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Broken Heart/ramadan Ruined!

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Salaam,

 

After 7 years of trying to persuade my family to allow me to marry a particular person, we have finally accepted that we are not decreed for each other by Allah. 7 years of sin, 7 years of struggling against my family and know I have just lost the person I loved the most and my heart hurts, how do I stop my heart from hurting..... I feel this constant cloud over me that does not want to shift, I have pray my salah, keep my fast, read my quran but I can’t stop thinking about this person. I’m dreaming about him, I’m day dreaming about him, I’m constantly thinking about him, I have tried to distract myself but it doesn’t help because I can’t concentrate. I know a lot of people will make lots of judgements about me but all I will say is, if I had the energy I would explain the full circumstances but I don’t I feel broken. I feel that this pain I’m feeling won’t ease; it won’t go away, I want to stop feeling the way I am. I’m very angry at my family, my Ramadan feels ruined, I can’t stop crying, wishing if I had known the outcome I would never have got myself in to the situation I’m in right know, I would never have opened myself up to so much pain. There are just reminders everywhere I look. I’m losing it. Please help!!! My heart hurts…. I’m hurting, I want it to stop, how do I stop myself from feeling like this?

 

:sl:

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:sl:

 

Time heels all sister , I know how difficult it is to loose someone you have been with for a long time especially in this day and age.

 

Your best weapon is to think positive sister , say Alhamdulilah for whatever Allah SWT has put out for you after all everything is from Allah SWT and this might be good for you rather bad even though your feelings are hurt and it will take a long time to heel. But it is what Allah SWT wills and we should be content with it.

 

This experience will make you a stronger and better person and Muslimah :sl: .

 

"Alhamdulilah" will relieve your pain sister :no: .

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:sl:

 

It seems like a lot to deal with right now, but I promise you, it will get easier with time. Don't let this affect your devotion to Allah; in fact, this is the perfect time to turn to Him. Keep reminding yourself that we exist for the sake of Allah and that the people in our lives come second. Believe me, your troubles with this person will be really insignificant in another year, another ten years, and they won't even exist in the hereafter. So have patience and faith in Allah. May He lessen your troubles.

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Asalamu alaikoom sister, I want to be honest but the pain to me is like death. Or worse and it don't go away coz he took a piece of your heart and the heart dear. Only knows how to love. By its nature, its not suppose to be neatly swept under a rug and forgotton, I know you would have gave him the world. But perhaps time will heal you soon. Inshallah. I think we shouldn't love a human. Being this much. I am sure we. Suppose to love. Allah more than anything he created. If things don't work out in this life. It means it is a reminder for us. To make some changes in life. Believe me I didn't figure it out yet coz for me I am so. Sad 90 percent of my life. But I really hope for you the. Best, remember Allah always coz in the end we are rememberd. . I know. How deeply madly. In love you were but its all part of Allahs. Plans. For you. Inshallah some great things will happen for you. As for me my life is gone now. But still I hope the best for. Others

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Asalamu alaikoom sister,

 

How do you know sister that you are not decreed for each other by Allah swt? Please explain this...

 

I know it is hard, but be patient and seek refuge with Allah swt...

Thank you...

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I have spent 7 years of my life loving this person more than anything in this world and I wish I didn’t. he showed me love, care and attention, I have spent 7 years of my life trying to persuade my family to allow me to marry him, we have tried everything, from getting the imam to speak to my parents, to getting family and friends to change my parents mind. His poor family have gone over and above what anyone would do by repeatedly begging my parents to allow the marriage to take place, even my tears didn’t make a difference. After 7 years I have to admit defeat and admit that my parents will never allowus to marry and I have to believe that we were not decreed for each other otherwise I will become extremely bitter. It wouldn’t hurt so much if I didn’t think he was perfect for me in every way. There is nothing I dislike about him, I wish I did maybe the pain of losing him would be more bearable, he’s a good human being, kind, generous and caring. I can’t imagine my life without him. I truly feel I can’t go on, I don’t know how I’m going to face the world alone. I know it was wrong for me to fall so deeply in love with him, I know that but it’s too late know. I have spent 7 years making dua to Allah to make this marriage happen, after every salah without fail, every day for the last 7 years and know I have to learn to stop making this dua and that’s really hard.

I close my eyes and all I see is him, I can’t imagine marrying anyone else. All my dreams and hopes have come to nothing. I wanted to be a wife and a mother, right know I feel I will never get that change. The hardest part is knowing that he is going to start considering other women for marriage soon. I can’t stop imagining him with another women, with his potential wife, getting married, planning their future, having children, setting up a home. I’m having constant visions and it’s torture.

It's ramadan and i'm supposed to be immersed in worshipping alla, which i'm trying to do but I can’t stop crying, everything feels like a blurr…. Nothing is making sense.

I close my eyes he’s all I can see, I wake up in the morning and his is the first face I imagine. How am I going to carry on, how am I going to move on, what am I going to do. My heart is broken, I’m broken. The wounds and scars are too deep to heal, I feel like the pain will never fade. Please give me hope!

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Salam,

 

If he was really so loving why would he stop now after 7 years? When things get a little sketchy he just gives up? Would he do this if you had problems later in life? even after you got married? If he cared how you felt, would he be looking for someone else instead? or would he stand by you?

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salam sister

 

I'm so sorry to hear of your grief sister but i will only say that keep hope. After every hardship there is ease and i heard a great scholar once say that "Patience is a type of courage. One of the gifts of those who show patience in this world, are freed in the next. When everyone else is in a state of anxiety on the day of judgment, these people will be in a state of sakina (peace) because Allah has promised them that".

I have been in a situation where i have felt that my world has been torn apart and although it was no where as extreme as yours only Allah can help us. I fell prey to blameworthy modesty--I wished to marry a pious man but waited for him to come to me- it did not happen and now i'm full of regret. I know at this moment in time it may feel as if the light will never shine and you will never smile again but in my heart i believe we are tested for a very special reason and that reason is sometimes beyond our comprehension.

 

My shaykh said to me, 'God is with the broken-hearted. When your heart breaks, it’s a good thing – the breaking of the heart is what opens it up to the light of Allah. The dunya is designed to break your heart, to crush it...'

 

So all i can say to you sister is turn to God with passion,, unlike you've ever done before and when you ask, ask him for sabr and peace.

 

I hope this has helped you.xx

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:sl:

 

He’s not giving up, we are giving up! We can’t carry on hoping that my parents will change their mind meanwhile the attraction we feel for each other simmers and we end up committing zina surely it’s better to save ourselves from this grave sin. He’s broken and I’m broken…. People tell me it will get easy but when? Jzk for everyone who has had a kind word to say and tried to give me hope. I’m not sure I will ever be able to move on or forget! :sl:

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Salam,

 

 

You family is a victim of culture clash. People have associated cultural standards with Islam and decreed it as the right interpretation of Islam. It doesn't exist in Islam alone, happens in any religion.

 

But the culture associated with Islam particularly clashes and damages the direction you take in life, be it with career, spouse, way of thinking or any dreams the person may have.

 

With Christianity its a bit different, but we're talking bout Islam here.

 

 

Seems that they think the only way to live life is through their way - their proof that they are right - the fact that they are still alive. When one of them (parents generation) is successful in life - careerwise particularly - they say it is from Allah, but if a non muslim is successful then its because he's been given everything in this life. How convenient - the system they have employed works in their favour, no matter what you say, they 'win' by default. They also cannot take any sort of criticism.

 

 

The only way to show them - which I've been working on, is to SHOW them (tell them) people of the Ummah who are in similar situations.

 

I'm still working on showing my mum - lots of stories, people I know personally, peoples stories from this forum etc etc

 

These people are brainwashed, like their parents before. They don't actually understand Islam - they just think they do - and they will use things against you like - we are older and have more experience etc.

 

 

I have spoken to a psychiatrist about all of these things (culture clash), you're not alone. Seems that most of the people with this culture clash story that went to him, are girls who are at uni.

 

 

I don't feel you should give up, 7 years of work ended in this way? Its not about being broken hearted or Allah testing you, its about the stupid systems set up in play that tell you how to live your life. If people submit to the system, which they do, then you have the situations of the youth of today. Its hard to undo so many years of indoctrination with these older generations.

 

 

 

So so many people are in situations like you.

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Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my sister the problem with posting wanting advice in forums is that you will also get a lot of wrong advice. You should look at this as it was not meant to be. it is easy to say move on but let time do the healing. Time will heal your heart but you just have to give your heart time for it to sink in what has happened.

 

You know that have done a very big error in getting into a relationship because you and i both know that a relationship is NOT a guarantee for marriage. We should not give our love, affection and our all to a relationship partner but ONLY to our marriage partner. Unfortunatley in life we all have to learn from our errors and mistakes and this is what you are going to have to do.

 

Whatever has happened has happened now and you cannot turn back time. We all want to go back and do things differently but life is such that we make mistakes and we learn from them. We learn from our failures NOT our successes. If we all succeeded in life then how will we ever become better people? How will we ever grow as individuals if we never made mistakes. You need to think of this relationship as a mistake that you have made because it was just that. You should ONLY have ever fallen for your marriage partner and falling for a guy outside of marriage is a grave sin and you only have yourself to blame so we cannot sugar coat this for you. Many go through what you are going through and it is all because they chose to get into relationships outside of marriage.

 

You need to think to yourself that if you followed Isam and obeyed Allah none of this would have happened so therefore see this as a big error that you have made in your life in that you fell for someone outside of marriage. Look at it as you tried your best but that it was just not meant to be in your kismat because whatever is decreed for us will happen and the fact that you tried evrything but it did not go through proves that it was just not meant to be.

 

As humans we all think that we know what is best for us in life. A person falls into a relationship, they create false hopes and dreams together imagining and talking about a life together forever and having babies etc. But this is just a bubble and a world that the couple create with each other which usually ends up being just a dream and the bubble bursts when reality hits. We as humans think we know what is best for us but the fact is we don't! ONLY Allah knows what is best so therefore we must do EVERYTHING to please him and refrain from EVERYTHING that displeases him and causes his wrath and anger!

 

We need to accept that because something is not meant for us that maybe it is because it is not best for us. I have heard of SO many stories of couples who were together in a relationship long before marriage and when they got married things just went so wrong and they ended up either miserable or divorced. This is because such marriage started off in a haraam way so they have NO peace or blessings in them. If we want the help of Allah and if we want Allah to put peace and blessings into whatever we do in life then we MUST do things in the right way in order to please him otherwise we will end up being miserable and unhappy. So maybe if you did marry him then reality would have hit you and you would have ended up having a terribley miserable marriage which would have ended bitterly in divorce. If children are involved then it is all the more nastier.

 

So i think you should thank Allah that he has done what is best for you even though it is difficult because you have been with him for so long but you must accept that Allah knows best and maybe Allah saved you from a potentially miserable life! Whatever is not meant for us then it is always the case that Allah has soemthing better in store for us.

 

I do know of MANY who have had relationships and break ups before marriage and after they got married they realised that they were only living in a dream world with that person and that in reality they are so thank ful to Allah that Allah found them the best partner. The love before marriage and after marriage is very different. Once you are married inshallah you will realise what true love is. You will also realise that you were only ever living in a dream world and that you have now woken up.

 

Here is what you can do to get over what has happened:

 

1. Accept what has happened and accept that it has happened because you disobeyed Allah and decided to have a relationship outside of marriage even though you knew it was wrong. Accept that you were in the wrong but that you have fallen into error and that you have learnt from this mistake and have become a MUCH better and wiser person out of this. Accept that we learn from our failures and NOT our successes!

 

2. Once you have accepted that it was your own fault and that you could easily have decided not to get into it then you must also accept that you did try your best but whatever will happen in your life will happen if it is decreed. It is clear that it was not decreed so it did not happen. Therefore accept that whatever Allah decrees is the best for you whether you like it or not because we as humans know not what is best for us. Maybe Allah saved you from a life of misery.

 

3. Once you have accepted that this was the consequances of your own choices that you made and that it was not in your decree to be with him and that whatever is decreed in our lives is the best for us then you must try to move forward with your life because death will not wait for anyone and wasting more time and more of your precious seconds that you have left will ONLY be of detriment to you because we ONLY have one chance which is our life and our once chance can end at ANY second. If you continuously waste more time on something which was never decreed for you then surely you will regret it forever if not in this life then definatley the next!

 

4. Make the necessery mental changes in having a fresh new start to your life and you can do this by firstly changing your number/s. Change your e mail address/es. Get rid of any social networks that you are on. Get rid of any pictures of him or present of gifts that he gave to you or anything that reminds you of him. Inernalise that you want to make a fresh start with your life and that you want to move on and progress. realise that death is near and that you cannot waste anymore time on that which was not meant for you. Accept that Allah has something better in store for you!

 

5. Time is the best healer. Once you have taken all these steps then let time heal your heart. The way you think will affect the speed of your recovery. You need to get your heart to accept the above 4 steps and once you have then recovery will be quicker.

 

6. You need to focus your mind on the purpose of your life. Allah did not create you to follow your own desires in life but he created you for one purpose and ONLY one purpose and that is to worship him. This should be your new focus in life which is to please Allah and you should strive to do EVERYTHING you can to get closer to him and to please him. You should also realise that Allah ONLY wants what is best for you and he took you out of this because he has something better in store for you!

 

Hope my advice has helped in some way. Know that Allah is wanting you to be close to him so will you not take a small step towards Allah that he may take a huge step towards you? Desire to be closer to Allah and to do EVERYTHING to please him. Continue to repent for what you have done and ask of Allah to help you through this hard time. Always share how you feel with Allah for your heart will feel MUCH better in doing so. Strive to be closer to Allah in established all of your fard obligations to him.

 

Also do much nafils and recite the Qur'an along with its meanings to understand what Allah is telling us in the Qur'an. Learn as much about Islam as possible and most of all ALWAYS busy yourself with the remembrance of Allah in glorifying and praising him as well as pondering and contemplating over his creations. The more you remember Allah the quicker your heart will heal!

 

Join a local sisters Islamic circle and involve yourself with Islamic events, activities and be with good and pious sisters. Serve your parents as much as possible for they ONLY want the best for you and serving ones parents is of the BEST of ALL deeds. NEVER even raise your voice to your parents for they have been given the highest status by Allah, The way we treat our parents is how our parents will treat us. Therefore treat your parents the best and if shaythan tries to create enmity in your heart that seek refuge with Allah for shaythan is your eternal enemy and only wants you to be destroyed. He wants you to waste your time and life over the past and does NOT want you to move on. He wants to prevent you from progressing in life and in your deen. He does not want you to go towards Allah so will you not reject your sworn enemy?

 

Therefore my sister let now be the start of a whole new chapter in your life where you can progress and move forward gradually. There is no time to waste my sister and there will be times where you will find it hard but with Allah you will find peace and contentment but with shaythan all you will find is misery and discontent. Therefore if you want to get healed then go towards Allah and strive to please him and make him the happiest. Ask of him to help you through this and in every aspect of your life. Repent to him always and ask of him to heal your heart. If you put your FULL faith, trust, reliance and hopes in Allah then you will find this is enough for you and your heart will heal and be replaced with the love for Allah and his messenger.

 

I pray that Allah heals your heart and makes you of his close servants. I pray he finds you the best partner that will lead you towards success in this life and the next and i pray he helps you through this and every aspect of your life. Please also remember me in your dua's.

 

Here are some very beneficial threads of mine that you can implement in your life in order to get closer to Allah and become a pious slave of his inshallah:

 

This Could Change Your Life Forever!

 

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Here are some very beneficial lectures which you and your siblings should listen to, to increase your imaan and fear of Allah:

 

Remembrance: ask Allah for his forgiveness

 

(you are not allowed to post links yet)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=Z-EK9r3rMzQ"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=Z-EK9r3rMzQ[/url]

 

 

Angel of Death!!! - Sheikh Ahmed Ali

 

(you are not allowed to post links yet)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=tUzRJXlB2uA"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=tUzRJXlB2uA[/url]

 

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 1/4]

 

(you are not allowed to post links yet)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=ieX7ZQtHl0s"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=ieX7ZQtHl0s[/url]

 

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 2/4]

 

(you are not allowed to post links yet)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=KK_2sVGMW08"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=KK_2sVGMW08[/url]

 

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 3/4]

 

(you are not allowed to post links yet)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=bpmzA2hk1Bo"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=bpmzA2hk1Bo[/url]

 

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 4/4]

 

(you are not allowed to post links yet)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=km39GfL62TQ"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=km39GfL62TQ[/url]

 

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - The Journey of the Soul

 

(you are not allowed to post links yet)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=wAwHEXE3-n0"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=wAwHEXE3-n0[/url]

 

 

HARD HITTING Lecture on HELLFIRE & the Day of JUDGEMENT! íæã ÇáÞíÇãÉ æÇáÌÍíã

 

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Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 1/3

 

(you are not allowed to post links yet)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=DWTehIeCOUU"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=DWTehIeCOUU[/url]

 

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 2/3

 

(you are not allowed to post links yet)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=yXTtk7rWx_U"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=yXTtk7rWx_U[/url]

 

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 3/3

 

(you are not allowed to post links yet)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=wmiD86w9fBc"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=wmiD86w9fBc[/url]

 

 

Islam - Punishment of the Grave by Sheikh Riyadh ul Haq

 

(you are not allowed to post links yet)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=UWb-hYIm2WE"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=UWb-hYIm2WE[/url]

 

Death and the Grave by Murtaza Khan

 

(you are not allowed to post links yet)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=7r2nzJVecqo"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=7r2nzJVecqo[/url]

 

How can we not appreciate what we have after watching this?

 

(you are not allowed to post links yet)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=AkEBUC0APMg"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=AkEBUC0APMg[/url]

 

AMAZING short speech -"The Goodly Life"

 

(you are not allowed to post links yet)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=-fugf1DcNyc"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_you are not allowed to post links yetyoutube(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/watch?v=-fugf1DcNyc[/url]

 

 

 

Here are some very beneficial articles for you to help you on your journey to Jannah and to make best use of every second of your life in this world:

 

 

10 Steps To Increasing Our Iman(faith)

 

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10 Steps To Getting Closer To Allah

 

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Very Rewarding Nafl Salaahs We Can Pray Everyday!

 

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Forty Very Easy,quick & Rewarding Good Deeds To Do Everyday!

 

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Why Can't I Concentrate In My Salaah?

 

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My Daily Ibadah(worship) Check

 

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And Allah knows best in all matters

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:sl:

 

Dear brother Hamzah, I just wanted to say :sl: for taking the time out to respond and reply, may Allah reward you abundantly. I have found your advice really beneficial and will be reading all the threads you have directed me towards. I know it's going to be a challenge as I'm waking up every morning feeling extremely low, I want these feelings to go away but they are so raw and have not eased at the slightest. Sometimes I think the psychological pain is worse than physical pain. I know I did wrong and I know the situation I am in is of my own making. Allah repeatedly says in the quran when evil touches you, it is because of what your hands have reaped. I have so many regrets... I feel paralysed, I feel like I can't move forward and can't even go back. I was reading quran and came across a beautiful ayat in Surah Khaf and I keep repeating the words 'oh Allah make me strong in my faith and taqwa and bestow upon be sabr to cope with the loss'. I want the pain to stop, I feel like I'm losing it! I feel angry at myself!

 

:no: once again for your advice

 

Wasalaam

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Dear Sister I was preparing a reply but when i read and re read what others have to say then I feel that you got the most satisfying answers. Its up to you now how to make best use of them. You'll need to read and re read those points.They are directed straight towards yourdepressed state of mind.They sure will work provided YOU cooperate !

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dear sis i hope you are ok. I have been through the same and it took me nearly a year to recover i even needed antidepressants. Keep praying to Allah. Whatever he has planned for you is the best for you.

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Salaam

 

The pain has not eased one little bit, it anything I feel worse. I will I have sunk in to depression, I’m not sleeping at night and if I do sleep at night, I wake up in the middle of the night and I’m not able to get back to sleep. I can’t eat properly, I can’t think, I don’t have the energy to do anything. I did contemplate counselling but decided against it. My heart is broken and I’m broken. If there is any advice I can give to any young women out there, then it’s this: Please please please don’t give your heart away to anyone other than your husband, otherwise the consequences are far too dreadful, far too painful. I wish I had the power to stop other women from getting into a similar situation as me. I have learnt a very harsh lesson and I feel like I can’t forgive myself and I can’t forgive those around me for utterly devastating my life. I have become a recluse. It’s been nearly 3 months since Ramadan and my pain has not eased. I’m suffering insomnia. I wish there was a something I could eat or drink that would stop the pain I’m in. I’ve felt so low that I’ve even contemplated suicide and this makes me so angry, I think to myself WHY WHY WHY, over a man, WHY! I don’t like who I am and what has been left behind of me. I am trying to be a better person, I have began formal Islamic studies not I have no sakoon, no peace, my mind is tortured.

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I feel your pain.

I can relate to what your going through, the same happened to my during Ramadan. My relationship wasn’t as long as yours but none the less when you feel pain its hurts and I have come to realise there is no cure for emotional pain. Everything you saying I can truly understand the difficulty.

I wish I could tell you how to make things better but I’m yet to find that myself.

I find it slightly better when I surround myself with people that way my mind is occupied other then my broken heart, even if it’s for a short time.

Make dua.

I wish you all the best and I hope your pain eases.

I will remember you in my dua.

:sl:

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No soul has authority over another. Guidance and straying is a matter between God and you.

 

 

aakwrAllahwbHu

 

 

May Allah SWT make things easier for you, my sister.

 

We can want what we don't have, and grieve over its absence. Or we can want what we do have, and savor every moment. One is despair and the other is contentment.

 

Perhaps what is in store for you is better than what you are/were seeking. Maybe a case of being "lucked out". :-)

 

That which is ours cannot be snatched away, and that which is not cannot be gathered for us. Many of us know this, it's only a question of brining it into remembrance.

 

 

Your brother,

 

AsadullahHamza

 

la ilaaha illaa Allaahu Al-‘Atheemu Al-Haleemu, la ilaaha illaa Allaahu Rabbul ‘arshil-‘atheemi, la ilaaha illaa Allaahu Rabbus-samaawaati wa Rabbul-ardhi wa Rabbul-‘arshil-kareemi

there is no god except Allah, the All-Mighty, the Forbearing; there is no god except Allah, the Lord of the Mighty Throne;

there is no god except Allah, Lord of the heavens, Lord of the earth and Lord of the noble Throne.

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Salaam

 

I'm devastated at the thought of him considering other women for marriage, devastated at the thought of some other women taking the place I thought was mine. I’m being tortured with thoughts of him being with another women. Jealousy is what I feel, he is broken just as I am but he is moving forward with his life whilst I’m paralysed here, not able to go back to make a mend for the mistakes and not get myself in to this situation nor move forward and forget and make a fresh start, I’m paralysed in the pain i'm in. My heart has been ripped out and torn to pieces, I will never marry anyone and will not love every again, I’ve realised it’s just far too painful to let anyone too close because when you feel let down by those who you love then the trust you have also get’s destroyed. I hate emotions, I wish I was emotionless. My energy inshallah is going to be spent putting Allah’s pleasure before mine and being satisfied with his decree but getting there is no easy job. It’s like walking on hot coals, I wish I could express in word the pain I’m in, I spent most of the evening yesterday sobbing uncontrollably in my bedroom. Time is a healer, I’m still waiting, praying. All I ask of Allah swt is to make me firm and strong in my faith, forgive my sins and grant me patience to cope with the loss and grant me in return something which is better.

Edited by female

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I don’t know what I can say to help you with the pain, as I know myself there is nothing anyone can say for it to be better.

It’s been just over four months or so for me and I can say in only about 5% better, I guess as people say time heals.

My ex called to let me know he's getting married in the next few month. If I wasn’t broken hearted already he just shattered my already broken heart. but I came to realise that his moving on with his life and I’m still not moving on, it s not like that I don’t want to, but letting go is so hard when you truly love someone.

I have been making dua and becoming closer to Allah swt over the last four months and just have to believe we wasn’t right for one another and Allah swt will answer our dua, it never goes un answered.

 

I’ve had times where I would spend the night crying, and the only way I’ve come to deal with that is sit on the praying mat and read the Quran, do extra prays, build on your understanding on Islam.

Also I see it as, yes I’ve lost the person I love but I’ve gained so much in the sense I have become closer to Allah swt and without this test and trial that wouldn’t have happened. So in actual fact I have something more important then any person could be.

 

Have you talked to your friends or family about how ur feeling, or someone who can relate to your pain, I found that helped.

my best advice is really do surround your self with people so that way ur mind is occupied by other things.

When I first read your post, I felt everything you are going through and still do. I might not know you personally but I make dua for you when I am praying. This is not the kind of pain I want to see anyone go through.

Inshallah everything will work out. Have faith in Allah swt.

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AssalaM AlAIKum

Dear sis in Islam

 

I have gone through divorce 6 years back, I cried all day and night, he was my husband, nothing made sense to me, the divorce was because of my family some racism problem... it took me years to accept the divorce not a month or two, i had decided never to marry and had devoted my life totally to teaching Islam and preaching Islam.. Until I was proposed by a new Muslim, it was his proposal that made me consider marriage for the first time in those years, and Alhamdulillah today I am so happy with my husband who is the convert Muslim that I dont even remember I was married previosuly its all a dream... life has changed...

he loves me much more than my x-husband, he is more understanding, imagine i nvr had a disagreement wid my x husband and i have fights with my hubby but i luv my hubby more

 

If you think he is best for u then its your perception as Allah SWt knows what is best for us... even i thought i cud nvr b happy elsewhere but my hubby is the perfect man for me.. you have to think that ALLLAH SWT knows better what is best for us and move ahead with life...

 

I request you to trust Allah SWT with his decisions.

Please feel free to PM me we shall talk InshaALLAH

hugs

May Allah SWT ease it on us all alike aameen

 

your sis

umm e Sarwat

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hey dear.........i read your post and found that you are among the ones who are facing these issues at a very fast pace.......and unfortunately i am among the ones.....the difference between you and me is that you were with this guy for such a long period of time whereas my time frame was very small......i cried alot just like you.....i was very much exasperated, frustrated, desperate or you can say that i was in a state of hysteria where i used to feel like i would commit suicide and all that......BUT TRUST Allah........i was on the edge of my life and then suddenly i felt that why so much to cry and why to ruin my life just for the person who wont ever give a #### if i die or get insane or whatever........but the one would feel our pain is the one who is Almighty.....Allah......

 

trust me that if you are consistent in your prayers, reading Quran and referring good Islamic Websites then you would come to realise that you should love Allah only.....and if Allah grants you a good husband than you should love him among all the other men out there........I know and can understand your inner which is completely broken and shattered like it wont be healed again but yet Allah would heal it.......Remember the people who are sincere to someone would get sincerity in return and i believe that you were sincere with this guy and might be he was too.......but may be Allah has selected a best guy for you who would be somewhere around you and you would come across him through marriage one day.........

 

read the Quran after every prayer with full concentration.......do refer to its translation and commentary also......might be you are unaware of something which you would come to know if you would remain consistent in your prayers and Ibadat........remember it is important for this life to not know all the answers.....sometimes it is good not to know everything and just leave it to Allah and then wait for the result......you would see that if due to any reason or due to Allah's will you still face any bad result or failure you wont be sad or despair because Allah would replace that sad and desolate feelings with the satisfied feelings.....and you would yourself become ready to face every challenge.......because life is nothing without a challenge as our studies are nothing without our exams.......

 

remember Allah wants you to be in his best people because might be you have that potential or what so ever you can call it.........if Allah is helping you to come to his path than why are you crying or feeling sad.....i know this is not an easy journey but this is the only journey towards the desired destination......crying, madness, frustration, irritation, exasperation, rudeness etc would give nothing to you but would burden you more then ever before......and why are you crying if this man and this world would not last forever.........why do you cry if u know that you would not live for ever........do not waste your time as you have to think about the other life too the day of judgment........

 

so make loads of supplication for your self, for your dear ones......and remember Allah would vanish all the sorrows from your life.......and you would feel satisfied that you would love to tell other people like you and me that how badly they are ruining themselves and what they need to do to get them out from this horrendous situation.........talk to Allah whatever you want......you would get your answers.........InshahAllah...........do read surahs before sleeping especially Ayat al Kursi..........loads and loads of times.........and do read the surahs when you get up in the morning because that is the time when satan tries to dominate the person ..........

 

once again.....you are a good human and a good Muslim........you obeyed your parents and you would be rewarded for this.........life is to live for others not to live for ones own-self.......if you would get everything in life then you would have nothing to say even........modify your life and live like a brave person.....Allah is your God whose people on earth are being recognized through their Bravery, Courage and Humanity.............take great care of your self........and do let us know when ever you feel better............it took me an year to get out of this but i pray to Allah that you could get out of this as soon as possible............

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