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nafiul93

Teen Relationship

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Hey, I'm a 17 year old muslim guy that has a 15 year old muslim girlfriend. I know this is prohibited in Islam but I cannot break up with her because it has been 2 years with her and we have strong feelings for each other. We tried to split up several times but we ended up getting back together. She is my first girlfriend and I am her first boyfriend. Here is the situation now. Ever since our relationship started, we could only see each other in "gatherings", where there are aunties/uncles, families, etc. so we could not do anything with each other. After the 2 years of talking on the phone and online with her and seeing her in real life (but being limited to any actions), we saw each other recently in private. We were alone so our emotions for each other were let out, so we started kissing (nothing else). Alhamdulillah I have a religious friend who educated me of certain things that are prohibited in Islam. He told me that sex before marriage cannot be forgiven and you would go directly to hell, if you don't get stoned to death. From hearing this I got extremely scared and now I don't know what to do. I am 100% certain we will get married, but, I don't know the certain restrictions Islam has in this situation. What can we do and not do? Is it "okay" if we kiss or anything? I always heard that if a small sin was done to prevent a bigger sin, then the smaller sin was acceptable. Our emotions for each other get stronger every day so I really need help on what to do. What can we do without going to hell? I made an account to this website just to ask this and I need some serious help. Allahafiz.

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PropellerAds

You can either marry her or stay away from her. End of story.

A small sin leads to a big sin.

May Allah forgive us all.

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Wa Alaykum salam

 

I really do not know how to advise you. Why do you have a girlfriend? My point is that she is wasting your life and damaging you physically.

 

Allaah has enjoined the Muslim to protect his physical faculties from doing haraam actions. This guarding the physical faculties comes under the heading of gratitude for the great blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon His slaves. Allaah has warned of a stern punishment for using these blessings in sinful actions. Among the most important of these physical faculties are hearing and sight. They are the two ways to ruin the heart (spiritually), do immoral actions and commit major sins that may doom one to Hell. Allaah has told us that He will ask us about that on the Day when we meet Him. He says (interpretation of the meaning):

 

“Verily, the hearing, and the sight, and the heart of each of those ones will be questioned (by Allaah)â€

 

[al-Isra’ 17:36].

 

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

 

The seven physical faculties are the eye, ear, mouth, private part, hand and foot, which may be the cause of doom or the cause of salvation. The one who neglects them and does not protect them will be doomed, and the one who protects them and takes care of them will be saved. So guarding them is the basis of all good, and neglecting them is the basis of all evil. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

 

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts)â€

 

[al-Noor 24:30].

 

Ighaathat al-Lahfaan (1/80).

 

The fact that the aayah mentions lowering the gaze and protecting the private part together indicates that lowering the gaze is a means of protecting the private part (or guarding one’s chastity), and that letting the gaze wander freely is a cause of falling into immoral actions.

 

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The zina of the eye is looking, the zina of the tongue is speaking; the soul longs and wishes, and the private part confirms that or denies it.â€

 

According to a version narrated by Muslim: “The zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the ears is listening, the zina of the tongue is speaking, the zina of the hands is touching, and the zina of the foot is walking. The heart longs and wishes, and the private part confirms that or denies it.â€

 

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6243) and Muslim (2657).

 

Shaykh Muhammad al-Ameen al-Shanqeeti (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

 

Our evidence here is the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “The zina of the eye is looking.†The fact that the name zina is given to the looking of the eye at that which is not permissible clearly indicates that it is haraam, and is a warning against it. The ahaadeeth which say something similar are many and well known.

 

It is well known that looking is the cause of zina, because the one who looks a great deal at the beauty of a woman – for example – may develop a strong love for her in his heart as a result of that, which may be the cause of his doom – Allaah forbid – for the gaze is the route to zina.

 

Adwa’ al-Bayaan (5/510)

 

 

You need to learn your deen and what you are doing is awful. Allah sees us all indeed. Marrage is a solution to your problem. If you can;t marry her, fast and lower gaze. Do not speak to women over internet or any where else, unless over a necessity.

Edited by Orthodox

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Brother, i can't leave her. We've tried numerous times but we end up getting back together. Our love is too great, and we feel as if we really need each other. We both know that we're going to get married some day. Sex is out of the question, i know that, don't worry. I read somewhere that it's good to find a girl before it comes time for marriage so you are close with them and will be okay with each other. I've found my future wife, but i want to know what is haram and what is not.

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We've tried numerous times but we end up getting back together

How does that happen?

 

Our love is too great, and we feel as if we really need each other.
The "love" you're speaking about is a psychological sickness. That need is damaging you phsically.

 

We both know that we're going to get married some day.
You do not know where you'll be tomorrow. You do not know if she is cheating on you...

 

I've found my future wife, but i want to know what is haram and what is not.
Alhamdulillah, that is pleasing to hear. Abstain from her telling her you want to become a better Muslim and you want to get closer to Allah. Everything in opposition to the Qur'an an dthe Sunna is a ruin. Every haram is bad for us.

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Brother, i can't leave her. We've tried numerous times but we end up getting back together. Our love is too great, and we feel as if we really need each other. We both know that we're going to get married some day. Sex is out of the question, i know that, don't worry. I read somewhere that it's good to find a girl before it comes time for marriage so you are close with them and will be okay with each other. I've found my future wife, but i want to know what is haram and what is not.

 

Nafs and Shaytan put up a confincing argument but its not love otherwise you leave her to save her from the fire.

You can find opinions and internet fatwa making anything haram halal. Doesnt make it true.

 

My advice is try to stay away. Remove yourself from her company even if it means moving country. And at the least start fasting frequently. Dawud fast. Fast every second day. This suppresses the nafs and also ibadha wards of the Shaytan.

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I just read you are in Texas. Speak to Shaykh Naeem Abdul Wali. He is far more knowledgeable then me, and unlike me he has adab and wisdom.

 

Details here: (you are not allowed to post links yet)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetrisala(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetrisala(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/[/url]

 

BTW: marriage is halal

Edited by Aussie

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Marrage isn't only halal, but a beautiful Sunna of Muhammad, saws.

 

 

You can contactshaykh Ayman rather. He is a well known shaykh with kindness:you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetahlalhdeeth(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/vbe/showthread.php?t=8444

 

You just beak up with her.

Edited by Orthodox

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:sl:

 

I wonder whether if there is any use in advising someone who is blindly in love.

 

Your love for her is your love for this dunya. And you will never be able to obtain this dunya. I'm sure that right now you do indeed believe that you will be with this person forever and live happily ever after, just as everyone else who falls for this "love" does ...they could never have imagined things would go wrong and some even commit suicide when it does because they simply can not imagine their lives without the other person.

 

What you are doing is a sin and isn't acceptable under any circumstances.

 

I wouldn't even advise you to marry her until you have sorted out your Islaam, because only then will your eyes open up to what is right and what is wrong. I'm sure you believe she is right for you in a worldly sense, but is she right for you as a companion in this life striving to please Allah? Or are you both going to follow each other into the Fire for the sake of this "love"?

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Astaghfirullah dear brother. It's better if you break up with her. It's hard but it's the right thing to do. You're doing the zina of eyes, zina of the mouth, zina of the hand and so on and most importantly, "zina of the heart"! Astaghfirullah. Please control your nafs! If you break up with her then don't make any more contacts with her. for Allah's sake, Allah gave you brain to think. 1. Mind 2. Nafs. You can control your nafs with your mind, your brain. Now it sounds like an insult but I'm not trying to insult you okay it's true. ya Allah, do you want to make such horrible sins. Even though Allah forgives His slaves, but how are you sure that all your sins will be forgiven? Just break up with her, the only right thing to do. My friend had the same experience as yours (except the kissing part) but she left him just like that, no more contacts whatsoever. Between the guy and Allah, she chose Allah. How are you certain that you're going to marry her? YOU DON'T! Follow Prophet SAW, follow SUNNAH! The halal way. For example Khadija proposed to Muhammad through a sister of her, or such as Imam Ali proposed to Lady Fatima through Fatima's father non other than Muhammad SAW. If you can't have any wife in this world then you can have wife in the hereAfter. Choose Allah or her??

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it's good to find a girl before it comes time for marriage so you are close with them and will be okay with each other

 

Don't follow such nonsense fake culture. Follow Sunnah!

 

Boy = B. Girl = G.

Before married: B together with G wherever and whenever. (because of the shaytan's whispers)

After married: B kept fighting with G, and they ended up divorcing each other. (ALSO because of shaytan's whispers. Yea they can do that too! They have tonnes of ways to whisper us. TONNESSSSSS)

 

FIGHT FIGHT THE SHAYTANS !!

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:sl:

:no: firstly, I'd like to congratulate you for receiving a guidance that leads you here (I'm jealous). SECONDLY, your problem.

 

Most of us here agree that you break up with her. Why? It's obvious that, what you're doing is COMPLETELY WRONG? Why? When a man/women is not our muhrim, WE CANNOT TOUCH THEM. Why? because THATS haram.

 

Thirdly, about your love. I'm sure it seems hard, the temptation, the missing, feel lifeless. Let me break it down to you, it sounds like.. you're in a battle with satan. And guess what?

 

"We've tried numerous times but we end up getting back together"

YOU LOSE and it shows that you're weak. Come on brother, do you SERIOUSLY want to be weaker than any of us who can resist haram love esp. the sisters?

 

You're a guy, you should be a role model to any other guy who don't see what Islam is about. If YOU have a girlfriend and you do that zina stuff, OTHERS might follow and their sins are YOUR SINS TOO. Think about it.

 

Once you break up with her, come back here and we'll help you again. This is just our opinion whether you should break up with her, or not.

 

P/s: and the answer is DEFINITELY, NO MAYBE, ALL YES!

Stay strong brother, we will welcome you here anytime :sl:

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i don't think i can do it... i'm 16, almost 17, and not very religious but religious enough to even register to this website for help..

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Trust me brother, I've been in your place (except that, I'm a girl and we've been close for about 4 years) I pushed him away last year on november. So far, I've been living VERY GOOD without him, INFACT, if you believe Allah would help you, Allah WILL HELP YOU. Pushing him is like a piece of size bitten cake, having Allah to guide me.. is like.. wow....

 

If you only depend on Allah alone, He will give you further guidance, teach you more new things, you will become fond to knowledge, you'll thirst for it just like me. If you think.. your crave, your girlfriend is more EVERYTHING than Allah, The One who Created you, gives you life, your parents and all.. you're doomed.

 

So heres something to think about, are you gonna tell me, you're weaker than me.. or.. you're not weaker, you can live without her and with Allah alone. I may sound like i'm daring you, I am. For Allah, I am. :sl:

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Btw, you do realized.. that you're being guide by Allah right?

 

1st, your friend say something bout the girlfriend/boyfriend haram thingy

2nd, you found this site and decided to tell your doubts

3rd, I happen to click on this page & tells you that I've experience this.

 

Last year, when Allah guided me to an article on how having a boyfriend/special friend is haram, and I KNOW SO CLEAR that if I say no, there would be no more guidance for me.. this is it, take it or leave it. It doesn't happen to EVERYONE. You should feel lucky brother :sl:

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salam

 

you say 100% you will marry her? i say if you remain in this state 100% you will do zina. might seem "no way" but you will aouzubillah.

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There are numerous posts above outlining how the best thing for you to do is to marry this girl, if you think she's the one for you. In the meantime (while you're making that happen inshA), avoid meeting her in private, because the first time you guys did that...bad things happened. In fact, speak to her (in a public place) and let her know what you've been thinking. She'll appreciate that you're trying to keep things as halal as possible under the circumstances.

 

Having read your responses to the suggestions made above, the most liberal advice I can give you is to

a) never meet her in private

b) keep all communication platonic

 

That way, you can still have her in your life, still chat to her etc, but without the haram. And life without haram, is so so much more fulfilling. InshA Allah will guide you both to lives of happiness. Salaam

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Assalamu Alaikum Brother.

The thing which you are doing is strictly forbidden in Islam. My advise to you is first of all you should know what for we are living in this world.

It is a test world in which we should obey to the rules of Allah to attain Jannah in the aahirat. So, you have only 2 options

1) Think that do you have guts to go to hell by just continuing this illegal relation?

2) Or going to Jannah (InshaAllah) by getting away from this illegal relation and sincerely asking repentance to Allah for the mistake that you have done?

 

I have one more advise to you. You meet her now by keeping in your mind all the advises that all the brothers and sisters have told above.

Tell her everything and finally say that we will leave each other for the cause of Allah . If you are really true in your love, finish your studies, get a good job, then tell your parents that you like to marry her. Get their permission. Meet her parents and ask their permission for marrying her. Get married. Is that looking fine?

If you both keep this mindset sincerely, Allah will give you the best in this dunya and in aahirat (InshaAllah).

 

Except for those who repent and correct themselves and make evident [what they concealed]. Those - I will accept their repentance, and I am the Accepting of repentance, the Merciful. (AlQuran- 2:160)

 

Do they not know that it is Allah who accepts repentance from His servants and receives charities and that it is Allah who is the Accepting of repentance, the Merciful? (AlQuran-9:104)

 

But if they repent, establish prayer, and give zakah, then they are your brothers in religion; and We detail the verses for a people who know. (AlQuran - 9:11)

 

Then Adam received from his Lord [some] words, and He accepted his repentance. Indeed, it is He who is the Accepting of repentance, the Merciful.

(AlQuran - 2:37)

 

[such believers are] the repentant, the worshippers, the praisers [of Allah ], the travelers [for His cause], those who bow and prostrate [in prayer], those who enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong, and those who observe the limits [set by] Allah . And give good tidings to the believers.

(AlQuran- 9:112)

 

And the two who commit it among you, dishonor them both. But if they repent and correct themselves, leave them alone. Indeed, Allah is ever Accepting of repentance and Merciful. (AlQuran - 4:16)

 

May Allah accept your repentance and bless you both in this dunya and in the aahirat.

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Brother

 

If you love someone you will do the best for them and will not count the cost so if you really love her you will stay away from her.

 

You will work hard to be the man who is best for her, who can look after her, love her and be the best husband you can be.

 

You have arrived here at this site for a reason, you have asked advice for a reason and it is a test of you as a Muslim and as a young Man what you will do with this advice.

 

Look forward to the day that you can stand as a Man in front of her father, with your own father and ask to marry his daughter.

 

My daughter is very precious to me and I will be looking for a Man who has strength and compassion when it is time for her to marry, I will not be looking for a Man who just scrapes by the standards I set but someone who passes the mark and still wants to better himself. Do you know of a father who doesn't want this?

 

So does this girl's father, you have it in you, so do it.

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Brother, i can't leave her. We've tried numerous times but we end up getting back together. Our love is too great, and we feel as if we really need each other. We both know that we're going to get married some day. Sex is out of the question, i know that, don't worry. I read somewhere that it's good to find a girl before it comes time for marriage so you are close with them and will be okay with each other. I've found my future wife, but i want to know what is haram and what is not.

 

Salaam, bruva yew needd toh leave er ii can understandd wahh yewr feeliin buhh bruva try convertiin diis luv foh Allah (Swt) honestlii saiin yewr hartt wiill feel att ease, if yew ndd her are meantt toh b den naw doubtt yew wiill be, bruva m 18 was iin a relatiionshiip for ova toh yearz ndd d guy was 5 yearz owlda d luv was waii tooh much toh handle buhh we bth realiisedd iihhz ntt wahh iislam teaches, soo we add toh lehh gaw foh iislam ndd foh d sake owf our famiiliies ndd if wer meantt toh b we wiill b, ndd iff ntt den wahheva Allah duz duz foh d bestt naw doubtt. ii do stiil luv hiim buhh bruva iislam cumz fiirstt ndd niiwaii yew need toh putt yewr faiith iin Allah trustt Allah evriifiin appnz foh d bestt, mayb diis giirl is d reason foh yew toh understandd iislam betta wahh yew diint naw bfoh yew naw nw, as we awl naw diis lyff is a testt ii naw iihhzz nt gna b easii foh yew toh leave her buhh bruva yew gta b strong startt prayiin make dua ndd ii tell yew itt helpzz alottt d feelliin yew gehh is juss amaziin, yew wntt understandd itt yett buhh later orn in lyf yewl learn dahh Allah nawz bestt, juss dntt loose yewr reliigiion bruva - dass awl yew needd. :sl:

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