he will be able to handle the environment out of jail. Now that he is a Muslim I hope you and the community will see a positive change in him, and accept him and his faith :sl:

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We aren't going to encourage you to discourage him. If he has managed to handle being in jail for 18 months I'm sure he will be able to handle the environment out of jail. Now that he is a Muslim I hope you and the community will see a positive change in him, and accept him and his faith :sl:

Thank you for your response to my concerns-I am not asking for your encouragement to discourage him. I am happy that he has found a religion that he believes in and wants to learn more about it. I am just concerned that when people will make fun of him, or look at him and perceive him to be crazy, strange, etc. It will all backfire for him. What I mean by this is that parole is very strict-When he does look for a job people will not hire him because of what they see on the outside. If he does not meet certain criteria dealing with his parole he will be put right back in the system. All I want for him is to get through his year of parole and then he is free to do whatever his heart desires. Thank you again for your comments!

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indeed it will be a year of trial for your son. do not get me wrong, it wont be easy.

 

but its all part of Allahs plan. i know your christian but you do belive in tests from god right? this will be his test.

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indeed it will be a year of trial for your son. do not get me wrong, it wont be easy.

 

but its all part of Allahs plan. i know your christian but you do belive in tests from god right? this will be his test.

Thank you again for your reply-My son has put his family, and himself through much pain for the last 4 years-I guess I am scared for him and our family for when he finally does come home- All we have is history to go on. Time will tell!!

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you, your family and all you hold dear are in my prayers. have faith in your son, i suspect you will be pleasantly surprised with his social conduct.

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you, your family and all you hold dear are in my prayers. have faith in your son, i suspect you will be pleasantly surprised with his social conduct.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

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you, your family and all you hold dear are in my prayers. have faith in your son, i suspect you will be pleasantly surprised with his social conduct.

Andre,

I will tell you that my son and family are from Michigan and I understand Dearborn, MI has one of the largest concentrations of Muslims. Do you personally or anyone from this forum have any info on this area and who to maybe contact in order for my son to have a support group to get him through his challenge??

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i know one pweson from michigan, i will email her of your question.

 

as for me personally, no, i live in canada, but i can do some google searches at the very least for you.

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hi RSB,

 

talk to him from heart to heart. tell him all your worries and concerns and show him your support. let him know that all you want is the best for him. when people are close (not saying that you are not close with him), everything would be fine. learn what he thinks about his beard, his conversion and etc. learn his new perspective of life, it will make it easier for you to approach him. if the society is prejudiced about people with muslim appearance, then it will make a society less one. it's both of you against the world.

 

i don't know what criminal record your son committed in the past, but if you know your son deep inside, you shouldn't be scared of him. recently, there was a gay serial murder who killed about 11 people and mutilated one of his victims here. but what made me impressed from all this fiasco is the love shown by his simple mother toward his son, the convicted serial murderer. that's amazing to see such love a parent has toward her son, her own blood. i know how painful is the reality to her, but she has decided to be tough and supportive, no matter what people think. that's touching.

 

wassalam,

y

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sorry for my grammar question, is there a difference between 'scared of him' and 'scared for him'?

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sorry for my grammar question, is there a difference between 'scared of him' and 'scared for him'?
Thanks for your question-I would say yes there is a difference and I am scared for him-The last 4 years for my son were lost due to in and out of jail-his sentencing was for marijuana-I believed another person asked why he was in jail. His charges and offenses were always small but they just kept piling up on him. What put him in jail was less than 2 grams marijuana. The town were he came from just wanted him off the streets. My son just never learned his lesson. I will have to admit that sometimes I was scared of my own son. When I see his picture posted I believe people will be scared of him also-he needs a fighting chance to make it through parole.

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he dose have a fighting chance though. the person inside, if he has truly change, will be the deciding factor. Allah knows what is best and sees everyones intents. if he has truly changed for the better, Allah will reward him with his freedom.

 

besides as a revert, i can say that 2 grams of pot, while still illeagal and haram, and harmfull, is not much for any human to judge on. people say and do things that are worse then 2 grams of pot daily. fot them to judge is surly laughable.

 

and as a person who went though his "phase" of never learniong his leson untill ti was to late, belive me when i say that people have an immence capacity to forgive. people i have hurt beonde measure have forgiven me. and like yourself, my own mother was worried for me and i suspect somtimes scared of me. now me and my mom are closer then ever.

 

i do not mean to preach, i just want to stress the importance of your support, and that he has a fighting chance.

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andré is right, your support is very important, RSB. Hope everything will be fine.

as far as marijuana is concerned, i thought it was being debated whether or not it should be legalized there (in the US?). with many people thinking that it should be legalized, then i'm surprised if the community wanted him off the street just for this reason alone?

 

wassalam,

y

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andré is right, your support is very important, RSB. Hope everything will be fine.

as far as marijuana is concerned, i thought it was being debated whether or not it should be legalized there (in the US?). with many people thinking that it should be legalized, then i'm surprised if the community wanted him off the street just for this reason alone?

 

wassalam,

y

The legalization of marijuana is for people who would need it for medical reasons only-It just passed in Michigan on election day.

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I think its very important for your son to find good muslim company, to keep in on the middle path and to learn everything about Islamic character, Islamic Sunnah, and the importance of serving mankind as a form of worship. You need to help him to stay straight as a human being and not go to extremes in his religion.

 

You need to think about this very carefully and not to be combatative.

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I think its very important for your son to find good muslim company, to keep in on the middle path and to learn everything about Islamic character, Islamic Sunnah, and the importance of serving mankind as a form of worship. You need to help him to stay straight as a human being and not go to extremes in his religion.

 

You need to think about this very carefully and not to be combatative.

Thank you for your reply-Yes the spoken word needs to be thought out very carefully-I do have a tendency to be somewhat combative because I am scared for him and do not fully understand. I think in some ways he is obsessed and is taking it to the extreme. My son has always been for the underdog and will immerse himself in whatever interest him.

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I think its very important for your son to find good muslim company, to keep in on the middle path and to learn everything about Islamic character, Islamic Sunnah, and the importance of serving mankind as a form of worship. You need to help him to stay straight as a human being and not go to extremes in his religion.

 

You need to think about this very carefully and not to be combatative.

Thank you for the reply-Choosing the right words and how to say them can be challenging-Sometimes I can become combetive because I don't fully undersatand the religion or why he has chosen the Islamic religion. My son has a tendency to go overboard with things that interest him and take it to the extreme. Shaving his head, growing a beard that is down to his chest, learning to read and write the language, etc. I am just very worried that his obsession will turn against him. I will not know until he comes home in December and I can get to know him all over again.

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Thank you for the reply-Choosing the right words and how to say them can be challenging-Sometimes I can become combetive because I don't fully undersatand the religion or why he has chosen the Islamic religion. My son has a tendency to go overboard with things that interest him and take it to the extreme. Shaving his head, growing a beard that is down to his chest, learning to read and write the language, etc. I am just very worried that his obsession will turn against him. I will not know until he comes home in December and I can get to know him all over again.

I just repeated my reply so sorry for the mix-up!!

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Dear RSB,

 

I can stand back and see why you feel the way that you do and understand that you are scared, not just of how others will treat your son but also what he has 'become'.

 

I just wanted to say that he is still your son who you love and know... and I think really for you to understand what he has 'become' I hope that you will read more about Islam.

 

I'm sure your son will be a better son now and he will respect you more as this is what Islam teaches us, to be respectful to our parents and obey them so long as it does not go against Islam, even if our parents are not Muslims.

Everything in Islam is fair and the way that the media and possibly a few Muslims have painted Islam is not the truth about this religion. I urge you really to look at Islam from seeking to understand what it is all about rather than to believe all you hear and see.

 

I see that you are someone who believes in God, so don't you believe that our life here has already been written out for us? Your son was mean't to become a Muslim and you also was mean't to be here seeking help and advice from Muslims.

 

We are not so bad are we? We are not the terrorists that some people think we are. We are kind, sincere and we love to help other's if only Non Muslims give us the benefit of the doubt.

 

Just because you son has grown a long beard does not make him a terrorist, in Islam really men should grow their beards as this is what our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) taught us.

If Jesus (peace be upon him) taught you to grow a beard wouldn't you do that too?

 

Allah has told us to follow Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) in his character and ways because he was the best of mankind and if you look at his life you will see what a great man he really was and how he was kind and gentle to all people.

So the point I am trying to say is do we shave off our beards to please other people? Or do we obey Allah (God) as he is the one who provides for us anyway, whatever provisions we receive comes from HIM. We really just have to have more faith in that.

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Dear RSB,

 

I can stand back and see why you feel the way that you do and understand that you are scared, not just of how others will treat your son but also what he has 'become'.

 

I just wanted to say that he is still your son who you love and know... and I think really for you to understand what he has 'become' I hope that you will read more about Islam.

 

I'm sure your son will be a better son now and he will respect you more as this is what Islam teaches us, to be respectful to our parents and obey them so long as it does not go against Islam, even if our parents are not Muslims.

Everything in Islam is fair and the way that the media and possibly a few Muslims have painted Islam is not the truth about this religion. I urge you really to look at Islam from seeking to understand what it is all about rather than to believe all you hear and see.

 

I see that you are someone who believes in God, so don't you believe that our life here has already been written out for us? Your son was mean't to become a Muslim and you also was mean't to be here seeking help and advice from Muslims.

 

We are not so bad are we? We are not the terrorists that some people think we are. We are kind, sincere and we love to help others if only Non Muslims give us the benefit of the doubt.

 

Just because you son has grown a long beard does not make him a terrorist, in Islam really men should grow their beards as this is what our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) taught us.

If Jesus (peace be upon him) taught you to grow a beard wouldn't you do that too?

 

Allah has told us to follow Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) in his character and ways because he was the best of mankind and if you look at his life you will see what a great man he really was and how he was kind and gentle to all people.

So the point I am trying to say is do we shave off our beards to please other people? Or do we obey Allah (God) as he is the one who provides for us anyway, whatever provisions we receive comes from HIM. We really just have to have more faith in that.

Thank you very much-I do not regard your religion and Muslims as a terrorist group and feel for your people because your looked upon that way. 911 destroyed the perception of the Muslim culture, and it's religious faith. Americans are scared because they don't understand. People are stubborn also and depending on how old the person is sometimes you can't make them listen with their ears and see with their eyes. This is one reason why my son needs to be careful and maybe shave his beard so he can get through parole successfully. After that he is free to go and be who he really wants to be-if it's a Muslim-I will still love him very much. I want my son to succeed this time and get through what the law is asking of him. He has chosen a faith that Americans fear -plain and simple. The one thing I have learned through all of this and it's hard, is that I can't save my son from himself. As a parent this is very hard to accept-Thanks again for the reply.

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