Jump to content
Islamic Forum
In War with me

I Have A Question

Recommended Posts

Assalamu alaikum warahmathullahi wabarakathuhu.

 

In many families,women are subjected to household duties to an extent that she has no time to seek knowledge.And the majority of these families have husbands who dont help their women at all ,not even their kids' homework.SO,my question is,will the husband be held accountable for not making her path to knowledge/worship easy?

 

I know a lady who was quite interested in her deen and seeking 'ilm .But now after having kids and all ,she sighs and says that she only prays and occasionally reads the Quran and her life revolves only around her chores and kids.When asked about her husband,she said"What about him?He only cares about his amals"

 

So what do you say?Is the husband erring in not helping her in her worship ?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
PropellerAds

Wa Alaykum Salam sis, even though we're the same age, and your knowledge is above mines, you forget your basics!!!!

 

Everythinh is worship: "Say: My life and my death, and my service of sacrifice is all for Allah; the cherisher of the worlds"

 

See the life part in this aya, obedience to husband is jennah!!!

 

Nowadays with so muc exposure and opportunities ,its so easy to get swayed away by the zeal to enjoy and conquer the glamarous world while forgetting herafter completely as the distractions are tremendous each of them equally alluring and exciting such as busying oneself totally in making it to the top in ones career while neglecting prayers/Quran etc

 

Most of us remain safe from comitting major sins but do not stay vigilant enough about their religious obligations ( such as Acquiring knowledge of deen, work on one's relationship with Allah, regularity in prayers , striving to increase one's eemaan) and thereby forgetting their real purpose of creation and that purpose is:

 

I created the jinn and humankind only that they might worship Me. [1]

 

O mankind! worship your Lord, Who has created you and those before you, so that you may ward off (evil). [2]

 

 

What exactly does worship mean?

We restrict the meaning of 'worship' to the religious rituals as prayers,fasting ,hajj etc.This is indeed a misconception. If worship merely meant these rituals then why didnt Allah ask us to pray and fast all day ,night??

 

so how do we define worship?

Ibn Kathir (d.774H), rahimahullaah, said:

"And ’ibaadah is obedience to Allaah by acting upon what He commands, and abandoning what He forbids"

 

So Prayer, fasting, zakaat (alms), Pilgrimage, supplication, vows, fear and trust and other than these are from the acts of worship.Doing zikr.making peace between people,speaking truth in adversity etc etc are all forms of worship.Even trying to ward off a sinful temptation for Allahs sake is a worship. Shaykhul-Islaam decsribed it so well

 

Shaykhul-Islaam Ibn Taymiyyah (d.728H) - rahimahullaah - said:

"Worship (al-’Ibaadah) is a comprehensive term covering everything that Allaah loves and is pleased with - whether saying, or actions, outward and inward."

 

Additional note:

 

Worship is a comprehensive word for all that Allaah loves and is pleased with from speech and actions, inwardly (i.e. fear, hope, trust in Allaah) and outwardly (i.e. prayer, dhikr); and freedom from all that which negates or contradicts this. [al-Haafidh al-Hakamee]

Edited by Orthodox

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So all the wife has to do is remember that her service to her husband is service to Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala.

 

It sure is easy to sit and study the whole day, but life is full of tests and trials, and there needs to be patience from both sides (husband and wife).

 

What for is she seeking ilm but to know how to live. These basics are what we need, obligations are what we need to know. If we comprihend what I pasted, our life is easy and our worship is easy. If we don't and our actions are for other than "In the name of Allah", you are a slave of this dunya.

 

Read the below.

 

.... It also requires that man must love Allaah and worship Him Alone to gain His pleasure and His help. Is it not true that the people who consider this life as the "Final Goal" end up worshiping many things in it? You see them so careful about "having it all". They torture themselves: pain, difficulty, constant worry, keeping their hands in the banks for loan after loan to keep up with the "demands of development". They are under the constant threat of fore-closure. They constantly see poverty in front of their eyes. The Prophet said:

"Allaah says: 'Son of Adam: Fill your time with My worship and I will fill your heart with richness, and end off your poverty. But if you donot, I would make your hands fully busy (i.e. in worldly affairs) and I would not end off your poverty.'" (At-Tirmidhi said that it is a good hadeeth)

Our purpose of existence on earth is more meaningful than being slaves to worldly gains. There can be no meaningful life better than that prescribed by our Creator Allaah. Every act done according to Allaah's way is an act of worship. Man is the beneficiary and Allaah is in no need:

"O mankind! It is you who stand in need of Allaah, but Allaah is Rich (Free of all wants and needs), Worthy of All Praise." (Qur'an, 35:15)

 

 

you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetgawaher(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/index.php?showtopic=731356&hl=

Edited by Orthodox

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As for the husband making his wife's life hard, it depends if he intends to.

 

She would have to clean the house anyways. The men have to supply women, cloath them, attend Jumma, go to Hajj, Jihad, and so on...

 

While we have way more freedom inside our houses than outside in the work place, schools etc.. And thus our emaan is better when we stay away from people and only work to be known to Allah,azz wa jall.

 

The Prophet, sall-Allahu alayhi wa salam, had way more wives then the men of today, and indeed only the best man can have the most wives.

Edited by Orthodox

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
your knowledge is above mines

 

I object sister

 

you forget your basics!!!!

 

What basics? :sl:

 

 

I understand what you say.Jazakillah for your input.I was just wondering if the husband should make room for his wife to get Islamic knowledge just like he does for himself?It's not obligation,though.

 

What are your opinions people?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:sl:

 

As previously mentioned doing the household duties and looking after the children is an act of worship. This doesn't free her of her other obligatory duties such as praying though and she must find the time to do this.

 

Has she tried speaking to her husband about this? Is there not a sister who she trusts who could look after the children from time to time to give her a break? They could take turns in looking each others children to give each other the time to seek knowledge and increase their faith.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:sl:

 

I just wanted to contribute one Hadith:

 

Narrated Ibn Umar:

 

One of the wives of Umar (bin Al-Khattab) used to offer the Fajr and the 'Isha' prayer in congregation in the Masjid. She was asked why she had come out for the prayer as she knew that Umar disliked it, and he has great ghaira (self-respect). She replied, "What prevents him from stopping me from this act?" The other replied, "The statement of Allah's Apostle :sl: : 'Do not stop Allah's women-slave from going to Allah's Masjids' prevents him." [sahih Bukhari Volume:2 Book :13 Number :23]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:sl:

 

And this:

 

Sheikh Yusuf al-Qaradawi, states the following:

 

Women used to attend the jama`ah or congregational Prayers and the Friday Prayers in the Prophet's Masjid. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) used to urge them to stand in the last rows behind men.

 

At the beginning, men and women used to enter through the same door. When this caused overcrowding on entrances and exits, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him, said: "(It would be better) if this door is left for women." Upon saying so, the men made that door for women, and it became known up until today as "The Women's Door".

 

Moreover, women, at the time of the Prophet, used to attend the Friday Prayer; they used to perform the Prayer regularly and listen to the khutbah to the extent that one of them could recite Surat Qaf as she heard the Prophet recite it several times in the Friday khutbah. Women also used to attend the `Eid Prayers and participate in that big Islamic festival that included the old and the young, men as well as women, out in the open, all worshipping Allah.

 

Umm `Attiyyah (may Allah be pleased with her) narrated, "We used to be ordered to come out on the Day of the `Eid and even bring out the virgin girls from their houses and menstruating women so that they might stand behind the men and say takbir along with them and invoke Allah along with them and hope for the blessings of that day and for purification from sins." (Reported by Al-Bukhari)

 

Moreover, women used to attend religious sermons with men at the Prophet's house and they used to inquire about religious matters that many women nowadays would find embarrassing to ask about. For instance, `A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) praised the women of Al-Ansar for trying to understand their religion without being held back by bashfulness for they used to ask about such matters as major ritual impurity, wet dream, purificatory bath, menstruation, chronic vaginal discharge, etc.

 

And when women found that men's questions were taking most of the Prophet's time, they plainly requested the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) to make a special day for women. So the Prophet dedicated a day for them when he used to give them lessons and sermons. (Narrated by Al-Bukhari)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:sl:

I think that raising kids to be good participnts in the future of the ummah, and serving the husband to help him do his job better is far superior and beneficial than spending the time in studying Islamic sciences. I mean, what good is it to spend your whole life educating yourself in Islam, then taking that ilm with you in the grave, while you were too busy raising your kids properly?

 

I think the question reflects a selfish viewpoint common among some Muslims. Some people concentrate too much on doing ebadat, neglecting their fundemental roles in life. They think that its more important to secure their place in jannah by doing more ebadat, than performing their role in life in a better way. This is perhaps one of the reasons why the ummah is retreating, and now we became among the lowest communities in almost all fields. I agree with sister Orthodox, the real ebada is what we do and the degree of participation we perform in improving the ummah.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
:sl:

I think that raising kids to be good participnts in the future of the ummah, and serving the husband to help him do his job better is far superior and beneficial than spending the time in studying Islamic sciences. I mean, what good is it to spend your whole life educating yourself in Islam, then taking that ilm with you in the grave, while you were too busy raising your kids properly?

 

I think the question reflects a selfish viewpoint common among some Muslims. Some people concentrate too much on doing ebadat, neglecting their fundemental roles in life. They think that its more important to secure their place in jannah by doing more ebadat, than performing their role in life in a better way. This is perhaps one of the reasons why the ummah is retreating, and now we became among the lowest communities in almost all fields. I agree with sister Orthodox, the real ebada is what we do and the degree of participation we perform in improving the ummah.

 

:sl:

 

And who will teach the children their Islaam and lead as an example? The father is probably working most of the day. Look how children are raised these days, most of them do not know Islaam and lack morals. All she is asking is whether it is wrong to ask for some time to seek knowledge thus increasing her faith - this isn't being selfish. If anything it would probably make her an even better mother to her children and a better wife to her husband.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I think the question reflects a selfish viewpoint common among some Muslims.

 

I agree because raiseing children and helping the household is what she should enjoy rather than complain about. She should be grateful for having what she does.

 

Children aren't babies forever. They grow up and help her oround.

Edited by Orthodox

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
:sl:

 

I think the question reflects a selfish viewpoint common among some Muslims.

walaikumussalam not really.

 

:sl:

 

And who will teach the children their Islaam and lead as an example? The father is probably working most of the day. Look how children are raised these days, most of them do not know Islaam and lack morals. All she is asking is whether it is wrong to ask for some time to seek knowledge thus increasing her faith - this isn't being selfish. If anything it would probably make her an even better mother to her children and a better wife to her husband.

Walakumussalam

:no: brother,you leave me with no need to explain it myself.

 

I agree because raiseing children and helping the household is what she should enjoy rather than complain about. She should be grateful for having what she does.

 

 

Children aren't babies forever. They grow up and help her oround.

Sister,I know that a woman's main responsibility lies within the household.No denying that.But how many good housewives we see with no religious ilm at all.They don't know the proper way to raise their children at all.Their children may not be bad,but mostly unconscious of their Lord.

 

I dont think its wrong or selfish to wish for knowledge.But going after it with duties unperformed is wrong.

 

But everyone missed my question,I asked what was all your opinion about the husband helping his wife to get religious ilm,if he is seeking it himself.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Assalamu Alaykum

 

Sister,I know that a woman's main responsibility lies within the household.No denying that.But how many good housewives we see with no religious ilm at all.They don't know the proper way to raise their children at all.Their children may not be bad,but mostly unconscious of their Lord.
Who is to blame? I see them and it angers me how some having husbands' love attention.

 

I dont think its wrong or selfish to wish for knowledge.But going after it with duties unperformed is wrong.
Not at all. When Allah wishes to guide a slave, the slave desires Islam. In this case, she should love her children more and wish that knowledge od the deen for them.

 

But everyone missed my question,I asked what was all your opinion about the husband helping his wife to get religious ilm,if he is seeking it himself.
Good question. Edited by Orthodox

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

salam

 

But everyone missed my question,I asked what was all your opinion about the husband helping his wife to get religious ilm,if he is seeking it himself.

 

i would find that quite odd. wouldn't a man want his wife to become more knowledgeable just like him? if he is seeking ilm he should encourage his wife to get involved as well. if he can find time after working etc. he should try and make time so she can learn too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:sl:

This is more suitable in some cases, like when they were not blessed with children. In such cases, they can go deep and study together Islamic sciences at higher levels. But when a family is blessed with kids, raising them should be their first priority. When a mother go deep in ilm and neglect her duties as a mother and wife, she does so probably thinking that what she does earns her a place in jannah. But I think that a dedicated mother and wife, striving to raise pious Muslims who can serve the ummah, while at the same time learning the basics of Islam to be able to teach them to her kids, such mother has greater chances in jannah insha'Allah.

 

A mother shouldn't have to be a scholar in the deen to raise her kids. She only has to teach them the basics while they're young. She should lead them by example in basics like performing prayers in time, fasting and reading/memorizing the Quran. She should not lead them by example in how to be selfish and think of oneself alone, and neglect one's family duties in order to study Islam deeper to secure her own better place in jannah..!

 

A better arrangement would be for the father to seek ilm, then when they have free time all together, him and wife and kids, he should educate her and them from what he learned. This would save her time for the kids, while still able to catch up with him, and the kids get to learn too. But the wife should be putting her duties as wife and mother first.

 

Otherwise, if the hubby took his wife around in masajid and study circles, centers and institues, they could end up having badly raised kids, who could get their learning from the street & bad company, where anything could happen from there.. from booze to drugs to gambling to crime, and the list goes on.

 

Would such busy mother be that confident in jannah?

Should we encourage her, and slide down further as an ummah, which already occupy the lowest and weakest rank among all communities of planet earth?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:sl:

 

as discussed above, the main duty of the sister is to take care of her household, and children. all she should remember is that she is doing it to obey Allah. as for gaining i'lm....doesn't the husband spend any time with his family? she could gain i'lm from him.during the days of the sahaba..the sahabah used to educate thier wives and children.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:sl:

 

It's good to see that there are sisters who know their roles as wives/mothers, and it makes a change from those who want to take the role of the man.

 

But this isn't giving a solution to the problem faced by the sister. If the sister had the knowledge required then she would know her role as a wife and mother and wouldn't feel this way. Surely the issue here is a lack of faith/knowledge in which case the husband could help to resolve.

 

So in answer to the original question, yes the husband should help his wife to gain knowledge.

 

A better arrangement would be for the father to seek ilm, then when they have free time all together, him and wife and kids, he should educate her and them from what he learned. - dot

 

doesn't the husband spend any time with his family? she could gain i'lm from him.during the days of the sahaba..the sahabah used to educate thier wives and children. - bint Ali...... ÈäÊ Úáì

 

if he is seeking ilm he should encourage his wife to get involved as well. if he can find time after working etc. he should try and make time so she can learn too. - Appleseed

 

...so I think we all agree that the husband should help his wife in seeking knowledge. Also see the post by sister Redeem.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Walaikumussalam warahmathullahi wabarakathuhu

 

Jazakumullah khair.

 

All your responses have enlightening.It's good to be reminded of our duties often.I'll try to let the lady know,insha Allah.

 

May Allah forgive our shortcomings and admit us to Jannah.Ameen

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As-Salaam Alaikium,

 

It really depends on if he works then if she stays home it is her duty to do the chores. If she works and he stays home, then he is suppose to do the chores. If either work, help each other, split up the chores, and the same if they both work(split up the chores).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


×