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Muhsinmuttaqi

Spanking And Punishment

Spanking and Punishment  

26 members have voted

  1. 1. Have You Been Spanked?

    • Yes (sister)
      11
    • No (sister)
      4
    • Yes (brother)
      6
    • No (brother)
      0
    • Yes (Non-Muslim)
      4
    • No (Non-Muslim)
      0
    • No Comment
      1
  2. 2. Have You Ever Spanked?

    • Yes, I spanked my children
      4
    • Yes, I spanked my spouse
      2
    • No, I havn't
      13
    • No Comment
      7
  3. 3. What do you think about spanking? MULTIPE CHOICE

    • Spanking the wife and children are acceptable
      2
    • Neither spanking the wife nor children is acceptable
      7
    • Spanking the wife is acceptable but spanking the children is not
      0
    • Spanking the children is acceptable but not spanking the wife
      13
    • Spanking is better than Screaming
      7
    • Screaming is better than Spanking
      4
    • Spanking is Oppression
      3
    • Spanking in Religious Matters (child refuses praying) is ok, but spanking in worldly matters (bad grades) is injust.
      11
    • Spanking is worse than Mental Abuse
      2
    • Verbal Abuse is worse than Spanking
      9
    • Pulling the child's ear is oppression
      8
    • Corporal Punishment Causes Children to become violent
      4
    • It is better for the children to fear Allah than fearing the parents
      11
    • Spanking when the child lies is ok, but if they say the truth, even unpleasant truth, then no
      9
    • Children May Become Hypocrites if they are spanked, because they are afraid to tell the truth
      9
    • Spanking on bare skin is bad
      7
    • Spanking the wife is unacceptable
      13
    • Slapping the face of a child, wife, or husband is injustice
      17
    • I prefer mercy than harshness
      13
    • Boys can be spanked, but spanking girls is not acceptable
      2


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Assalamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullahee wa Barakatu

 

There are so many questions and answers:

 

If you saw these questions and answers in a survey what would your choices be?

 

I chose the answers spontaneously and I would like your stance on these answers.

 

I believe that spanking is unacceptable except for the situations that are mentioned in Qur'an and Sunnah.

 

 

Salam

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PropellerAds

:sl:

 

I agree with you brother!

Spanking is unacceptable...

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:sl:

 

Children should be treated with care and patience. They need guidance and genuine discipline. Prophet Muhammad :j: adviced that parents should spend time with children, boil down to their level if it has what it takes to understand the children's feelings. Teach them the correct way of life and positive manners, and show them mercy. Don't break promises toward them whatsoever. Guide them through means of reasoning, example-stories and so much more. In essence, parents should be an example/role-models if they expect their children to produce good results as personalities and behaviour.

 

Therefore, spanking is unacceptable, however, strict discipline should only be applied if it saves the child from danger and related cases. This doesn't mean that children should be beaten up or are left with marks, in fact, a light spanking must be the last resort if all other ways fail. Normally, other ways of disciplining kids are successful when parents themselves stand as good examples.

 

:sl:

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Assalamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullahee wa Barakatu

 

I was spanked when I was small and I did not feel that this was helping me at all expecially when I did not know the reason why. Spanking the wife and children alike is something I don't agree with except if it is a spanking for enjoyment but only with my wife. Screaming, angry face, and spanking to the same time was horrible and I of course did not enjoy it and I did not learn anything from it but hypocrisy towards my parents during my childhood. I still have nightmares sometimes.

 

My wife tells me that I am scary when I sleep, because due to a very intense dream I suddenly kick or beat at my wife until she wakes me up. One time, I took a big glass of water while in deep sleep and pored the whole water on my wife side in the bed. Fortunately, she was not inside the bed or she would have taken a shower because of me. Wow, I have another topic to post, hehehe.

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:sl:

 

I'm not against spanking children (when it doesn't cause a mark) and for the right reasons. It shames them and lets them know their behavior/actions aren't acceptable.

 

Allahu alam.

 

:sl:

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Salam

 

My situation was like this:

 

When I worked on my homework my mother stood behind my back with a wooden spoon in her hand and if I out of nerviousity mispelled a word or my hand-writing was bad she hit me or pulled my ear, almost everytime I made a mistake.

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:sl:

 

I'm not against spanking children (when it doesn't cause a mark) and for the right reasons. It shames them and lets them know their behavior/actions aren't acceptable.

 

Allahu alam.

 

:sl:

 

I agree...although I didn't get spanked..but my dads glare was enough :j:

Edited by passerby

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:sl:

 

I agree with sister Mujahada. I'm not against parents spanking children so long as there's a serious and right reason for it (e.g. lying, hitting a sibling) not for something like, the child didn't do his homework. But even when they do hit them, the point shouldn't be to cause them as much pain as possible. Yes, it should hurt somewhat, but as sister Mujahada said, it's mainly to shame them and it helps to prevent them from doing the same thing again.

 

However, for some parents, their only method of discipline is spanking, and one should be careful especially when it comes to matters of deen. For example, if the child is still young (below ten) and deliberately misses prayers every now and then, the parent shouldn't just grab him and hit him. He should first explain to him why it's important to pray etc, so the child grows up loving salaah, rather than feeling forced, unwillingly, to pray.

 

Also if parents always hit, the child gets used to this method and it doesn't have as big an affect on him as it would have when he first started getting spanked. He'd end up being like ''Oh here comes another wack''.

 

I did (but rarely) get spanked when I was small, and I must say, it did have a good effect on me alhamdulillah, but that's because my parents (namely, my dad :j:) new when and why to hit me, they didn't just do it for any reason.

 

But generally, I definately prefer mercy than harshness :sl:.

 

Allahu A'lam.

Edited by Julanaar ÈÜÜäÜÜÊ ãÜÜÄãÜÜä

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:sl:

 

I also want to add that I don't think spanking girls is unacceptable; however, girls do need a more gentler approach as they are more sensitive than boys and it has a bigger effect on them emotionally as well as physically, so perhaps girls shouldn't be spanked as often as boys. Also I think the age of the girl is something to consider too. It's known that girls mature faster than boys, also like I said, they're more sensitive, so when a girl reaches a certain age of maturity, spanking would perhaps be too humiliating for her.

My father stopped spanking me around the age of 10, and after that, if I did something wrong, he would talk to me about it seriously rather than hit me.

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Salam

 

My situation was like this:

 

When I worked on my homework my mother stood behind my back with a wooden spoon in her hand and if I out of nerviousity mispelled a word or my hand-writing was bad she hit me or pulled my ear, almost everytime I made a mistake.

 

:sl:

 

That's just a very wrong thing to do, I've seen people do that to there children. :sl:

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Salam

 

I was spanked throughout my childhood for relatively small things. I was spanked for clumsiness. When I accidently dropped a fork or spoon, I would sometimes receive a spanking. I was scared to come home when I had bad grades. The parents concern was to have a good name in the society. They saw bad grades as an embarrassment for themselves.

 

I was spanked mostly with stick etc. Spanking with the hand is better because when I was spanked with a stick I felt degrading as if I am an animal.

 

Many times I was spanked because I did something wrong. Maybe, the discipline was justified, but then I received another spanking after the spanking because of crying.

 

One time, I my mother spanked me with a stick. It was not controlled spanking. It was too much for me that I just hugged my mom to stop it. She push me away by force until if fell to the floor and she continued beating at me without showing any emotions.

 

Sometimes, my mother would spank me during the day and then again because of crying and then she called my father and told him in an exaggerated manner that I did this or that. Then she came to me that I will receive a spanking when father comes home. Sometimes, I received it sometimes not. My father was merciful, but he listened to what my mother told him and he trusted what she said. Sometimes, my mother would make it seem more dramatic that it really was to make sure that my father really spanks me. It was as if it was her goal to spank me.

 

When I had been very young still in first grade, my mother was mean to me, because of little things I was mistreated. She took me by my hair/head and dumped my face into the soup on my place to degrade me. The soup as warm, but the degradation was high. The reason was that I needed to go to the restroom although the food was already served. I walked to the restroom then my mother came after me and was angry because I go to the restroom although the food is already served. She took me by my head and dumped my face into the potatoe soup, which was not hot, but she did not know it. She would have done it even if the soup were hot. My father does not know about this incident.

 

Saying something wrong could lead to spanking or mental abuse. Mobbing/bullying by the parents is even worse than physical punishment.

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I was spanked until I was about 5-7 or so. Then my dad seemed to have a revelation and suddenly was of the opinion that it was wrong. Life was much easier after that. :sl:

 

I don't approve of it, it's abusive, degrading and usually results in fear of parents and the victim becoming violent.

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:sl:

 

In my culture, a lot of parents spank their children without teaching them right from wrong. They will suddenly grab the child, give him a few smacks on the bottom and scold them furiously. But there's simply a lack of understanding on the child's part. What's wrong with climbing on top of the table? Why can't I pull my sister's hair?

 

Neither of my parents spanked any of my siblings, but we've always had a deep respect (and probably fear with regards to my father, he was pretty intimidating) for both of them. It's possible to correct a child's mistakes simply by talking to them. And it's possibly to punish them without inflicting bodily harm.

 

Prophet Muhammad never hit a child or a woman in his life and he was the epitome of all that is good. I think we could take a lesson from that.

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I wanted to say to everyone that your posts in this thread have helped me to arrive at the conclusion that I do not want to spank my children anymore. This has been building for some time, but I think this has helped me finally make the resolution to cease this behavior. Thank you.

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