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Aboo Uthmaan

A Muslim's Journey Back To Islam

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By a brother who wishes to remain anonymous, London, age 26. 1998.

 

In the name of Allah the Most Merciful, the Most kind. I testify that there is no God besides Allah and that all worship is for Him alone.

 

My journey is a tale of a path lost and found. It began as a child born and brought up in a Muslim family. I used to spend a great deal of time in the Masjid especially in my teenage years. I used to believe in God because that is what I was brought up to believe. My belief was not based upon understanding, but on culture and through force feeding of ideas by those around me. I prayed because "I would get nagged at if I didn't". I vigorously believed in God but some misconceptions I had about Islaam were troubling me, and I gradually drifted away from the truth, believing then what I was led to believe by the western media, that Islam was barbaric, full of fanatics, and was a religion which oppressed women.

 

My real problem began at University after I did a philosophy essay on proving the existence of God. For a Muslim kid who did not understand his religion too well due to lack of knowledge, proving God’s existence was a giant undertaking. After handing in my term paper, I often wondered about what I had written. I became confused, and for 9 months or so, I believed there was no God and that Islam was unjust and barbaric! This was the easy way out of my dilemma.

 

However, I could not stop wondering at the amazing nature of the universe, the trees, the birds, the people and life. I finally came to the conclusion that there was a God. But my confusion remained in that I did not know what religion to follow. Which was the right religion? I was very lost and in my attempt to do my best I thought I was Jewish for nearly two years. Then I drifted into looking into Christianity for a bit. I rejoined university and I remember I would check out the flyers for ANY religious talks from any religion. In my search, I also dipped into Sikhism and Buddhism & "techno-spiritualism" in my desperation to find inner peace - but it wasn’t to be found.

 

After nearly 8 years of unhappiness during which time my whole life had turned upside down, I thought I would give Islam one last chance before I ditched it and got on with life. I thought I began searching for Islamic talks and circles in London, and this search led to Speakers Corner in Hyde park. My brother always gave me daw’ah and had insisted I visit Hyde Park on Sundays because there are lots of people giving daw’ah there. Most of the brothers were English reverts and were full of zeal and seemed sincere. They were not trying to sell anything except to remind the people who bothered to listen, the reason why they were alive and who God was. On one occasion, a revert brother called Yusuf gave me a portion of the English translation of the Qur’aan (Surah Al-Naba) which I read on the bus on way back home. I also met some brothers who for the first time in my life had answers to my tricky questions about Islam. I read up on Islam and prayed off and on. In the end, I said in my heart "ashhadu Allah ila ha illal lahu muhammedar rasul ullah" - I bear witness that there is no god except Allah and I bear witness that Muhammad is his slave and messenger. But my eemaan was very weak. Then I decided to act upon some advice I received which, with Allah’s help and Mercy, literally has changed my life:

 

The secret my brothers and sisters lies in regular prayer and good company and in reading the Qur’aan. The rest comes slowly inshallaah, but you have to make a proper effort to change and Allah helps - for He says in the Qur’aan, that He does not change the situation of a people until they try changing it themselves first.

 

After only two weeks of doing the above, I noticed a big difference - and Allah alone is our sole helper and bestower of Mercy. And the journey continues inshallaah.

 

As Allah says, "so remember me and I will remember you." I seek his forgiveness and pray he keeps me and my brothers and sisters of this Ummah on the straight path which my Prophet Mohammed was upon, peace and blessings be upon him.

 

If you found my personal account useful, please visit "you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_www.Islam-guide(contact admin if its a beneficial link)"]Islam-guide(contact admin if its a beneficial link)[/url] for more information on Islam.

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asalam alaikum

 

very good story brother thanks for posting :D

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