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Beating your wife in the Qur'an surah Baqra???

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In my opinion, men who beat their wifes have serious psychological flaws...

 

Most men who beat their wifes are cowards...

 

Some of these chauvanist bullies need to look carefully at themselves, they call women the weaker sex and then prove their manliness by hitting them(?).

 

Rarely does wife beating result in respect. It generally results in fear and lack of trust...

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salaam,

you guys ben talking about hanifi.......uhhm what is or are hanifis???? :D

 

i have also readed something about when the husband hits the woman he should do it with a handfull of soft grass, well if that is true my husband may beat me everyday :D .

 

masalama

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i think that men and women are different in the physical sense, but equal in the spiritual.

 

i don't know if this will help much, but my opinion is to see the whole matter from a more logical point of view

 

if two people were in disagreement (note: people; i'm disregarding the aspects of man or women and his/her husband or wife)

 

but if these two people were arguing and one decided to hit the other just to enforce his/her point over the other person. then is that right? (rhetoric)

 

my take on other situations such as refusal from the bed, or constant refusal to each others wants. then i believe that people should work on being friends to each other firsthand and understand each others feelings.

 

personally, hitting anyone seems the wrong way to go.

this is what hitting means according to a dictionary:

 

 

To come into contact with forcefully; strike: The car hit the guardrail.

To reach with or as if with a blow: The bullet hit the police officer in the shoulder.

 

To cause to come into contact: She hit her hand against the wall.

To deal a blow to.

 

*if it's not the face, then its the arm or the back or stomach or the legs. i know i wouldn't like to get hit on any of these places even for small reasons

 

i think theres a major differance between "hitting" and a "light tap". and even still. what gain will you get from lightly tapping someone on the shoulder.

 

it's better to be open and honest, and honestly, if a person goes a mile out of their way in refusal to bed etc, then i think he/she should accept that their current partner does not like them.

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I'm not a bright person, new to Islam, the verse, I've read it many times and it makes no sense.  The koran actually says that men can hit albeit lightly, their wives?  I am a good person, striving to be a good muslim and getting married soon, my fiance is wonderful, but there are times when we talk about the future and she really annoys me, says things like she won't wear a hijab and feels that our children should not have a religion in thier lives till they are teenagers, sometimes I yell at her but there are times that I want to raise my hand, not hit her, but if this is allowed then I will hit her hand softly.  Is that ok, I don't feel as it is, it's really confusing.  I just want her to be a great muslim, i know i can't judge only Allah can, but i feel as if i can guide.  thank you

 

as-salaam aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

 

Ok, so lets say you feel you that you must lightly hit your wife... this is only a LAST resort. The first step is to admonish her for her conduct, then if she keeps it up you are to refuse to share beds with her. Do not forget these steps....

 

"Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all)." [4:34]

 

 

It sounds like you are marrying for love rather than for religion if you are already thinking you want to hit her for the things she says and you are not married yet. You should discuss the issues you both agree and disagree on and make sure you want to go for it.

 

fi aman Allah,

 

Ameera

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Ok, so lets say you feel you that you must lightly hit your wife... this is only a LAST resort. The first step is to admonish her for her conduct, then if she keeps it up you are to refuse to share beds with her. Do not forget these steps....

 

But what happens if a man behaves badly in a marriage? There are all theses rules of what a man should do in the case of a woman's misconduct. But, in Islam, what should a woman do to her husband if he behaves badly?

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The wife may divorce her husband if he is harming her. She must give back all or part of the Mahr she recieved from him.

 

About the hadith which states that a wife must attend to her husband in bed. I don't think it is true. I think its a fabricated hadith by men at the time who used it as an advantage. Although I do believe the wife should obey her husband in other matters, forcing your wife to bed is wrong.

 

There is evidence from Bukhari about how some men were biased towards women. Here is an example narrated by Aisha(may Allah be pleased with her):

 

The things which annul prayer were mentioned before

me (and those were): a dog, a donkey and a

woman. I said, "You have compared us (women) to

donkeys and dogs. By Allah! I saw the Prophet praying

while I used to lie in (my) bed between him and the

Qibla. Whenever I was in need of something, I disliked

to sit and trouble the Prophet. So, I would slip away by

the side of his feet."

 

Also, I think we might have forgotten that unlike the Quran, not everything in the hadiths are authentic.

Edited by Saladin1425

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:D warahmatullah

 

There is a hadith that a man should not approach his wife like an animal, "rape" comes under that.

 

In the west the police carry sticks. Hitting by police is allowed but it has to be justified, same in Islam and with the husband.

 

If the husband was bad/abusive to his wife, I don't think she has to return the dowry on divorce. She returns the dowry in case like this...

 

In this regard, the prominent Muslim scholar, Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi, states the following:

 

 

 

"A woman who cannot bear to live with her husband has the right to free herself from the marriage bond by returning to her husband the Mahr and other gifts he has given her, or more or less than that according to their mutual agreement. It is, however, preferable that he should not ask for more than he has given her. Almighty Allah says: "... then if you fear that they cannot keep within the limits of Allah, there is no blame on them for what she gives up to become free thereby. These are the limits of Allah, so do not exceed them and whoever exceeds the limits of Allah these it is that are the unjust." (Al-Baqarah: 229)

 

 

 

It is reported that the wife of Thabit Ibn Qays, may Allah be pleased with him, came to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and said: "O Messenger of Allah, I have no objection to Thabit Ibn Qays in terms of character and religion, but I do detest him.''(She meant to say that although Thabit was a good man, she was unable to get along with him, and thus might not be able to give him due respect.) The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, asked her about what she had received from him. She replied: "A garden." He asked: "Will you give him back his garden?" "Yes," she replied. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, then said to Thabit: "Accept the garden, and divorce her once (i.e. make one pronouncement of divorce." (Reported by Al-Bukhari and An-Nasa'i.)"

 

 

 

So, if you really hate your husband and fear lest your future will be doomed to ruin, then you may seek separation through Khul` and not through divorce.

 

Allah Almighty knows best.

[/quote

 

:w:

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But why is it that a man is allowed to treat his wife like a child in Islam and a woman is supposed to 'obey' her husband like she is a servent? Even if a man is supposed to only hit his wife as a last resort, and even if hitting only means lightly how can you condone something like this? Why must a woman 'obey' her husbands wishes and be punished if she does not? Please explain why this is okay. Cause I think its disgusting.

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I think this will help you understand it better: "you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_www.islamonline(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/fatwa/english/FatwaDisplay.asp?hFatwaID=38670"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_www.islamonline(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/fatwa/english/F...?hFatwaID=38670[/url]

Edited by Saladin1425

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:D warahmatullah

 

Wife's got to obey in all good things, otherwise there's no respect. If the husband has no respect from her it's difficult for him to return what she wants most. Same argument could be said about children and parents. Children are slaves of their parents in Islam? Better way to say it would be that the parents are responsible for the children. Likewise the husband is responsible for his household (and the imam, Khalif is responsible for society). There's no point in having all the responsibility and none of the power.

 

It's not all that bad being a servant. I mean we're all servants of...

 

:w:

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Edge, my wife is my servent because I am a man? This is what confuses me, after thinking long and hard I don't think it is right that I have the right to hit my wife. Well I have the right, but I don't think I should have the right. We both work contribute to our household income, yes I am physically stronger but how much more of a right do I have? I think interpretation of the verse needs to be rethought, we need to try to be more repectful

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What a fascinating topic! But let us look at it from a practical, rather than religious, viewpoint, provided we live in a city, rather than in a tent in the Arabian desert, and we (husband and wife) are educated, mature and may even be Muslims.

 

If my wife doesn't want to make love, hitting her with a hand or soft grass will not help. Hitting her with a fist will help even less. With MY wife, you also risk being hit back - with a frying pan on the head!

 

Only prostitutes agree to your whims all the time, when you pay them, that is.

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That's exactly it. If you know hitting her won't help, you're not allowed to hit her because all you'll be doing is intentionally harming her for no result.

 

Believe it or not, I've encountered marriages that have been saved because of this. My Uncle is a perfect example. His wife was so lazy and she doesn't want to do anything but wear makeup all her life. They have a son and a daughter. She doesn't want to do any of her duties as a mother. For exmaple, she forbids her son from going outside to play with other kids because she fears his clothes will get dirty and she just doesnt want to clean! One night they had a pretty big argument, my uncle eventually slapped her arm, she began crying, but the good thing is, it brought her senses back.

 

I'm not saying we should start hitting them, nor am I saying my uncle quickly resorted to hitting her. I think it is very important to follow the guidlines and restrictions laid down by the Prophet(pbuh) himself. A good Muslim husband tries his best to follow Prophet Muhammad, who never hit any of his wives!

Edited by Saladin1425

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A good Muslim husband tries his best to follow Prophet Muhammad, who never hit any of his wives!

 

I don't know if my question is appropriate :D but do you know if Mumammad's wives were happy as women? Did they get pleasure out of sex with the Prophet and how often did he make love to them?

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Russian Visitor, not a good question, not relevent at all. Hitting another person is wrong, hitting your wife because she is lazy is wrong, we are smarter then that, he should have just divorced her if she was not "good enough"

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Mumammad's wives were happy as women? Did they get pleasure out of sex with the Prophet and how often did he make love to them?

yes his wives were happy with him as they were given the oppertuinty to divorce him and he would make sure they recive much in riches so they can supprot them selves, but they said they would rather stay with him no matter what trouble befalls them (was of finacnial hardship). the later dirty question is not relevent.

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yes hitting is wrong we know that why are many of you non muslims keep going in circles regarding this issue?

we know there is evil in having 4 wives, If we know this then why must we carry on discusing this?

God has given us brains to think with, Allah has even said there is some benifit in drinking alchohol but the evils outweight it,

so hitting your wife even softly will it save the marriage?

that depends on your culture your socity and her characteristic,

i know if my sister or mother was hit even softly they would beat the crap out of their sposes i;d even join in, this is their nature but there are some females who acutly do calm down when they are told to behave with slight force i have seen this in my country of orgin,

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I didn't mean to ask a "dirty" question... I've read at this forum threads I consider more liberal than mine, so I apologize for asking. Was just curious... :D Will ask Imam instead.

Edited by Russian Visitor

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With MY wife, you also risk being hit back - with a frying pan on the head!

 

 

heheheh....lol..... :D

 

 

:D

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heheheh....lol..... :D

:D

lol, that cracked me up... (w00t)

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as salam alaikum,

 

I havent much knowledge about Islam, but there are somethings that are so simple that we know what is right and wrong!

 

The hitting has to be very soft, it mustnt hurt, just to call her attention, although there are other methods that come first.

 

1) telling her what youthink that she is doing wrong, try to discuss with her

2) if she doesnt hear and keeps diong wrong dont have sexual relations with her

3) then you can slightly hit her

 

I think some hadiths are VERY wrong interpreted. We cant hit her if she says she is not in the mood to have sex! Everyone can be in that mood. We can if we did first the other steps and she refuses the bed constantly without good reasons.

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I heard in one lecture given by Shiekh Yusuf Estes that the campanions of the Prophet sws came asked them what does Allah mean by this verse. The Prophet showed how you have to beat your wife. He took a miswak and tapped it on the campanion. In this example the Prophet is showing what is meant by this verse and his job was to present the Quran to us and explain. Anytime we have a problem of understanding a verse go to what the Prophet said and scholars do not use your own reasoning.

 

 

Good point to contemplate on is when the Prophet sws said

"How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then he may embrace (sleep with) her?... " So true how can you beat her/ oppress her than sleep with her.

 

The Prophet sws said "Do not beat the female servants of Allah;" "Some (women) visited my family complaining about their husbands (beating them). These (husbands) are not the best of you;" and"[it is not a shame that] one of you beats his wife like [an unscrupulous person] beats a slave and maybe he sleeps with her at the end of the day."

 

quotes taken from "you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_64.233.161.104/search?q=cache:LGDtEMbIBvAJ:themoernreligion(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/women/w_abuse_badawi.htm+tap+with+miwak+beat+wife&hl=en"]Wife beatings by Jamal Badawi[/url]

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:D brothers and sisters,

please can anyone share their knowledge on a particular quote I have been pondering over. I cannot remember word for word (may get back to you on that) but does anyone know the full translation and theory behind the quote where a man, during a dispute with his wife, is asked to first part from her and separate, then if all else fails 'lightly beat her' ?

 

 

:D

 

hey lucky me i just learnt this today in mishkaat shreef! when the amn is not pleased with his wife as in like if she doesnt read prayer doesnt keep her fast and all that then he should advice her nicely to do all that and if she doesnt listen then he should seperate from her (this does not mean he should move out the house but rather he should sleep in a different bed!) and if she still doesnt then he should hit her lightly (i have heard somewhere with a miswaak) and he should not his on the face because a persons nobility is shown on the face!

 

:P

 

please correct me if im wrong!

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Firstly, the sahaba (companions of the Prophet) inquired what constituted “beating� in the understanding of this and other ayats and the Prophet gestured by tapping his finger against his chest; i.e. beating a women is equivalent to tapping your finger against her (purely symbolic).

 

----

 

"As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), separate from them in the beds, (and last) beat them (lightly), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance)" (An- Nisa: 34)

 

This ayat relates to the next one which orders:

 

"If you fear a breach between them appoint arbitrators, one from his family and the other from hers; if they both wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allah is Ever All-Knowing, Well-Acquainted with all things" [An- Nisa: 35]

 

Therefore the surah outlines the procedure for terminating a marriage, the last resort after recommendations of the Qur’an (the four steps to conciliation). The daleel (basis) of this text is specific and not general and is therefore applicable to divorce procedures only, thus the man does not take these four steps every time the wife disagrees with him or they fall out (!!).

 

-------

 

In general the Qur’an advises man with regards to his wife/wives:

 

"And live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good" [An- Nisa: 19]

 

Therefore, man should not judge his wife according to his own ideas but what the Shari’ah has defined as a good wife and a noble person and companion…

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